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PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 8:01 am 
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Good Morning Substation, and welcome to day 10!

I hope this day is a good one for you. I went back and re-read some of my posts just over in the "Stopping Suboxone" thread trying to figure out exactly what was happening on what day and it looks like I didn't even start posting until Day 12, and it looks like at that point I was doin' alright, just a little whiney, ok alot whiney. I'm on day 32 and that two week period has become a big blur at this point. I tell ya, I had a few messes to clean up at work too, I didn't call in sick a single day but I also didn't accomplish much and what I did accomplish, I had to go back in and tweak & fix. With all the sneezing and generally just the way I looked, people knew I wasn't well, just not why. But today I'm right back to my speed and accuracy. Take advantage of this weekend coming up, try and get out and go be with people and LAUGH. I've reconnected with a few of my long time friends and gone out a few times and I tell ya, I have laughed more in the last couple weeks than I have the last 2 years, to the point my abs were sore. I'm one of those people that can get the uncontrollable giggles at the most inappropriate of times, like at a funeral. I had really isolated myself and became quite anti-social. The laughter has been GOOD medicine for me. People I've known for years have noticed the extra bounce in my step and the fact I'm more outgoing and perky lately (the old me is back). One of my secretaries even asked me last week, what is up with you? What is this? What are you on cuz I want summa that. OMG if she only knew. NOTHING, that's what I'm on, and it's goooood.

-RSJ


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 8:59 am 
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I'm so jelous. You are doing so well for yourself. Bet you never woulda imagined 2 weeks suboxone free. I can hardly imagine it.

Yesterday I had one of those emotional days too. Was SO angry with everything, and I'm deffinately an easy going positive person. Guess it comes with the territory.

I take really good vitamins, they help. I also take alieve.

I'm happy to hear your pulling through, good luck with your job!!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 6:53 pm 
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Ya know when you said ‘welcome to day 10’ I was like no it hasn’t been that long. I had to go back and count and yup your right, today is day 10. Thanks for keeping the count RSJ!

I can say everyday is getting a little better. Right now it’s just the energy thing, I have barley any. That and falling asleep. But I will say Romeo was right, I feel much better now that I’m back to work. I actually get depressed when I get home. I don’t wanna leave work the past two days. I guess because I’m less occupied when I get home.

I’ve never been the ‘one day at a time’ type of person but I can defiantly say that you need to be that way when going through this crap. I’m still completely satisfied with my decision and then some…

PS: 3years…just read your thread. Good luck on the test Monday!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 7:24 pm 
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You guys are really inspiring me, as I'm on a VERY fast taper and going off in 2 days. It's great to hear about laughter because depression is what I fear. I will take your advice and get with other people. I really like that someone asked what you're on, Rsj, that is priceless. I needed to be reminded why I want to do this in the first place - to get back into my life.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:54 pm 
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Hey guys,
Just checkin' in and Lilly, it just tickles me pink to think that I could inspire someone!

All you guys touched on really good points. One of my biggest fears and stumbling blocks whenever I'd make an attempt to come off my D.O.C. and then in my decision making about coming off the Subs was the depression I just knew lay ahead, and I just dreaded it. I was literally making myself depressed about the prospect of becoming depressed before I could even become depressed! And loe and behold, so far, at day 32, no depression. Sure I get pissy and I may or may not throw a tantrum here and there, but no depression. And I'm really quite surprised by that. Of course I don't know what lies ahead but I honestly don't see it happening and I'm not going to think about it anymore.

And Substation, you nailed it talking about going home after work etc.... assume the position, get horizontal... ok now what?! Before, that was my favorite time of day, to go home, settle in the sofa, mute the phone and have my "alone time" clutching the TV remote. But NOW I'm all about calling people, texting people, finding out who's doin' what, tell me some gossip, wanna hang out a few... I can't stand to be alone now and it's freakin' me out! And I'm sure it's freakin' them out too. I can't tell if I'm insecure or bored or just back to being my social self, I'm not EVEN going to try and over analyze it, I'm just gonna roll with it.

The energy thing, ugh, that's the one thing that still wants to rear it's ugly head occasionally. Not near like it was around day 10 FOR SURE but I'm just rollin' with that too and trying to be patient and take it as it comes. Sometimes, rather than dwell on what I've done to myself, I'll tell myself "My god man! You just survived a horrible accident! You've got major head trauma, You're not going to heal overnight!" LOL, it's silly but it helps with the mind tricks that come along with all this. If my brain is gonna lie to me, I'm gonna lie right back!

And And like you, I am still 110% satisfied with my decision to jump that day. No regrets!

Stay strong and keep truckin' guys!
-RSJ


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 12:18 am 
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I totally agree…I also went from yearning to come home and just do nothing, to dreading just that thought. It’s just hard because it’s a catch 22 almost. I wanna do all these things to keep myself busy but I have ZERO energy to do so. But I guess it sounds like it does get better.

I think I touched on this before but I also have these extreme urges to reconnect with old friends and co-workers and whatnot. Prior I could care less. I was completely happy being home by myself surfing the internet. I can’t wait, there are just so many things I wanna do when I feel better. Just hope I stay good with that promise to myself.

Tomorrow is day 11….substation is wining and suboxone is losing horribly :twisted:


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 6:08 am 
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Yeahhhh Substation, you're kickin' ass and takin' names!!! Today I woke up WIDE awake at 4:30am (Still happens sometimes) decided to go ahead and get out of bed and immediately stepped barefoot in cat puke. Lovely.

I was just remembering there were a few days that I had struggled at work and, I'm lucky in the fact that I have the same setup at home that I do at work and I'm fully networked so there were a few days that I just couldn't pull it together at work so later in the late afternoon or evening I'd try and get a little work done here at home, if for nothing else it was a distraction and something to do. I don't know what you do for a living, but maybe you could sit n do some paperwork, read, play catchup? Maybe if you're a "boss" you can sit and write people up and put them on notice, then at the bottom put "Just Kidding!" HA!

-RSJ


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:02 am 
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Hey guys,

I just caught up on this thread and a couple of things came to mind.

#1--I remember my addiction counselor telling me when I quit Suboxone that I would actually grieve the loss of the drug. Not only did I grieve the loss of the drug, I think I grieved the loss of the lifestyle??

#2--Habits. During my opiate use, I had established such strong habits. One of them was going to my kitchen isalnd, where my meds were, and dosing twice a day. For months after I quit, I would find myself wandering by our kitchen island and pausing there as if I had to do something. Another habit was coming home, crashing on the couch and doing my best Homer Simpson impression for the rest of the night. Nodding off and drooling on myself.....ahhh, those were the days.

Grieving the loss of the drug and breaking those habits were a chore. I think the combination of those two played a role in the mild depression I suffered from during my acute and PAWS.

Glad to hear everyone is doing well.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 2:44 pm 
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So today is day 11 and although I feel much better I’m getting so tired of this lack of energy. I keep thinking everyday it’s gonna get better but it stays right about the same. IDK Sunday will be two weeks so I really hope I have more energy by next week.

I got the strangest urge to drink last night, but I didn’t. Drinking was never a problem for me but I found when I went on suboxone I had ZERO interest in drinking. I guess now that its out of my system, I will want to drink again here and there. I’m just afraid right now because even though I don’t like alcohol much, I can see myself replacing the opiates with acholcol.

What does someone do when in that position? I guess I’m supposed to stay clean and I guess that means alcohol as well? But does it? IDK I’m confused right now…


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 3:49 pm 
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Hey Substation,
I'd say if you were ever a heavy drinker, or had problems with alcohol in the past, might just as well stay away from it.
If it took you down a bad road once I wouldn't risk it.

ME, personally, have never been, and am not a big drinker. But at the same time I started wanting to reconnect with friends and started feeling "social" again, that's what I wanted to do to, go out and have a damn drink after a rough day at the office. Which I did, I've been to a couple of happy hours with friends, and gone out to a club in the past couple weeks and had a BLAST. I got people keeping tabs on me though, and if I start finding myself in a bar every night I'm gonna get my ass kicked by somebody LOL.

I really don't know what others think about this issue. I'd like to hear others chime in and give their thoughts. I know some believe absolutely not, no drugs or alcohol, ever, and I've heard others say go out and enjoy yourself, don't drive & don't over do it of course.

EWW, could you imagine a nasty hangover ON TOP of the way you already feel? *gag*
-RSJ


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 5:23 pm 
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I HATE alcohol, never could stand the shit.....but after I quit Suboxone and got through the PAWS, I started craving alcohol?? I've had a beer here and there.....actually, I only finished 1 of those beers, the others I had to dump because I couldn't finish the whole beer. BUT, I have been having more and more cravings for alcohol lately and I know if I really put my mind to it, I could patiently learn how to enjoy alcohol.....then I'd be screwed. So, I'm leaving it alone. I know myself too well....it would only be a matter of time before I got to enjoying alcohol, then I'd wind up drunk one night and finding myself chasing some OxyContin down.

Nope, I ain't going there, it just ain't worth it. I've done pissed away enough of my life, I'm not interested in pissing away any more of it.

BTW, the lack of energy can hang on for a good while. I so wish I had a good suggestion for you to fight the lack of energy, but I really don't. I think forcing yourself back into life is about the best suggestion I have.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 7:16 am 
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Beer, I hate BEER. Horse piss!
But yeah, that's the thing I'd worry about most is getting piss drunk and making the poor decisions that come along with that.

I had a jack and coke the other night, gagged on the first sip, then 15 minutes later it was gone, I looked at my partner and said whoa, that went down scary good. His comeback was "you start drinking now I'm seriously gonna kick your ASS". He meant it too.

On another note, I am 3X days out now, I'm not bothering to count anymore, But I had the most bizarre day yesterday. It started off rocky (or so I thought) just 5 hours sleep. Woke up at 4:00am, decided to have some coffee and pout. But I went and sat outside, had that first cup of coffee and before I knew it, I had the house picked up, dishes done and it was time to go to work. Got REAL busy, had shit thrown at me all damn day and not only did I keep up, I knocked out today's workload and enough to keep me from having to work at home at all over the weekend! (rare). Then came quittin' time and usually I'd just be toast but the momentum kept going. Talked to my mom for over an hour on the phone (even rarer). Seems she only sleeps 4 hours a night, my brother sleeps about 5 hours a night and all her brothers and sisters only sleep 4-6 hours a night. Then she says "I never understood why you started going to bed so damn early anyway" (10:00pm) and she reminded me that up until just a few years ago I was never in bed before midnight or 1:00 and always up by 6:00... OMG MOM STFU. She's totally right. Crazy how you're perception of what "normal" is can get so skewed. So I've been banished from using the word Normal now. What is IS I guess. And I hate to say it but this is quickly becoming my favorite part of the day, the early mornings before work. Which sucks because I'm not a morning person! Or am IIIIII.
-RSJ


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 9:44 am 
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RsjxRsj wrote:
Beer, I hate BEER. Horse piss!
But yeah, that's the thing I'd worry about most is getting piss drunk and making the poor decisions that come along with that.

I had a jack and coke the other night, gagged on the first sip, then 15 minutes later it was gone, I looked at my partner and said whoa, that went down scary good. His comeback was "you start drinking now I'm seriously gonna kick your ASS". He meant it too.

On another note, I am 3X days out now, I'm not bothering to count anymore, But I had the most bizarre day yesterday. It started off rocky (or so I thought) just 5 hours sleep. Woke up at 4:00am, decided to have some coffee and pout. But I went and sat outside, had that first cup of coffee and before I knew it, I had the house picked up, dishes done and it was time to go to work. Got REAL busy, had shit thrown at me all damn day and not only did I keep up, I knocked out today's workload and enough to keep me from having to work at home at all over the weekend! (rare). Then came quittin' time and usually I'd just be toast but the momentum kept going. Talked to my mom for over an hour on the phone (even rarer). Seems she only sleeps 4 hours a night, my brother sleeps about 5 hours a night and all her brothers and sisters only sleep 4-6 hours a night. Then she says "I never understood why you started going to bed so damn early anyway" (10:00pm) and she reminded me that up until just a few years ago I was never in bed before midnight or 1:00 and always up by 6:00... OMG MOM STFU. She's totally right. Crazy how you're perception of what "normal" is can get so skewed. So I've been banished from using the word Normal now. What is IS I guess. And I hate to say it but this is quickly becoming my favorite part of the day, the early mornings before work. Which sucks because I'm not a morning person! Or am IIIIII.
-RSJ


Maybe you're a morning person and you didn't even know it! Thank goodness for mommies. :D Glad to hear you are feeling good, getting up, getting going, kicking butt and taking names.

I'm with you about the word 'normal'.

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 5:48 pm 
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You know I’ve been thinking about this whole drinking thing the past couple of days and I think I missed something very important until now. I remember years ago when I was trying to quit pills by myself I would be doing great until I had a few drinks then BAM washed down an oc with the drink. So if history tells the story that might happen again. I don’t think I’m prone to becoming an alcoholic but if alcohol inhibits my judgment then that’s a problem. I decided I’m gonna stay away at least for now.

So today is day 12 and I’m finally able to see light at the end of the tunnel energy wise. I woke up today feeling pretty well energized, at least considering the situation. I’m probably still at about 60% energy level but that’s not too bad considering I was about 20% last week. Its strange because I don’t feel like it gets better by the day. I feel like about every 3 days I will have a little more energy.

I’m just gonna be glad when this is all over with and I can laugh about the situation.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 1:33 pm 
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So today is day 14 and things are looking better for sure. I’ve been sleeping 9 hours the past 3 days. It still takes me a while to fall asleep but once I do its all good from there. My biggest thing right now is trying to find the ambition to wake up and get out of bed. It’s like I have nothing to look forward to right now, although I know that’s not true. I guess that’s called slight depression. IDK, hopefully it clears after some time.

I’ve been eating like a horse lately to the point its crazy. I wake up with these intense hunger pains that are getting kinda annoying. I’m hungry just about every 2 hours regardless of how much I ate prior. I would be fine with that but the worst part is I’m not exercising much at all right now. I gave myself 2 weeks off from the gym so that means I need to go back tomorrow. Hopefully I can actually make it there because I’m sure that will help as well.

IDK…overall looking back its really not that bad. It takes dedication and pain but if you want it bad you can make it happen. I would say it’s more uncomfortable than painful.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:03 pm 
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Substation!
Great for you man!! 9 hours sleep? WOW, that's freakin' awesome. I'm still doing the 5 to 6 hour thing, but I'm convinced at this point that's where I'd be right now anyway had I not decided to go dancing through the poppy fields with reckless abandon.

And YES, starvation, morning noon and night, I'm still hungry ALL the time.

I think I wrote in another post I can't stop eating, craving steak, and I'm already thinking of the next meal before I'm done eating what I've got in front of me NOW. LOL... I dunno what's up with that but I LIKE FUD!

I'm something like 36 days out now and I know I posted something like I had a good week last week and got alotta work done, to the point I wasn't going to have to work the weekend... Well, as I was about to walk out the door at 4:30 Friday afternoon, I got hit with an emergency rush project and wound up working 22 hours from Friday afternoon until this evening. Definitely tired, but I'm finding out that I'm thriving on stress! When I had nothing to do, on a weekend or something, THAT is when, like you, I just wanted to stay in bed and can't motivate. But as long as I have a commitment or work, I wake up and my anxiety and stress kick in and I sit me straight up and off I go.

My energy level, it's waxing and waning at this point, like I said before, If I know I have something I HAVE to do, I'm ok. But if I clear my schedule to "rest" or I'm just freakin' tired and "think" I need a rest or a break? THAT is when I have the trouble, the fatigue, the zero motivation. So although I thoroughly got my ass kicked this weekend, it was a great, productive weekend and I had no fatigue or apathy or depression, which made me feel good the whole weekend.

Definitely finding out that although the physical symptoms sucks ass, the majority of it is mental and psychological.

So happy you're ROCKIN' IT!!
-RSJ


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 7:37 pm 
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Well today is day 15 and its definitely getting better! I went back to the gym for the first time, well second, I went on day 4 for a couple of minutes. Anyway, the ride there was horrible. I was dreading everything and making up all kinds of stuff in my mind. I was picturing having a panic attack being around that many people at one time.

Well it ended up very well. As soon as I hoped on the treadmill I felt 100 times better. I actually felt kinda high while I was doing cardio. Not crazy high but like I took a 7.5mg vic or something. Needless to say I loved the feeling. Only thing is I couldn’t stay long because of the stomach problems I’m still having, but im sure they will get better. Point is exercise DOES make you feel better! I’m glad I got past my initial fear of walking in. that was by far the worst part.

Been sleeping like crazy…about 9-10 hours a night but here’s the problem. It takes me forever to fall asleep but once I do I sleep forever. It’s bad because ive been late for work the past couple of days. Luckily they KINDA understand. I know part is getting back into a good sleep pattern, forcing myself to wake up early and hope that resets my clock. But ive yet to be able to do this. Well tomorrow morning I have an important meeting so I guess tomorrow is the day I reset my clock. At least I hope for my jobs sake.

Thanks for the encouragement RSJ…keep on eating…..I know I will be!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 10:10 am 
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substation wrote:
Well today is day 15 and its definitely getting better! I went back to the gym for the first time, well second, I went on day 4 for a couple of minutes. Anyway, the ride there was horrible. I was dreading everything and making up all kinds of stuff in my mind. I was picturing having a panic attack being around that many people at one time.

Well it ended up very well. As soon as I hoped on the treadmill I felt 100 times better. I actually felt kinda high while I was doing cardio. Not crazy high but like I took a 7.5mg vic or something. Needless to say I loved the feeling. Only thing is I couldn’t stay long because of the stomach problems I’m still having, but im sure they will get better. Point is exercise DOES make you feel better! I’m glad I got past my initial fear of walking in. that was by far the worst part.

Been sleeping like crazy…about 9-10 hours a night but here’s the problem. It takes me forever to fall asleep but once I do I sleep forever. It’s bad because ive been late for work the past couple of days. Luckily they KINDA understand. I know part is getting back into a good sleep pattern, forcing myself to wake up early and hope that resets my clock. But ive yet to be able to do this. Well tomorrow morning I have an important meeting so I guess tomorrow is the day I reset my clock. At least I hope for my jobs sake.

Thanks for the encouragement RSJ…keep on eating…..I know I will be!


Substation, 9-10 hours a night!? Wow.....Why can't I sleep that much? I thought seven hours was amazing....

I am starving too. I totally get that part. It's like our bodies need extra calories right now to complete a tough task. I've noticed some crazy food sensitivities, though. As in, if I eat really unhealthy food for a day, I feel like absolute crap. I even have a reboot of some symptoms, like lethargy, body temp. issues, and just generally feeling like I'm fighting some nasty bug. Mainly, it's fast food that makes me feel horrible. :?

So....I started this 7-day whole body detox drink, which I got at Costco; and I also started liquid vitamins. Only two days of this and I can already feel the difference. I really recommend this! Plus, I bought a whole bunch of fruits and pita chips and stuff that I can grab instead of the stuff I was grabbing. Also, try to drink a full gallon of water a day. I'm putting lemons in mine to help clean everything out and to make the water more fun. BTW, Sub, I think you're doing a fantastic job. I'm just throwing stuff out there in case any of it sounds like something you want to try.

Oh, and have you tried the Chamomile tea before bed? I know it sounds so lame, but it actually works if you brew it correctly. You may be able to fall asleep faster.....

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 3:09 pm 
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I just wanted to throw a quick reminder out there to all you guys and gals in Suboxone Detoxville, getting all of the opiates out of your body and getting your brain to start working correctly without the help of external opiates is a process. For a myriad of reasons, we all recover at our own pace.

I'm gonna guess that eating healthy, nutritious foods will only help, but I can't attest to that because I ate junk for the majority of my detox.

I know this much though, you folks are Rockin' it and I always enjoy reading y'alls updates.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 4:35 pm 
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I agree Romeo,
I certainly would never discourage anyone from eating healthy and taking really good care of themselves while in Detoxville, it cannot hurt so it can ONLY help, and any and all help is a good thing.

As for myself, from the beginning, just a multivitamin or two every morning, lots of water all day long, and lots of food, lots and lots of food from the healthiest of salads and fish to the greasiest bowling alley bacon cheeseburgers. I haven't noticed any one thing making me feel any better, nor any worse, so when it comes to food, I do not discriminate. The skidmarks in front of Golden Corral? Yeah those are mine... The cat is running scared at this point... I been eye'n him 8) (no I haven't) (well maybe)... lil' Kung Pow Meow...

-RSJ


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