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PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 3:44 pm 
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Been a while since I’ve been on here. Figured I would let everyone know I’m still sub/everything free!

Sleep is just plain crazy. I was actually doing very good for the past 4 days and didn’t even need to take the ambien. Well last night I couldn’t sleep so I took my first one. WOW I was out within 20 minutes and I woke up feeling great, not groggy like the Tylenol PM’s. I wish I had more. Gonna try and not take another one unless I have to.

Overall I’m doing fairly well. Sleep is getting better (knock on wood) really right now I’m battling the lack of energy thing and slight stomach issues. I’m still kinda depressed in the mornings but it gets better once I take a shower and start moving around.

I guess it’s sad to say but I miss looking forward to opiates even if it was suboxone. Just knowing I was gonna get some opiates in my system got me out of bed MANY times. Anyway im sure that’s ‘somewhat’ normal but yeah overall I really can’t complain. I really thought I was gonna lose my job from all of this but I didn’t. So yeah there’s at least one good thing.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 5:23 pm 
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Substation! I've been wondering how you've been doing!

Sounds like you're doing really well considering what you've been through, and again, it only gets better.

Oh man, I bet that sleep did wonders for you!

SO glad you didn't lose your job too! I'm convinced I would have lost my job had it not been for the subs. Looking back, there's no way I could have come off what I was doing before and functioned and kept my job and relationship. And that's HUGE. So congrats Substation. Keep busy and stay active and keep us posted! I know I'm rootin' for ya!

-Rsj


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:01 pm 
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Thanks RSJ….I’m gonna keep you on that whole ‘it will get better thing’ lol as I’m sure you know it’s just a rollercoaster sometimes. I’m up and down a lot. I went to Atlantic City on Saturday and I swear I totally forgot what I was going through until I got home. Even after I lost 200 bucks I still didn’t remember. But the next morning, BAM feel like crap.

But I’m sure your right. I mean looking back to 3 weeks ago now, I’m in a way better stop. It’s just one of those times I wish I had a time machine and could fast forward another month or two :wink:


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 11:15 pm 
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Anytime Substation!

It IS most definitely a roller coaster ride. Good to hear you went out and went to AC! Just think, two weeks ago, if someone had told you you'd be going to AC, having some fun, lose $200 and STILL have a great time? What would you have thought?

Crazy isn't it... The BAM, dead cat bounce days (as Romeo calls em), those suck but will stretch fewer and further in between. They are frustrating, but that month you wanna fast forward to will be here in NO time. Contrary to the saying, time CAN fly when you're NOT having fun too.

I've been scratching my head and seriously contemplating joining a gym, I've never stepped foot in a gym in my life! I wouldn't even know what to do! I'm gonna try and find out though. As I've said before, my sleep pattern now is radically different now but I'm ok with it because my energy is back and I'm doing just fine on 5 or 6 hours of sleep, so I think I'd rather go to the gym and do stuff in the early mornings besides sit on the sofa watching news and smoking cigarettes waiting for work. I dunno, we'll see.

-Rsj


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:31 am 
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Hey guys!!

I was just talking to another member the other day about how she was still feeling kinda crappy and I reminded her of the same thing Rsj said.....think of where you are today versus where you were a week or two ago. We tend to focus on how shitty we're feeling instead of how far we've come. I know, especially being an addict, I think I'm supposed to feel great all the time, but reality is SO far from what my little pee brain dreams up about how I'm supposed to feel. I struggled with not feeling good for a long while, then I finally said "whiz on it", I accepted it and got on with my life. Substation, you bring up an interesting example of how good we can feel when we're not focusing on how crappy we feel.....you went to AC, got out of your head and look how good you felt. As soon as you got back home, it sounds like you got back in you head again. I'm NOT bitchin' at ya, hell, I still do the same crap on an alarmingly regular basis. I'm one of those stubborn dudes who learns his lessons the HARD way, but at least I'm learning.

Keep hanging in there guys, y'all are warriors AND you guys impress the hell out of me!!!

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:59 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
Hey guys!!

I was just talking to another member the other day about how she was still feeling kinda crappy and I reminded her of the same thing Rsj said.....think of where you are today versus where you were a week or two ago. We tend to focus on how shitty we're feeling instead of how far we've come. I know, especially being an addict, I think I'm supposed to feel great all the time, but reality is SO far from what my little pee brain dreams up about how I'm supposed to feel. I struggled with not feeling good for a long while, then I finally said "whiz on it", I accepted it and got on with my life. Substation, you bring up an interesting example of how good we can feel when we're not focusing on how crappy we feel.....you went to AC, got out of your head and look how good you felt. As soon as you got back home, it sounds like you got back in you head again. I'm NOT bitchin' at ya, hell, I still do the same crap on an alarmingly regular basis. I'm one of those stubborn dudes who learns his lessons the HARD way, but at least I'm learning.

Keep hanging in there guys, y'all are warriors AND you guys impress the hell out of me!!!


Um, yeah, I think that other member was me, lol.

I feel really pretty good, EXCEPT for in the mornings. :D It is reaaaaalllllyyyy tough for me to get going. My body is asleep and so is my brain, so I kinda sleep walk through the first few hours of the day. I even have a tough time speaking, like my tongue is asleep. This goes away as the day goes on. By bedtime, I'm 100% awake and good to go!! LOL!

Still, it's just not bad at all. More annoying than anything. I look forward to the day when I wake up and there's that 'happy morning' cartoon song playing in the background of my mind and I sit up, all rested and bright eyed, and cannot wait to start the day.

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:50 pm 
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Yeah I once heard a saying that went something like ‘the pain your going through now is always the worst pain in your life’ meaning we focus on the current pain. Our bodies recover so fast that we forget about past pain and consider anything going on current to be the worst.

Hey RSJ….they gym could do a lot of good as you probably know. Not sure what’s around you but a lot of the big gyms like LA Fitness give you like 3-5 free personal trainer sessions when you sign up. They will guide you through the basics. Just something to digest…

Well today is day 24 for me and probably the best day so far! I even had two people from work comment on how good I looked. Man I didn’t know I looked that bad before lol no but for real it felt good that others can see me getter better as well :D


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 4:51 pm 
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What’s up everyone….figured I would throw in a quick update since tomorrow will be 4 weeks. I’m getting crazy good sleep now. Almost too much sleep. I’m back to my regular 9-10 hours a night lol

Feeling pretty dam good lately. The main thing I’m struggling with now is lack of motivation and some really bad headaches. I never really got headaches very often but I have one almost all day long the past week now. I mean it’s bearable just really annoying. I’ve been taking about 4 aleve a day and it works for the most part.

I guess I’m just waiting for the day when I forget about all this stuff I’ve been through, but maybe that will just never happen. I’ve come to the conclusion that feeling ‘normal’ is a very loose term and can vary day to day. But again in the scheme of things I’m doing very well and very happy with my decision. My head is much clearer now. I know this might sound strange but I feel much more intelligent lately. Anyone else feel that way? Like I’m doing much better at work and figuring things out that before I would have just gave up on. I feel like I’m constructing my verbal sentences better at work. I just all around feel smarter for some reason lol IDK :)


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:39 pm 
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WOO HOO! Substation! This is SO awesome!

3-5 personal trainer sessions? That is EXACTLY what I need. Show me the ropes and I'll climb em'!

Wow, you rocked it out! I said in a post not too long ago, I think it was to LadderTipper, that I'm banished from using the word "normal". What is IS and what IS is good so that's that's what I've been going with and I feel great!

Oh man, I can totally relate to having a clear head now. I am so quick these days. I get asked a question at work, sometimes about things I worked on 5 or 6 years ago and without any thought It just comes. It's out of my mouth, spot on, and afterwards I have to smile and ask myself how in the hell did I just spit that out like that?! I love it! I don't rely on sticky notes anymore either, don't need to write names, numbers and dates and stick em on the wall... I just remember stuff.

You remind me of a something I said in a post a 'lil while back, no one has told me I look better per se, but I will NEVER forget this day, a secretary asked me "what is up with you lately? what are you on?" And I copped the biggest grin and said NOTHING, I'm on nothing and its goooooood.

Wish I knew what to tell you about the headaches, I haven't had that problem myself so I just don't know. I have my days where I can't get motivated, but then I look at those people around me, who've never been through what we have, and see them moping around sayin' I can't get motivated today... So I've concluded that motivation is just something that comes and goes with everyone so I try not to read too much into it.

SO happy to hear that you're days are better!

-RSJ


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 3:23 pm 
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Thanks RSJ….today is exactly 1 month since the jump on 9/11 and no I didn’t pick that day. I just woke up one morning (happened to be 9/11) and refused to take my medication. Not the most moving story out there but things happen for a reason, least I think.

I know what you mean about remembering things. I had always been good at remembering little things in the past but lately (when on subs) I had people asking me how I didn’t remember that? I think I refused to fully admit, but suboxone was seriously fogging my mind looking back now. I’m not trying to bash it but that’s just how I feel.

Still battling the headaches and tiredness but want ya gonna do. I had set this date in my head that I would feel great, normal, back to myself, whatever….I feel much better but I guess I need to wait some more time. But hey I wouldn’t trade today for day 8 if someone offered me a couple million 8)


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:35 pm 
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Sub-bro--
Congrats on the month dude. I feel like those of us trekking this march are like brothers and sisters who are experiencing something common to all of us--but very different individually. You have done so well dude. I am at like 2 and a half months now. I have been taking Trazadine to help me sleep--other than that my issues are pretty mild. Still some stomach issues but those are things I have had historically so no surprise there. Otherwise I fell pretty normal. You have rocked it man. And its guys like Romeo, RSJ and you that walked me through it. Thanks to all you guys for being there.

brian


Last edited by brian__TX on Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:41 pm 
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Rsj, Brian, Substation and Laddertipper,

You guys/gals are all doing so great!!!

Whenever I got discouraged, I would think of this picture.

http://www.adoptionhealing.com/DontEverGiveUP.html

Y'all keep up the great work!!

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 6:44 pm 
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No thank YOU for being there lol but seriously you guys did help me out greatly. Really not sure I would be here a month later if it wasn’t for this forum. Makes me wonder since methadone has been around much longer than suboxone what those people did. I mean the internet really hasn’t blown up until the last 10 years.

And that reminds me….yes stomach issues. I had actually forgotten for a little bit. Why do I wake up every morning feeling like I killed some Mexican food. And BTW…I did try Mexican on about day 10. Just an FYI not a very good idea, I will just keep it at that!

Yeah baby one month down :twisted:


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 6:45 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
Rsj, Brian, Substation and Laddertipper,

You guys/gals are all doing so great!!!

Whenever I got discouraged, I would think of this picture.

http://www.adoptionhealing.com/DontEverGiveUP.html

Y'all keep up the great work!!


:D


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 7:41 pm 
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I just found my new phone wallpaper! Thanks Romeo! Love it!

And Substation, you just about made me fall outta my chair just now! I am completely brain fried from work today, and when I saw your post, all I saw was "Why do I wake up every morning feeling like I killed some Mexican" ... Totally missed the food part! OMG.

I can't brain anymore, I have the dumb.

-RSJ


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:57 pm 
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Yup, that's one determined frog!! He ain't going down without a fight, neither are we!!!

Rsj, YOU cracked me up with your last post!!! I'm trying to picture your face as you're reading substations post.....you're sitting there trying to figure out what substation has against Mexicans!! You goofball!!!

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:15 pm 
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LOL I read this last night but didn’t understand because I was so tired. That’s way too funny…..imagine if you withdrew from a drug that made you feel like you killed Mexican people the night before….way too freaking funny!!!!!!!! :shock: :shock:


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:47 pm 
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I know right?!

"Well there's a new wacky WD symptom to make note of."

And see, it instantly reminded me of a dream I had right during that part of after the jump, you know, when you're finally getting some sleep and the wild vivid dreams start happening... Well, I had this one where I was driving home and it dawned on me when I pulled into my driveway that I had a dead hooker in my trunk! I knew I didn't kill her but I didn't know why she was in my trunk either! She got in there somehow and I was all kinds of freaked out 'cuz how am I sposed to explain havin' a dead hooker in my trunk?! I don't even know where to get hookers!? UGH, I've been wierded out by THAT one for a while now. I guess just as we are more clear headed, our minds are just as active while we're sleeping 'cuz I've had some REAL doozies since I started sleeping better. Every night is an adventure and every morning is a relief!

-RSJ


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 3:27 pm 
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O.M.G.----you are a riot Rsj!!!

I've had some weird ass dreams since being off of Suboxone, but none involved dead hookers in my trunk!! You take the cake, dude!!

I'm gonna have to have a little talk with my brain and get it to spice up my dreams so I can compete with ya. :lol:

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:06 pm 
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I just can’t comprehend that you don’t know where to find Mexican hookers?????? LOL JK :P


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