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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 7:24 pm 
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Just curious.

When you're in NA or doing peer-support meetings like SMART, friends and family often inform people from the meetings, so the fellowships find out that way. But in the case of Suboxforum, I can't imagine family bothering to sign into the member's account to let us know.

It's a bit disconcerting for me to think that there's likely been a number of members pass away from addiction that we have no idea about.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 11:20 pm 
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No, TJ, we have no way of knowing unless the family knows that their loved one was a member of our community and chooses to inform us. It's very sad.

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 11:38 pm 
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While there is no real way of knowing how many have gone from here, I often have wondered myself. Looking though many old threads,seeing old names that go back to 2008, I can only hope that it is a small number.
We lose people in clinic and have lost others from Bupe group support meetings.
Idk..the thought makes me sad as well...


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 1:15 am 
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Do family members/friends even know their loved on is on here?
If so, do they even know loved one's username - which is most helpful

How many of you let others - anyone else know - you're here and your user name?

Do yours know? Who would let us know if any of you die?

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Did well on Suboxone. Stopped May 2011.
Stopping went well -- its the staying stopped -- where the real work begins.
Coming here 'keeps recovery green'.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 11:33 am 
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I was just thinking of this the other day, I thought about if something happened to me, nobody here would know. What I kinda figured out was to make sure I tell a family member about it and write down my username and password and let them put it wherever they have personal papers and hope they'll remember to log in and eventually tell someone. My 19 year old and fiancé would be my go to ppl. All the mods have each other's numbers but just to be double safe I'd make sure someone knew my wishes.

I do remember a year or two ago, we had someone log in and told us her son had passed away who was a member here. I think his name was Blue or something Blue..... anyone else remember that? This poor mother had found the forum on her son's computer or phone and it brought her to the forum I think (can't remember exactly, I'll have to search) and she wanted us to know he'd passed. I can't remember exactly if she said he'd overdosed or something else but I will always remember that.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 6:57 pm 
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I do remember that, Jenn. She found us on her son's computer, I think.

The moderators here don't even know the real names of the people who become members heres. People use an email address to sign up as members here. The admins of the site, Dr. J. and whomever he has designated as an admin can look up a person's email. But people make anonymous type emails up all the time, so we can't use them to really identify folks.

In other words, the lack of personal information available hampers our ability to relate it to a person in real life.

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 10:06 am 
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Wait...wasn't the mother who "found the site" the case where it was the son, who got banned from here, then came back with another user name and said "I'm his mother, he passed away"...??

I seem to recall that happening, if I'm wrong, then I'm sorry for that assumption..
And it could be someone else that I'm thinking of..
I just remember something along that line happened and the person who "died" was discovered on another site posting -- unless they were posting from beyond the grave -- they were still alive and well.
(well, alive...the well part, that is up for debate).

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RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 1:52 pm 
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That was a different occurrence, Jonathan. Believe me, I remember that one too! That guy was SUCH an asshole!!! That was back when we could tell where people were based on IP address.

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:10 pm 
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Hi, it's Queenie,

This post got my attention because when I first came here, I met a very nice man on here. Like me, he was struggling too. We exchanged e-mails, he sent me pictures of his little girl, we got to know each other well and then one day, he disappeared. I've never stopped wondering what happened and I hate to think the worst but......

My daughter knows about this forum. It was because of some of you here that I wrote my introduction and have been here since 2010. That day, I told her all about my addiction & explained Suboxone. I'm going to give her my login because you never know. Hey, Queenie will be 75 in November so let's be realistic.

I love you guys but, you know that.

Queenie (mawmaw, mema, etc......)


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 3:11 am 
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Queenie, just remember that we need you around here for at least another good 15 years. So take care of yourself!!!

Amy

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 9:05 am 
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None of us want to face mortality, but as it becomes more apparent with age, it is something we all must endure.

My youngest starting school has really made me think about it..
Its the last time I'll ever have a child starting school.
Never again will I do the things I'm doing right now...
I'll never have that first day of school again.
I'll never have the sleepless nights, making bottles, changing diapers...
Don't get me wrong, it's so exhausting to do that stuff..
I was able to lay down with her after her 2-hour bottles and take a nap with her...
but..those days are gone.

Every first that I get to be a part of, I think about it being the last time...

I've cried nearly every day since she started school...
If I thought it would fix things, I'd pitch a fit in the floor like a 2 year old, and scream "I don't want her to grow up"...

I know it has to be. That is life..and that's just part of it. But (pardon my language) ...it REALLY FUCKIN SUCKS.


and people say "oh but you'll be able to do it with the grandbabies"...

I don't even want to think about that. Nope...
I'm still that overprotective parent ..even though I have a 16 year-old daughter right now...
I cant imagine how I will be when my baby girl gets to 16.

I see videos on facebook of people warning against child abduction..and they make this scary vids about it happening...
And I think to myself -- "I would spend a long time in jail ..."
I am her hero...daddy can fix everything. I never want there to be a time where daddy can't fix it.
At any rate...that's my take on things.

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RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:36 pm 
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I thought u were 72 for some reason Queenie, I'm sorry and I'll remember ur 75 :)

I told my fiancé yesterday if anything ever happens to me to call the numbers in my phone for the other mods, but I also told him all he has to do is get my phone and automatically log in on the forum.

I think this actually probably does happen more than we expect it does.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 1:35 pm 
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Oh Jonathan, I wish I didn't know how you were feeling, but I do. In less than a week I take my baby boy to move into his dorm room at college. And it seems like yesterday when he was making sweet nursing sounds at my breast. We have been a team from the get go. I never really went anywhere without him.

This isn't going to help, I'm afraid, but I remember when Jacob went to kindergarten and my thought was, "This is the beginning of me not knowing what is going on in his life." And truly, he has slowly pushed me out of his life in the years since. It's not all for nothing though. I want to share what Jacob wrote to me in a handmade birthday card in May. He had just graduated high school when he wrote this:

(These are the awards he says I deserve which is a follow up from a Mother's Day card:)

Most caring
Best reader of the Belgariad (a book series I read out loud to him)
Best early teacher (Not every parent can produce someone who's top of the class) (Side note from Amy: this is an ironic joke)
Most trustworthy
Most compassionate
Most calming when I am stressed
Most willing to deal with my antics when playing search games
Most willing to help me where you can
Most willing to be the voice I sometimes can't be

On the next page he wrote paragraphs:

"First off, I want you to know that I didn't make this card because I forgot to buy one. I was fully planning on going out and getting one. But the cards that Phoebe and Ellie (his nieces) gave us yesterday made me think you would appreciate a homemade card more. (I also thought you would appreciate my drawing skills. I had a lot of fun with the crayons.)

I can truly say that the thing I will miss most when I head off to college is you, because I won't necessarily have anyone who can be at all comparable to you. Only you will always be on my side. Only you will always care about my wellbeing. Only you will always treat me with respect and compassion. Only you will always be my mom.

You are the person who most matters to me, and you always will be.

You have no idea how much I love you, even if I'm not the best at showing it.

Jacob"

The reason I'm sharing this is so all the parents who are still in the middle of it know that their kids will someday have an understanding of all you have done and sacrificed to raise them. I'm trying not to cry right now because this subject makes me so emotional and I have a migraine. (Crying makes them worse.)

I just wanted you to know that there are rewards to come, even though your youngest is growing up and going to school.

Amy

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 4:55 pm 
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I know there are many great rewards to come in the future... but for now, it really hurts. I have a love/hate feeling about the growing up stuff...
She's so independent that it is scary...
Then again, she tries to play off how much she loves me..and when it shows, it's obvious. Usually it's at night, at bedtime..when she's laying between my wife and I... She always puts her head over on my chest and watches TV until she falls asleep.
That's been our thing for 5 years now..and it's killing me to break that. She's slept with me when my wife works night shift.. and we've watched movies together..etc.

It just sucks..no other words can really describe it. The hurt is real..and it's deep. She's still my baby though..and will always be my baby.
6 years ago we had just found out my wife was pregnant. I said the ENTIRE time that it was a girl...
On day 1 when that first at-home pregnancy test came back positive...i said then "its a girl"...
and I was right.

And I also said "I'm not going to make the mistakes with her that I made with the other kids"...
And I was right about that too.
She's been part of what has helped me in my sobriety..not saying I would've failed..just that she cemented it for me.

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:40 pm 
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Hey Amy, I will try to stick around. I love it when you guys say you need me. It's a good feeling. When I first came here I said to myself "I hope I can help people on here someday, the way they are helping me" and look!!! I have helped some here and it feels so darned good so, I will try to stick around. Bless you Amy.

Jenn Jenn, yes! Queenie will be 75. You're one of my favorite grands. Love you so much.

Jonathon. You don't know my friend. Wait until you have grandchildren!!!! Lord have mercy!!! It's wonderful. I call it double love. My baby gave me 2 babies and they are 23 and 26 and they make me so darned proud. They are wonderful young, intelligent, respectable gentlemen and they love me to death. They both live in the house. One upstairs and one in the basement. I love hearing "I love you, Abuela" (grandma in Spanish) So you just wait! You'll see!

Well, goodnight all. Going to watch some TV. Take care my babies!!!


Besos(kisses) Queenie


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