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 Post subject: 35 days in the NICU
PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2017 11:17 am 
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To say I was not prepared is an understatement! I knew a NICU stay and treatment were possible but I fully believed that because I was in subutex that the wd would be mild and that if she did end up being treated it would likely be due to overscoring by the nurses. I never thought my daughter would have full blown wd. Never! While there is no way I could’ve prepared myself for this I wish I had known more... Seeing her scream bloody murder immediately after she was born and not stop for extended periods... watching her scream and not be able to console her absolutely tore me to shreds. I’m watching this and I’m praying it’s not wd symptoms but deep down I knew it was. When I found out she was given morphine I was crushed. I knew this meant we were in for a long stay. I felt guilt for her being there and guilt for it making this experience (for myself and my boyfriend ) less than what we had imagined. This whole process took something from me. I watched my daughter turn a month old in the hospital and all of the things I thought would happen once she was home werenadkhsted. I’d hoped to exclusively breastfeed but since she was taking a bottle (of pumped bm) for so long she has difficulty w latching and very little patience for it when she’s hungry. She literally bites down when she’s mad!

While I’m so grateful my daughter is home and perfectly fine (had she come home any sooner I doubt she’d be as ok as she is now) I hate how all of this played out. None of her grandparents have met her yet because they live out of state and we’re olanning visits for once she was home. I’m technically still on maternity leave and only have 3 more weeks (probably going back part time instead since going back full time w so little time home with her would devastate me)... We’ve been home less than a week and are still figuring out our routine.
Just for anyone in this situation and wondering what to do to prepare yourself... for me I wish I would’ve known how great her chances were she’d need to be treated. I wish I had thought past the birth and figured out how we would’ve handled this. Emotionally I was not prepared and it was so hard.


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 Post subject: Re: 35 days in the NICU
PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 10:40 am 
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Britt,
You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Do not blame yourself for getting help for your addiction. Some babies have no WDs at all and there was NO WAY you could have known exactly what it would be like. I don't think ANY mother is prepared for their newborn having to stay in the NICU.

My youngest nephew was born 2 MONTHS early. It was absolutely terrifying to say the least. my sister has NEVER had any drug issues. I think his premature birth was brought on by severe stress and anxiety because her other son was early too (1 month).

The youngest one (2 months early) had to stay in the NICU for almost 8 WEEKS. She was in hell. We all were so worried and weren't even sure if he would make it. It wasn't anything my sister did (or didn't do), So don't blame yourself. NICU stays can happen to ANY mother. (an "addict" or not.)

YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE BRAVE. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING GETTING OFF DRUGS. Don't ever forget that. Don't think about what it could have been like if you weren't on subutex, because that's not what happened. And there's nothing you can do to change it. You just do what you have to do and stay strong for your little one!

One day your child will be proud of you for getting help and getting out of active addiction... I wish I could say the same for my parent.

Just remember you ARE healthier now. You ARE living a much better life than before. Don't listen to people who tell you that its not right to be on maintenance meds. Most likely they say that because they have NO CLUE WHAT ITS ACTUALLY LIKE TO HAVE AN ADDICTION! I have learned to let it go in one ear and out the other. They obviously have NO IDEA. you are SO strong. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently.

<3 Jessica

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"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -Unknown


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 Post subject: Re: 35 days in the NICU
PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 11:52 am 
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Jessica that was a beautiful message to Britt! Heck ur post even gave me motivation and I'm not the person u posted to :)

Not many can follow up with more than that so I'll just say that I agree with everything Jessica said. I always try (and I definitely use the word try) to think 'well it could always be worse'. So in this case I'd say that thankfully ur baby wasn't fighting a life threatening heart condition or a brain condition..... like some babies that have came into that NICU. Overall u have a healthy baby and the baby has a healthy momma that's not in active addiction.
I know it must have been extremely difficult to go through and u are a very strong woman to have made it through this but on the brighter side, withdrawal is temporary and it could have been so much worse.

Don't blame urself because without this medication, u could have been in a much worse place. I know we always go bk to the what if's but I think u did what most of us would have and that definitely includes myself too.

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Jennifer


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 Post subject: Re: 35 days in the NICU
PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:09 am 
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Jenn- Aww Im glad. We are all here to help each other! Just speaking the truth :)

Britt- NEVER blame yourself. You should be PROUD of what you have done for yourself, your pregnancy, AND your newborn baby! I know I am, and I don't even know you! :) It breaks my heart to see that you are being so hard on yourself. But as addicts, thats what we do best!!! Don't EVER let anyone alter the way you feel about yourself.

I know from personal experience that it's SO easy to let rude nurses (and even some doctors!) make you feel bad about yourself, but the ones who talk down to you are usually the ones who have NO IDEA what you have been through. You always have this forum to bring you back up when you are feeling down. Always remember that.

You are ALIVE. If not for suboxone/subutex you might never even had the chance to give birth to a beautiful baby girl! Remember that when you are feeling upset. I dont know how bad your addiction was but to be on suboxone/subutex proves it must have been life threatening. Never feel guilty about getting help. It proves that you are brave and strong and WANT a better life for yourself. (AND your child).

I PROMISE-- your daughter will thank you one day for getting help.

You always have us if you need a pick-me-up! The wonderful thing about this forum is that there is so much diversity here and there will ALWAYS be someone that can relate to your story or the way you are feeling.

Keep your head up! I'm so sorry you had to go through this but if you read my first post you will see that NICU stays can really happen to ANY mother, for any reason. You didnt do anything wrong. Please dont be so hard on yourself! I'm always here if you need someone to talk to you can private message me.

Hugs!!!
<3 Jessica

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"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -Unknown


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