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PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 10:38 pm 
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Hey Substation, Sounds like you're doin' great so far. Dude you are STRONG. I personally (and have said this in other posts) could not have made it where I am right now knowing that there was a sub ANYWHERE within a 100 mile radius of me. Just proves you have one HELL of a strong constitution. Tonight I went out and reconnected with some old friends (sober ones) that I isolated myself from for the past couple of years and I have to say, I had the BEST time, and have plans for tomorrow to do the same... I'm going to say this cautiously and optimistically, but reconnecting with my old -RSDSOBER, non addicted friends has been the SO therapeutic! Once again, I have laughed SO hard tonight and had such a great time being ME, the "old" ME... just ME... LOVE IT!
-RSJ


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 10:44 pm 
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ya man i'm drinking coffee 8 to 5p.m. 3 packs a day. and crave dunkin donuts at 3 a.m.chocolate. keep truckin substation you got what it take's God speed.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 8:57 am 
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Hey substation,

I wanna wish you all the blessings and luck that you can possibly have while you go through this. The good thing about this forum is that everybody here has been through what you are going through, and some of us have been successful. The proof is right here in the pudding, that coming off sub or whatever you're on can be done. The thing about sub that people don't realize until they try to come off, is that suboxone requires withdrawls, just like everything else. They don't tell you that when they put you on it. It's a drug that'll put an addict in check and QUICKLY stop the dope fiend behavior. It works for that, but it's really a legal substitution for an illegal substance. Accepting suboxone as a treatment for addiction is kind of like this, "The only way out of this horror story is through withdrawel...Do you wanna withdraw now?...or do you wanna withdraw later?" It gives you the opportunity to get your life back, but when it's time to come off of it, your life goes back to shit. You can't function, work, think, or MOVE damnit. It's almost worth it to withdraw from your d.o.c. and be done with it. That's my take on it.

I took a month and a half off work. You CANNOT have a lot on your plate when you do this. It's not just physical, but it's mental. You're gonna need time to heal both. Do you have a therapy group? You need a professional therapy group to support you through this. My insurance covered it and I had to pay $15.00 per session. There will be everyday, down to earth people, who suffer from some sort of addiction there who will be able to support you with your issues. Make sure you work closely with your primary care physician or psychiatrist. He/she can provide you with the NON-ADDICTIVE medicine that can help you through this. I'm 7 months clean and you can be too. It's really really hard as I'm sure you already know, but it can be done.

God Bless You and the best of luck to you!


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:48 am 
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substation wrote:
Thanks for the support everyone….I just woke up from a nap and it was the first time I thought about ‘relapsing’ I woke up in a horrible mood. I was trying to figure out why I was putting myself through such hell when I could just grab some sub from my cabinet and be fine within an hour. Well, I didn’t do it…but it was really really scary I guess being it was the first time I even remotely considered jumping back on. Ive been awake for about an hour right now and the feeling has pretty much passed. It’s even helping just typing right now. Im NOT going to give up! I’m basically half way through the ‘toughest’ part.

I’m now headed out for a bit for only the second time since Sunday. Im driving 45 minutes to Philadelphia to pickup my favorite pizza. Yes, I drive that long for this pizza I have been for years. It will give me some outside time and a treat for the end. On another note it’s funny because im someone who always watched what they ate but I could care less right now. Im eating whatever the heck I want during this withdrawal process! Anyway just checking in….thanks a lot for the words of encouragement, please keep them coming!

PS: Romeo you got me thinking about McDonald’s breakfast the whole day now. Think that may be on the agenda for tomorrow. You think I can throw around your name for a discount?


Dude, do you eat nails for breakfast? :lol:

You blow me away with how dang tough you are. I'm just comparing you to other people who jump from high doses, but you know what they report, and you don't need to hear about it. That may actually create symptoms. You should keep going like you're going and tell yourself it's not that bad. You know, Dr. Junig does report a few people who jump at very high doses, even higher than you, and have little to no w/d. Maybe that is what is happening to you! Maybe your are not poisoned with fear right now and feel like this is your decision, free and clear, so don't see things through those negative glasses.

I'd be willing to bet you are inspiring lots of people with your attitude. No pressure, though. If you have a tough day, feel free to bitch. It will all be over at some point though. We are here for you.

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 7:00 pm 
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Johnboy – hey I was on for 20 months sounds like your right behind me but it certainly isn’t a race. Listen don’t rush things it will only make things harder for you. You will know when it’s your time and we will be here to help you along the way.

RsjxRsj – you bring up two very good points that I was pondering as well. First, yes I don’t like having the subs in the cabinet right now. I’m strong enough to not take them but I find I’m NOT strong enough to throw them out. Almost like I’m keeping a safeguard in case I fail. Second, is about reconnecting with friends. I was actually going to make a new thread someday about this. I personnel feel I blocked out a lot of friends (clean) in my life during my recovery. I’m missing them now. Guess I was just wondering if others have done the same. Now I need to hope they will understand.

Foundhelp – nothing to say except thanks for the support. I agree with everything you wrote.

Laddertipper – What in God’s good name is wrong with nails for breakfast? lol JK Thanks for the words of encouragement. I’m moving along fairly well right now. Yes I may be some kind of exception but I think it’s more because I hate the sub right now more than I hate the pain. Believe me, I need to reassure myself of that very often lately. Also it would be awesome if I’m helping others while I’m being helped. I can’t imagine a better situation!

So day 6, day 6 man oh man what to say, what to say. Well I noticed a trend that might help someone else. Every time I wake up from sleep I can’t even remotely understand why I’m putting myself through this crap. I mean I got plenty more sub, doctor had no intention of cutting me of anytime soon. Lord knows she wanted the money. What am I doing? Just keep taking the delicious orange pill!!!!! But hang tight guys/gals that will pass. After about an hour of waking up I realize fully why I’m putting myself through this crap. Point of the story is if you’re anything like me, stay away from the subs when your first wake up and re-evaluate an hour later.

Anyway I must admit today was the worst day so far. I’m not really experiencing any mental issues it’s ALL physical. My stomach is killing me and my legs will not stop moving on their own and I can barely stand without getting tired. I’m doing well though, honestly that’s all of my symptoms and I can battle with them. I feel fortunate that it’s not as bad as it could have been. Now going back to work Monday….ouch…guess I will cross that bridge when I get there, but I see it in the soon distance. Thanks again everyone!


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 8:23 pm 
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PS: tomorrow 6pm EST will be 7 days since any sub!!! F to the yeah :twisted:


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:14 pm 
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lmao F to the yeah. Thats a new one for me. I'm only a few weeks ahead of you man. I'll hold a flashlight down here for you to keep looking at! lol Later man.

brian


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:37 am 
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Substation, I know you're gonna think I'm Looney Tunes for saying this, but going back to work is gonna be the best thing you can do. It's gonna FORCE you to start getting into the groove again and I bet after a couple of days of work, you're gonna be happy your back there......I know I was.

The physical symptoms you describe, completely normal Bud.

Hang in there.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:28 pm 
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Romeo you have no idea how right you are. Do you understand how SICK I am of TV??????? It’s unreal. Its gonna be tough for me though because I don’t get to sit all day at work. I have to move around a lot, I have 33 hospitals I service so I have to drive around and whatnot. Its gonna keep me busy but I’m sure I will nap the minute I get home at least for the first week.

Anyway day 7 update…..it’s been a full week since my last sub dose and I feel freakin GREAT! Not totally back to normal, but I can say the ‘worst’ has past. Day 5 and 6 were the absolute worst but by day 7 it’s gravy baby. I just wish I had more energy. If I had more energy I don’t think anyone would be able to tell anything was going on with me. I’m still draggin right now but that’s about the only thing I’m suffering from. My stomach is feeling better and I got some stuff for the RLS and that’s doing better. So now I start my count to day 14, 2 weeks. I think that’s when ill feel like a fully functioning human being.

Looking back and comparing the wd process of both subs and oxy/hydro I must say they are similar. I think the oxy/hydro wd process is much more intense but doesn’t last that long. Whereas the sub wd process is a lot more mild but drags out much longer. Hopefully that makes sense….at least that’s my take on the situation.

Man talk about all kinds of emotions that are coming back, it’s crazy. It’s like I’m living life for the first time again. I walked into WAWA (mini-mart) last night late. They had the music on loud and the song ‘celebrate good times come on’ was on (if that’s the name) and I was just smiling from ear to ear. I went up to ring up my stuff and the clerk was like ‘is there something funny?’ I was like no lol just like the song. Yeah I just feel all these emotions. Most of them are good though. A few bad ones but like someone said ‘good days don’t exist without bad days’


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:44 pm 
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That song is Kool and the Gang, it's called Celebration.

Every single person I've talked to who gets off of Suboxone mentions how music sounds so "alive" again. I don't know why, but it seems to be a common thread to all of us. I've been listening to Seether lately, I'll play Broken (w/ Amy Lee), Gasoline, then Fine Again. I listen to it on the way to my meetings and back. I listen to it LOUD too, LOVE IT!!!

Glad to hear you're doing so well Substation. It sounds like you're kicking ass and taking names!!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 4:45 pm 
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Well day 8 for me….wow what an adventure. I was lucky enough to be able to work from home today, but that was about the best thing today. I feel miserable mentally. There isn’t much physical pain anymore it’s all in my head now. I would much rather have physical pain let me tell you.

I almost quit my job today. I was extremely close to driving there to turn in my laptop and ID and whatnot. I got some hateful emails (not unusual) but it’s just not the time for ANYONE to mess with me.

I feel like this feeling will never end. I’m trying to convince myself it will end but it’s just not working. I’m in a rough spot right now. No one (around me) knows what im going through. Im still sub free but right now I don’t even care about that. My life is f’d right now


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 9:03 pm 
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Well I had a slight situation there for a little bit but happy to say it did pass. I was just really depressed today. I woke up from a nap and this show ‘sing-off’ was on and it made me go from down in the dumps to high on life. I never seen this show before but it’s now one of my favorites. If you like music you may wanna check it out. It’s about acapello (sp?) groups using just their voices. Funny how music can really make you happy.

Anyway slight rollercoaster of emotions, but I’m doing good now. Tomorrow day 9! Thanks again for the support.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 4:29 am 
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Substation, way to pull yourself out of a jam!! Good job!

BTW, I've "mentally" quit my job at least 138 times now since quitting Suboxone!! You're not alone on wanting to tell the world to go get bent.

I had just posted to another member about the extreme frustration I would experience. I would go from being ticked off to RAGE in an instant. I mean eye-balls popping out of my head, that vein on the forehead buggin' out and just pure venom flying out of my mouth in the form of hateful words.

Your poor brain just doesn't know whether to shit or wind its watch right now?? Your brain is trying like hell to reach equilibrium again, but it over does it sometimes in the emotional reaction department......you might wanna start getting used to that, it lasts for weeks and weeks. Believe me, I know how frustrating it is to get SO wound up in a bad mood that all you want to do is SCREAM.

Believe me on this too, it gets better. It does take time though. We addicts don't do very good while having to wait for stuff, do we?? We want our recovery NOW damn it!!

Anyway, I'm REALLY glad to hear you pulled yourself out of that meltdown. There's a good lesson there for ya, Bud!

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 7:52 am 
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Oh man Substation,
I can completely relate to the job thing. Like you, noone around me had the slightest clue what I was going through and there was one morning I walked in there, early on, like around day 5 I think, and someone said something to me, don't even remember what, all I remember was turning around and the words just coming out of my mouth pretty much involuntarily "I am NOT to be F'd with today so just STFU!" One of those omg did I just say that out loud moments. Yup, I did, with about 5 other people within earshot. Needless to say noone messed with me the rest of that week, and I did apologize profusely later on. I blamed my mood on the fact I'd just wrecked my truck a day or two earlier, WHICH by the way I did while tearing out of the office in the middle of the morning during one of my worst WD day "freak out melt downs". Smacked a wall in the parking garage, skrewed up my truck, had to get out and pry the the bumper off the wheel so I could drive it out. Did not need that on that day. Whew, what a roller coaster.

RSJ


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 10:45 am 
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I'm sorry RsjxRsj, but you just made me laugh with the "rest" of the truck story!! I can just see you prying the bumper off the wheel while cussing like a sailor!! The "I am NOT to be F'd with today so just STFU" was funny too, I SO know how you felt!!

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 2:40 pm 
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Thanks for your words of encouragement Romeo. You are a great soul. So today is my first day back to work for real. Yesterday I was able to work from home. I know it sounds crazy but thank goodness I had to come into work today. I was going out of my mind being home for 8 days straight, absolutely going NUTS!!!!!!

Yeah yesterday this one email made me turn into a mad man and I’m generally a calm person. I wanted to quit and was pretty close. After long consideration I decided I wasn’t mentally prepared to make that type of decision. I promised myself I would wait at least a week before I did anything rash. Glad I did because I feel so much better today. It’s the first day out of my house for more than 20 minutes. I actually don’t even wanna go home, I wanna stay here lol welllllllll not really. I’m still kinda treading on light water here at work though. The past couple of months my performance has been crap and I took off last minute when I decided to ‘detox’ I knew I had a chance of losing my job (and still may) but I think it was the best choice. I had to put myself before anything else.

IDK, doing very well today. This is a definite day by day thing and I see that now. Tomorrow is 10 days. Sunday will be 14 days and I’m going to outback for a nice steak dinner and that onion thing they have. Man I love that onion thing with the sauce and whatnot. Now I’m hungry…peace

PS: RSJXRSJ….if your reading, do you remember about what day into jumping that was that you flipped out? Just wondering….trying to gauge how long I’m gonna be a prick lol


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 4:46 pm 
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Just got back from work and although it was an overall great day my legs are KILLING ME! Im not talking RLS but straight up pain. I was standing half the day. Im not sure if it’s because of the sub wd, because I’ve been on the couch for 8 days, or both. Anyway, whats the best thing I can take????? I took some aleve and it’s helped slightly but I need something more powerful. Do I want like a natural muscle relaxer or like regular Tylenol or something else? Thanks….


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 5:30 pm 
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Hey Substation! Hang in there you're doin' great and you are OH so CLOSE!!

If I remember correctly it would have to have been one of either days 9 or 10 because I took my last dose on August 20th which was on a Saturday morning, I remember days 5, 6, 7 & 8 were a Thurs. Fri. Sat. Sun. and I think it was the 9th day, a Monday, I wrecked my truck and the 10th day, a Tuesday that bad words came out my mouth... But Substation, there were multiple times during those two weeks at work that I would have to leave early for lunch, take a long lunch, cry like a baby for an hour, get my composure and go back. There were days I'd freak and get panicky and have to run out of here early in the afternoon, or even go sit in the stairwell of my building, lose my shit, get it back, and keep pushing.... But I struggled through the rest of the work week, that weekend, The 2nd week sucked and then I think it was sometime over the three day Labor day weekend that I finally started to turn the corner, which would have been days 14, 15 & 16...

My legs, ugh, the RLS was terrible at first but my job doesn't require me on my feet. I'm in front of a computer for 9 hours dealing with geometry & calculus etc. a nightmare in and of itself. Unfortunately the only thing I found that helped me with my leg pain was walking, walking, walking, and staying SUPER hydrated, water, water, water. That is what I would do in my insomniac delirium at 2, 3, 4, 5am, go walking up my road and back, maybe a couple times. And that coupled with plenty of water helped tremendously. Then while at work, I would go to the stairwell and start walking up and down all 10 flights of stairs, granted the first couple times it was only the 2nd & 3rd floor I made it to, but I'm still doing that twice a day 31 days later and ALL my RLS and leg pain are gone.

For me, in the beginning I felt like I had Popsicle sticks for legs and they didn't wanna hold me up. It was almost as if they hadn't been used for months and had atrophied or something.

I know many have said the dreaded word "exercise", but it really was the key for me I think, I'd tell myself "just keep moving" if at all possible.

Hang in there buddy because as bad as it seems, you're just about to turn a corner and you're gonna be SO happy with yourself!!
-RSJ

OH! Almost forgot! My water and Electric bill are going to be SKY high because I cannot tell you how many HOT showers I had during the first 10-12 days. Like 3 to 4 a day and it helped with the lower back, neck and leg pain. If you have access to a hot tub, even better!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 5:59 pm 
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Crap Substation, I'm having some serious ADHD, ADD, general insanity with a half ounce of dementia today... With the leg pain, I completely forgot something very significant. You've probably heard Romeo say it once or twice as have I. Try and get yourself some "Clonidine". There was no Tylenol, Aspirin, Aleve or anything that would take the aches and pains away but this teency tiny 0.1mg blood pressure med called "Clonidine" worked better than anything! Plus it had a great side effect. Sleep.
Dunno how I forgot to mention that! Thank Romeo for this advice. He passed it along to me and I sucked it up during one of my bad days and went to an Urgent Care type place, was straight up honest with them about what I was going through and they had no problem giving it to me. Just make sure you're specific when you say Clonidine and NOT Klonopin.
-Rsj


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 7:01 pm 
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WOW I can’t believe you wrecked your truck while going through all of this….talk about pouring rain.

So if I go with your logic (for lack of better term) I should be getting back to ‘normal’ about day 14. If so that’s awesome news because that would line up with the weekend for me. Saturday will be day 13. I would love to feel better by then lol

I didn’t know this leg pain was common. I knew about RLS but WOW. Your exactly right, it feels like my legs weren’t made for my body weight right now. I did take 4 aleve and I now finally feel better. But what’s up with all this leg stuff and subs?

Yeah im actually pretty active normally. I workout about 5 days a week, but not right now. I tried going to the gym day 4 (I think) and was there for 20 minutes and had to leave. I decided to give myself 2 full weeks off from the gym. Maybe that’s not the best idea, I just can’t imagine even driving there right now.

Wish I could take baths right now….my one bathroom that has a tub is broken right now and the other bathroom is a stand-up. Hot tub….lol I wish!

I just really have to watch myself at work right now because I’m in hot water already. The past couple of months I was trying to taper and missed tons of work and performance went down the drain. That’s why I had to jump really. I figured if I screw up for a week or so right now it’s better than screwing up every other week for who knows how long. IDK…life

PS: yes I keep hearing about Clonidine but where can this be purchased? Is it only a script? Because my doc (sub doc) will not even see me unless I have 80 bucks cash for her, period. Plus if she hasn’t heard of this drug helping and history tells the story, she wouldn’t even considering writing me the script. FYI, its not about the money it’s about principal. I promised myself I would never see that women again in my entire life.


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