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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2015 10:16 am 
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Thanks, Katipo! I wish things could be different, but I know I cannot change them. I pray daily for a change in his destructive behavior. For so long I have just sat in the house while he holds up in his bedroom. No more. I am 61 and I am going to enjoy what is left of my life. I have a sister who has horses ~ which has always been a great love for both of us. I have never been able to afford one or the care so she has "lent" me hers to play with. It's wonderful just to go to the barn, muck stalls and groom the horses. I took my daughter and granddaughters to the theater yesterday and we had a wonderful time. Church and church activities are a large part of my life so I am spending a lot of time at church and with church friends. I am learning how to run and have completed two 5Ks. I re-joined the gym where I worked teaching group fitness for 20 years. I plan on traveling ~ hopefully to Ireland ~ my "motherland" ~ as soon as I can afford it. His severe anxieties keep him from traveling much beyond the door of his room.

Thank you for asking. I am determined to live life to the fullest regardless of the state of the marriage.

B. <><


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 3:34 pm 
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This post has broken my heart and lifted me up at the same time. I am so sorry for Op's struggle, but I have to commend her for her reaction to the hand she's been dealt. For those people close to others who struggle with addiction I think the hardest part sometimes can be accepting the fact that you cannot change someone else. The only thing in your control are your reactions and Op's decision to focus on her own life brings joy to my heart. My prayers go out to her and her husband. As someone who has caused relationships to end by being a selfish addict, I am ever more empowered by stories like this to change my ways for my sake, as well as the sake of those around me. God bless you OP.

Juan L


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 6:13 pm 
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Thank you very much, Juan! Blessings to you and yours.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 6:40 pm 
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Hi Willougby! It's good to know that you are still around. How are you doing lately? Have things changed at all at home? Is your husband the same?

I hope you have been able to enjoy your life at this point, despite your difficulties with your husband. Can you update us?

Amy

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 9:25 am 
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Hello, all ~ I have returned after a long absence. :) Just to update, nothing has changed for the better. In fact, it has only gotten much worse. in a nutshell, we tried to make a go of the relationship through a marriage seminar at a local church. But, he just cannot get his act together and I cannot allow myself to be treated this way. He now has explosive anger and it's usually just over the smallest things. We were arguing over something and he spit in my face. He is busting up stuff in the house. I called the police and they said just tearing up the house is not an offense.

So, where it stands now ~ he has not spoken to me for 7 weeks since I returned from TN for the birth of my first grandson. Literally, if he is not at work, he is in his room. He comes home from work and goes right to his room and stays there. He may come down and get a sandwich but then goes right back. He basically spends the majority of his time holed up in a 12 x 15 space.

I am positive he has Asperger's Syndrome so he cannot do relationships. He has not one friend. I have a large house (mine that I bought before marriage) and I take care of everything inside and out while he sleeps or reads alone.

I have noticed some very odd behavior lately. He has accused me of eating his cheese, using his razor (neither which I did). He is hiding his laundry detergent and Fritos. He won't give me any money. He is angry and very defensive the majority of the time. It seems like he walks around with a chip on his shoulder begging for someone to knock it off. He is very paranoid and thinks everyone is out to get him. He is very non-compliant with his CPAP machine even though he has severe sleep apnea. I know that the lack of oxygen to his brain can cause a host of problems and there is a link between untreated sleep apnea and Alzheimer's. Truthfully, these are the first symptoms we noticed when my father started his journey into dementia.

How much this has to do with his prescription drug use or mental/emotional issues is beyond me. He is still on Zoloft, Klonopin and Suboxone along with Androgel.

I am not happy with my situation as I realize just how much of life I am missing. I see other couples doing lawn work together or even grocery shopping together and I wish I had a relationship like that. I would love to travel but that cannot happen unless I do it alone.

As a Christian I have decided that I would get involved in church work. I have initiated a ministry to single mothers at my church, joined the Celebrate Recovery leadership team (ironically my husband was on this team before his lapse) and am in a small group doing "Life's Healing Choices".

Thanks for listening!
B. <><


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 10:08 am 
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Sorry nothing has really changed Willoughby! Can I tell ya something though about the spitting in ur face......when I was in active addiction I was in a pretty rough abusive relationship for about a yr and a half. He'd spit in my face and it really really upsets me to think that ppl are that cruel. Of course I went through a lot worse with getting physically beaten, but imo spitting in ur face is still a huge disrespect and honestly abusive behavior. I'd get out of that relationship....just my opinion but u didn't do anything to deserve any of this. I never ever thought I'd be in that type of relationship, but in addiction u can get stuck in a cycle of someone supplying u pills and then they hold all the power.... u aren't in that position so don't take someone spitting in ur face like that. My abuser finally got put in jail and I was able to eventually find my fiance. That relationship ur longing for is still out there I promise.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 10:31 am 
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Thanks, Jennifer ~ I am 62 (a young 62, but still 62). I cannot imagine how I am getting out of this marriage. I wish he would leave, but he won't. His Asperger's cannot stand change. I would probably have to sell my house and move away.

I never thought anyone would spit in my face. First time for everything, I guess. He refused to give me any of the income tax return money, told me not to expect him to take care of me when I am older and that "he didn't subscribe to the "theory" that he is supposed to be my provider. Again, this is the stuff my dad did to my mom when he began having dementia.

I think it is a combination of the drugs, the Asperger's and possibly the beginning of Alzheimer's. It is sad to see someone who had so much potential being destroyed.

Blessings,
B. <><


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 12:40 pm 
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Yes it's sad but ur not deserving mental abuse like that. I understand feeling stuck, I know I did too but in the end it's worth leaving. It doesn't seem like ur happy. He's holding resentment from something and it's not ur fault so remember that. I'll stop now, ur definitely smart enough to know all this stuff anyway. Just remember there's still a great future out there for ya.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 4:36 pm 
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Your husband is very obviously mentally ill. And quite possibly, like you said, suffering from some form of dementia.

No advice of ours about your husband is going to help your situation because you can't change him or fix him.

I believe that this is a case where divorce is appropriate. You have given as much effort as anyone can be expected to. You deserve to change the course of your life.

Amy

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