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 Post subject: Disturbing Dreams
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:35 pm 
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Just to give a little background for those who haven't heard of me and my taper, I am currently at 4.25 mg/day. I take it once a day. I started sub last October and stayed on 16 mg for about 5 months. Since March I've been slowly tapering until I reached this level.

One thing I've noticed since I've gone from 4.5 mg/day to 4.25 mg/day is that I'm dreaming about drugs a lot more. I don't dream that I'm taking pills. I dream that I'm looking for them all of the time. Last night I dreamed that I was at my cousins house, and I was tearing it apart to find prescription pain meds. I have been dreaming similar dreams for the last week or so.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of dream? I don't even get to the point where I might be tempted to take the pills because I can't even find them. Am this a normal part of my recovery?

Amy

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:19 pm 
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I had a similar dream the other night. But I don't think I have had a dream of looking for drugs.

My dream was that there was a war going on and they captured me as a POW and threw me in a little cell that had dirt walls, ceilings, and floors the size of an outhouse with a door made of wooden bars. I was just thinking, OMG, where is my suboxone? What are they going to do with my suboxone? Where is my purse? (thats where i keep em). And then they threw in my purse and I ravaged threw the purse real quickly and then there they were and then I was just worrying about where the heck I was going to go to the bathroom. lol

I have had lots of dreams about losing my subs ever since I started my taper. Sometimes I dream about doing heroin but never looking for heroin.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 11:45 pm 
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Hello Amy and Invisible...............

well, Im not in a taper......but I definitely have experienced my fair share of "drug dreams" as the therapist calls them.

I think they are a part of recovering, though Im not sure which 'part'
I know in the begining of my treatment it would really bother me, cause me to think about getting high all day, the day after the dream.
Now when it happens, I kinda laugh about it, and 'play the whole tape' as Ive learned to do.
By that I mean, we have to play the WHOLE story in our heads, not just the part about getting high, but all the BS that comes WITH it..........Once you force yourself to do that a few times, it pretty much comes automatically. So, when I do have a drug dream, I wake up and think about whatever happened in the dream and of course
THEN I think about the 'shit tornado' as Ive come to call it, that comes with it.
so, it becomes funny in a way...........................

Now, that wasn't an easy transition by any means, but I did eventually get there.

so I guess MY question is for you,
How does it make you feel???
in the morning, or if it wakes you up at night, does it make you crave using? or make you feel guilty? disgusted?

I guess that would be the 'answer' on whether it's a problem or not.

hopefully it doesn't happen alot.

I'll tell you something funny though........... about a month ago,they had a marathon of that "finding bigfoot'' on animal planet, I was watching it before bed, All of a sudden I woke up, heart racing, sweating and out of breath, SCARED to death,
had been having a NIGHTMARE
that BIGFOOT was chasing me!!!!!! I was looking around to 'see where I was"
and the TV was on, those idiots were chasing after a 'bigfoot'
LOL

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:18 am 
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Hey Aimster,

I don't recall any using dreams while on Suboxone, but I sure had some after getting off. I'd say the fact that you're tapering is probably what's causing them.

Like Amber said, how do they make you feel when you wake up? I remember waking up from most of my dreams and momentarily being pissed as hell because I screwed everything up, then when I would fully wake up, I'd be like...Phew, it was only a dream.

If you wake up mad because you didn't find any and find yourself wanting to get high, then you might need to look into that a little bit more. Either way, I wouldn't sweat it too much. If it's causing you a problem, then try and work on it.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:48 am 
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Let's see...how do I feel when I wake up? I feel frustrated that I had spent so much time looking and couldn't find any, but then I'm relieved I couldn't find any. It's almost like an "Oh well, I couldn't find them, no biggie." In my dreams I don't use, so I don't get to the part where I'm high. I"m not sure then it would be helpful to follow through to using and the shit tornado. But that leads me to something else.

I don't have a real shit tornado experience to draw from. I haven't lost anything by being an addict, except the dream of becoming a nurse midwife and delivering babies. I didn't get into legal trouble, family trouble, friend trouble, etc. A lot of times I think that's a good thing. Yay! No terrible consequences! But sometimes I wonder if that's going to come back and bite me on the ass because I'm not scared enough. I'd like to think that the knowledge of how low I could have sunk is enough. But I don't know. Maybe my bottom wasn't bottom enough...

I guess I have to rely on some of the things that made me reach out and get help in the first place. The feeling of desperation and depression from running out of my prescription too soon every month. The knowledge that I was being a crappy parent and not moving forward with my life. And the knowledge that if I cleaned myself up I could help a lot of other people.

Starting in January, I'm going to start taking the seven 1-day classes I need to become certified as a level 1 addictions counselor. I am hoping that jumping into that and starting a new career will also help adjust my focus to the right place. It's a little scary though.

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 9:48 am 
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Amy, I know what you mean by feeling you did not sink low enough. When I jumped last and the physical stuff was over in a few days and someone said "look back at all you've had to go through and that will help you not want to use", I just thought... "actually that's the bad thing, I didn't suffer much at all, and knowing that the consequences are not that bad, I am more likely to use again". As long as we keep talking about it like you are, and remembering that we are thankful we did not have sink that low, and be grateful, it will help keep us from using. I think it's great you are going to study to be an addictions counselor. I myself have wondered if I would have gone into that profession if I would be good at it because of the experience I have in helping myself I can use to help others. It feels great to help others, and I think you will get a lot out of your career knowing you are helping others, plus you will bring a lot of experience to the table. You will be able to relate more to your patients (patients?) if you know somewhat what their thought process is.

Amber that is hilarious about the bigfoot dream, I watched that marathon last year! There are some crazy people out there that really think they have seen bigfoot. It reminded me of another dream I had:

Danny Devito was at my house, and we were smoking lots of crack and doing lots of heroin until early morning. Then when we ran out, Danny gave me that funny/evil Danny Devito smile of, "OK bitch, the shit ain't free, and now you're gunna have to pay for it!" *Evil Danny Devito crazy-psycho smile* --- and he started to come at me, and I ran as fast as I could to the door, ran outside to the road, and started running down the road, and I looked behind me and saw Danny Devito trying to run as fast as he could with his little legs and I was scared shitless that Danny Devito was going to rape me for smoking all of his drugs. LOL *I do not think this is some sort of subconscious desire for danny devito, even though he is funny, I think I was watching too much It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia*

But when I woke up, I did not have any desire to use. I just had a WTF look on my face, why the heck I was dreaming about danny devito lol


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 1:36 pm 
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I'm a member of the "I'm not that bad" club, too, and while a lot of addicts count me lucky (and I am) for not having the wreckage, it sure as hell makes it easier to go out and use "one more time". I've never been in jail, never lost anything, etc, etc, but I have to remember that I spent most of my 9 year old's life high, and I truly regret that.

Amy, this part is important. I was on Sub for over 2 years the first time, and I cut off all ties with drug sources, including telling my doctor I was an addict. But once that bupe was off my receptors and that craving kicked in, I FOUND a way to get pills. A lot of people put the lower end of the ceiling level at 4 mg, and you're right about there now. Please don't underestimate the power of opiate addiction. Everyone who goes off Sub or drugs does so with the intention of never using again. But you really have to be vigilant. Do whatever it takes to keep your recovery in the forefront.

My drug dream: I was at some camp where everyone was in close quarters in bunk beds. I went out to a fair/festival and copped a bundle. I put it in the pocket of my bright pink raincoat. The next morning I couldn't find the raincoat, and whispering with some unknown friend we looked through the bunks, through all the jackets I own for the pink raincoat. after a while I said, "I guess God doesn't want me to use". Then I found the raincoat, and I was wearing it with my hand in the pocket feeling, the bundle.
When I woke up, I was like, what is the significance of the pink raincoat? Because that was clearly the main focus of the dream. Then I remembered I had been wearing it when I went to get my Sub prescription. I think my mind was equating my Sub to dope.


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