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 Post subject: Dust
PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 5:56 pm 
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So, as you all may know, my former BFF Roxi really helped me out in a lot of ways. I mean, she helped me clean the house from top to bottom and made it actually FUN! Needed to do laundry? Oh, Roxi was right there, helping me do load after load and then helping me fold it and hang it and iron it and whatever.


Since I broke up with my BFF, I've noticed this stuff on my stuff. I've been informed that it's DUST. And I have to CLEAN IT OFF of my stuff. Image



Well, my mother (who lives with my husband and I) were discussing this dust stuff and she hands me a Swiffer and tells me to get to work, woman! Image I said to my ma, "But, I don't want to dust! I don't like to dust! Roxi always dusted!" And I just cried and cried because I was like, "everyone dusts and I can't because I don't wanna" Image



That's when my mother looks at me like I am a divine idiot and says, "Welcome to normal, darling. NO ONE LIKES TO DUST!" Image



Imma thinkin' it ain't quite dusty enough to dust just yet. It can go a couple of more days. Why dust today when you can dust tomorrow? Image


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 8:32 pm 
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LOL!


Dear Lord,

I can understand a lot of your creations (heaven and earth and beer and stuff), but I simply do not understand why you had to create dust. If you could help me understand (or better still, just make it go away) it would be greatly appreciated.

Amen.



Yeah.... Somehow Imma thinkin' that's one prayer that's gonna go unanswered. And this stupid Swiffer thingy is making eyes at me.... Stupid thing. I ain't lookin' at it anymore. Image


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 9:55 pm 
Take my advice: don't dust unless company's coming. If that means you gotta kick Mom out, so be it! :D :D


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 10:11 pm 
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Hey Libra,

You are too funny, I love reading your posts they make me smile and laugh which trust me its greatly needed today!

All laughing aside I relate so much to all your posts, as my pills were my best and only friends. I love{LOVED} them more than anything, unfortunatly even my children. They helped make me super women, they made everything great and fun. I could accomplish anything as long as they were around.

Well I just relapsed yet again :( One of they main reasons being the dust and other daily chores that just don't get done anymore. So I got very overwhelmed at the way the house looked and the many other things that were getting greatly neglected since my best friend oxy went away. I let them back into my life and I did clean, clean, clean for 5 days but in the end it cost me over 500 dollars, the trust of everyone who had faith in me, and I lost the 100 days CLEAN I had :(

In the long run I should have hired a maid for alot less :lol: So I started setting goals for myself today and made myself a chore chart {yes like I would for one of children} and everyday I will try my hardest to follow this chart {I might even get a sticker at the end of the day!}

Anyway I just wanted to let you know I can relate and if your higher power gets rid of your dust can you send him my way!!!! :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 12:04 am 
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I think rehab should come with a mandatory housekeeper. I mean COME ON! Image

I wonder if I could start a not-for-profit group of maids to clean houses of people who have Swifferphobia.....


Hancal.... I've relapsed. Twice. What we're doing ain't easy. It's the hardest thing in the world we have to do. Don't beat yourself up for it. You're only human. If we were all perfect, we would never have dust.


I'm glad my humor helped. One thing (thankfully) I haven't lost is my wicked (or just pure evil) sense of humor. When I decided to get sober, I thought I wasn't going to be the fun-loving, happy go lucky, funny self anymore.


Okay. That's it. I'm going to go assassinate and bury the Swiffer Image and go to bed. Image

Thanks again, everyone. This really is a great forum!


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 5:13 pm 
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 5:09 am 
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OMG Libra I feel ur pain!! My former BFF Vicodin helped me keep my house PERFECT now i've got NO motivation. sigh.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:42 pm 
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Ugh.

Here is what I've realized..... I have a one hour window of opportunity after I take Suboxone that I actually have a little energy. I'm scheduling my shit chores that I hate to do for right after I take my dose.

Of course, my husband thinks I'm insane, but he doesn't get it. I crashed at Whole Foods yesterday and lost all my energy in the fruits and nuts isle. I begged my husband to push me around in the cart for the rest of the shopping, but he didn't want to do it, that bastard. THEN, I had to drive home (my husband drives like a 90 year old grandma on Quaaludes) and THEN I had to help carry in the groceries and put them away.

I took a two hour nap after all that.

I'm at work, now. I realize I have to do my job or... yanno.... shit doesn't get done and stuff. So, I'm FORCING myself to do one little thing at a time. I have to send out a notice of hearing on a landlord-tenant matter and so far I have opened the file and opened Microsoft Word. Yay me! Good job! At this rate, I should be done with the notice (a one page, fill in the blanks, form) by sometime next Thursday. LMFAO!


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 1:40 pm 
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Ya know, this is sort of tricky because the symptoms of being tired that you describe could actually be caused by both too high or to low of a dose of Bup. Too much - and just like many opiates, you get tired, sluggish, nod off (okay you don't nod off on Suboxone but on full opiates you do), sleep a lot, etc. The thing is, these are also symptoms of opiate withdrawal in the PAWS phase. Many people report feeling like this when their Suboxone level is too low. Also, still being somewhat new on all of this, you are still stabilizing and people have reported taking a month or more to really feel "normal" - based on their opiate use history. I have to also tell you that it could be in your head - at least to some level. For one thing, how long after you take your Suboxone do you experience this "window" of energy? If it is within 10 or 20 minutes of taking the Suboxone - it is in your head! It really is. Suboxone takes an hour in many people to start showing much of any effect and typically peaks at 90 minutes - that is just fact. People who say they take a Suboxone and then feel the effects or feel "better" in a few minutes (honestly anything less than 45 minutes minimum) are benefiting from placebo effect as Suboxone just simply cannot and does not work that fast.

Either way, it sucks to be going through this phase. However, the great majority of people report stabilizing after a period of time. Once you find the dose that works for you and get stable, I have every confidence that you too will start feeling "normal" again, including having a decent level of energy.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 3:17 pm 
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Yeah donh.... I feel better usually starting about an hour after taking the sub. Then, my energy level increases and stays that way for an hour or at the most, two hours.... So, I think it IS the Subs making me feel better. I think! Hell, I don't know..... My head is so screwy these days it's not even funny.

But, that's the whole reason my hubby thinks I'm whacked. (Yanno, if people at work would stop calling me, I could get this post typed out)... See, I told him like this... "Okay, so... it's 12:00. If I take the Sub now, then we need to leave for Whole Foods at like 12:45. That will then give me 15 minutes of 'kick in' time while we drive there. Then I have an hours window of opportunity to shop, etc. He's looking at me like I grew an extra arm or something... but he's like "okay, it's your system." But, he threw the whole plan outta whack because he took his sweet-ass time getting ready so we didn't leave to go to Whole Foods until 1:30, leaving me crashing in isle 5 at 2:00.


I like the subs. I do. It is sooooo NICE to wake up and not crave a pill. It is WONDERFUL actually. However, there are just things I need to get used to, I think. Like the lack of energy and the insomnia. Although I think that it's the Subs that give me energy, I could be completely wrong and it could be all in my head. I'm FINE in the morning. I almost dread taking my first Sub because I KNOW I'm going to get that burst of energy and then crash and then I'm going to want another Sub to bring my energy level back up and I hate fighting off the urge to take another Sub when I could just avoid the whole mess by not taking a Sub in the first friggin' place.

Yeah... I'm sane..... That shit didn't even make sense to ME!


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 6:25 pm 
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Hey Libra,

I absolutly love reading your posts the make me laugh my ass off :D You have a great sense of humor! As far as the energy and then the crash I never really had that affect. Although when I first started subs I was on a very high dose and did feel really sleep all the time. I don't really remember what dose your on but maybe you could try lowering it? I never was on to low of a dose so I don't have any experiance with that but I think its possiable.

Keep up the good work you will regulate soon!!! There is a online meeting tonight on here at 9pm if your around I think you will get a lot out of it. At least I always do!! I look forward to hearing from you soon :D


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:05 pm 
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Thanks, Hancal! If I didn't laugh at myself, I would be one, very depressed person. Being self-deprecating in a humorous fashion is a defense mechanism I have to use to keep from jumping off a cliff...... which would be very hard to do seeing as how I live in Florida and the highest point in Florida is two hours away in a place called Jupiter (seriously... at least it's not called Uranus) and it's called Hobe Mountain (still... seriously) and you have to like, climb 689 steps to get to the top which is impossible unless I took a Sub one hour before the start of the climb and then I would be too tired to throw myself off the top. And even if I DID manage to throw myself off, I'd probably only break my leg or something equally painful and wind up BACK on the pain meds. And I'm certainly NOT setting fire to myself so...... there's rationale behind my self-deprecating humor. There IS a method to my madness! Hee! Image

And meeting? We have meetings? What happens at the meetings? I don't know if I will be awake or not.... I have to get up super early and so I usually try to fall asleep around 8:30 (but usually don't dose off until midnight) and Dancing With The Stars is on and even though I'm a roaring commie pinko liberal, I'm LOVING Bristol Palin and she dances last tonight and OMG NO ONE CARES WHAT I'M DOING!

Honestly... What goes on at these meetings? I am interested, but truthfully, my mother and I have a tradition of Monday night television and she really looks forward to it... and so do I. However, if these meetings happen other nights or times, I would LOVE to participate! Image


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:08 pm 
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LIBRA,

Meetings are monday night click "CHAT" at the top of the page and you will find them. Hope to see you there!!


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:54 pm 
I hate to say it, but what you're describing, taking sub, waiting for it to "kick in" , having an hour or so of energy to do stuff and then "crashing" sounds exactly like painkiller abuse. You should be on a high enough dose that you reach the ceiling level (i.e. the drug is at a steady state level in your blood) and taking your dose simply maintains that level.

In fact someone here posted a graph that shows the "stacking effect" of your first week or so of doses, bringing you to the ceiling level. If anyone knows where that graph is, let's get it up to the top of the "dosing discussion" and sticky it. It would help so many people who are getting started.

Have you been on Sub for a week yet? Very soon you should get to a point where you just feel pretty much normal. That's when the real recovery begins. Hang in there.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 2:52 pm 
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Well, as I described in an earlier post, I HATE the crash, so I dread even taking the Sub to get the energy only for it to be followed by the crash. So today, I have waited. I simply DREADED taking the sub. However, the cravings started kicking in about an hour ago and I caved and took a Sub. My doctor told me to take 8 mgs in the morning and 4 in the afternoon. I've not needed that much, so I haven't been taking as much. I'm going to be tapered off anyway, so I feel as if I'm getting a jump start on my lower dosage which will start on Thursday. So, today I didn't take my morning dose of 8 mgs. I haven't taken ANY until just now and I took 1/6th of an 8 mg pill, so I've taken 1.25 mgs. I'm hoping that it will be just enough to take away the cravings and not give me the energy and the subsequent crash.

It's weird, but I feel okay energy wise UNTIL I take the Sub and then it gives me MORE energy. But then like I said, the subsequent crash is what kills me. Once I take that Sub, I want more and more..... just like you said.... it's like pain killer abuse. I just want to avoid it all together so I'm hoping that the amount that I took will be just enough to take my cravings away and keep my mind off of it.

I seriously do NOT want to be on Subs at all. I want off ASAP. Today, I felt "normal" all day and even thought to myself that maybe I can just quit the Subs and be okay.... Then come the friggin' cravings and I HAVE to take the effing things. I hate relying on pills. I'm SICK TO DEATH of relying on pills.

Ugh.... I just hope this small dose I took will take away the cravings for the rest of the day. That would be super mega awesome!



I'm on my second week of 12 mgs per day, btw for an 8 to 15 pills a day roxicet addiction.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 5:05 pm 
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I can understand that you may not WANT to be on Suboxone, but what are you plans if you stop taking it? How do you plan to remain opiate-free without Suboxone? What is it that will keep you from going back to taking 8 to 15 pain pills everyday? I think that I tried to ask about this on another thread but never got a response. I'm not at all trying to badger you or pin you in a corner here. Far from it. I'm just worried about what will happen if you don't stabilize on Suboxone or worse yet, stop this treatment before it's even really had a chance to take hold. Obviously, you have every right not to answer. If that is the case I hope that you'll at least give this question some thought. Blind hope and luck are just not enough. Unless we have a solid treatment plan in place, we are all very likely to find ourselves right back at the peak of active addiction all over again.

I hope you'll share your plans for success with us.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:23 pm 
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Sorry, Donh. I cannot answer your question. I only answer questions on Wednesdays and Saturdays. You must have asked the question the first time on another "no question" day.


Image


Seriously... I'm sorry.. I must have missed your question the first time around. I'm an open book and you can ask me anything. But, to answer your question about my plans, I went to an outpatient rehab facility and I am on a pretty quick taper plan using Suboxone. The doctor and counselor want me to taper off of the Suboxone after six to eight weeks, starting at 12 mgs per day and going down 2 mgs per week. She said she would rather me only take the Subs two times daily, but if I needed to, break it into three times daily. She also told me that if I can handle NOT taking as much Subs as prescribed, then great. She and the counselor both told me to also try to wait as long as I can between doses. I have to go to counseling once a week and NA AT LEAST twice a week. I'm doing everything she is telling me to do. The only thing is that I'm taking it three times a day as opposed to two.

Once I am down to only 2 mgs a day, she said she would do an assessment and work with me regarding the jump off the Subs. She said I could possibly jump off the Subs after taking 2 mgs for a week, or I can go down to 2 mgs every other day for a week or so then make the jump. Or, go down to 1 mg every two days and make the jump. Whatever I am comfortable with. I am not a patient person and want to get off now, but I realize that I can't because I know that I'm still bound to the Roxi's. She has assured me that she will not stop the Subs until I am sure I can handle life without the Roxi's.

I've only just begun, so I'm not sure what the future holds. I see the doctor and the counselor once a week who basically reassess my progress and go from there. I'm totally honest with them about what I take, how I take it and when I take it. I keep a log so they know exactly what my patterns are. They are discouraging me from following any real pattern, as that is part of my addiction.

I've been all over the map in terms of the way I've taken my dosages this past week, so there is no real pattern. Saturday morning I took my first pill at 10:00 in the morning and today I took it later in the afternoon. The ONLY pattern is that I find it easier to fall asleep when I take the Subs, so I do take them before I go to bed. That varies in time because I go to bed at different times (anywhere from 8:00 to 10:00) but still, I take it at bedtime.... whenever that is.

Anyway, I'm not going to stop taking Suboxone. I can't. Not until I can taper off with minimal withdrawals. MY plan is to stop Thanksgiving week because I can take a week off of work at that time and hopefully get through any withdrawals during that time so I do not have to miss anymore work.

I'd like to taper to the point that I have NO withdrawals. I've seen cases where people have made the jump at 2 mgs with no withdrawals and I've seen people who agonize over Sub withdrawals. I am encouraged by the people that I talk to at the rehab facility because a lot of them still go in for counseling after being off Suboxone. Every person I have spoken to has said that they had little to no withdrawals when coming off of them, so hopefully these doctors know what the hell they're doing because I sure as hell don't. I'm putting my life in their hands and doing exactly as they say and hoping for the best.

I THINK I answered your question.... if not, feel free to ask me again... I'm blond so things go right over my head sometimes. Plus I've had a cocktail. Image

Best,
LibImage


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:50 pm 
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Hello Libra,

I think i'm begining to realize a HUGE part of the engery/crash thing your going through. Suboxone is not used for a as needed basis and should be taken at the same dose and same times daily to keep the levels in your blood stream level. If you taking 12mgs one day and 1.5 the next your body must be a MESS. Suboxone is very powerful!! I can almost promise you if you take the same amount everyday {WHATEVER AMOUNT KEEPS YOU FROM W/D'S AND CRAVINGS} and stick to it for 7-10 days you will feel so much better!!

People start taking subs and think there the same as our DOC and sometimes we take more or less and we feel worse. Suboxone is not a cure all it is only made to stop w/d's and craving so that we can work on ourselves with other measures. Trust me I have done this and it took me awhile to learn why I was feeling the way I did, but when I actully take a dose that stops w/d and craving regularly I do really good and everytime I mess around with is when things change for the worse.

As far a the quick taper thats up to and your dr. but I would really recommend trying my suggestion and then see how you feel. Suboxone has changed my life in so many ways and many other people lives as well, please try to give it a serious effort :D

I wish you the best good luck :D


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:46 am 
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I agree 100% with what Hancal is suggesting. Get yourself in a daily routine and likely you will get to feeling much better and much more stable very soon. Give it a try - what have you got to lose? Good luck.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:40 pm 
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But.... the doctor I'm seeing is telling me to take as little as possible and waiting as long as possible before taking it!

I really respect everyone's opinions here and I do intend to bring it up with her (I see her tomorrow), but I'm going to do as she says.

I'm really not a mess. I'm able to function at work and I'm clear headed and in a good mood. As soon as the cravings come and I take a Suboxone, I get an initial boost of energy and then I get tired as hell. That's really my only complaint.

I'm just hoping that I can keep pushing the Subs off longer and longer each day until I one day I don't need them. I didn't need one until around 3:00-4:00 yesterday and I'm hoping today I can wait until 5:00 to 6:00..... or even later. Or not at all! LOL!

I am REALLY committed to getting off drugs completely. All of them. Roxi, Subs, Xanax, the works.


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