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 Post subject: I'm so depressed now!!!!
PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 9:07 pm 
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So, I'm so depressed now. I'm off norcos, methadone, and subs. I'm taking Paxil, nuerontin, clonidine. But I have NO ENERGY, being Fatigue. I don't want to get out of bed. It's my 3rd week. Is it too soon for me to be able to feel like a normal person that can walk and not just want to lay down all day? I HATE this feeling. Anyone have any hope for me. Will I ever be able to function again?


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 10:14 pm 
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When I quit Suboxone, it took a fairly long time for my energy to come back, but I don't think the lack of energy was all due to wd. I had used drugs for 26 years straight, I used them to get high, to get energy, to escape reality, etc. Once I quit all narcotics, I didn't have that external source of energy (drugs) anymore, I had to learn how to build my own energy, this is where recovery comes in.

We're so used to being able to pop a pill for energy that our bodies/brains have come to rely on that. Take the drugs away and a lot of us addicts really don't know how to function without them. The good news is that you can re-learn how to live.

Also, now that we're off drugs, we may notice some underlying conditions that the drugs were hiding, ex. depression. At several points during my recovery, I was pretty sure that I had some kind of depression, but now I believe it was just my mind struggling to live without drugs.

Another thing I've wrestled with during my recovery is the fact that my energy levels are not now where they used to be on drugs and it finally clicked for me, drugs gave me an artificially high energy level that I'll never be able to match naturally. On drugs, my energy levels were 150%, but naturally, I'll only ever be able to reach 100% and that's something I've got to keep in mind when I get down on myself about my energy levels.

My best advice is to continue to be patient with the healing process and to start working some kind of recovery.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 1:53 pm 
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Thank you sooo much for writing to me. So, then, I will feel normal again where I can walk around a mall without feeling like I'm dying? Do you know how long it took you? What's the time most people are okay again? I just want to lay in my bed with the blinds closed and I hate day time cus I don't know what to do with all this time now. I love night time cus it's when I get to go to bed. Isn't that so sad? Did u feel like this? Do u think it could be the clonidine or nuerontin?


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 3:10 pm 
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The best way for you to get back to normal is do normal. As hard as it might do 1 thing in a day you have been refusing!
Try and think about other ppl through the world that have it way harder and no chance to even find there meal if they could walk 100miles to get it. Let that inspired you to reach inside because our spirit and body can preform amazing feats. Your are meantally locked down and you have to prove to yourself that you are stronger then the desire to be weak. Goto the mall! will you die? no! will it suck? i would guess so. I promise after a few weeks it will build up to where energy will come. Lie on the bed waiting is not way to wait for it to happen. I know this because on day 7 off subs gold turkey i did push ups. Felt like i was going to explode but i felt something i missed.
Have a great day.
Be a warrior.!!
oh grammar police mail me tickets.
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 10:32 pm 
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deadaga1n brings up some good points, the sooner you start forcing yourself to "act" normal, the more progress you'll make. A friend of mine here used to tell me to "fake it until I make it", another saying I heard is to "live as if." Live as if your not in wd. None of these tasks are easy, this I know, but you have to start forcing yourself back into life or you're really just prolonging your misery.

Bottom line, opiate wd SUCKS. Unfortunately, while on opiates, you trained your brain to not produce any of its own natural opiates, it had a steady supply of external opiates so your brain basically said, "fuck it", why produce natural opiates when I'm being inundated with these external ones. Now that you've taken that external supply away, your brain has to learn how to produce those feel good chemicals again.....and that takes time.

I remember, during my wd, my brain screaming at me to not do anything. It wanted me to be still as can be, but this is the WORST thing you can do. Get up, move around. Start small and build on the small successes.

I also CLEARLY remember feeling like I had forever buggered my brain up, I thought I was screwed for life, I thought I'd never be happy again. Well, I'm here to tell you that we ge better......here's the part that sucks.....it takes time....and effort, but you can do it.

As for how long it's gonna take.....that's a toughy. Some people feel better within a few weeks, some people it takes longer. I've never fully figured out why. I know this, though, the longer you sit around waiting for happiness to magically find you again, the longer it's gonna take to find you. You gotta go get it.

Whatever you do, don't give up.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 8:03 am 
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today is day 8 and me not accepting to lie on the couch for another week has changed my mind set. Sure i have those waves of wd and the shittz, but when they go i make best of it.Before my oxy abuse i woke up everyday and said to myself what reasons i had to be happy. Then my dad passed and that shattered my world. life is such a gift and anyone who has a computer lives in the part of the world where we are blessed where so many will never have a chance. We have it all at our finger tips and our brain is more powerful then any drug. You just need to make it drive you to the new life.
I hope this helps anyone cause on the morning of day 7 i wanted to just sleep this off for another 3 weeks. 1 day of changing my mind set has been better then any pill. To wake up free of my stupid fucking pills is something i embrace!
clouds are parting in my head.
The old you and me is just waiting to live again.
have a good easter weekend


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 12:34 am 
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Okay. So it's day 19 for me off everything. Im not having withdrawals anymore. I'm at the point where its my brain and energy level. I tried to take everyones advice on here, and took my 2 babies to the park. I didn't walk, I drove. I sat there for 2 hrs. Then I took them grocery shopping but I only lasted 4 he's total without my energy just killing me. I just needed to come back home. That's the part I'm talking about. I barely did anything and felt exhausted. It forced myself to get out of bed and I felt better MENTALLY. sorry to sound like such a downer, but it's been a long time since I've been sober. I'm tired, but can't sleep either. I go to bed at 12am and wake up at 3:00am and am wide awake until 7:00am. Then I get about an hr or two sleep. So, is this normal? 19 days, no energy, can barely sleep? Shouldn't I feel normal by now? I just need to know that there is a day when I feel normal again.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:09 am 
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What you're experiencing is classic PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). The worst of the wd symptoms (acute) are over, now you gotta trudge through PAWS.

PAWS can take months to clear up. This next part is not to scare you, it was just my experience, which seems to have been fairly extreme. You know how you're counting days, well, I got up to day 118 before I stopped counting days.

PAWS is like dragging a boat anchor around everywhere you go, it SUCKS!! Again, the best remedy is to continue getting out there, participate in life.....even though you feel super crappy.

Trust me, the PAWS will lift, you WILL feel better, but it's gonna take time.

Are you eating good?? Do you take a multi-vitamin? You need to take care of your physical health to help speed the process along. Getting out and involving yourself in life is good for your mental health. Do you do anything for your spiritual health?? Listening to great music moves my spirit. Praying moves my spirit. Hey, your children should move your spirit. Try to keep your mind/body and spirit fed properly, this will help, but this process of healing is gonna take time, there's just no two ways about it. BTW, I did none of this stuff during my wd, I had no idea I was supposed to and this is part of the reason my wd lasted so damn long.

Keep hanging on, keep doing the next right thing and you will get better.

BTW, you went to the park AND went grocery shopping today.....that's sensational. You lasted 4 hours and then got wiped out, totally normal. Don't be sad about that, be happy that you got 4 hours!! Remember, small successes can be built into bigger ones. I know you're impatient, I know you want to be better NOW, but it just don't work that way. Patience Grasshopper. :D (You would have had to watched Kung Fu with David Carradine to get the Grasshopper joke)

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 1:06 pm 
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For me on day 8 i was in bed till 230pm and my feet felt like 500 pounds per foot. But after day 7 and my preaching about myself not getting beat i had to live up to this. I make pancakes(which felt like torture) cleaned the kitchen. That did nothing for me but cleaning eating is what we need to do! the normal stuff. Now this part here is the hardest part but trust me it made the rest of the day feel like i was normal. You need to push yourself to the point of sweating and heart rate going up.(as long as your can handle it ) I chopped wood for like 10-15 min then when i could not breath anymore i went and did curls(all outside) and followed it with 2 rounds of skipping. Its mind over matter here. I took everything negative and released it with each swing of the axe ,arm curl and skipping. I have to stop to catch my breath many times but went back at it the second i felt i was able. After that i felt amazing ! Then a guy next house over came buy and i went for a 40 min walk. Today i feel tired and my brain wants me to trick myself saying i better rest today. I want this to be gone as fast as humanly possible and i will do the same thing again today. Buy a skip roap climb stairs or a hill. speed walk for 30 min so you are sweating and i promise your new addiction can be a healthy one that makes you life long and active for the rest of your life. This is just what is working for me and you went out and did things so good job !!! i wish a swimming pool was close buy but i live in the mountains.
have a great day.
Time for me to work out.
:/ :p


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 3:43 pm 
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So it's been 20days and it's "Paws" I'm going thru? Should I start drinking energy drinks or caffeine to help my energy level? I kept having that anxiety feeling so that's why I cut caffeine out. Do people that take opiods "AS PRESCRIBED" rather than abusing it, like me, go thru witgdrawels when they stop? Or is it just cus I was taking 25 norcos a day, that have to suffer?


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:20 pm 
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LoveTunechi wrote:
So it's been 20days and it's "Paws" I'm going thru? Should I start drinking energy drinks or caffeine to help my energy level? I kept having that anxiety feeling so that's why I cut caffeine out. Do people that take opiods "AS PRESCRIBED" rather than abusing it, like me, go thru witgdrawels when they stop? Or is it just cus I was taking 25 norcos a day, that have to suffer?


Yes, what you are going through is probably PAWS. It's tough to know where one thing ends and another begins. 20 days is not very far out from Suboxone. I jumped at 1/16 mg and it took a while to start really feeling normal. It's a gradual thing, but believe me, it will get WAAAAYYYYY better. You just have to hang tough and tackle each day as it comes. You are not sleeping well and getting off Sub is like running a marathon. Your body is understandably exhausted, through and through. Your mind will be exhausted. You will not be able to follow very simple plots on your kids' cartoons sometimes. Then, it will all start waking up. I'm 6/7 moths out from jumping and I have lots of energy...I feel fantastic!!! You will too, but you have to realize it will take a while, and you have to not worry that something is permanently broken in your brain. It's not. This is a lesson in patience, and every day is a victory.

In my experience, caffeine certainly does not provide any energy. If anything, it aggravates things. You can try it. I drank caffeine through the whole deal, and it certainly did not help anything, other than satisfying my caffeine addiction, lol.

The great news is that you just did the hardest 20 days of this whole thing. It won't get worse...only better! You came this far, so just suit up and show up, or whatever they say. Try to really watch your nutrition. Make sure what you are eating counts. This is actually quite important.

You will be okay. It really will all be okay, as long as you just keep going like you are going....

laddertipper ~ 6 years on Sub; 6/7 months off and feeling wonderful

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:21 pm 
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:oops: I relapsed.........so does that mean I have to start my clock back to 0? Even if it was only for 1 day? Do people relapse or did you guys just get sober the first time you tried? Also, I went to my psychiatrist, I was too emberassed to tell him. I just told him "I feel like I'm gonna relapse" I told him that the energy that I DON'T have. He added Wellbutrin and told me to take it in the am. So Paxil at night and Wellbutrin in the morning. Clonodine and Gabapentin in between the day. Please tell me ur stories or anything you write can help me. Thanks!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 9:29 pm 
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Just remember, even if someone doesn't use drugs and lays down all day they will have fatigue. I know its tuff but please force yourself to ride a bike for a little, or just walk around. I know the feeling though, you don't want to eat, work, nothing but just remember to eat healthy and exercise and it will really help! Good luck to you, you are so close to being over this and do NOT let yourself go back, you would just have to do this all over again someday.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 3:45 am 
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Romeo's - comment about carrying around a boat anchor sure fits doesn't it!!!! Fake it until you make it works for me and to live as if your not in withdrawal. Easier said than done. Yes patience....

deadaga1n - Is correct in doing the things you need to do in order to get better. Diet, Exercise, Socializing and taking on tasks as if they aren't so daunting.

laddertipper - The description is exactly what I am experiencing =( Hang tough and tackle I guess I need to except it and keep going. Thank god my mind is not permanently broken!!!!! lmao
I seriously feel just exactly that way at times. That's the worst for me I think anyways... Thank you for your post it helped me to realize what I am going through and far I have to go and that each day is a victory.


LoveTunechi - I hope you decide what your gonna do. I'm sorry your having such a rough time. If you relapse it will prolong your withdrawal maybe worsen it?? Caffeine can be good or bad. See I have a caffeine addiction. I have to at least have one drink a day or I go nuts. I'm not sure it makes a difference in what I am going through just a opinion. I drink coffee and/or soda and I don't feel much different with or without. Either way I have to take a good or bad day. A good day full of energy will come and I try to get everything I possibly can done in that day. The bad days I know when to rest and take it easy. We take alot and our bodies do have to process these changes. Maybe some of those meds could be making you more tired?? I would make sure none of those have a sedative effect with can cause you to feel worse and prolong the fatigue and tiredness. Keep going... Best Wishes.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 5:08 am 
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Don't push yourself! Take it easy. And don't panic that you're not going to get better, because you will.

I think for the time being, just try to do what you can. When you have energy, do stuff. When you don't, take it easy. Eventually you will find yourself having more energetic moments, and less time feeling meh.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 10:03 am 
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LoveTunchi- dont give you just because you have relasped! I fell off the wagon several times before i got clean. Hang in there it gets better everyday that i promise you. Stay strong.

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"No matter how hard you have it someone else has it worse so while your wishing you had someone elseses life there wishing they had yours".....


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 10:09 am 
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If you are addicted to caffeine then it is probably best to take in a cup of coffee or something. When I first got clean and on Sub, Caffeine would really jack me up even though I have been drinking it for a very long time. I just had to keep it too one cup, otherwise I would start to go through Caffeine WD which is not fun.


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PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2012 12:29 pm 
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My weaning process has sucked the life out of me. Present dosage of Suboxone is 1/32 p/day. Started 5-yrs ago at 8/2 mg.

Circumstances, responsibilities, and playing fireman have depleted what focus remains in body and spirit. I force myself to do the things necessary to keep going. Finding God everyday in this abysmal existence as my life-support. The constant pressure exasperates feeling Tired, Depressed, Angry, and Agitated. There isn't a day that goes by when the thoughts of running away, hoping to die, or praying for a miracle to remove myself from this situation.

I do not care what any Medical professional tells you, Suboxone effects your vitality, on or off it.

My situation? I made a promise to my 82-yr/old mother to never put her in a Nursing Home. That was 7 years ago. It was the most ridiculous promise I ever made. I have been through all the therapy you can imagine. Talk about being between a rock, and a hard-place.

There is no monetary gain to come into possession of when she passes. No reason to stay, except for that promise.

Never, never, never ever make this mistake. I have disintegrated ever relationship, at 50 years old, to stop the fears of another. I am "the Caregiver" to cook, clean, food shop, bathe, potty removal, bill payer, and 101 more things to do.

Remember: Never, never, never ever make this mistake. Oh, BTW, I'm a Guy. FY Sis!


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