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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 6:24 am 
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Here's a quick backdrop story, a discovered the wonderful painkiller in 2010 and immediately was in love. That lead to me meeting my dealer and getting all the free meds I wanted but it also introduced me to smoking Meth. I'd smoke so much Tina that I'd have to swallow double the amount of painkillers just to attempt to sleep. I'm not making any excuses, I'm not the victim here, there wasn't any accidental addiction. The moment I popped my first pill it was game over and I was as hardcore an addict as we all become, under my own doing.

Fast forward 2 years of every opiate on this planet,methadone, suboxone, meth, valium, mostly anything I could get my hands on because I just loved being messed up. One night after a 4 day long meth binge, one thing lead to another and I was in the ER getting my stomach pumped and a tube in my throat. That was my last night in Anaheim, or any of California at all. My parents gave me two choices, fly home or were coming to get you. I told them I'd come home but I needed a ticket so my dad sent 500.00. As any and all addicts would do, of course half of that went right back to the street, there was no way I was leaving the best coast anywhere close to sober knowing this was the end of the line for me.

Fast forward 2 months from the ER visit. I'm home, I'm working the program, I'm on "Godsent" suboxone and paying ridiculous amounts of money. I'm going to meetings. In all reality I'm losing my mind, I'm so bored, I constantly try to find something to do. That was when the VA made the discovery of my life....my addiction to painkillers and meth was tied into the PTSD I had brought back with me from OIF(Iraq). I soon got involved with meetings at the VA hospital with other addict vets, I started talking about my problems, I started to help others, I started to care again.

Fast forward 10 months(last one I promise) I've been working the program, I've been living the program, I have gained the trust back of my family, and I am dating the best most supportive girl in the world and I mean that. My life is great BUT I am still on suboxone. Starting in November 2012 I was on suboxone, 16mgs a day. In February I dropped to 12mgs, and then in June it was 8. Starting today. It will be ZERO.

I know people praise suboxone and that it isn't really an opiate and that you don't get high off of it but come on, why would we addicts take it if it didn't do that stuff for us. I am tired of being controlled by a drug that is costing me from 500 to 600 a month when my only income is my BAH housing allowance for the GI Bill.

I am sick of having to rely on a tab or a strip to want to get moving, to be funny and talkative, to have my life revolve around a thing that in the long run I know will only end in a head on collision(the infamous withdrawals) and that is when I had the revelation. Jump ship now and just get it over with. I have the perfect supporting cast around me, I finally met a great family doctor who is more than willing to help, and most of all I have a drive in me to end this 3 year long nightmare, something I never thought I would have.

Here is my plan of attack... I sat down with my doctor today and told her the whole story. I was diagnosed with ADHD and was on Ritalin and Adderall since I was in 7th grade and I've noticed that my adhd has been getting worse (haven't been on monitoring meds since 2011) so I made a doctor appointment. The doc I saw, after I told her about the suboxone debacle, recommended just getting the hard part out of the way. My mother was in the waiting room when my doctor and I came up with our plan of attack we explained it to my mom so that she could be the medicine dispenser so that I don't abuse anything.

The master plan: it has been 30 hours since I took my last sub(still have roughly 17 left which now my mom has). My mom is to keep them and under no ordeal is she to give me them. My doctor also represcribed me adderall 30mg and xanax .5mg. The adderall is to be taken every morning and the xanax is for when I'm really hitting the withdrawals. Yesterday (11/13/2013) was the first day on this combination. I haven't had a sub since 11/11/2013. These withdrawals should be occurring today or tomorrow so we shall see.

whatever may happen, as bad or horrible or even not so bad, I am ready. I'm ready to be drug and opiate free. Enough is enough. I have the best supporting cast, the positive mental outlook, and the will to succeed.

I will post again later on today. Open to any questions, comments or whatever you people throw at me.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 9:12 am 
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You definitely sound ready, I just have to know why on earth you're jumping at 8mg? It seems like your setting yourself up for misery. You probably have so much sub built up in you that you could hit withdrawals after a week, or 10 days. Be prepared for that. I can't speak to what it's like coming off high doses. I recently jumped at .25mg and while it sucked for a few days, it was totally manageable. I'm glad I tapered slowly and to a low dose because I can't imagine those symptoms lasting weeks and weeks like I've read.

In my opinion, this exact story is why suboxone gets a bad name, and why people post all over the Internet about how terrible this drug is. They stay on high doses and then decide to just jump from 8, 12mgs and when they feel like they're going to die they're like "what the fuck? This shit is harder to come off of than regular opiates!" and at high doses like that, it probably is because the half life. People (like me) read these horror stories and almost decline (or DO decline) treatment. I'm so glad I decided to give it a try. I feel like I did right; got on the LOWEST possible dose from the get go and slowly got down to a low dose. This medication allowed me to get away from my addiction, receive counseling, get my life right, and tapering was EASY. I was absolutely not ADDICTED to subs. Sure, I was dependent, but if I were addicted, I wouldn't have been able to taper so effortlessly.

I don't mean to come as negative because it sounds like you're ready to get off the meds, I just think you should taper. It will be much less dramatic and painful. I'm glad you have a support system in place. That is key! Please keep us posted!!

And by the way, thank you for your service.

_________________
Spent too many years hooked on oxycodone
**OUT OF ACTIVE ADDICTION SINCE 7/18/13**
**OFF SUBS SINCE 11/1/13**

"the only way out is through"


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 9:32 am 
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Thank you very much for the reply! It was very thoughtful and genuine.

Overall I don't see suboxone as being a bad drug at all. I think its a great option and I also think it's far better than having the urge to get messed up by any means possible. Without suboxone I would have surely relapsed many times. It gave me the chance to get my life together and back on track while I was working the program and now I feel that I have a firm grasp on the program and with that in place I do not need suboxone anymore.

I was one of those people that would read these forums and get scared about the withdrawals with opiates but I always found at times I couldn't get my fix that the withdraws weren't that bad it was just a tease severe flu.

as far as jumping off at 8 milligrams I think the main reason is because 1 I'm so tired of showing up the money for it and my doctor is totally not a good doctor all he cares about mostly is getting the money for the suboxone treatment. the one time I was in seeing him I had a flu and ask for antibiotics and he was going to charge me an extra hundred fifty to be seen to get antibiotics for my flu that is not a doctor that I would like to have in my life.

the other two biggest reasons for me jumping at 8 milligrams is because I feel that I am absolutely ready for it and I have all the tools and the supporting cast around me to get it done and I honestly just don't want to prolong this anymore.

I know this won't be a walk in the park and I know it won't be that easy but it is what I am ready for and it is what I want and I know that I am ready to handle it and take it on and come out on top of it.

in a little bit I will post for today of how I'm feeling and what I am up to and what I am doing to counteract the so-called horrible side effects but the main thing is to keep myself busy and think of all the great things I have in my life.

Thanks again for all your support, I'll keep you updated as to how this whole thing goes down.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 10:58 am 
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It's around 10 am Thursday morning, last dose of suboxone was Monday evening around 7. Woke up wide awake at 3am feeling okay, just a litttle groggy. I just took my adderall, some dayquil, some ibuprofen, a tall glass of OJ, and forced myself to eat a banana. I have a horrible headache, my stomach is starting to hurt, and my joints are a bit achey. But no matter how bad this gets, I'm sticking to my guns. As long as I make forward progress by putting one step in front of the other, no matter how tiny, is better than turning back now.

Now I'm off to play some GTA V to keep my head straight.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 11:17 am 
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Well, ya, for sure keep us posted. You have the right attitude! Keeping busy was the #1 tool when I was withdrawing. As soon as I stopped DOING I'd think about how I felt. And exercise has literally blown my mind in terms of helping with fatigue and mild depression.

The early rising got me, too. I'd get up for the day at 2-3am, but I made sure I went to bed early too. Throughout the last two weeks I have luckily slept fine. I hear people say the lack of sleep is the worst and I guess I just got lucky.

I saw this quote on this forum and I said it over and over again to myself during those first 10 days or so. "don't you surrender, sometimes salvation is in the eye of the storm". It's a Black Crowes song. It really struck a chord with me. Hopefully it'll help you, too.

Alls I can say is that is DOES get better. I can say I'm almost at 100% after two weeks, maybe like 90%. It seems like just yesterday I was stuck in this vicious cycle and using, obsessing, scoring, feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself. I am so grateful I'm on the other side now, and I'm super proud of myself. And you should be proud of yourself too.

Good luck!!!

_________________
Spent too many years hooked on oxycodone
**OUT OF ACTIVE ADDICTION SINCE 7/18/13**
**OFF SUBS SINCE 11/1/13**

"the only way out is through"


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 12:08 pm 
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I couldn't be more serious when I tell you that you are probably jumping off at too high a dose. It takes five half lives for the drug to fully dissipate from the body and at a 37 hour half life, you're looking at 185 hours. That's over a week! Because of your high dosage when you jumped, you're going to have significant levels in your system for 3 or 4 days afterwards. I would highly encourage you to consider a fast taper. Two weeks from 8mg down to 0. It will make the jump bearable. You probably won't feel very peachy, but you surely shouldn't go through severe WDS either. Please consider it. Nothing wrong with even taking a 0.5mg dose here and there through the next week while you're kicking it. Lots of love and well wishes. Keep up the good fight.

-TMD


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 1:54 pm 
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Thank you very much for the wise words and the concern, I really do appreciate it. I love getting input on this topic. As for the reason why I'm just straight up doing the cold turkey there are two reasons
1. I've done a slow taper before back in February because I wanted to get off it back then and I did successfully complete the taper but I was right back at the sub doctor two weeks later because I wanted to use again.

2. I've grown very fond of the program and interacting with others and I believe I've grown leaps and bounds since where I was back in February. For this most recent dive I woke up one morning sick and tired of relying on suboxone and quite frankly I've grown tired of shelling out the money every month for it.

I know this is going to be difficult, I know this will be no walk in the park, but I am fairly confident in myself that this is the final time I withdrawl from suboxone.

I know if I do a small taper that it won't be "as bad" and then my mind will register "see it wasn't that bad, you can always do it again". In a sick way almost I want to shock my body into never ever craving an opiate again and here's hoping that it works!

It's been about 3 hours since I posted how I was feeling and honestly I've been keeping busy so I haven't noticed much of a decline yet. I know the worst is yet to come but at the same time there's no time like the present to do this and get this over with.

Thank you again so much for responding. I truly appreciate your advice and insight!


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 11:45 pm 
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sergeant determined asked:

I know people praise suboxone and that it isn't really an opiate and that you don't get high off of it but come on, why would we addicts take it if it didn't do that stuff for us.

To answer your question I have to say that sub DOES do stuff for me. It keeps me from obsessing over my drug of choice. It keeps me from ignoring my boy while I lay in bed sleeping it off. Sub is allowing me to get my shit together and have a constructive life. I don't say that sub is perfect, and I know there are those out there who get a feeling of being high from sub at certain dosages. I, however, am not one of them and most of the other people here are not getting high from their sub either.

Good luck during your withdrawal.

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 15, 2013 12:06 pm 
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Amy,
Thank you for the advice. In no way did I mean to come off as suboxone is a bad evil devious medicine. It's actually quite contrary. I think it's a wonderful thing. I also used suboxone to get my life back on track and it helped in leaps and bounds. It gave me a grasp back on my life. It made me be able to function without dwelling on using.

I have just reached a point where I believe I have the willpower and determination to not have to be on it anymore. I want to be able to live my life the natural way and I don't want to be dependent on anything but those around me and my own personal drive to be clean. I Xeroxed cold turkey off of meth, over 200mgs of oxy a day, and benzos and all at the same time. I was couch ridden and miserable for a few days but my family helped me through it.

So to clarify, no I don't think suboxone is this evil drug. Yes I believe it is great for people to be able to live a clean natural life. I'm just at the point where I don't want to be on it for years at a time and I certainly do not enjoy paying for it.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 15, 2013 12:12 pm 
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Day two

The last time I took a sub was Monday night. It is now Friday morning.

Yesterday was not so bad until night time. That's when the headache kicked in. I have had no appetite whatsoever. I'm getting a little achey but nothing serious. I got about 6 hours of sleep last night and woke up feeling great. I'm keeping busy this morning by cleaning but I've noticed the sweats are kicking in. I've taken my adderall, excedrin, ammodium AD, and ibuprofen.

The thing I've noticed most between this jump and my last one was that I'm not thinking about using, or even thinking about suboxone. Everytime it creeps up in my head I quickly dismiss it and focus on something good, like a good memory with my girlfriend or a good time with the family and it's gives me that little extra motivation I need to keep moving forward


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 15, 2013 12:23 pm 
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Thanks for clarifying! I know that sub can be expensive. There are quite a few generics popping up now that are going to bring the price down, which will be great if the generics prove to be as effective as the current films.

As a sergeant, I'm sure you're no stranger to using willpower to get through tough times. Thank you for your service, by the way. I absolutely hope that your willpower and support get you through any cravings and temptations you face. It might be a good idea for you to add some type of support group (even this one) and/or an addictions therapist to your recovery efforts.

I wish you the best! Don't be afraid to ask for support here as you go through withdrawal. Everyone goes through bad days, even super determined sergeants. :)

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 15, 2013 12:48 pm 
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I was on the generic subs before I jumped off and they are just as effective as the strips were. I had to ask my doctor to specify the generic tabs on the script. Then I used the goodrx website for a coupon and at walgreens I got 45 generic tabs for around 142.00 I saved close to 230 bucks. I would try it out if I were you. Even though it saved me money I was still shelling out close to 300 a month for my doctor. Needless to say I don't have to worry about that anymore.

And everyone has bad days! Even us determined sergeants have had our fair share of bad days. I know the next week will be gloomy and not easy, but every hour that passes no matter how bad it is, it's one more hour closer to getting it over with!


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