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PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 9:53 pm 
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Gosh.

I have been away for a bit, but I really am moved by your story. I will read your entire blog later, but for now, I want to tell you to keep trying!!! Just because your son relapsed doesn't mean suboxone is not for him. You should still have him meet with the suboxone doctor to see what the doctor says. Many people relapse with and without suboxone. It is addiction, not your son playing the games. There are so many things that I could say, but many would be repeating. Setmefree, as usual, has some of the best insight that you could possibly get.

I don't know how much good this will do but I will include a link to naabt.org that allows you to fill out your info and get a free suboxone packet of info mailed to you. Maybe that would help? I have been on suboxone for 8 months as of tomorrow, and it has saved and changed my life greatly. I am just about 27 years old and have been using drugs since 14. I truely hope that everything works out with your son and of course you and the whole family. If I can help with ANYTHING, PLEASE contact me. Other wise, take care and you will be within my prayers.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 11:34 pm 
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Your son is sick....he has a disease. That;s what we addicts do is disappoint and seemingly always at the wrong time.You are so close. Please don't give up now....my nephew is 19 and we gave up...I didnt know about suboxone now he will probably be in prision the rest of his life. Suboxone saved my life...it is still not too late. You have found a place that cares about you and your family...please don't leave. Don't give up on us....we will be here for you. Take him to his appointment..The next relapse may be his last. You are a very strong person..mother. I know your disappointed...we can only pray he really wants this because those of us that are on it and go to therapy or 12 step programs are happy....happy to be alive and able to be available to those in need. I hope you change your mind. Whatever you decide we will pray for you and your family......God Bless.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 4:12 pm 
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Thanks for checking in on my son Lathedude. I have not given up hope. He is clean right now because he is taking Suboxone...just not under a doctors care. I am hoping that will happen very soon but he is kind of dragging his feet on rescheduling. Right now his Suboxone source is quite generous and he has no problem getting it. He is taking 8mg most days sometimes 4mg if he isn't sure when he will get his next supply and does quite well on that. I want him under a doctors care ASAP for Suboxone but he needs to want it too. I really feel like the only times I see true glimpses of my "old" son is when he is taking Suboxone. I think he needs to be under a doctors care so his dosing is consistent and continuous only then do I think the expectation of him getting a job and staying clean is going to be a realistic.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 5:44 pm 
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Mady,
I'm 25. I'm a college student. Two years ago I decided to leave the college town I was living in and move back in with my parents because I got a great job oppurtunity. I was living with my parents, working in a professional office setting, and working on my degree online. All of the sudden I had alot of expendible income like you son, because I was living with my parents. Anyway my habit got worse and worse. I ended up moving back to school with a girlfriend I was in love with after the two years at the good job. I left the job in good standing, but at this point the life that I had been building with toothpicks was starting to fall apart. My girl was growing tired of my drug use. I was very unattractive to her. She told me to quit. I said I did. Then I kept using and I lied to her on multiple occasions about it. She ended up leaving me. Trust me when I say I loved her and I hurts me to this day that I did this to her. That's how the addiction gets you. It turns young and old into selfish junkies. They hurt the people they love. They don't want to but in that moment when all they can think about is using everybody elses feeling and there own wellbeing goes out the window. Anyway, after the breakup school went down the tubes I fell behind on all my bills because I had been using the student loan money I had to live on drugs. After the semester I went back o my parents. They didn't know about my addiction. I had many tearful talks with my dad and my mom about my breakup and how bad it hurt that she left me. I blamed my problems in school on the breakup. I blamed everything on the breakup. I had no money to use so I whenever my parents would give me some money for gas and cigarettes I would go score something. I would look through the medicine cabinets of anybody house I was welcomed into looking for anything opiate. A junkie with no money is an ugly person. Finally, during this process of searching for drugs one day a friend of mine introduced me to subs. They started giving me some for free here and there. I took a good look at myself and what I had become and i decided I needed help. I went to my parents and dropped the bomb on them. I needed there help financially to do this and I needed there support most of all. Right now I'm back in college. Living on my own. My parents agreed to help me aslong as they are a part of my recovery. They manage my student loan money. As soon as I got the check I agreed to give it to them and they hold me accountable for every penny I spend of my own money. They speak with my doctor because I signed a form giving the doctor permission to speak to each other. I got a job. So far so good. I have been on subs for a month. School is going well. Work is going well. My bills are caught up. I've even gone out to eat with my ex girlfriend a couple of times and at the very least I saved a friendship with a person I care about deeply. My relationships with my family and friends are all better, because I'm not depressed anymore and im getting my self confidence back becuse I'm accomplishing things at school and work.

I would highly recommend getting your son on suboxone and just as importantly he needs to get his confidence back. Get him back in school even if he has to take out loans because you don't want to pay for it and take that risk. Tell him you will pay for his treatment if he figures out how to get his ass in school and get a job. That's how I would hold him accountable for his recovery. Hold him accountable for getting his life back on track. I hope that you guys can work together and get him where I am right now. Two months ago I was in a very similar situation to your son. Now I'm on subs, in school, I have a job, and I'm getting my relationships and my self confidence back. Most importantly I have no desire to use and mess this all up again.

Hope this rambling helps. Sorry if it's porly written. I wrote it on my iPhone. Good Luck!


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 7:55 pm 
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I have to agree with the others that this is the nature of addiction and I think he is trying to do the right thing. Delaying with the doctor probably has more to do with humbling himself and fear than anything else. (in my opinion). I think if you can support him and let him know that AND you may need to help him get into the doctor. Sometimes we need a little push in the right direction. You may want to ask him nicely if he has any concerns about seeing the doctor or what is the worst thing that could happen by going..then you may get some insight into what is going on. That first step is definitely difficult and the fact that he has been getting a regular supply of suboxone makes him less desperate. This fools him into thinking maybe he is ok and doesn't NEED the suboxone doctor but he does. I'd ask him what will happen if he runs out or his supply runs dry?

Hang in there with him just a little longer I think. You are both headed in the right direction.


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 Post subject: Quick update...
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 6:49 pm 
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My son met with the psychiatrist today. He didn't say much about it but seems to think they will be starting him on Suboxone next week? He doesn't know any of the details yet. I guess this was just like an initial consultation. I will post more details when I have them and I am sure I will have a million more questions.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 8:12 pm 
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That seems quite odd to me but then again some doctors are odd. Even at an initial evaluation they can still go ahead and get him started. The only reason I can see them waiting is to see if he is serious about it and does he come back. Maybe they would want to have him get into a chemical dependency evaluation before they prescribe. They may need medical records. Given the history you have given, it does make me wonder if the doc was mandating he go to NA/AA meetings, a therapist, or outpatient chemical dependency treatment. I could see your son saying he would "think about it" since he can already get the suboxone on his own and may not want to do these things. If you want more information and he will not provide it, you can always call the doctor and anonymously ask about the doctor's requirements for prescribing suboxone such as whether or not he requires someone to participate in some kind of treatment, UA requirements, chemical dependency evaluation, etc. etc. etc. That might help you to ask more specific questions of your son and get better information and/or insight into what is going on. It just seems a bit strange that they would delay prescribing because if someone was in withdrawal, they would not want to risk the person relapsing without good reason.

Just some thoughts.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:15 pm 
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Well this is what I know... his out patient program was not going to let him even meet with the psychiatrist if his attendance didn't improve. He has missed two days in the last two weeks and has been late on the days he did make it there. I am not sure what is going on with him. I think they are dangling a dangerous carrot of "If you come on time everyday, we will know you are working hard and then you will deserve Suboxone". Addiction sucks...he is up, he is down. He is motivated, he is unmotivated. He is making progress he stalls. It is so painful to watch my beautiful son who last year was on honor roll at a competitive university, and now can't get up when his alarm clock goes off.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:36 pm 
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He might do better if they would give him the suboxone first. It doesn't sound like they are being very smart about this. They could be concerned that statistically if he fails on the suboxone (which they may consider he is already on although not legal) and you still use that you put yourself in a very bad position. But I don't think they can really consider him "on suboxone" until they do it legally with drug testing, etc. They would do him more favors if they would take control FOR him because it is so HARD for him to do himself. I don't know that I like this doctor. But we may only know part of the story too. Hmmm.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:44 pm 
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Jackcrack wrote:
He might do better if they would give him the suboxone first. It doesn't sound like they are being very smart about this. They could be concerned that statistically if he fails on the suboxone (which they may consider he is already on although not legal) and you still use that you put yourself in a very bad position. But I don't think they can really consider him "on suboxone" until they do it legally with drug testing, etc. They would do him more favors if they would take control FOR him because it is so HARD for him to do himself. I don't know that I like this doctor. But we may only know part of the story too. Hmmm.
I am quite sure you are right...we only know part of the story. I also Know my son...if there is a hard difficult way to do something or an easy clear way to do something, he will always choose the difficult path. Is this like an addict trait or just my son? I also think my son is dealing with other issues like anxiety and depression. We need to get that under control too.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:24 am 
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I am so glad you came back for an update! THANKS!

I have frequented your 'blog' and I find your pain difficult, and your willingness to be a good mom fantastic.

This is my $.02. Given he is an 'addict'.. then there are lots of things that either come with the addiction, or came before helping him justify himself. Either way often, addiction, anxiety, depression, and the whole lot are certainly tied together. I think the majority of us, during our 'active use phase' whether just 'without/cold turkey' or using - had strong periods of depression, and anxiety.

You have given teeth to what I have been saying since you came by the forum. It is rather diagnostic (even if your doctor doesn't 100% agree). There are many people here who fee 'less depressed/ less anxious with suboxone.' Is it the drug itself, or is it the fact that finally there is a legal avenue, with a plan to treat what is wrong? Does it matter? I feel less depressed and less anxious.

By the way, meeting are very hard to attend unless they are tailored to a younger audience. If you go to a NA meeting, there are some that are geared to older generation, some younger, but the one's I went to - did not really feel right for me (mid 40's) - and certainly if a 20 year old came - it would be like penance - not productive. I have no idea if this helps, but it was my experience. I chose a counseling route, and education to learn differentl skills. I have this forum and new friends to help support me too.

What might be different is if there were a 'suboxone' group there. If there is a suboxone group there - I would strongly recommend he attend.

I'm so glad you came back and posted. You are in our prayers!


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 8:53 pm 
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LatheDude wrote:
I am so glad you came back for an update! THANKS!

I have frequented your 'blog' and I find your pain difficult, and your willingness to be a good mom fantastic.

This is my $.02. Given he is an 'addict'.. then there are lots of things that either come with the addiction, or came before helping him justify himself. Either way often, addiction, anxiety, depression, and the whole lot are certainly tied together. I think the majority of us, during our 'active use phase' whether just 'without/cold turkey' or using - had strong periods of depression, and anxiety.

You have given teeth to what I have been saying since you came by the forum. It is rather diagnostic (even if your doctor doesn't 100% agree). There are many people here who fee 'less depressed/ less anxious with suboxone.' Is it the drug itself, or is it the fact that finally there is a legal avenue, with a plan to treat what is wrong? Does it matter? I feel less depressed and less anxious.

By the way, meeting are very hard to attend unless they are tailored to a younger audience. If you go to a NA meeting, there are some that are geared to older generation, some younger, but the one's I went to - did not really feel right for me (mid 40's) - and certainly if a 20 year old came - it would be like penance - not productive. I have no idea if this helps, but it was my experience. I chose a counseling route, and education to learn differentl skills. I have this forum and new friends to help support me too.

What might be different is if there were a 'suboxone' group there. If there is a suboxone group there - I would strongly recommend he attend.

I'm so glad you came back and posted. You are in our prayers!
Thank you Lathedude for reading and commenting on my blog. I always find your answers relevant and wise. I need your perspective...keep coming back. I didn't know there was such a thing as a suboxone group? Like a meeting?


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 9:20 pm 
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I have only heard of these suboxone groups most recently but they seem to be cropping up exerywhere. From what I gather after talking to the addiction specialist today, they are kind of like being here. It is a group of people on suboxone who discuss issues that seem to be more related to being on suboxone or life issues and coping skills, and vocational or relationship issues. It seems to be pretty behavior oriented and whatnot. If anyone here has gone I would be interested in hearing what they have to say about it.

In my opinion......doing things the hard way is an addict thing but I could be wrong. I know I always seem to do everything the hard way. I also think depression and anxiety are completely tied in for me and a lot of others. But getting stabilized on suboxone seems to be the 1st step.....not the last.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:34 am 
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Thanks Madyson -

I have only heard of some groups I called 'suboxone' groups - unfortunately there are none in my area.

It never hurts to ask. You may ask why? Maybe he should just go to NA and settle in.

There are some here thatNA meetings work for - and for them I am glad. The challenge that I have with the groups I went to - even though we all know the success rate is very low with them - is that there is a clause (often ignored) that states no chemical in the system is sobriety. Everyone forgive me for my wording - but that's the basics.

So, in NA - there are sponsors, and times to talk. Depending upon the group, etc. you may be able to go to an NA meeting, but not share. I didn't tell anyone I was on suboxone - as I had heard many people have struggles with people looking down on you for that - so I kept it quiet.

I guess what I'm saying is to use common sense. If he goes to NA (likely required from his doc) - it may not be very productive, and hard to get motivated to sit in a room when you feel a bit like a hypocrite. On the other hand, there are NA groups that are very welcoming and it is simply never brought up and very helpful.. Again, common sense with appropriate expectations.

I believe suboxone meetings are often part of a treatment facilitiy's (or clinic's) offering. You could ask the psychiatrist if he knows of any.

Again, I hope this helps. Our bodies are complicated beasts. As a mom, all I can see you able to do is to prepare a road. He has to take the steps.

All the best!


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:52 pm 
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Guess what? My son met with the doctor today and he was prescribed suboxone! He has actually been taking it fairly regularly for a couple of weeks now and has been doing great. The poor kid had the flu for a couple of days and I of coursed panicked and thought he was dope sick but he really just had the flu. I am so happy. I feel like he can start his life now. He filled out applications for jobs and one college application. Things are starting to feel more normal for everyone.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:15 pm 
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That's great Madyson! Congratulate your son on his new-found recovery. Terrific news, thanks for sharing.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:28 pm 
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hatmaker510 wrote:
That's great Madyson! Congratulate your son on his new-found recovery. Terrific news, thanks for sharing.
Thanks Hatmaker and I wish you luck on your husbands taper.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:35 pm 
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I bet you feel very relieved to have things headed in the right direction. I am glad he was given the script. Still curious what the hold up was but whatever. If he is getting it legally it is all good for now and sounds like he is making good use of his time. Has he considered coming on here for support himself?


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2010 9:27 am 
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Yipee, Whahoo, and Congratulations!

I have been following your story very closely. I am glad you are there for him. One day, Lord willing, you will be able to look back at all of this - and find something in this horrid situation that will help others also.

What is so cool (versus some of your first posts) ... is he is looking at school again, and a job, what a difference!

With him of the right dose of suboxone, and nothing illegal - I hope he wins back your confidence one day at a time!

I am thrilled for you guys! Amazing.


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 Post subject: Congratulations!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2010 11:25 am 
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Hi Madyson007,
I am very happy for YOU, your Son and your Family. Congratulations on being so diligent and being so supportive of your Son... You are a great example of how a parent can help a child when this terrible disease takes aim at one of our kids. I have been following your story and you never gave up on your Son or his Recovery!!!!
Not to put a damper on your great news BUT... I'm sure you know that the Suboxone doesn't "Cure" the problem... It is only Part of the solution. Your son has a chance that not all people get. I hope he takes full advantage the opportunity you have given him. If he has half the desire and drive that his Mom has then he will be just fine....I have a good feeling that he is going to be one of the Success stories we follow out here....:). I wish you the best of luck moving forward in this part of Recovery and Thank You Again for letting US come along and follow your Sons path to Recovery. I'm sure you have help people that you don't even know by sharing your story!!!!!!Maybe some day your Son can come here and put his own words down for US to read? I hope you continue to keep posting the progress that you will no doubt be making...... :!:

GTod Bless
TW


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