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 Post subject: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 4:41 pm 
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Just wanted to encourage those afraid to taper off and jump to do it! It isn't as bad as we psyche ourselves up to be. I jumped at 2 mgs and am heading into day 6 tomorrow!!!!!!! Yes, you read it right, DAY 6. I was on subs for 5 years and spent all those years afraid of the day I would no longer be taking subs. I never relapsed once in those years, got my life together, moved far away from my addict friends, got remarried, bought a house and have a wonderful career as a dog trainer. I finally figured out it wasn't the subs that did it but me. The subs helped, don't get me wrong but I was the one who proactively made the changes and I can proactively make the change to stop the sub use and I did! If it wasnt for circumstances with my doctor, I probably would of stayed on auto pilot with the subs but I got sick of worrying about tomorrow, detoxing, what would happen if I lost my script by accident, what if I missed an appointment, blah, blah, etc, etc. You know those obsessive sub thoughts.

So I cant lie and say I feel like a million bucks. I do have insomnia, rls at night, and extreme fatigue BUT, I am active throughout the day, not lying in bed trapped in withdrawals and I cant explain it, but JOYOUS in withdrawals. My mood is bizarrely happy! Last night I "felt" emotions I havent felt in years on subs. I truly laughed from the gut and it was wonderful!

The sweats , yawning, teary eyes left on day 3. Been taking imodium to stop the tummy issues but nothing else except a zinc and magnesium supplement. As a matter of fact, aside from the iron suit feeling of fatigue, I can manage it all!!!!!!!!

Please, if you are serious about jumping but dont because of the unknown, just do it! Ride out the first 14 days of blah and get on with life! YOU CAN DO IT!

I plan on posting daily how I am feeling so you can see its not so bad and maybe see what days are like for someone going through it so you can see what you might be up against but it truly is more mental. I actually feel empowered that I finished the last leg of the marathon!


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 5:30 pm 
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Thanks for the post, it's really good to read your story.

I'm still going down to .25 mg/day (or less) before I get off! You've given me a good sense of what I can look forward to.

-- JI

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"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 5:47 pm 
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I jumped at 2 and wasnt bad. Your low taper will be like stepping off a curb, instead of jumping from 2 stories! You will be shocked at how easy it gets once you get past day 3! I usually lost my freaking mind at day3 and went back but this time I didnt and it just keeps getting better as the days go by! I PROMISE!


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 6:42 pm 
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So something bizarre just happened. About half an hour ago, I took a trip to the store. Driving back, some really good songs from my youth came on (showig my age here a bit) but Hot Blooded came on and I found myself jamming out in the car, tunes cranked, "seat dancing" and damned if I say, down right enjoying the moment. It felt almost naturally euphoric. It elevated my mood and energy level (even for a few minutes), which is huge considering I have been dragging my sorry withdrawing ass around from fatigue. It felt great dare I say.

the point is, even 5 days into stopping subs, every hour improves. My body might feel heavy, butmy mind feels light. I always tricked myself into thinking I could not function normal without my daily dose of subs but here I am, jamming to "oldies", making a store run, taking my dogs out, making dinner, caring for my other animals (I am huge into reptiles and own a few), L I V I N G! and managing it all during a detox.

We can do this, it is manageable. I am proof. Maybe day 6 will bring a new symptom or maybe it wont. Lets not even think about it, its not here yet. Dont get stuck in the detox part of it. Dont trap yourself into feeling every miniscule little pang, or sweats, sneezes, whatever symptoms cause you discomfort and make you wanna run back to the start line and begin again another time. No time will ever be a good time to detox. It sucks but there is no way around it but THROUGH it. Break on through to the other side!


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 9:10 pm 
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Dang, you jumped from 2mg and you're feeling as good as you are? Sweet!!! A lot of people who jump from that dose seem to get hit by wd a bit harder than you, but here you are, Rockin' it!!

Yep, Hot Blooded by Foreigner will get just about anybody going, and I like your Doors reference there at the end.

I'm sure you've heard Rocky Mountain Way by Joe Walsh, right? Do a google search for Rocky Mountain Way Godsmack, it'll rock your socks off!!

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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 10:11 pm 
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Honestly, it hasnt been totally shitty. I am still hoping as I go further I dont get blind sided but at 6 days tomorrow, how much worse can it be? Just the rls and insomnia gets annoying but is doable. I am evn planning on joining the gym in a couple more weeks. I dont have any support meds like the clonidine or serequel everyone talks about. Been only taking immodium to ward off the nasty stomach issues I hate.

a positive approach seems to be the best cure and not laying around! Laying in bed all day makes it 1000 times worse imo.


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 10:25 pm 
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Funny thought. Laying in bed tonight and the rls is starting. Facing another sleepless night and a smile came over me as I thought to myself

"Is that all ya got big, bad withdrawals? Pppffttt, you hit like a girl"

Good night all..........


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 2:38 am 
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Wow! Congrats! You give me hope and your attitude about this whole thing is right on. I drove myself nuts at first paying attention to every tiny little symptom I've had while tapering, but I have learned to ride it out. I have tapered down to .5/.375 & plan to jump on Monday. It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been complete agony either. I've noticed that I'm starting to take a genuine interest in life again, and I'm starting to feel again. Plus I can completely relate to the music thing! Please keep posting how your days are going! Wishing you the best!


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 6:13 am 
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Hi trainer- thanks so much for sharing your experience! It does help to know that its possible to jump and still stay positive during wds. Wow, 2mgs seems like a pretty high jump, congratulations for sticking to it! I'm at .5mgs, and holding, way lower from where you jumped and I still want to go lower still.....I might need a little push to get my butt to actually jump!!! lol, wish I were as strong as you seem to be! Thanks again so much for sharing, it is encouraging to hear how well you are doing!
Please keep posting!
rca


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 1:22 pm 
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Day 6! Have energy today! So shocked because I only got 3 hours of broken sleep last night. Still get a whiff of that bizarre smell in my nose I had days 1 thru 3 but it doesn't last. Anyone get that funky smell in detox?

So just got home. Been out busy doing stuff since 5 am, its now 1 pm. Noticed I had the chills here and there but nothing distressing. It left as quick as it came on. Been sneezing every now and then but overall, feel pretty damn great!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I had wicked fatigue but seems a bit better today so I'll be grateful for that! Waiting patiently for sleep to return. Soon I hope!

All in all, not bad! So glad I jumped and stuck it out. 6 days under my belt and looking forward to 7 soon!


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 4:32 pm 
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I got strange smells, kinda metallic ish, weird stuff right, great work :!:


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:01 pm 
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Thanks for all the support and encouraging words everyone. It really helps keep me motivated and pushing forward!


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:27 pm 
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Going into the evening of the 6th day as 5 pm approaches. Fell asleep for 3 solid hours while watching tv. The morning and early afternoon was chilly and rainy but the sun is now out and its getting warmer. I strangely feel exhausted after the nap where before I had a decent amount of energy on my measly 3 hours of sleep the night before.

not feeling as chipper as I did past few days. Feelinga bit blah at the moment but I think it will pass. My emotions have been up and down so its to be expected.

BIG DEFINING MOMENT: I was woken from my nap by a call from my doctors office. Had an issue with her last week which pushed me to jump off the subs. She was going to write me a script to pick up for my subs and I said NO THANK YOU, I AM ALL SET! it was THE HARDEST THING to do but I did it. Knowing a 15 minute drive and a 10 minute wait at the clinic pharmacy could of ended the insomnia, rls and minor lingering issues wasnt to easy to turn down but it was done.

no way am I stepping backwards after 6 days. Next time might be even harder to manage. It was now or never I felt when I jumped. Happy I stayed strong but yet there was this pang of regret after I hung up. I stared at my cell for a few minutes, kinda sad, like I just broke up with a lover. Subs were so much a part of my everyday life. My biggest fear when jumping was the thought that I could never function at the same level without subs but damn, I am!
Nothing has changed except I feel tired, cant sleep, and I dont take that bitter orangey pill every morning. Everything else is the same, I am the same.

so here is to a new tradition in the morning. Instead of a bitter pill to take, I take vitamins. I smile at the thought of making it further than I ever have off subs and looking forward to having days under my belt.


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 6:43 pm 
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Wow, that is huge that you turned down the one thing that is going to make you feel better! Amazing job! You are definitely an example of someone who truly wants this and is doing it. Lots of people need to get clean, but you have to want it in order for it to happen. It's funny what you posted about the smells. Every time I have kicked any type of opiate it seemed like I could smell EVERYTHING, and everything smelt badly, even things that normally smelled good to me. It's crazy all the shit that happens to your body.

Anyway, just wanted to say great job on turning down the Rx. You have come so far and it would be a shame to throw it all away! Keep us posted!!


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 8:03 pm 
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Am not gonna lie. Today wasnt a great day. Really tired and the sweats are back. Ugh. But hanging in there and still fighting the good fight! Mood today is somewhat blah. Went for a ride in my car to listen to some music and be alone with my thoughts. Was disappointed that the tunes didn't improve my mood like it did yesterday. Got me thinking though. I asked myself if I was ever down in the dumps while on subs and yep, I have been. While on subs, I have felt shitty at times, been tired and dragging ass from lack of sleep, been so irritated at life that I wanted to scream, and the list goes on. This will pass. Been only 6 days, can't expect things to be perfect and feeling like a million bucks. What I am waiting for is that one day, the day I wake up refreshed, full of energy and piss and vinegar. That day will be like my rebirth. Knowing that I feel that amazing on my own. No subs. No nothing but my healed body and now functioning mind pumping out its own endorphins naturally. You dont miss the sun until it rains.

those about to make the jump, and those who already have and are counting days like myself, let's be grateful for feeling shitty while detoxing. It is going to make that "one day", the day we feel amazing so much more perfect. We can say "I did it. I crawled through the field of shit, and came out smelling like a goddamn rose". Booyah Master Chief! I came, I saw, I fucking conquered!

we are all warriors in our own way. We are far stronger than those "normal" folks we so envy and want to be. The next time one of those normal folks complain about being tired, or feeling shitty, smile inside and say to yourself "honey, you have NO IDEA what tired is really like until you rode that beast called detox and kicked that mother's ass down and lived to tell about it". Hell, we need our own tshirts! "I made it through detox and all I got was this tshirt".

Keep fighting my friends! We got this shit in the bag!
P.S. I feel better already just by posting and getting it all off my mind =)


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 9:13 pm 
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Around 9 pmish. I am feeling better than earlier! Sweats stopped, yay! Not tired much and the dark mood lifted! Happy days are here again. Haha

I really think just posting how I was feeling earlier had alot to do with the lift in mood. Writing therapy. Even if no one reads it, its nice being able to go back and read how my day went. Clarity Helps!

Have a good night everyone. I am heading into day 7 tomorrow! 1 full week!


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:06 pm 
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Soooo yah, tried to go to bed, but was in vain. Sleep, you elusive beast, I miss you. I hope we can rekindle our affair soon. Coming up on 11 pm. Shortly it will be 7 days. Funny, my energy and mood seem to boost at night when its time to sleep. Go figure. I'm backwards x_x

was thinking alot about inner strength and what we can do when we have no choice. A few months ago, I had an allergic asthma attack. I have never had an asthma attack in my life so I wasn't prepared for it with any rescue inhaler or anything to open my airways. It happened in the middle of the night. I woke up coughing and got out of bed to get some water. By the time I took those 15 steps to my bathroom, I was full blown into an asthma attack. I couldn't move away from my sink because moving even an inch made it worse. So there I stood, practically suffocating and could do nothing. Not even wake my husband. So I stared in the mirror, watching my lips slowly turn blue and the color drain from my face, gasping for air. I remember telling myself to calm down, stay still and focus on breathing controlled and slowly as I could manage. It felt like hours but I slowly could start breathing deeper until finally it got easier. Color started returning to my lips and face. By now it was 4 a.m. and time to get ready for work. I showered, dressed, left the house and got some coffee. I think back on that night and how it could of killed me right then and there. I think about the inner strength I had to tap into to stand there, gasping for air and unable to move, and mentally talk myself into getting through it and breathing again. I think about how when it was over, I got ready for work, like nothing happened and carried on with business and my day. If I can do that, I can do anything I set my mind to.

I love this quote "we never know how strong we are until strong is our only option"


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:23 pm 
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Keep it up trainer! I went through all of this about 3 months ago. Jumping from 2mg takes a strong will and attitude. Your energy will slowly improve. When my sleep came back about 14 days in, everything all of a sudden became manaegable. Symptoms were there but who cares. Its amazing how much,pain you learn to tolerate during withdrawal. Stay active and start working out to help with sleep. Good job

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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 4:49 am 
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You said "Hell, we need our own tshirts! "I made it through detox and all I got was this tshirt".

:lol: :lol: :lol:

LOL- Trainer, this is your million dollar idea! Quick, patent it. Maybe you could sell them on this site??? I know there is still a stigma about the "disease" of addiction, and quite a bit of judgement out there, but if we all banded together and wore your T-shirts I think we could help educate people AND get and give a few good laughs!!

I continue to be impressed with your thinking and choices- keep it up. I hope you are still around when I jump!
rca


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 Post subject: Re: DOING IT!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 7:55 am 
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Morning of day 7 and I got more sleep than I have the past few nights. I woke up around 5 am, fell back asleep for a bit and am now up habving coffee! Dont feel to bad either. Little bit of goosebumps and slightly jittery like I need to reach for something to get going but I think thats just habit as I always dosed first thing in the morning. Nothing that would make me lose my mind or keep me down.

this weekend will be telling. Working 8 hours both days teaching training classes and being on my feet straight thru the day. Long days so I am hoping I am not dragging ass like I have been since I jumped.

Still getting that funky smell in my nose and its driving me nuts. I know when that smell finally leaves the end of withdrawals will be close. In the past, wheni have run out of subs and withdrawn between refills, that same smell would start the 2nd day and not go away till I got my meds and dosed. Its not constant like that this time but I catch it every so often. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

well here is to the start of day 7! Woo hoo!


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