It is currently Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:56 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2017 1:51 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:41 am
Posts: 70
I posted some about this in the Scorn Flakes thread, and not to beat this dead horse any further, but I wanted to see if anyone had some perspective on managing the quasi-disability that is addiction with other disabled members of the household.

My wife has been self diagnosed with fybromyalgia. That is, she believes, the closest name for what she suffers, which in general are debilitating aches and pains and a complete inability to absorb and redirect stress and anxiety. The upshot is that she is often laid out for a day or two.

But it’s getting to the point where I dread coming home or having a day off because her personality is so eratic. Some days are great, and we laugh and joke around like we did when we were dating, and other days—like today—I feel like she’s just looking for a good spot to stick her shovel in for an argument. I hate it. I’m currently hiding in the bathroom at the library so she can cool down a little.

I’ve tried approaching her about it, but she gets defensive and doesn’t “know what the hell” I’m talking about. Counselors have been suggested. I don’t know if that’s in the cards or not, but today is going to be a bitch. Thanks in advance!

B. Byrner


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2017 4:08 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:41 am
Posts: 70
Adendum to my post, my wife and I just spoke. Mostly about finances—we’re constantly having money problems, which doesn’t help—and told me that she’s feeling discouraged. I could only say that I felt the same way, but this explains her behavior toward me earlier today. When she’s not at 100% she uses her negative feelings to kind of pick away at me, or set these little conversational traps that I fall into. I don’t even think she knows she’s doing it, but she comes from a family of manipulators—pot v. Kettle, so do I, but...

Unfortunately, if I’m not going to ruin this perfectly good day, I can’t or won’t say anything.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2017 4:20 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 13, 2012 5:04 pm
Posts: 447
Hello B Burner,

I am so sorry to hear that your home life is somewhat dysfunctional. It is difficult to be in recovery and even more difficult to be in recovery when you do NOT have a positive support system.

If I were you I would try to talk to your wife during the times when she is in a good mood. She may benefit from Medication for her Fibromyalgia or an Anti-depressant herself, if she would go to the Doctor. It seems like you are trying hard to get your life sorted out, maybe suggest that she do the same and see someone for her condition. I have always felt that angry people lash out at others whether it is a loved one or a friend. They do that, because they themselves feel terrible on the inside so they want to act out on others.
Going to the library is a great idea. Sometime it is better to walk away than have a Explosive run in . Especially since your child is at home.

I think i remember you mentioning that she watched your child while you work. You might wanna help her out and and ask a Family member or trusted friend to watch your child & give her a break.
Watching a toddler can be a stressful time for everyone involved. But if you can, give here a break to go out to relax and what not, it might help ease the stress.

Good luck and if you ever need to vent, we are all here to support you.


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2017 2:45 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:41 am
Posts: 70
Hi Raudy,

Thanks for the very kind and thoughtful reply. What I found out after our incident this morning was that my wife’s doctor recently reduced her dose of the thyroid replacement medication she’s been on since having her thyroid removed almost three years ago. Typically, she doses first thing in the morning and all is well. Today, I don’t know what happened. She hadn’t told me the doctor had cut her dose, but after taking some or possibly some more, she was a creature transformed and became the person I’m used to spending my days off with. I’m bothered though, because as miserable as a lack of medication will make her act and feel—and I know those feelings very well—taking it out on me isn’t at all fair. I hate my job, but when she’s like this, I’d rather be at work.

We’ll see what happens. Now I’ve got the other worry of not being able to urinate consistently. I’m high risk for prostate cancer, so this doesn’t make for a good nights sleep at all. Sorry if that’s TMI. Thank you again!

B


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 7:33 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:35 am
Posts: 2866
Location: Southwest
Reading both your threads makes me feel awful for you. All I can say is the person who is hurting and lashing out will do it to those they love the most. Why that is, no one can say. Maybe just an easy target. I know I too have been guilty of it in the past. Who best to yell at then your spouse who you know will take the heat and not abandon you.

That doesn't really help but at least now you know about the thyroid med issue. Hopefully, you two will get a grasp of this and be able to discuss it some day in the future w/o the hurting words.

Sorry for all the pain you've endured.

_________________
Don't take yourself so damn seriously


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2017 2:13 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:41 am
Posts: 70
Hi Rule62,

Thanks very much. Indeed, most of what I can relate from experience would echo what you said. We always hurt the ones we love, in other words. A few years back, one of my wife’s close childhood friends decided to irrevocably damage and end the friendship out of insecurities that led her to lash out in the form of a very hurtful letter. Some of her grievances were valid, my wife can be insensitive when pushed into that corner, but much of it was just the ugly colors of her own painted perception. And that is what I’m trying to avoid: Twisting facts and events to fit some version of the truth that absolves me of responsibility. I’m not innocent in this. Neither do I think that my grievances are entirely imagined.

I’m waiting for a good day to talk to her. Tonight wasn’t it, for sure. But the week has been good up to now. We’ll see. Thank you again!

B. Byrner


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group