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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:44 am 
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I'd like to start by saying hello to all, as your stories have kept ME going through this very interesting journey. Now, hopefully it's my time to shine and I'm back to help others.

So, today is day 31. I never thought I'd be here telling my story because I never thought I'D be able to DO it. Im doing it though. However, mentally I'm not happy with that yet. I'm still in a very dark place with periodic times that I can see the light shine through sort of speak. 31 days ago was the scariest day of my life. I went to my monthly doctors appointment as usual. Then my life changed. "Today," the doctor says, "you are getting off of suboxone for good." I knew this day was coming, as I had been tapering for the good part of a year. Started on 32mgs. (absurd) Going from 2mg films to 1mg I never successfully and fully did. I'd always go for the feel good dose at night because I'd start feeling sick already from my last a.m. dose. I just couldn't do it. Or, wasn't ready to admit the inevitable. Subs are sitting a foot away from me, I don't need to feel like this, right?

When those words came out of my doctors voice, I believe I went into shock. I got dizzy, queasy and was in disbelief that today was finally it. I was loosing my best friend..... I was getting off this 5 year run. That's right, 5+ years. His words spoke volumes to me. Telling me this was it, and no if and or buts about it put me mentally in a good place to start the withdrawal process. Almost like I had been put in my place. So I just started saying his words over and over again in my head "today, you are getting off suboxone." Holy, s**t I realized. "This is gonna be fun."

Days 1-7 were pretty much the same. Maybe some intensity on the 3-4th day. Cold, hot, sweats, wicked uncomfortable, insomnia, G.I. Issues. A bit of RLS but bearable. Muscle aches. The good old flu-ish feeling. Absolutely NO energy, Nothing. My phone could of burst into flames and i probably would of continued sitting there just watching it. Took plenty of baths and that helped tons with being able to relax and get my mind off of how i felt for a bit. Massages, they helped tremendously. I have an appetite which cannot believe. But hey, all in all I'm doing it..... insomnia face.

Days 7-12 I felt better. I got thinking, "Did I do it? Am I over the hill?" But NEVER out loud because I thought I would jinx myself. Got a script for soma and alprazolam to take as needed. I was falling asleep pretty decent. sleeping overall okay. Still achey and miserable, lol. RLS subsided, muscle aches improved. Exhausted. Don't ask me to do a d*mn thing. Could I? Probably. Just don't have the patients nor the strength to do anything besides bathing and getting my food on. Still felt that flu-ish creeping all over my body though. Started eating everything in sight. I wanted it all! Especially, ice cream? Random. (It's 20 degrees outside) but okay! Haven't wanted to have ice cream in ages. I'm laughing more, holding back tears to stupid random crap on tv. My zombie suboxone induced barrier was down. So strange to feel feelings again. I didn't realize I had been like that . I was no longer a space cadet. A f***ing miserable one, but hey, I'm doing it.

Day 13..... I hate to say it, but I think I jinxed myself after all. Woke up (if you want to call it that) for my subs doctors appointment for a check in on my progress. I felt horrible. The worst yet. Great I'm back to day 1. I'm sweating again, my hearts racing. My legs and arms are weak as crap all of a sudden. And, tremors begin. Excellent. Vibrating hands suck, I felt like my head was twitching. Still have an appetite, but my stomach starts cramping. I somehow made it to the doctors. Told him I felt horrendous. It's day 13, and YOU sir told me, "only 5-7 days and that's it." With a list of rehabs in case I couldn't do it. Well my friendly doctor of 5 years, you are full of it, and I wanted to kick him in the shins for it. Ba*tard. He gave me scripts for clonidine vistaril, and the clonidine helped immensely I must say. Vistaril helped my RLS and RES (restless elbow syndrome). But hey, I'm doing it.

Day 14-26 was ok. A blur really.Not horrible, certainly not pleasant, but OK. Day 14-16 I was absolutely filled with rage. I wanted to destroy everything and everyone. I was so beyond p*ssed off that it was scary. I was just straight up mad. Went out for dinner and that helped. RLS and RES gone. Sleeping okay. Appetite diminishing, however. And oh yea, of course that whole energy thing. I feel useless! I'm forcing myself for outings, which helps. Once I'm up I'm alright if I push through the first 10-15 mins of just wanting to sit down and collaps. Car rides and MUSIC. I cannot say how much that helped. Music never sounded so good. I just wanted to blast it so loud, I wanted it to hurt my eardrums. God, I missed you music. Rode my dirt bike (couldn't walk afterwards ha!). My passion for motor cross and cars is back. But hey, I'm doing it.

Day 27-31 I'm cursed with new symptoms. Really? I hate this. This is getting old, has gotten old, and sucks a**. Nose starts running, my knees feel like they are going to explode. Not RLS, but severe discomfort in the bones. My elbows ache terribly. Headaches. My back aches like I'm dope sick. I feel nauseous. Flu-ish. Hot, cold. Little sweats. Trouble sleeping. G.i. Issues. BTW thank you for clonidine. It has been a god sent for just about everything. But hey, I'm doing it.

I haven't taken Imodium since about day 4 when it was nessecary. I don't want to prolong the inevitable. You're body's trying to expel this s*it for a reason, out of every hole and crevice. It's trying to help you. Unfortunately, that means nothing good in feeling terms. Letting it run its corse will make you feel better, you just have to tough it out. I'm living proof. SIDE NOTE: I've been doing this with a 2 month old NEWBORN, and an 8 year old with my partner by my side. The kids have kept me active which is playing a huge role. Im sure being kept up at night and no sleep is effecting my healing process. Yes, I have taken time off of work. No, I'm not going to die. And neither shall you. It is possible. I promise. Hey, I'm doing it!

I AM 1 MONTH CLEAN and da*mn it feels good to say that. I'm no longer tied down with a chain to my doctors and pharmacy. The constant worry of having my meds is now gone. i don't have to take a single pill everyday. That, is rewarding. I'm getting my freedom back where I left it once and for all. Everyday at a time, it gets better in a way. Whether that be I don't feel nauseous, I don't have a headache, whatever have not, it's improvement. Patients is a virtue alright, and I cannot wait to wake up to feel better and back to normal. It's been so long, everyday I learn something new about myself. It's incredible. If anyone wants to know my past you can ask, or dosing. Otherwise no need to keep rambling. If anyone wants/needs help, I'm always here. Don't hesitate to ask. Stay positive my friends. It can be done, because hey, I'm doing it!!!

Oh BTW, it's now technically 32 days. One more already under my belt. I will keep posting on my progress. Any suggestions are welcomed!!

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Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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