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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:04 pm 
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Hello everybody. Today is a great day, I have been off of all opioids for 2 months now. I am pretty new to this forum so just a little background: I'm a 22 y/o male, who became fully addicted to Oxycodone/Hydrocodone/Hydromorphone when I was 19. After about 2 years of that madness, I left that life behind me and got on Suboxone. I was on Suboxone for approximately 6 months, starting at 8 mg/day, continuously tapering down until I was stabilized at 1 mg/day, which was the dose I was on when I jumped off on 9/13/2013.

Here is a list of days at which I noticed big changes:
Day 10: This was when most of the physical withdrawal hell ended.
Day 17: The first night I actually got an OKAY night sleep. Before that I slept no more than 3 hours/night. Seriously.
Day 44: I woke up on Day 44 and just felt GOOD. It was like the mental fog/lethargy/depression was all of a sudden lifted. Also, this was the day I started having dreams again and the day that I stopped OBSESSING about using opioids.

Life is pretty good today. It is really nice not to have to depend on opiates just to function. I can now take a shower, brush my teeth, etc. without having to put a pill or sub strip in my mouth. I do at times feel unmotivated and lazy, but I can't really say if that is PAWS or if that's just who I was before taking opioids. I think what I am dealing with now is "life on life's terms" and it's just something I have to learn to deal with. Going back to opioids are not an option for me anymore, there is just too much pain and suffering in that life.

My advice if your new: Keep on staying clean, because IT DOES GET EASIER. The first month was definitely harder than the second, and I'm sure as I keep staying clean, each month will get easier and easier. I am a much happier, more sane person off of opiates, and life is just good today! It's crazy how much opioids totally warp your thinking and attitude. Even being 2 months clean, the monkey on my back still tells me "just a few percocets tonight to calm your nerves." But the nice thing today is that it is only a thought, not an obsession. And I know that once I start, I can't stop, so the thought just goes away on its own after a few minutes. Anyway, just thought I'd post my story, see what you all think. I wish you all the best in your recovery!


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 11:53 am 
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Congratulations on 2 months off Suboxone, ItComesAndGoes!!

You sound like you have a good grasp on staying clean, that's encouraging to hear.

Yes, that monkey on our back will try telling us all sorts of ridiculous things. Sometimes he's loud, sometimes he whispers, you just have to keep resisting his stupidity.

Thanks for coming back and updating us on your situation.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 3:44 pm 
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66 days clean off of suboxone and all other opioids. I just wanted to also share my views on Suboxone maintenence and how grateful I am that I was able to take this life-saving medication. In retrospect, suboxone truly did save my life. I simply couldn't stop using oxy's. I tried and tried and tried, and no matter how much I wanted to get clean, I could never go more than 2 days without giving in and taking more oxy. I was totally desperate.

Then I decided that Suboxone maintenance was the right choice for me. I went from being a total pill head to getting my life back together within a couple of months of being on suboxone. I never took Suboxone with the intent to get high or to divert it, I always took it with the intention of being fully clean from opioids. I just wanted to take the time today to look back at how much my life has changed from earlier this year (when I quit using oxy's) and how I am truly grateful to Suboxone for saving my life.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:48 pm 
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This is great. Glad you found this new lifestyle!

My only curious question is how are you maintaining this clean and sober lifestyle? Are you free of ALL drugs and alcohol or just opiates? I'm just curious because recovery from addiction is an active everyday thing that lasts a lifetime.... Especially off of suboxone and all other drugs.

You can answer or keep to yourself. I just want to know for my own journey with this medicine. That's all.

Thanks and way to go!


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 2:33 pm 
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MovieMaker1 wrote:
This is great. Glad you found this new lifestyle!

My only curious question is how are you maintaining this clean and sober lifestyle? Are you free of ALL drugs and alcohol or just opiates? I'm just curious because recovery from addiction is an active everyday thing that lasts a lifetime.... Especially off of suboxone and all other drugs.

You can answer or keep to yourself. I just want to know for my own journey with this medicine. That's all.

Thanks and way to go!


Yes, I am free from all drugs and alcohol. I have not had a mind-altering substance in 73 days, including coffee! But that's just because coffee gives me GI problems.

I was going to NA meetings every single day, working the steps, and got a sponsor. I went gung-ho for the first 60 days. I'm pretty sure I did 60 meetings in 60 days, but I wasn't counting. But honestly I have been really busy lately, so I stopped going as much. I know it's not a good sign, but I am getting fully immersed in studying for my graduate school admission test, which takes up A LOT of time. It's funny because I hated what I was studying for so long when I was on opiates, but now that I am clean, I am remembering why I fell in love with it in the first place. Being clean truly is a miracle.

I recommend going to NA or AA, whichever you feel more comfortable in. I wish I could make it to more meetings, but honestly studying for this exam takes up 8-10 hours of my day. And I also try to work out 3-4x/week which, by the way, GREATLY HELPS. I feel so awesome after a good work out, it's almost like I'm high on opiates again (natural endorphin release).

Also, I don't think it was in this particular thread, but I complained about sleep problems in an earlier thread. All of my sleep issues disappeared at around 65 days clean. Yes, it took a little over 2 full months to get back to sleeping 7-8 hours/night, uninterrupted. Will update again at 90 days clean, at the latest. Let me know if you want to know anything else, I want to help as many people as I can!


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 4:38 am 
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I know this is pretty much a dead forum, but I thought I'd give an update.

I relapsed at 75 days clean. I have been using full agonist opioids a few times a week since my relapse, and know I'm falling right back into opiate addiction. I like what Dr. Junig says, that it's either you work some type of recovery or you have a 100% chance of relapsing. It's so true, these opioids just hook me so damn hard, even though they've kicked me around so many times now. I stopped putting in the full time work necessary for recovery. I might get back on suboxone. I don't know though. I would feel like an idiot to get myself physically addicted again, because right now I am just psychologically addicted. This sucks.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 11:12 am 
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So what happened?..the voice in your head won out. A few wont hurt, i think that what you said. But they will..
I am a follower of DR J. He knows how this gos.
Use...take sub or work steps an meetings.his words, not mine..so what is it going to be young follow.. ? I understand it is hard, you guys in your 20's seem to have a hard time changing friends an places. If you have a program in place go back to it. If not then you have 2 choises. Just my two cents good luck to you. I did read your first post. And weather it is peychologically or not its still useing and not heathy for you bud...you can fix this. Raz...


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 26, 2014 8:01 pm 
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I am wondering how you are doing and if you got back on Subs.... I wouldn't kick yourself too much for relapsing as we all have been there my friend... the important thing is that you're wise enough to know that you have a problem. You're already addicted, you may or may not be dependent again, but you'll always be addicted. I know that shounds harsh and we all want to hear that once we kick the physical dependence that we've won. That's only the beginning. Unfortunately, your brain will always remember how it feels and there will always be a small part of you that will want it. The best we can do is to fight that urge and to stay away from opiates.

I used to think and get depressed by the fact everyone said you'll never beat it.... I used to think, I wasn't born with opiates and lived 17 years without them, why can't I be like that again. The older I get and the more times I run around this hamster wheel, the more I realize that everyone else was correct.

Now, I am not giving you a death sentence, but what I am trying to say is that IT WILL be something WE have to work on for the rest of our lives. Same as those who lose a limb, or any disease. It may not be fair, but life rarely is.

We just have to play the cards were dealt. You have come to a great place for support and knowledge, I just hope that you continue to come here and keep us updated.


Much Love,

John (Reprieve)

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" Each relapse starts with one thought— maybe, just maybe, this time will be different… that little thought has killed thousands and thousands of opiate addicts over the years."
- Dr Jeffery Junig (Subox Doc)


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 3:46 am 
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Hello Reprieve, I just saw your comment on the thread. Predictably I went right back into full opiate addiction with oxycodone and hydromorphone for about 7 days until I got back on Subs in late January. I was on subs for 6 weeks and right now I have 3 days clean from them. Everything in me is telling me I need to remain on subs for a long time since I always relapse once I come off of them. But what made me quit this time was the fact that these past 2 months of suboxone dramatically lowered my sex drive. The one thing I LOVED about being sober was that I was my old sexually active self, which I see only as a gift. I was having sex with my partner 7-10 times a week and it was truly awesome to have a sex drive again. But one day of opiate use turns into 2 turns into 3 and BOOM, before you know it your a fuckin addict again. Gutter junkie scum taking the walk of shame to the doctors office to beg for suboxone. So yeah...3 days clean now, hopefully it stays that way.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 3:46 pm 
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Hey itcomesitgoes,

I am glad to hear you are giving it another shot, especially since you sounded so happy with your life off subs in your first post. My suggestion is that you do things differently this time. I had several slips, usually a day or two at time, when I first came off subs. I never got physically addicted again but I kept having random obsessions to use throughout the week. It's just too hard to not give in. So I did two things to ensure my best chance at real sobriety.

First, I got the vivitrol shot to just make sure I can't get high in those moments of weakness that are sure to come. Yeah, I felt good and motivated to stay clean most of the time, but those few small moments of obsession always won out.

That second change I made in my life was to give AA an honest opportunity to work. I was going to meetings when I first got off subs but I didn't really believe it would work for me. That disbelief is what made it not work. I am a med student so I know how busy we can be with school and work. I would use school as an excuse to not go to meetings, call my sponsor, etc. but like they say, whatever you put before your recovery you will lose. Sure enough, I began failing exams because I was having slips on weekends and dealing with the consequences during the week. This was when I decided to really work the program and so for the last three or so months I have been taking it very seriously. And what do you know, all of a sudden my life began to change drastically. In just those few short months of working a serious program I have reached a place of genuine happiness. I am in a place in my life right now where the idea of using again is just not even on my radar. I am so busy with life and the gifts I have been receiving because of sobriety that I never even think about opiates anymore.

Please, I promise you, if you are successful in your detox from subs, please do something different this time so you don't end up right back on opiates. You know as well as I do that you will without a doubt be using again if your don't do something different this time. Just getting off and hoping your life will be better and your desire to use will go away on its own is illogical; it just won't happen! I wish you success this time and hope you can achieve what I have in my sobriety,


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 08, 2014 1:44 pm 
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Hello Livin,

Yes I am giving this another shot because I have to. I've been trying to get clean for about 1 year now. Almost 1 year ago was when I left the old lifestyle and got on suboxone, which did save my life. But now I use suboxone as a crutch and rationalize that because I get it so cheap with my insurance and it's legal, that getting loaded on it is OK. But it really is not OK, because with a low tolerance you do get quite loaded from subs. So what's the difference between the abuse of the oxy/hydromorph and the suboxone at this point? I don't see much difference besides the legality of my abuse.

As far as vivitrol goes, it did not work for me. That is not to say it won't work for many others, but I was on it for 2 months and tried getting loaded 7 different times in that period. So technically I wasn't ever clean for more than a couple weeks, but I never got high once so that's why I didn't count it as a relapse. More addict thinking right?

As to why I relapsed when the vivitrol wore off, it's hard to really say. When I first wrote this thread, I was really happy that day. But you know what I'd be happy one day and then depressed/bored the next, and unfortunately it was on one of those bad days that the moon and stars aligned and I decided to get loaded. You know where the story goes from there... right back to physical dependency and daily use. That's where I'm at now, 6 days clean, will post more updates soon.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 08, 2014 3:03 pm 
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Hey man, congrats on 6 days, you should be getting over the worst of the w/d symptoms. You've obviously done this before so you know the deal.

All I can say is I completely agree, suboxone was just another opioid to get high off for me (although not as high, still able to function like a "normal" person). I said I was "clean" for almost 3 years, yet I was shooting up my sub 4 times a day. It was crazy how my brain rationalized that for that long.

And as far as the depression and lethargy goes that makes us want to use, I realized a valuable lesson yesterday. I was feeling so depressed and blah, all I wanted to do was get high to just get a little energy back. Then I got a phone call from an old alcoholic/addict friend of mine, asking how I was doing with my recovery. I could tell they were high/drunk on the phone, and immediately I somehow got all this energy to flip out at them on the phone, and get all pissed off for a good 20 minutes, pacing around the room, shouting, cursing at them. It was then I realized WOW, this is really all in my head. I thought I had ZERO energy, but sure enough, I had plenty of energy to get pissed off at someone. And then I was fine the rest of the day. I got out and went for a nice long bike ride and then went to the gym and felt tremendously better.

Its just crazy how the brain works, how we can essentially "talk" ourselves for hours into this depressed state. I sat inside all day yesterday feeling depressed as shit, yet it was crazy how I got this energy burst to get super pissed off at someone. Its really a mind fuck for sure. This realization really helped put things into perspective for me though, how I need to "talk" myself into saying how much better I feel, rather than how shitty I might think I feel.

Good luck and keep us updated man. - GP

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I keep climbing, climbing, up the ladder, and it keeps shaking, but you know, up I gotta go. - The Isley Brothers


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2014 5:35 pm 
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How have things been working out for you Itcomesandgoes?


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