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 Post subject: DEPRESSION HELL
PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 4:02 pm 
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Hi guys
The lower I go on subs, the more depressed I get. Its sometimes a crushing depression where I dont wanna get out of bed at all.
Anyone else experience this?


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 4:07 pm 
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I felt emotionless on suboxone so yes I felt depressed at time very much so because I couldn’t fell any emotions. And when my dose would ware off I would get hit with a wave of emotions I cant explain. But a lot of people on suboxone have had great success with SSRI meds. I don’t know if you want to go that route but if you plan on being on suboxone for a lil bit than I would talk to your DR about this.


I mean when you were on a higher doses of sub you didn’t deal with this at all??????? If you don’t mind please give a lot more info because the more you give us the more we can prolly help.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 4:19 pm 
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Bboy42287 wrote:
I felt emotionless on suboxone so yes I felt depressed at time very much so because I couldn’t fell any emotions. And when my dose would ware off I would get hit with a wave of emotions I cant explain. But a lot of people on suboxone have had great success with SSRI meds. I don’t know if you want to go that route but if you plan on being on suboxone for a lil bit than I would talk to your DR about this.


I mean when you were on a higher doses of sub you didn’t deal with this at all??????? If you don’t mind please give a lot more info because the more you give us the more we can prolly help.


Yes when i was on a higher dose, i was happier of course. I am on an SSRI and am getting an increase before I taper below 2mg again. I cant risk that feeling of wanting to use.
I felt really happy at 4mg, but can't take opiates the rest of my life you know?
thanks for your response!
Rule26 where are you? I am trying to find your thread too.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 4:54 pm 
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Hi Jenzo, I have not tapered yet, but I can't even imagine what the depression will be like. I already suffer from it and can't even think about it getting worse. Right now I am doing very good on 20mg of Lexapro. It has helped me tremendously, it took a long time to find the right med at the right dose. I am so sorry you are having to endure this and hope you start feeling better. Maybe you need to increase your depression meds now.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 6:10 pm 
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thanks i am going to increase next week!


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 Post subject: You Found Me
PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 8:54 pm 
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Jenzo,

Talk about posting the same subject at the same time! The only difference is you're already on a SSRI and I'm going to go see if my doctor thinks it's a good idea.

But same basic problem. The lower I go, the worse the depression and overall mood get.

Nice to know I'm not the only one having these issues. Let's keep this thread going so we can exchange notes on what is working best.

Hope you feel better.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 10:01 pm 
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Hey Jenzo, i feel for you and I'm sorry you're going through this. Depression was my #1 symptom when I tried to go off of Sub previously, and is my #1 fear now. I read on another thread that you're trying a number of medications, and unfortunately with AD's a lot of trial and error is necessary. But I think your doing the right thing by working on your depression now before you go totally off Sub and it hits you like a ton of bricks. Let's keep this thread going, because I think a lot of us who are tapering now are going to be dealing with this.
I hope you feel better,
Lilly


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 Post subject: thanks guys
PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 11:31 pm 
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im increasing my zoloft back to 100mg from 50mg and gonna stick with that until like 6 months AFTER im done with subs.
the depression is crushing at times. ill definitely be reaching out here. today i cried a lot and i hate my 2 year old seeing me like this!! she knows something isn't right andi just feel like the worst mom ever.
anyway lets all dumb it here.


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 Post subject: Re: thanks guys
PostPosted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 3:57 am 
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Hi Jenzo :)

I know exactly what your feeling! Sub depression while tapering is crushing to say it nicely. I was on subs for almost a yr and just recently tapered off. It was a bitch :x I did go on an SSRI pretty soon after starting subs. Zoloft to be exact. I was started out on 50mgs and increased to 100mgs. The increase did help. I have started to wean down again now that I'm off of subs.

If you don't mind me asking are you taking suboxone or subutex? It made a world of difference in my case that's why I'm asking. I was on suboxone films first and I found the taper and depression much harsher. Once I switched to generic subutex it wasn't as bad. Still wasn't easy by any means but there was a difference.

Just keep reminding yourself what your feeling right now it's the sub taper not you. Your slowly weaning your body & brain off something it's been dependent on. It's gonna be a fight. I've quit methadone and that was a piece of cake compared to subs. This stuff binds to the receptors in your brain. it's not easy but it's do able.

I'm also a mom of a young child so I know you can start feeling very guilty but please try not to get down on yourself. You've gotta do this right now but you will get through it!! There are some very supportive people here who will help you. Don't hesitate to pm me anytime if you need to talk.



jenzo wrote:
im increasing my zoloft back to 100mg from 50mg and gonna stick with that until like 6 months AFTER im done with subs.
the depression is crushing at times. ill definitely be reaching out here. today i cried a lot and i hate my 2 year old seeing me like this!! she knows something isn't right andi just feel like the worst mom ever.
anyway lets all dumb it here.

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I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go.
-John Lennon


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 Post subject: Re: thanks guys
PostPosted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:18 am 
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jenzo wrote:
today i cried a lot and i hate my 2 year old seeing me like this!! she knows something isn't right andi just feel like the worst mom ever.


Jenzo,think of it this way, your child is going to see mommy upset throughout the course of her/his life. It's NORMAL. You can't hide normal human emotions from your child. This way your child grows up knowing parents, like everyone else, aren't perfect. You aren't perfect. That's all you're showing your child/children....that you're a normal person who is honest about her feelings. THAT, I believe is the more honest way to go and I personally think you're actually doing a service to your child rather than a disservice. I know you said your child is only 2, but that doesn't mean a child that age can't pick up on emotions. Don't deny it - that would just confuse the child if she/he KNOW in their heart something up with mommy. Am I making sense at all here? I hope so. You can't be a perfect parent, because no person is perfect. Just be honest with your child/children and they will grow up respecting and admiring you. That's how I see it anyway. I'm not a parent but I studied psychology for MANY years, so take my words for what they are worth to you. I mean them with the very best of intentions. :)

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 Post subject: Re: thanks guys
PostPosted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:50 am 
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jenzo wrote:
im increasing my zoloft back to 100mg from 50mg and gonna stick with that until like 6 months AFTER im done with subs.
the depression is crushing at times. ill definitely be reaching out here. today i cried a lot and i hate my 2 year old seeing me like this!! she knows something isn't right andi just feel like the worst mom ever.
anyway lets all dumb it here.


Jenzo, I hope increasing the meds helps you. Most of all, I hope you don't focus on getting this done too much. It is easy to get caught up and want to be done. The time I got closest to stopping Sub, other than this time, I seriously lost my mind. I'm not kidding. I went way too fast, mainly because I was following a doc who really just did not get this stuff, I and went nuts. I was a hot mess and it started to eat at me to where things looked so ridiculously hopeless. I got to where I thought I was a terrible mother, my kids would be better off w/o me, and I thought of how I could do it to where it would not be too messy or horrible for me to be identified, etc. I ended up going back up on Subs, because I was a runaway freight train, and it scared me so bad that I decided to never taper again. This time was my absolute last time trying and I knew how nasty the mental crap could get, hence much of my patience.

I know tapering sucks, but I am not taking any AD and I am not depressed whatsoever. Nothing....nada....zip.....zilch.

Let your body tell you when it is ready. It absolutely will be ready. I promise you. Wait until the unpleasant feelings pass completely. It seems like many of us hit one big, fast, dark plateau during our tapers. I did and I had to back off because I did not like how it was affecting my kids. And it WAS affecting them, (but mine are older than yours). You will pull out of this and feel good and then try to drop in tiny amounts, so you can avoid that shock to your system. I promise it is so worth it! Read Dr. Junig's advice on tapering several times and tell me when you are done if he doesn't end up being right on! He knows what he's taking about....

Just please do not buy into whatever thoughts are being thrown at you. You are not a bad person or a bad mom. You don't deserve anything bad to happen to you because you've struggled with using. You have very bright things in store for you, having a little girl to watch grow up and all the incredible experiences that will come with that.

Imagine getting to the end of your taper and looking at the time you spent tapering and being able to say, "I enjoyed my life while I was tapering. I had a lot of fun. My daughter and I did so many cool things. I'm a different and happier person now than I was when I started. I'm healthier and in better shape than when I started this taper." That's what you should be able to say if you listen to what your body is telling you and take care of your body and mind.

God bless, sweetie!!

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:13 am 
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I just want to say THANK YOU to all of you. You guys are so right. I am listening to you all because of your experiences and honesty. I appreciate everything-hatter, ladder, -EVERY single one of you ladies and men on this thread. your words are very reassuring. my body has told me that i need less so im tapering to 1.5mg. i increased my zoloft and it seems to already be helping.

good advice about my daughter-i tell her the truth even though she is young because i , too, am a psych major /social worker. thank you guys very much.

i am really not focusing on it as hard now. i am taking the advice from ladder-just taking my dose and going about my day without obsessing over it anymore. very good to focus on what we DO have going on daily!

I think the depression comes in waves, tidal waves at that. it is crushing then i am ok the very next day. crazy.
for anyone who needs an extra lift, i highly suggest flow yoga (lil bit quicker than reg yoga and nice for endorphins) also bodywork-massage therapy. man that is where it is at!

i am getting licensed as a substance abuse counselor and may one day be working in the clinic i go to now!
lol life is great.

i wish we could all skype and meet. LAdder, hatmaker-anyone let me know.
mrswright987 is my name.

cheers guys!


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:41 am 
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Ladder just offered you some kick ass advice, I'm glad you're open to listening to us. Most of all, I'm glad to hear you say that you're not going to obsess over your Suboxone, you're just gonna take your dose and get on with your day.....good for you!!

Hang in there Jenzo, getting off of Suboxone can be tricky, but it's certainly not impossible!!

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:15 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
Ladder just offered you some kick ass advice, I'm glad you're open to listening to us. Most of all, I'm glad to hear you say that you're not going to obsess over your Suboxone, you're just gonna take your dose and get on with your day.....good for you!!

Hang in there Jenzo, getting off of Suboxone can be tricky, but it's certainly not impossible!!


Thanks man. You guys have been awesome. and today i did not obsess over my dose and felt GREAT all day!!!
:)


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:43 am 
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jenzo wrote:
Romeo wrote:
Ladder just offered you some kick ass advice, I'm glad you're open to listening to us. Most of all, I'm glad to hear you say that you're not going to obsess over your Suboxone, you're just gonna take your dose and get on with your day.....good for you!!

Hang in there Jenzo, getting off of Suboxone can be tricky, but it's certainly not impossible!!


Thanks man. You guys have been awesome. and today i did not obsess over my dose and felt GREAT all day!!!
:)


YAY! After you have a good day and go to sleep, then the next day you wake up and feel good about the last day and how you lived it. You are really on the right track, girl. I'm so impressed with all you are doing too: getting licensed in substance abuse, being a mom....yoga!! You're gonna go through this taper and jump with a full life and that is something to be very proud of.

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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 Post subject: CDS
PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 12:28 pm 
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Jenzo,

The similarities are getting weird now. I too have dropped again to 1.50 so we are equal once more. LT said to drop it by .25 next time, not .50, so I think it'll be easier to get to 1mg that way. Then it's bits and pieces time.

When I was two, almost three years sober, I went back to school to be certified in drug and alcohol counseling. I also wanted a detail at my companies EAP. They said I had to be certified so off to college I went.

It took me two and half years to get 24 units of credit to get a piece of paper saying I am now a Chemical Dependency Specialist. (CDS) I worked in the EAP for several months until they farmed it out to an outside source, but I don't regret the learning experience. It was hard going to school and working full time though. It helped that I was in my early 30's and could handle it.

I never did use my credentials after that. And now I need to see one! Oh the irony...

Go for it. There is a lot of satisfaction in that work along with heartache. It won't make you rich, but rich in spirit. We had a saying in that college class. "We do it for fun and for free" Almost.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:31 pm 
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LT-thank you SO much. I am tapering so today i took 2mg and BOOM i was buzzed. strong stuff at such little amounts. tomorrow ill do 1.5mg, and up and down until friday or so. then stick to 1.5mg. the depression has gone down a lot with the increased meds. crazy. and tapering this way, slowly, has been extremely helpful.
Rule-that is great! i graduate next year in social work then go on to get my MSW. I think ill be working next summer pt somewhere hopefully.

anyway life is okay with the exception of my husband being a dick sometimes but that is what men do best huh? jk
life is rough and i thank you all for being here.
RULE-are you sticking to 1.5 and going up to 2 every other day or just staying at 1.5? im gonna go down to 1mg - i cant cut shit all crazy so 1mg will be a piece of cake.
:)


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 3:12 pm 
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Hi Rule, I am curious to know if you feel having an education in substance abuse has helped you in your recovery process or if it made it harder to surrender yourself to your doctor/counselor?


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 4:09 pm 
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Breezy_Ann wrote:
Hi Rule, I am curious to know if you feel having an education in substance abuse has helped you in your recovery process or if it made it harder to surrender yourself to your doctor/counselor?


hi breezy-for me it seems to help a lot, but at the same time, all you are around are drug users. I think ill do it to help others like we all do here!


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