It is currently Sat Aug 19, 2017 4:39 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 26 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2012 12:40 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2012 11:55 am
Posts: 15
hey ambernicole,

i was reading a your story and i can really relate, same here with the back problem and then the subs. i did a really short taper tho after 3 years - i pretty much dropped of 16mg-0mg in just a few weeks. DRs told me too that anything below 1mg doesnt do anything for you and its all mental from there... complete BS. i feel most just hand out the meds and dont have a clue how to use them properly.

im about 5 weeks off suboxone. and i got to say it DOES get better may not be day to day but you will get better with time. the first 7days were so brutal i remember about day 5-6 thinking to myself theres no way i can do this i dont want to be like this. i felt like i was dragging a boat anchor around with me. but rest assure it goes way.

only advise i can give you is get a support system going with people you trust (which it sounds like you have) & blast music through your headphones. it will bring you back to reality. it sounds like your doing awesome and your doing all the right things. you dont know how huge that is that your still working. keep it up.

oh also you said something about anxiety - there are non narcotics that really helped me vistaril(anxiety) & clonidine(paws) sleep(trazadone), talk to your DR about them, really help take the edge off. id try and ditch the benzos sooner rather then later. and if you only been on this for 4 months you should have this is in the bad already.

Good Luck, you got this.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2012 9:03 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2012 12:45 am
Posts: 67
Hey Ambernicole! Hope you have another good day today.
I'm really glad you're not being bothered with cravings. I had mentioned it before because your first post said something about going backnto opiates & I interpreted that as a "craving." I can see how wouldn't necessarily be the case. A craving would be more like that almost romantic desire for them, right? Where you were probably talking pure desperation to feel physically better.
I, on the other hand, have some beastly cravings! Which I hate! So, yes, you've got a lot of the battle for long term sobriety in the bag if you're not craving!
I loved your writing about your softball days! I bet it would be therapeutic for you to go to a batting cage when you're feeling not so hot!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 12:13 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2012 3:18 pm
Posts: 11
Barelyboxed wrote:
Hey Ambernicole! Hope you have another good day today.
I'm really glad you're not being bothered with cravings. I had mentioned it before because your first post said something about going backnto opiates & I interpreted that as a "craving." I can see how wouldn't necessarily be the case. A craving would be more like that almost romantic desire for them, right? Where you were probably talking pure desperation to feel physically better.
I, on the other hand, have some beastly cravings! Which I hate! So, yes, you've got a lot of the battle for long term sobriety in the bag if you're not craving!
I loved your writing about your softball days! I bet it would be therapeutic for you to go to a batting cage when you're feeling not so hot!

Hi barelyboxed,
I think it's abnormal that I don't have cravings too, trust me... I am an extremist and I think that I do things like really obsessively. I'm on the road of success so I think I'm obsessing over it. When you have a craving is there usually a trigger? For me, in the future, I could see myself having a trigger if I were to experience pain (maybe a 7 or higher out of 10). I am not prepared to handle that. The addict in me in the past, has tried to justify getting pills by saying I felt pain, and sometimes believing it... so it's a VERY fine line distinguishing the two. For now I have to do everything in my power to keep pain away so I don't get back into that cycle.

I'm Day 7 off Suboxone and I feel AMAZING. Day 5 I had my doctor appointment and he told me that I am going to experience a period of finding myself and it will feel really good. He is exactly right because while on opiates I had no hobbies, no passion, no interests and major writers block (which sucks for an English Major). Just before opiates I had passion for life and loved things and people in large amounts and felt like I could move mountains with my convictions and thoughts. Day 5 I was so happy I cried. The person who I was at 15 when I was first maturing and eager to learn and play softball is back. I feel like a gray cloud was over me for 6 years! I was never TRULY happy... Not even with my family I created. Now that I'm becoming my own person I know this is going to do wonders for my relationships and career. My happiness is making the household run smoothly and peacefully.

Day 6 I kept the momentum going, kept my spirits up. I wasn't as good as the day before but I didn't care because I know my brain is readjusting still. I fell in love with music all over again and softball. Last night I took my son to the same batting cages that my dad took me growing up. Now that he's gone it felt so special sharing the same thing with my son. And the exercise, let me tell you, kicked my ass. I smoked a pack a day for 7 years and now I am down to 1 pack every 4 days. I can't finish whole cigarettes and sometimes they just plain turn me off. On opiates all I wanted to do was chain smoke and now I want to just breathe. Earlier in the day on my lunch hour I was driving down the street from my job and a sign caught my eye, it said "In door batting cages". It had to be sent from God. I called the number, spoke with a trainer who set me up an appointment for my lunch hour today. I'm nervous because I'm out of shape, but I still have talent so I'm on the fence about how I'll feel when I actually start tee-ing off in front of this stranger. I told him my passion for the sport and that I wasn't on a team and I think it kinda warmed his heart. So maybe this is the start of something.

Today is Day 7 and I'm at work right now. I'm SO sore from last night but I know it's because I'm working my dormant muscles. I've always been stalky and muscular but very athletic, wearing a size 14 prior to the suboxone treatment. Now I'm into an 18 and I know that won't be for long with the way I've changed my habits. So on my lunch I plan to change into some workout clothes (I had very slim pickens bc I'm so big right now) and run over there, work out and probably get all sweaty, then change back in time for work... lol luckily it's cold out here in So Cal or else the heat would make my face melt right off.

One last thing.... I averaged that I used to spend about 540 a month on pills for the 2 weeks when my prescription ran out early (my pills were $2 a pop for 10mg). My husband and I noticed finally our bank account start to stabilize. We were constantly overdrawing and living paycheck to paycheck. Now I have 1100 in the bank and my bills are paid and he's not even working right now bc the rain!

Life is good. I think God is walking right behind me, very close behind me, rearing me in the right direction. I hope my conviction helps you too. All things are possible if you just have faith and put them in His hands. Ask God to take those cravings away and focus on those prayers very hard, squint and tackle those thoughts... You can think of your craving as Satan and have God there battling it out with you... It's like a battle of good versus evil in your head; spiritual warfare. Tell God that Satan has festered in you for too long and you want God to completely take over and get him out. Blessings to you; I know you will do it when you're ready.


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 12:24 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2012 3:18 pm
Posts: 11
tinydancer wrote:
ambernicole00 wrote:
I REALLY hope I'm not being manic right now. My mother was a disgusting manic throughout my childhood who would fly high as a kite and think she was the next Messiah and God was speaking through her pores. Then she would have fits of bedridden depression for days. She was arrested at our church for attempting to run over the pastor and then pepper sprayed immensely and eventually hospitalized for a looong time. I've never been really assessed and diagnosed properly bc at my assessments I've always been high as a kite but able to speak of depression... Thus the depression meds. So I sincerely hope that I'm not bi-polar. Bc that would really throw a wrench in the gears.

I know it's very hard with cravings, and I'll probably face them in the future. But I was told addiction is a lifelong disease and we will always be addicts and always have cravings. We must build up our strength and confidence and we can do it.


#1 - Everyone is manic during this time of withdrawal. You're on an emotional roller coaster right now. I am as even as they come, always have been and still am for the most part.. but during the first few months of coming off sub, I was totally manic. I sentimental commercial would make me cry. I lame joke would getting me laughing uncontrollably.. I didn't get angry much though. Mostly really happy and emotional. It slowly dies down..

#2 - I was convinced my cravings were gone while I was on sub and even the first couple months after detox. I had some slowly return but I'm at a stable place to deal with them now. I think the length of PAWS will get to some people. After a while, you just want to feel normal.. you know?

The good news is that you were not on sub very long and I'm hoping you "heal" quicker than I did.


My doc reassured me that my brain is just going haywire right now and is readjusting... He looked at me and said his assessment was that I'm not manic. Maybe today, but not in general. He said I had good eye contact, spoke loud and clear, coherently, and had good posture. So I was really worrying for nothing... I thought I was on Sub for a long time, I had no idea people were on it for years... I don't know how a doctor would allow that unless you were doing a slow taper though that time or maybe needed to stabilize while you received intensive therapy for emotional issues. I can vogue that switching from and opiate to bupernorphine is swapping one addictive behavior for another. I didn't even realize it until I saw the habit forming every day of taking the pill or the strip... I was starting to depend on it. I probably could've stayed on it longer bc my doctor was cool, but like I mentioned before, I wanted to put this behind me so I can start my teaching career. Going to get my refill every 3-4 days was bugging me too... I didn't understand why they couldn't just give me like 2 weeks worth or a month worth? So stupid... My last taper he gave me 12 days worth, which amounted to 3 2mg strips. Ha. I wish I would've went down to 8ths instead of jumping at 4ths, but cutting the strip even smaller... I just don't see how one could truly get the dose at that size. Like what if it floated off into your throat bc it's so tiny. They should seriously make wider 2mg strips.... That would probably help people A LOT more when tapering.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 2:15 pm 
Offline
6 Months or More
6 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:41 pm
Posts: 207
I think the smallest I cut mine ever was 1/32 of an 8mg strip (.25 mg) and I thought it would be too small to do anything. So of course, placebo affect, I thought it wasn't doing anything, lol. I think it's just fine that you jumped when you did. That is so great that you are enthusiastic about everything, it sounds like your treatment went perfect! You made me tear up in that post before your last about God and everything. You are so right. I do feel that if I get in touch with God that my jump can be manageable. I can tell you right now, I probably would not have thought about God if you hadn't been writing about him. I prayed during one jump, but then just sort of forgot about him. I thought about him on the worst day and then just forgot about him, and 2 days later slipped up. I don't think I even thought about him the second time I tried jumping. So, I'm really glad that you shared your thoughts about God. I am very very happy that you are sharing your experience. I don't read many nice experiences. Either, because most people don't have them, or the ones that do just don't post them because, well, they don't exactly need the internet people's help if they're doing great. Around where I live, the doctors usually start telling patients they need to stop taking it after 1 year. But, they urge people to stop before 1 year. I'm not sure of the average time for being on them is because most of the people I know that take them keep slipping up on dope. It's kind of crazy... there's this whole population that gets health insurance for free because they have kids and got divorced (well, or were never married to begin with) and live on government assistance (which is fine and totally understandable in many circumstances) either for their kids or, even more often, because of their mental health issues (which were almost always caused by cocaine addiction), and so they get suboxone for free and they never take them unless they can't cop dope and they need it to get by for, like, 1 day until they get money to buy dope. They sell all of their suboxone for crack and heroin, and then they try to clean out their system the week of their suboxone piss test office visit day, or just drop dirty and wait the 1 week until they can provide clean piss. I mean, these people are on this cycle for years and years. Addiction is a nasty disease and I'm certainly comparable in some ways just not as extreme, and so I'm not exactly dogging these people, I'm just saying for you, ambernicole, I think it is so wonderful that you mentioned how you even thoughts yourself that you should quit right when you found yourself becoming addicted to it. You have so many good morals and understand the medicinal purposes behind suboxone and are actually using it the way it's supposed to be used. And I feel that without any guilt in the back of your head, you don't have as much stress, and you are able to stay positive through all of this. For those of us that have the guilt, I think it is a little harder to get in touch with God because our evil sides are begging us to stay with them, but, if we would perservere and really get to know God, there can be explosive results. Thank-you for sharing your story, I am really happy for you! Have a great day at work and have a great weekend!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 6:13 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 5:15 pm
Posts: 16
I took sub for a year and a half, did a SLOW taper, tapered all the way down to .25 mg a day (literally cut a film into 32 tiny little pieces, and take one piece a day). I took my last piece (literally like the size of a dot) 2 days ago thinking I had tapered down slowly enough and to a low enough dose that I shouldn't feel any withdrawal symptoms at all. Well I was wrong, had RLS all night last night, and all day today my skin is covered in goosebumps. One minute sweating, the next minute freezing cold. Can't concentrate, zero energy, yet a TON of stuff that needs to get done. I'd say I'm 2 days off of suboxone right now and any advice on regaining my composure would really help.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 26 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group