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 Post subject: Emotionless and cold
PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:19 pm 
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My Husband has been addicted to percocet for the last two yrs about 30 a day, about eight days ago he started on suboxone 16mg a day. We have been married for 17 yrs, and one month ago i kicked him out because i just couldn't take it anymore, the lying the coldness and indifference to anything related to me his job, etc.
My question is this, when my husband visits he is so cold and emotionless towards me, there is absolutly no affection, he wouldn't even touch my hand, it makes me feel so bad especially when he dosen't treat other people this way. Before the addiction he was loving and kind to me always. We are in marriage counseling and he is also seeing a drug counselor. But i feel so down all the time from his behavior towards me that i just want to run to the divorce court, even though i still love him. Will the old him return or am i just fooling myself.
Any advice that i could would be greatly appreciated.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:03 pm 
Elizabeth, I'm sorry for what you're going through with your husband. Being an addict trying to get into recovery is very difficult and so is being married to one. As addicts we know that our loved ones do not and cannot understand what we're going through. We know you're mad at us, tired of us, disappointed in us and we know you don't trust us. And we don't blame you. So even when you both still love each other, it's hard to be together, to listen, to talk, to share in any way because there is so much hurt all around.
Sometimes I really think it's best to be separated during the initial phases of recovery. The addict must focus on himself, get stable with his program of recovery, and not be constantly reminded of how badly he's screwed everything up. The feelings that brings on are of intense grief and shame and those feelings hinder his recovery. He probably won't be able to reach out to you or show you much affection until he's had a chance to get stable on his Suboxone and begin to feel normal again.
You need to be abel to focus on yourself at this time as well. You have been through a lot because of his addiction. I'm sure you have a lot of anger and grief to work through yourself. You've been trying to live with and help a very sick person for a long time and that's exhausting.
I'm glad you're in counseling, that should really help. In fact, I'd say if you're going to have any chance at coming out on the other side of this with your marriage intact, counseling/therapy is an absolute must.
I'm not a doctor or a therapist. Just someone who's been on both sides of the fence. Married to an alcoholic who got into recovery, we got our marriage back together although it took some time. Now 15 years later, it's me fighting on addiction to opiates. So crazy how life works, isn't it!
Stay strong and take care of yourself. Your husband is in treatment and you can't do that work for him. Hopefully as a little more time passes, the two of you will find your way back. There is always hope!

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