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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 1:56 pm 
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Yikes, I'm worried.

My best ever friend is also going off of Sub. She's a little 'ahead' of me. She's at 3 mg and about to drop again. When I met her, she was struggling with Percs after being clean a while. Before that (before I met her) she was really deep into opiate addiction. She was on Oxy, Fentanyl patches, and some kind of opiate lolly pops, and all that started because she had a whole bunch of disk surgeries. She was even driving to Mexico to get stuff. At one point, she cold turkeyed off all that stuff and didn't sleep for months...sounds like it was friggin' awful. I met her through a meeting friend, and when I found out she was back on opiates (Percs) after having a surgery, I suggested she start Sub. I was already on it. Well, she did and it's been years. She's done great, has stayed off opiates, has repaired her marriage, and she's the coolest/smartest/kindest chick I've ever met and I love her to death.

So, we've been supporting each other over the phone during our weaning process. We don't live near each other anymore, which sucks. She's been caring for her mother-in-law, who just died in her home, and my friend was responsible for administering pain meds and stuff. They give you a 'care package' I guess that has all sorts of 'goodies' in it. The lady didn't need all the morphine. My friend was telling me this and pulling her own covers, saying she was considering hoarding some of the liquid Morphine and stuff because she is already thinking that she 'will need something to cover her opiate receptors once off Sub'. ???? She said she's already thinking of life after Sub...that she could take opiates again if she wanted. :shock:

HOLY MOLY!!!!! I'm truly worried. It hasn't occurred to me that (while we're both in recovery) I'm in recovery for alcohol and I've been living for 5 years without it and have gotten used to it. She is an opiate addict, which is truly a different thing. Basically, she doesn't get what drove me to drink soooo much and I don't get what drove her to take all those opiates. Different wiring, I guess. I am getting terrified that when she goes off of Sub she'll go back to that other life. The fact that it's so much in the forefront of her mind scares me, especially since she may be thinking of that stuff even more than she tells me. I've wholeheartedly supported her decision to go off Sub, but I take it back!! She has sooo much that she could lose. I don't know how to help her or what to say. She thinks she is 'numbed' by the Sub and wants to feel life again. I wonder if she will even really be happy off of Sub. If not, how is it worth it??

Staying on Sub for the rest of her life is CERTAINLY not the worst thing that could happen...that's for SURE!!!!

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 3:31 pm 
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I would be worried, too. Unfortunately, I think your friend is on a very slippery slope - dangerously so. She's already talking about possibly stealing someone's morphine? It does sound like she needs to stay on sub and get back up to the ceiling. I don't begrudge anyone getting off sub, but it just sounds like she's doing it for all the wrong reasons and that could give her very low odds of succeeding. I think you should talk to her and tell her what you think and why. If it were me, I'd at least have to try.

I've never understood those allegations that suboxone makes people "numb". I don't believe I'm numbed at all, and I'm on a pretty high dose. I feel a very wide range of emotions, no different than before my addiction.

Good luck with your friend and please let us know how it turns out.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 6:51 pm 
Im sorry to say and I hope Im wrong but Id be willing to bet she has already relapsed and just isnt telling you about it. She probably wants to get off sub so the full agonists will work properly. Hopefully thats not the case but ive seen it happen all the time. People think they can just bounce back and forth from sub to full agonists but not a lot of them ever make it back to the sub and stay in active addiction. Im in the same boat right now, I want to relapse so bad its all ive been thinking about its scaring me. I can honestly say if it wasnt for probation I would be nodding out right now. I started recovery because I wanted it and it was before I was on probation but now i feel like I dont feel any better than when I was using and am forced to stay clean because of random drug tests. Im just as depressed today as I was when I was using and Im getting fed up with it. Im trying realy hard too, i got to outpatient 3 times a week and meetings on the off days that I dont have treatment and of course take suboxone. I hope this feeling goes away because if it doesnt I dont see a point FOR ME to stay clean, I wish i could be happy with being in recovery but nothing much has improved since I stopped using to motivate me to keep it up. Im coming up on 4 months clean and havent had any magical "life feels so good sober" moments and Im wondering if they even exist or people in recovery just say they do to keep the newcomers from becoming hopeless.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 9:24 pm 
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Wow, SuboxOWNED, that is really sad. I'm serious. I feel for you and wish I could give you the magic words or some decent idea on how to help you feel better. Did you have depression before you started using? Does it run in your family? If you have clinical depression, you may need some serious antidepressants, probably the dual-action kind. I clearly remember from meetings the people who came in and had done everything they were 'supposed' to do, but they still felt like mental crap all the time. What are they supposed to do? It's not fair at all. There are people who are given Sub for depression and at high doses too. For some people, that is the only thing that works. Does your doctor know you feel like this? I'm worried for you, because I can imagine that you must be so very frustrated.

Hat, I am going to talk to her. She's very focused and set on getting off of Suboxone. To be honest, I'm not completely clear on why, which is what I want to ask. I know she feels like she's numbed a little and she's worried it will cause brain damage to take Sub forever, as in altering your opiate receptors. But maybe now that's she's getting lower on Sub, she's starting to think of using. I'm scared for her. To be honest, a doctor began prescribing her pot to help with anxiety and pain and Sub w/d. I don't get that. It seems like anyone can get pot prescribed, in California anyway. (Anxiety, w/d, insomnia, even cramps. Who doesn't have one of those things?) I know pot isn't technically addictive, but after years getting to know people at meetings, I've noticed it does seem to lead people back into addiction. Not everyone, but when she told me she was starting to use it, I was concerned. I'm scared it's a slippery slope. She eats it in these skunky chocolate bars that you can smell from 20 feet away. NASTY!! It helps her with the Sub w/d but I'm afraid it's a step in the wrong direction. At one point, I actually considered trying the same thing, but I'd be giving up my 5 years of sobriety and I don't even want to go there, KWIM? I'm going to ask her if she did keep any of those pain meds. The lady died and you're supposed to return the stuff you didn't give them. I don't think she's relapsed yet. But it's hard for me to imagine that she turned in the full amount that was left over. That would be hard for any addict to do, especially when going off of Sub.

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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