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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 10:56 am 
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***after typing for an hour about my entire situation and then accidentally hitting the ESC button and erasing everything I will shorten my story a bit***

I am new to this forum, but I have found my first bit of encouragement reading the entries here. Every other site I have read only have entries of people suffering 3-6 months off with no end in site. Now on to my situation...

I have been taking pain meds since 2003. Staring on vicidon, then perks and then the mighty OC's in 2005. By the end of 2006 I was taking OC's every day before work and all through the week. I would rationalize my usage by telling myslef "I am a sucessful professional, with a home, wife and childen." What a dilussion that was and by 2006 I went to a doctor and got subs. I stayed on the subs until 2008 until friends I used to party with moved back to my area and my addiciton started all over again. In 2010 my wife was tired of me being high all the time and I went back on the subs. I have been clean of pain meds since and this last month have finally gotten fed up of being dependent on a pill.

I told my Doctor I wanted off, which he discouraged, but agreed and gave me his version of a detox schedule. Which was 2mgs for three days, then 1 mg for three days and then take the plunge. I had already went from 4mg to 2mg for a few weeks prior to this visit. So I dropped to 1mg for a week and then with three days off from work took the plunge. Now my doctor told me three days I would feel bad but not to bad to go to work. Boy was he misinformed. I cant tell if these doctors just do not know anything about the drug or if they take the word of the drug sales rep. This was my break down:

Day one was crummy but bearable, although my wife was working so I had my 2 young children which complicates things since the latargy is so bad for me. It was imediately evident I was going to be unable to sleep a wink. Day 2 was bad but day 3-7 were hell. I had every symptom you read about, jumping out of my skin, blood on fire, unable to get comfortable in any position, hyper ventilation, racing heart, anxiety, anger, sobbing, and headache so bad it belonged under glass in the smithsonian. I ended up having to call out from work for the first time in my life on day 4 and 5 returning to work on day 6 no better then the previous days. The morning I returned to work I was unable to sleep like the other nights and just sat on the couch staring at the clock until it was time for me to get in the shower at 330am. I mustered up barely enough energy to get in the shower and shave, got dressed and drove the hour commute to work. By the time I made it to work I had sweat through my clothes. Work was a nightmare for the next three days before my weekend. Sneezing fits, runny and bloody noses, extreme lathargy.

My friend also coming off, a week prior to my journey (he had weened down to .25 mgs for quite a while which might have made his expeirence easier then mine) told me he felt at least human on day 7 so that was the day I was dreaming about. No such luck for me. I continued to be unable to get off the couch for the next week and a half. I couldnt play with my kids, or participate in the household chores. My wife has been great taking care of everything but I think after three weeks she is even starting to doubt my being able to come off.

I forgot to mention that I had been back in the gym since my since day 10, having to drink a double does of mesomorph(a preworkout drink for energy, with creatine and such) which would amazingly give me enough energy to crush my workout and make me feel ok for about 1 1/2 hours after the gym. Its funny because I wasnt having a problem falling asleep by day 10, I would go to sleep at about 730, then waking up at 845 on the dot every night and then being completly unable to fall back alseep all night.

Through this whole time I have had bouts of uncontrolable sobbing that can be triggered by anything. I called my doctor on day 10 and told him how bad of a time I was having and asked for any type of sleeping aid. He stated the only thing he could offer me was to come back in and back on subs. I was unwilling, and since I have over a 3 month supply in the cabinet there was no need to drive an hour to see him.

As unlikely as it sounds listening to music have brought me a sense of wellbeing through this process, but unfortuantly I am unable to listen while at work.

I am now on day 22 and still am unable to sleep, and have been unable to get off the couch. I am not jumping out of my skin any longer and my swollen throat has finally dissapated so some of the syptoms have subsided. I just want to feel happy, motivated to go outside and push my children on the swing. Help my wife clean the house, mow the lawn, be able to walk up the stairs without stopping. Sometimes I feel I hurt my brain so bad I will never be right again. I am deteremined to be free of any anchors, I want to be able to enjoy the little things, camping with my kids, or just even nightly play dates.

I have my wife picking me up L tyrosine, st johns wort, melatonin and milk thistle on the way home. Hopefully with a full out herbal assult I can get some relief.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 11:35 am 
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please, please do not go back on subs. You made it this far. you will be so upset with yourself if you go back on and went through all this hell in vain. I PROMISE you it will get better. Just look at how much you have improved in 22 days. I continue to get better and better each day and I am close to day 22 myself. I feel amazing but I tapered really low to .016mg. You will take more time to heal because you jumped so high. Just know that no matter how you feel now you will get better. You WILL enjoy the little things again as I have found to be the case for me. Life is so much better off everything and all you have to do is stick with this a few more weeks. I promise you that you will look back at this in a few weeks and be so glad you didnt get back on subs.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 11:38 am 
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and just so you know, since you have only been on subs since 2010 your horrible withdrawal was most likely because your receptors were still recovering from the full opiate agonist. You not only jumped off subs but OC as well.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 11:50 am 
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Thanks for the advice, this site has been indredible encouraging. That being said, a few more weeks of this and I might go mad! I need to sleep, and I just want to get up in the morning ready to accomplishment something. I just think it is funny how misinformed my doctor is about the W/D off this med.

Just to make something clear, I do not blame him for what I am going through, as he has been good to me. I just wish he was a bit more informed how bad it was to get off this med. He actually recommended I take it forever. I never realized how much it has been effecting my personality.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 12:11 pm 
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I can totally relate man. My doc said first that I should stay on forever. Then when he realized that was not happening he said I should jump at 1 mg. I dont know where they get their info either but its just wrong. A long drawn out taper is the best way to avoid withdrawal. If you can take clonodine at night. It really helps with sleep.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 12:18 pm 
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Light- I am on day 19 and am in the same boat you are. Stay determined and I know the days will get better. I would rather die than go back on sub. Just bulldoze your way through it. Thats what I'm doing and I'm going to be 60 in June.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 1:15 pm 
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Geez...Im 29 and prior to this fiasco was in pretty good health, at least that is what i thought. I hate to sound like the impatient one, but come on already...22 days is a long time. My wife even lossed faith a bit yesterday and told me to go back on and taper down to a super low dose for a few months and try again. That was discouraging since she had been very supportive until then but I understand as it is hard to take care of these kids on her own. I just keep telling her I cant go back now or the 3 plus weeks I just wasted will be in vien.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 1:32 pm 
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Man...a 6 day taper and a jump at 1 mg? Just such HORRIBLE advice. Your doctor should lose his license I swear. That makes me so mad.

The good news from wha tI've heard and read is that the main difference between jumping at 1 mg and .001 mg is the first 3 weeks. You've made it through that part. People have jumped off from 1 mg and made it...you will too! And when you do you'll be pumped.

Go to the "bupe in rearview mirror" section of this board and read some of those stories.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 2:11 pm 
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Do you think I have much longer to go before I can get off the couch? I know no one can answer that because everyone is different...But I hope I get some relieve soon.

As far as my doctors advice, I really think he has no idea what he is getting people into.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 2:41 pm 
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I'm sorry to hear what you have been going through. my prayers are with you. how long were you at 4 milligrams 4? were you on a higher dose before that


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 3:20 pm 
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I too jumped from 1 mg and am wondering when this will end. I rode my Harley to church today and ended up leaving early as I'm not ready for prime time yet. Coming off a ten year 20 pill a day addiction and two months of sub tapering from 12 mg. I believe I would have done better without the sub but hit a wall at tapering to 7 pills. I just keep telling myself it WILL be worth the battle to be on the other side. It is hard, damn hard, but you can do this too.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 3:37 pm 
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Rockblaster.... So you were only on subs for two months starting at 12mg and then tapering to just one mg?


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 4:24 pm 
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l i v i n wrote:
and just so you know, since you have only been on subs since 2010 your horrible withdrawal was most likely because your receptors were still recovering from the full opiate agonist. You not only jumped off subs but OC as well.


I dont know about this statement at all. I dont think that you were in acute wd from the drug you took prior to 2010. I was able to make 5 months off sub with out relapsing... I say please dont give up. IF you do it will be harder for you the next time. I jump from about .125mg and went thru what your going thru now. IT will get better but at 5 mo I still had minor sweats'chills and hard time sleeping. I suggest you go to a different doctor then the guy wanting you back on sub and ask for trazadone for sleep. Of course he knows nothing else.. not even the wd symptoms that come with being on long term sub. He may need to listen to his client other then the reps. Sure he was good for you while you were on it but dont see what good he is not being on it.. did he offer you clonidine, sleep aid or anything else? I would use trazadone and about three times a week 12.5mg of seroquel to get some much needed sleep. Neither did I Have a problem with stopping when I did cave and go back on sub.

May is suggest also melotinin and valariun root .... magnesium for the rls. I did give up after about 5 or so month myself.. cant really remember. Off of everything now and so glad for it. I feel so much more alive and "involved" with life. Hang in there. Try and treat the worse of the symptoms and stick with it. LOL>. seem strange that we go on sub so we dont have to deal with wd only to make it longer (for most of us). BUt it so worth it not to be so dependent on a medication to function.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 5:29 pm 
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I starting l-tyrosine, milk thislte, st johns wort and melatonin tonight as my wife just got home. Any recomendations on dosages of this stuff. I also have my mother in law who is a nurse getting me trazadone for sleep. Wish i could get c=some clonidine as every seems to recoommend it. You can order it online for 5 bux but I dont know if I will need it in a few days it will take to get here. Then again I read of people having withdrawn symptoms in month three and I think forget it all as I cannot go like this for another 2 months plus.

I am determined to make it, especially now talking to all of you who have made it, but a few more months of this and I will go crazy. Thanks for all support, you guys do not know how much reading your stories has helped.

And music has really helped me, my ipod is like an antidperessant and an energy boost.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 6:08 pm 
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LightAtTheEnd, so sorry to hear that you are going through this! I also strongly encourage you to stick with it, because you've made it so far! It seems that we have yet another doctor to add to the very long list of MD's who are encouraging people to take a med into eternity, even though they don't seem to know even the basics about it. My doc is the same. He thinks 2 mg is low enough to drop w/o w/d. I don't know where in the world he's getting his info, and he's not interested in listening to anything I say.

I truly don't believe it will be any easier for you to get off if you restart and try again later. This is the easiest it is going to get, and you may be pretty close to turning that corner. Order the Clonidine and get it shipped to you pronto. I ordered it but didn't get the fast shipping. It's ironic, because I thought the same thing as you...."By the time it gets here, I probably won't even need it!" Wrong. I'm tapering and haven't jumped yet, but even though it took forever to get here, I was still having symptoms when it finally did arrive. (Still am, actually). It does help you sleep. I take it at night with the Melatonin, and even though I cannot ever seem to get more than five or six hours, at least I am sleeping.

I've been on Sub since 2005 and at this point, it's a nightmare to get off. I wish I'd done it much, much sooner. Tapering has only gotten harder over the years. I thought it was bad in 2006, but I had no clue what it would be like this many years later. If you can just get some Clon and get some sleep, I think this will feel way more doable to you.

Best of luck!!!!!!! Stick around....we are all trying to figure this out together, since most of us don't have docs that know what it's like. No matter how incredibly hard it seems, our bodies are resilient and I believe we will find our way back to normalcy.

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 7:26 pm 
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Help I cannot get of the couch to go to the bathroom!!

Good night everyone. Talk to you all in the morning to check in. I hope I get some sleep tonight. Thanks again.


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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 8:41 pm 
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Light, I just had to chime in here and tell you how sorry I am that you had such a poor doctor. What an ignoramus!

You should've been tapered down to a very low dose over a slow period of time....many people jump with little to no w/d after tapering to super-low doses and staying there long enough for the brain to heal.

You really only have two choices...stick it out or go back on Subs and taper properly. I'm a wussy when it comes to w/d so I know what I'd do but the choice is yours....I'll be watching to see how you do.

Glad you found us here...it helps to have a support group of people who understand :)

Hope you have a better night.


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PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2011 6:43 am 
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Again a sleepless night. I have to be honest it was better then the night before since I must of fell asleep 5-6 times periodically through the night for 20-30 minute intervals. Still do not feel great when I heard my 3 yr old screamimg my name at 530 this morning. Hoping to actually go to the gym and then to the movies to get out of the house today.


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PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2011 7:40 am 
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Does anybody have info on trazadone as far as feeling groggy in the morning? I do not want to add anything to my diet that is going to make me feel even more tired then I already do.


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PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2011 8:55 am 
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I take Trazdone for sleep and have for quite awhile. When one first starts taking it, it's normal to have that sleeping pill "hangover" for the first few days until you get used to it. Then it will pass. I have no problems at all waking in the morning. I hope this helps.

Good luck and feel better soon.

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