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 Post subject: 22 days off suboxone
PostPosted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 1:24 am 
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Tonight is 22 days OFF suboxone! I haven't been on in a few, not due to relapse, but because I have been very busy. I celebrated my 30th birthday...it was wonderful not to be on something. I am still sneezing quite often, but that's fine with me. I still lack energy, but yet I want to do everything. I go until my body stops. I was able to take 5 kids to our local halloween festival, so nice not to have to count out meds. My husband is doing the same as me for the most part, he just is lazier(but that was always the case...haha) I can't stop cleaning(bleach doesn't help my sneezing), I want to buy new furniture with the money I am saving & I plan on painting the downstairs next weekend. I know that may not seem like much, but I lost that part of me years ago. I realized how much I had "given up" on, and it is sad...but I can only fix the future. The dumbest things have me cracking up & it's nice to laugh this much. Things are still progressing with my body, and luckily I prepared myself mentally. I didn't expect to bounce back as quickly as I have. I am not back to 100% normal, but honostly I would say 85%...and that's fine with me. Things look different now, people seem different now, the way I feel about situations in life are different. Some things that I used to tolerate now are not tolerated, but all this is in a good way. I am regaining control of my life, my feelings and the people around me. I don't allow things to slip pass me now, in the past I would let things just because it was easier. Like my mother-in-law being addicted to OC's, I do not let her alone with my kids, it is sad, but they are safer. I don't let her
"oxy- psychosis" interfere anymore(I call the constant emotional rollercoaster of OC's "oxy-psychosis"). Overall, life is crazy, chaotic, fun, messy,tiring, draining at times,etc...but I am remembering how wonderful each moment really is. Oh, I sleep throught the night now too...without any sleeping meds! I know my story isn't the norm, but I want you guys to know that all your words helped me, emotionally & physically. I was prepared & informed, and I think that is vital to getting clean. So thank you guys, with all my heart! I look forward to taking my kids along with my niece & nephew trick-or-treating this weekend, and every holiday to come. Besides vitamin B, any suggestions to help with energy levels would be appreciated though. Thanks again & I hope this helps somebody having a rough day!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 7:20 am 
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Hey lind...I'm glad to hear you are doing so very well. Kudos to both you and your husband. Success stories are always welcome. I think there are actually more stories like yours than we think there are. Many of the people who have tapered off sub successfully are simply out living their lives and have nothing to bitch about on an online forum.

Keep up the good work and have fun with your kids this weekend. Glad to see you are still around here, too. I hope you stay.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 9:09 am 
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lind, CONGRATULATIONS, what an inspiring story! You sound like you are doing absolutely great for 22 days off, that's amazing, looks good on you girl. The fact that you say you're about 85% and retain that positive attitude speaks volumes of how prepared you were going into this. I can identify with the sneezing, I have months under my belt and I still get sneeze 'attacks'. My nose can smell so many things now that it never used to, I just figured it was trying to process all the new smells and was rejecting some of the new ones. :)

Isn't it nice not to have to count out your pills anymore. My wife, daughter and I went to Niagara Falls about a month ago and I didn't have to pre-plan to make sure I would have meds, once we were there I didn't have to worry about leaving the room will pills in my pocket just in case or running out early and having to suffer or cut the trip short...it's a wonderful feeling.

You mentioned about not tolerating some things now and that's great, be careful though because I went through a period (3-4 weeks) of severe anger, border line rage. I was looking for a fight constantly?? I am not usually like that, but I could not really control it. It has subsided now, just keep an eye out.

Again, great job. Keep up the awesome work!!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 3:53 pm 
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lind,

First of all CONGRATULATIONS!!! Secondly, I couldn't have said any of that better myself. Today is one month clean off suboxone and I have gained my 14lbs back already. YAY!! I'm proud of myself. If I can beat this I can beat anything. I found that now my body is finally slowing down on the appetite because I'm back at my normal weight. The first 3 weeks or so I ate everything in site! I feel so much healthier, I have very little w.d.. a slight chill here and there and I am fatigued some days more than others but overall it's an amazing feeling that I haven't felt in almost 4 years. The little things in life like raking leaves with my nieces and nephews are really what counts in life. I too have to thank everyone on this forum because without this place I probably would have lost my mind during the most crucial times. Just typing away like this is what helped me to stick it out. It's because I knew people were listening. I felt alone during my taper and that is no way to feel during such a difficult time. To answer your question.. the reason you probably still feel shitty is because your brain isn't back 100% to creating dopamine the way it should. Go to GNC and buy tyrosine. It's an amino acid supplement that will help your brain replace the dopamine levels. Start small at about 250mg. I took this when I started my taper and can't tell you how smooth it went for me. I am not taking anything now except a daily vitamin and I am almost 100% back to myself. I wouldn't trade it for the world. :-)

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 10:00 pm 
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Thanks to all of you! Tonight is 23 days.
Romeo,
First of all, Thank You!!I know about the anger fits, but I control these mostly with my anti-depressant(I was diagnosed at a young age), so I can manage when I get overly ticked off about. My tolerance for stuff was getting out of hand when I was using the list of crap I put in my body. The suboxone made me realize it, but I didn't do anything about it. I finally "snapped" & walked out of my house about 1 week ago, but only stayed gone for about 30 minutes. I drove & thought about everything bothering me, that 30 minute break was all it took. I came home calm, walked in the front door & clarified to everyone what I would & would not allow anymore. It wasn't out of anger really, more out of frustration of what I allowed to take place for years, from the kids, to the dog pissing everywhere, husband not helping, in-laws driving me nuts b/c of their addictions, etc. That's why I say it was a good thing, and I really needed to clean up my life along with getting clean from drugs. But I do think my meds for my depression help not only with "paws" but my severe depression. I totally understand when my anger erupts, I know b/c I get even more angry because I am angry, if that makes sense. And thanks again

Luvlife,
Thank goodness there are more people in the same situation as me. It gets hard to find the success stories. Like i said to Romeo, I suffer from depression on a good day. This probably is playing part in my lack of energy. Years ago I was put on Provigil & it worked for me. However with all these docs prescribing all these other drugs, I am finding all the doctors freak when they hear that it is a derivative of cocaine, minus the fun stuff, & just gives me the ability to keep my eyes open. It doesn't do anything more, and taking larger amounts is pointless as it peaks out at 200mg(I think that was the mg amount of 1 pill, but its been years & my memory isn't the best) So this is a struggle daily without adding getting off suboxone. I have L-tyrosine, is that the same. I also take vitamin B. Around 6pm seems to be the hardest for me, so I try to make myself go somewhere at that time. Thank you for sharing that you've been off a month & feel like you do. This has been a dream come true, when I decided to go the suboxone route I swore if I could not suffer terrible w/d's I would be done. And finally that day came & went, now I can't believe what I let happen over those years. I also have more of an appetite, but according to everyone around me, I need it. I am 30, 5'6" and have had 4 kids and weigh 120lbs. My weight has been under 120lbs since the birth of my 3rd child. I have weighed myself and my weight hasn't changed as of yet. Congrats on doing so well, I know that my minor complaints will work themselves out in time.

Today is going good too, every day does seem to get better. I guess I am beating myself up too much & demanding to much from my body this early on. But I can't help it, I want stuff done & so I make it happen. Maybe that's why I am sleeping good:) I am definitely not going back, my future just looks to good to mess up. I am planning on returning to school, getting out of the house & away from the daily monotony of "housewife stuff." I have 3 kids in school now, one home. So I think at this juncture in life I deserve to be a happy, productive person...not just wife & mother 24/7. Then again I had my first child at 16, GED at 16, and since then I stopped being me. I plan on teaching my girls to figure skate, and maybe doing it for old time sake too. I am ready to be all-in-one.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 10:32 pm 
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Wow, I just can't put into words how happy I am for you. Everytime I read a story of someone who is beating opiates I get a surge of pride? happiness? thankfullness? It's another person who has been pulled back from the edge and has been put on firm ground again and it's fantastic to hear.

Good for you for getting all that crap off your chest regarding your family, since stress is a major trigger towards relapse, you have to let these guys know to cut it out because your recovery may depend on it. Good job on going for the jugular! You absolutely had to do it.

Just a quick question, did any of your children witness your detox? I made sure my 11 year old daughter saw as much of mine as possible. I would remind her that if she ever wanted to do drugs that this is what she was risking. I am so afraid that she, like me, would succumb to peer pressure early on and end up letting drugs run her life for too long before she could break the cycle. I think some of the things she witnessed were a bit hard on her, but if it keeps her off drugs it will have been worth it.

Keep on keepin' on!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 11:18 pm 
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Good Work!

It's weird how long that sneezing thing can linger. I recall that it was one of my longest-lasting symptoms. Luckily it's not really too annoying.

Thanks so much for coming back and sharing your success with us. It's good to hear.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 1:24 am 
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Happy Halloween. Today is my 24th day. I am so glad & proud that I have to check the date & count to remember how long it's been. 24 days may not be that long to most, but it feels like forever ago in many aspects. I have zero cravings for any drug, which is awesome. I remember trying to get off hydrocodone & I made it about a week before the cravings got unbearable. And that was the beginning of the journey down the path of addiction & self destruction, so to be at this point is nothing short of a blessing. I felt to good about where I am today when my mother in law through a fit about her OC's being a gel tab & not being able to snort them. She literally said "I can't snort them & when I chew them, they are gooey & get stuck in my teeth", I said "Ummm, maybe that's because you are supposed to swallow them, do you want help yet?" Mother in law replies "I don't have an issue, you are a smoker, that's worse!" Me "Yep, I smoke, but I am not snorting my tobacco am I, and my doctor recommends to deal with one addiction at a time, I am an addict, the pot & the kettle are both black, take your pick on which one you are!" To admit I am an addict is embarassing, sure, but to be in denial is not any better. Boy, people become so much clearer when I am not high. I am so glad that a life vest was thrown to me & others on here, but it's sad when you can't save a family member. Other than the snafu with her, my weekend has been fabulous. Took the kids trick or treating, cleaned out my garage(been meaning to do that for a year or so), I have just been going non stop. Now I am going to go raid the candy & go to bed. Ahhh, life can be glorious!
Romeo-
No, not this time b/c it really wasn't obvious. But my 13yr old has seen it too many times, not only with me(though I did my best to not show my w/d's to them in the past) but my husband & his entire family have struggled with addiction. I hope that my kids attending their aunt's funeral(due to overdose of fentanyl) was a good deterrent. I have always been one to push through, my husband not so much. So, yes they have seen withdrawal at it's worst/maybe best if I look on the bright side. Addiction is something I want my kids to understand. I want them to know that anything can become addictive, and subsequently can cause havok in their lives. I hope they can forgive me for what I have allowed to transpire in the past few years, and I hope I can get to the place where I forgive myself. I know that there isn't anybody than is free of mistakes in life, I just hate that my mistakes have impacted my babies. My husband & I just made poor decisions that cost us just about everything we had, the materialistic can be replaced, my memories & time can't be.

DiaryofaQuitter-
Now only if only this was a scratch & eat screen...that made my day though, Thanks!


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 9:38 am 
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Learning how to forgive yourself is a tough one isn't it? Especially for us addicts because we have usually done some pretty silly things along the way. I remember coming out of the Dr. office years and years ago with a script for 40mg OC's, got to my car and realized I locked the keys in the car :evil: . Here I have a bunch of OC's just waiting for me, but I can't get to the pharmacy to get them filled and I want them NOW! Luckily :), I was in my wifes convertible so I took out my jack knife, stabbed a hole through the roof big enough to fit my hand through and unlocked the door and drove away to get my "meds". Yeah, that went over like a dog turd in the punch bowl. Unfortunately, we all have stories like this with the majority of them being much worse. My own forgiveness came after I learned to forgive others. I mean the person who I disliked most in life is where I started, I forced myself to pray for them...not for their demise, good prayers. It is hard. Once I started doing that I was finally able to start forgiving myself.

This is just what worked for me, I suspect you may have to find your own path.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:18 am 
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lindscnn

Boy you sound so much like me! I had to laugh when you said you were gonna raid the candy as I have been eating so much of that since I've been clean. LOL I think it's kind of a replacement for the drugs but I'll take that anyday!

Yes L-Tyrosine is what you want. I thought about that after I sent the message. I think it was that that made it so much smoother for me to quit. I had tried once or twice before to get off suboxone but the depression got so bad I had suicidal, crazy thoughts. I would never actually go through with them of course but they were there and that was the worst part of it for me so of course I didn't have much success. This time I took the L-Tyrosine and I had NO depression.. I do have God in my life so I have him to thank too. We are close in age and weight. I will be 29 in two months and I'm 5'7", I dropped down to 119 and am now back at my 132lbs. It just feels so good to have my butt back!! LOL I was so sick of everyone telling me how skinny I looked. Don't ever think you are "complaining" on here. Everyone knows where you're coming from. It helps just to TALK! It may sound like you're complaining but I don't see that at all and if thats what helps you stay clean then DO IT... COMPLAIN ALL YOU WANT! This is for YOU, don't worry about what other people are gonna think. I found myself doing that a lot when I was high, because of my insecurities.. now I hold my head high. I do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I lost myself, like we all do and I feel alive again. I'm doing the little things I stopped doing.. get your hair cut, take the extra money you would have spent on drugs and buy an outfit.. it's things like that that make me love life right now. Reward yourself, you deserve it. Also I too tried to rush my body.. asking myself "Why don't I feel great yet?" It's normal.. just bring yourself back down and tell yourself it hasn't even been a month... and look at the progress you've ALREADY made. I can't imagine doing this with 4 kids. My sisters the same age with the same aged kids it sounds like (3,5,6 & 9) and I don't even know how she does it.. and she's not an addict, she works and goes to school and that seems hard enough, I can't imagine throwing drugs into the mix, you must be a tough woman! Also, you can't worry about saving other people. That was crucial during my tapering, I kept telling myself it's their problem, not mine. I am not normally a selfish girl but I was smart enough to recognize that the stress from other people would only bring me down. I cut negative people completely from my life and surrounded myself with family and good sober friends. BE SELFISH RIGHT NOW.. I'm not saying to neglect your kids but don't forget to take some YOU time. And don't be so hard on yourself about your kids. They will forgive you.. you can't change the past, don't dwell on it, just make the future better. :-)

Cheryl

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:21 pm 
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Luv-
Thanks for the reply, today was a good day for me to read that. Today is going like the other days in general, but I feel like all the b.s I have been tolerating is coming to a head today. If I had enough money in my account, I would have already packed up my kids & we would have left. I have been struggling with my marriage for years, and today is one of those days that makes me want to run out the door. I am just so fed up with laziness, lies, excuses, etc. I can't continue to raise 4 kids & a 32yr old husband. My husband has been out of work for a year this month, we get unemployment & a VA check to get us by, today he was supposed to go to an interview...not gonna happen! He had the nerve to say I needed to do his resume again, iron his clothes in order to help him get a job. Really? As if I don't have enough on my plate, I am supposed to baby him too? I haven't gone to college b/c he was worried I would leave him(yes, this was his reasoning) So I stayed at home with the kids. He wants me to help HIM go to college now, again Really? He had an affair 3 yrs ago, but it was my fault b/c I didn't party since I was pregnant...really? Ugh, I am so over the drama, the insecurities, the bs! I guess if I am to blame for all of his shortcomings & downfalls, then maybe I really need to go. Then maybe I can find myself again. I am trying not to let a bad day cause issues for my kids, but when our 8yr old says "see mom, we need to leave daddy" it is hard to stay. I am trying hard today to not let it all get me down, like Romeo said. I know what I want, i know what I need, and I don't think it involves my husband anymore, which is sad!


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 10:06 pm 
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First of all Lind, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! We all know what kind of accomplishment that it and I hope you continue to keep that positive attitude and keep us posted!

What would really help me out, is if you would go into a lil bit of detail about your tapering process and how that work and after how long certain symptoms were worse than others n such. Thanks!

--Scottie


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 10:17 pm 
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lindscnn, My heart breaks when I read messages like the one you just posted. None of us are in your shoes and that makes it all but impossible to give any sort of intelligent advice. I just don't know what to say? All I can do is say a prayer for you and your family. We're thinking of you.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 10:26 pm 
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First of all Lind, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! We all know what kind of accomplishment that it and I hope you continue to keep that positive attitude and keep us posted!

What would really help me out, is if you would go into a lil bit of detail about your tapering process and how that work and after how long certain symptoms were worse than others n such. Thanks!

--Scottie


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:09 am 
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Lind,

I was never married and have no kids but I have to say that I was forced to do the same thing. My last relationship was with a girl, it was the first time I had ever even considered it, but my curiosity got the best of me. When I made the decision to get sober I had to leave her and everyone else that I associated with behind. We dated for almost 4 years and right from the start we were popping vicodin together.. then started snorting oxys, then eventually shooting dope. I started to feel like I was suffocating, not only because of the drugs but also because of the situation I was in with her. I knew in my heart I would regret it if I stayed with her. I would have lived a long, miserable life. I put myself through school and worked so hard to get to where I am in life and felt like I was throwing it all away to take care of her. She never worked the 4yrs we were together and I had tried so hard to get her to be enthusiastic about some sort of direction in life.. she sat home 24/7 while I worked a full-time job and then another 20+ hrs waitressing. She pulled the same shit.. everything was MY fault and it was one excuse after another of why she didn't have a job. After a while we forget what we deserve and feel like we're stuck because they are so co-dependent on us. The last year I was with her out of pity only. It takes some strength to start over like that but I have such a great family that they were my rock. I got on my knees and prayed for God to help me get out of the situation I was in. He is putting the guilt on you and that's not right. Love is NOT guilt! He sounds like he wants to keep you down and people like that are no good for you. Surround yourself with the people that will be there for you in any way they can. It's amazing how your perspective and confidence changes once you get clean. I saw her for what she really was.. a leech. I am so grateful that I'm starting my life over, I have no regrets, but I've learned so much from the situation. Weigh out your positives and negatives.. you will figure it out.. just remember if you decide to leave it won't be easy but you WILL get through it.. keep your eye on what's most important.. the well being of you and your kids. If he loves you enough after you go then he will change his selfish ways. I'll be thinking about you and your kids and praying that you make it though this.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:17 am 
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one more thing... don't EVER let someone else discourage you from chasing your dreams or getting an education.. that is one regret you will have for sure. It's HIS problem he feels insecure about you leaving him, not yours! Follow your heart and never look back.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 6:57 pm 
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Luv-
Thank you! Your story is so much like mine, but I haven't worked in years:( I did make more money than him when we met, but I quit for him. My old job, even though it was many years ago, still offered me my job back. But I am in a pickle with that b/c with 4 kids now, and my husband refusing to help, I can't afford day care to work. Puts me in a bit of a jam. I am not sure how to go about leaving, sometimes it just seems easier to deal with the current situation than to risk what I have left...it is confusing to say the least. Since I am married I can't get help from the state with daycare. I have known for years I wasn't happy, but I figured I said "I do" so I had to suck it up. After 12 years of the same ole' gets really exhausting. I told him last night that I love him, but I don't like him & I am not in love with him anymore. I see him more as a couch weight more than anything. Maybe it's just the fear of the unknown that kept me here so long. the man he was while in the Army has disappeared, and I am not his commander nor should I have to be. I guess it took all of this crap in my life to make me see what is really going on, and I am not going to continue in a loveless marriage. I was 18 when we married, I guess as a lot of girls do, I wanted the "bad boy"...be careful what you wish for. I want my marriage to work, I have invested sooo much time & energy, but it is up to him. Somedays look better than others, but those days are dwindling. We talked about "happy" memories the other day, besides the 4 births over the years, most didn't include him. Talk about a reality check! My blood seems to boil over when I am with him lately. He is in one of 2 places, the bed or the couch. I am a mover, go getter mentality typically. Sitting, not doing anything is nice for about a day...more than that I go stir-crazy. He never goes to any school plays, meetings, etc. It bothers me more than I knew..typing it out like this can be really theraputic..lol! My sister has said if I saw someone in my shoes, I would tell them to leave! She's right, so why on earth do I stay? Life would be so much easier if I hit the lotto, but that's unlikely, so plan B needs to be made. If I stay I know my depression will only get worse, but moving here in Palm Beach county is expensive. Where do I start, when to do it, how to do it, how to not mess up my kids, etc?? I am just going to have to deal with every issue day by day. But the good news is I don't feel any need to numb these feelings, or mask them with pills. Thank you for your words of encouragement...it truly helps!

cantbephaded-
I wish I had a timeline to use as advice. I was on suboxone for 6-7 months, I had been on just about everything prior, I jumped at 4mgs which is not typically recommended. I happened to make my script last longer than I was supposed to, which lead me to forget about my doc appointment. It was a Thursday when I ran out, called the doc, she couldn't see me til Monday. Oh boy I thought, but I figured if I made it until Monday & wasn't suffering too bad I would try just to quit. Monday came & went, I felt like I had a mild cold, so I didn't reschedule. I think the key is listening to your body & mind. If your mind isn't ready, then stay on longer, if your body isn't ready, continue to lower the dose, and most of all...don't let anyone determine the length of time you need. Everyone is different, some people can get off easy like I did, others take a bit longer. I was mentally prepared for what I may or may not experience, I knew it could go good or bad, I hoped for the best & prepared for the worst. I luckily got the best. I would guess that being on it less than a year was what helped me. As with any medication, the longer you're on it, the more your body depends on it. My quitting was not planned when I stopped, it just happened to be my time by a mistake on my part. But my doctor had told me she has had patients before who just stopped with no problems. Maybe I just got a really good doctor who knew when it was my time, even though I didn't know I was ready to come off. I wouldn't recommend quitting w/out suboxone on hand just in case. I, luckily, knew there was no way I was going back. I have wasted too many years being addicted to pills, chained to a bottle. The mind has to be prepared & determined, the body will follow suit. Just listen to your body, if you handle the lowered dosage well, continue to lower it as fast as you feel comfortable. A trick my doctor mentioned was to suck on orange tic tacs when it feels like you need another suboxone, and see how long you can go feeling "normal", it helped with the pyschological desire. When you are getting down to the lower dosages, push out your next dose an extra hour, and make that next dose a little smaller. Eventually I went from taking it first thing in the morning to taking it at 5 o'clock at night. Slowly but surely, you'll get there, on your own time!


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 8:44 pm 
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I'm so sorry about the crap you're dealing with in your relationship. I remember when I first got on Suboxone thinking that I wasn't sure if my relationship would survive me getting into recovery. Those were not fun times.

Many times in codependent relationships when one partner tries to make a change the other partner will do things to try to stop them from changing - even when the change is obviously for the better. It may or may not be conscious, it may or may not make sense...it's just a function of the relationship. Your recovery has changed the balance, so he will try to restore it somehow.

If you have access to counseling, you might think about using that resource to talk about these issues. Maybe you can get him to participate, maybe not, but it's always good to have somewhere that you can talk about these issues and figure out what you really think and what would be the best next step for you.

One thing that happens to a lot of us when we are in our active addiction is that we stop having a "bottom line" about what is acceptable behavior either from ourselves or our partners. We let our boundaries get erased, and it is very uncomfortable to have to set those boundaries again and start enforcing them. It was very anxiety-provoking for me to have to do that with my partner. He had indulged my drug abuse for a long time, who was I to start saying that now he couldn't do certain things if he wanted to continue our relationship? But I worked on it in therapy and I started small and worked up and it got easier. Things aren't perfect, but they are better and we are working things out.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 10:51 am 
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Linds,

When the time is right for you you will eventually get the strength to move forward. I'm only concerned because unhappy relationships or being unhappy in general could lead to relapse. I don't want it to bring you back down but you sound like no matter what happens you don't want to use again. Also if you separate from your husband can't you get financial assistance being a "single" mom of 4 kids? Not sure how that works in Florida but my sister gets some help with hers here in NY. And I guess I just don't understand.. if your husband doesn't want to work then he should watch the kids so you can work.. that's just wrong of him.

Diary,

Very well said.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 11:40 am 
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Thanks Lin for the recap! It is very refreshing to here a success story. It really instills some hope in people like me. I have 4 days off work to make this happen, and it will either start in just a few days or the following week. I feel like I have never been soo prepared mentally. I really feel like it is time to do this and I really am looking forward to being normal again. Being on suboxone for a good 2-3 years, I am reallly realizing the side effects of suboxone and how its holding me back in life.

I am down to 2mg a day which is still a little bit higher than what I wanted to jump from but I am determined to make this happen next week. The doctor gave me some comfort meds (clonidine, soma, ambien) so I am hoping will help out. I also have some xanax that I havent touched in a year and I dont want to take them but I thought maybe worse case scenario they may help briefly.

Anyways, thanks a bunch for your comments, it is amazing how simply telling your story can impact others who are making their "leap of faith".


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