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PostPosted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 5:18 pm 
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No matter how much heroin, oxy, alcohol, coke, weed, whatever you could never get high enough... even if that meant an overdose?

I felt that way no matter how much drugs i did, i couldnt ever get high enough... even if i OD, that wasnt enough for me.

I felt like i was searching for something in my drug use... happiness...filling a void... getting out of despair...an answer to something i didnt know but had been searching for my whole life.

Surely im not the only one out there.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 6:04 pm 
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Hey, not sure if you're still around but in case you are I thought I'd give a belated response. I can't say that I know what you're talking about if it is what i perceive it to be, but I can recall a lotta days in particular that I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the little blue pills and couldn't seem to make it happen. What you're talking about just seems to be in a grander or more consistent sense. I did a lot of fentanyl too which is pretty intense so maybe that factors in lol

It's hard for me to answer why I used drugs, this paramount aching we're all supposed to identify as the root cause. It's gotten a little more clear in the last few months, not just the dependency but other choices I've made that actually make perfect sense now. And as far as I can tell it was insecurity, social anxiety and a need for positive stimulation. Opiates made anything entertaining, and made me capable of participating in things that were entertaining like being around people, by making me more confident. It was a way for me to feel like things were good all the time and that anything else stressing me out didn't matter cuz today is great. I hated myself, it made me feel like I could change any parts of myself into something more likable. It also made me feel inspired, little else about what was around me turned me on like that.
And for now that's the best I can do.


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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