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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 12:24 am 
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I'd like to start by saying hello to all, as your stories have kept ME going through this very interesting journey. Now, hopefully it's my time to shine and I'm back to help others.

So, today is day 31. I never thought I'd be here telling my story because I never thought I'D be able to DO it. Im doing it though. However, mentally I'm not happy with that yet. I'm still in a very dark place with periodic times that I can see the light shine through sort of speak. 31 days ago was the scariest day of my life. I went to my monthly doctors appointment as usual. Then my life changed. "Today," the doctor says, "you are getting off of suboxone for good." I knew this day was coming, as I had been tapering for the good part of a year. Started on 32mgs. (absurd) Going from 2mg films to 1mg I never successfully and fully did. I'd always go for the feel good dose at night because I'd start feeling sick already from my last a.m. dose. I just couldn't do it. Or, wasn't ready to admit the inevitable. Subs are sitting a foot away from me, I don't need to feel like this, right?

When those words came out of my doctors voice, I believe I went into shock. I got dizzy, queasy and was in disbelief that today was finally it. I was loosing my best friend..... I was getting off this 5 year run. That's right, 5+ years. His words spoke volumes to me. Telling me this was it, and no if and or buts about it put me mentally in a good place to start the withdrawal process. Almost like I had been put in my place. So I just started saying his words over and over again in my head "today, you are getting off suboxone." Holy, s**t I realized. "This is gonna be fun."

Days 1-7 were pretty much the same. Maybe some intensity on the 3-4th day. Cold, hot, sweats, wicked uncomfortable, insomnia, G.I. Issues. A bit of RLS but bearable. Muscle aches. The good old flu-ish feeling. Absolutely NO energy, Nothing. My phone could of burst into flames and i probably would of continued sitting there just watching it. Took plenty of baths and that helped tons with being able to relax and get my mind off of how i felt for a bit. Massages, they helped tremendously. I have an appetite which cannot believe. But hey, all in all I'm doing it..... :shock: insomnia face.

Days 7-12 I felt better. I got thinking, "Did I do it? Am I over the hill?" But NEVER out loud because I thought I would jinx myself. Got a script for soma and alprazolam to take as needed. I was falling asleep pretty decent. sleeping overall okay. Still achey and miserable, lol. RLS subsided, muscle aches improved. Exhausted. Don't ask me to do a d*mn thing. Could I? Probably. Just don't have the patients nor the strength to do anything besides bathing and getting my food on. Still felt that flu-ish creeping all over my body though. Started eating everything in sight. I wanted it all! Especially, ice cream? Random. (It's 20 degrees outside) but okay! Haven't wanted to have ice cream in ages. I'm laughing more, holding back tears to stupid random crap on tv. My zombie suboxone induced barrier was down. So strange to feel feelings again. I didn't realize I had been like that . I was no longer a space cadet. A f***ing miserable one, but hey, I'm doing it.

Day 13..... I hate to say it, but I think I jinxed myself after all. Woke up (if you want to call it that) for my subs doctors appointment for a check in on my progress. I felt horrible. The worst yet. Great I'm back to day 1. I'm sweating again, my hearts racing. My legs and arms are weak as crap all of a sudden. And, tremors begin. Excellent. Vibrating hands suck, I felt like my head was twitching. Still have an appetite, but my stomach starts cramping. I somehow made it to the doctors. Told him I felt horrendous. It's day 13, and YOU sir told me, "only 5-7 days and that's it." With a list of rehabs in case I couldn't do it. Well my friendly doctor of 5 years, you are full of it, and I wanted to kick him in the shins for it. Ba*tard. He gave me scripts for clonidine vistaril, and the clonidine helped immensely I must say. Vistaril helped my RLS and RES (restless elbow syndrome). But hey, I'm doing it.

Day 14-26 was ok. A blur really.Not horrible, certainly not pleasant, but OK. Day 14-16 I was absolutely filled with rage. I wanted to destroy everything and everyone. I was so beyond p*ssed off that it was scary. I was just straight up mad. Went out for dinner and that helped. RLS and RES gone. Sleeping okay. Appetite diminishing, however. And oh yea, of course that whole energy thing. I feel useless! I'm forcing myself for outings, which helps. Once I'm up I'm alright if I push through the first 10-15 mins of just wanting to sit down and collaps. Car rides and MUSIC. I cannot say how much that helped. Music never sounded so good. I just wanted to blast it so loud, I wanted it to hurt my eardrums. God, I missed you music. Rode my dirt bike (couldn't walk afterwards ha!). My passion for motor cross and cars is back. But hey, I'm doing it.

Day 27-31 I'm cursed with new symptoms. Really? I hate this. This is getting old, has gotten old, and sucks a**. Nose starts running, my knees feel like they are going to explode. Not RLS, but severe discomfort in the bones. My elbows ache terribly. Headaches. My back aches like I'm dope sick. I feel nauseous. Flu-ish. Hot, cold. Little sweats. Trouble sleeping. G.i. Issues. BTW thank you for clonidine. It has been a god sent for just about everything. But hey, I'm doing it.

I haven't taken Imodium since about day 4 when it was nessecary. I don't want to prolong the inevitable. You're body's trying to expel this s*it for a reason, out of every hole and crevice. It's trying to help you. Unfortunately, that means nothing good in feeling terms. Letting it run its corse will make you feel better, you just have to tough it out. I'm living proof. SIDE NOTE: I've been doing this with a 2 month old NEWBORN, and an 8 year old with my partner by my side. The kids have kept me active which is playing a huge role. Im sure being kept up at night and no sleep is effecting my healing process. Yes, I have taken time off of work. No, I'm not going to die. And neither shall you. It is possible. I promise. Hey, I'm doing it!

I AM 1 MONTH CLEAN and da*mn it feels good to say that. I'm no longer tied down with a chain to my doctors and pharmacy. The constant worry of having my meds is now gone. i don't have to take a single pill everyday. That, is rewarding. I'm getting my freedom back where I left it once and for all. Everyday at a time, it gets better in a way. Whether that be I don't feel nauseous, I don't have a headache, whatever have not, it's improvement. Patients is a virtue alright, and I cannot wait to wake up to feel better and back to normal. It's been so long, everyday I learn something new about myself. It's incredible. If anyone wants to know my past you can ask, or dosing. Otherwise no need to keep rambling. If anyone wants/needs help, I'm always here. Don't hesitate to ask. Stay positive my friends. It can be done, because hey, I'm doing it!!! :D

Oh BTW, it's now technically 32 days. One more already under my belt.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 12:37 am 
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First and foremost can I just say that I LOVE your sense of humor!! I'm laughing too hard to get through your post. Ok.. I need to go back and finish reading.. BRB.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 12:43 am 
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Thank you, might as well use it seeing how I got it back! :D


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 12:50 am 
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OMG.. I'm hyperventilating and near tears!!! I love you. I love your sense of humor and I hear you on every single thing you said... BTW, I was already doubled over trying to catch a breath, but by the time I got to your "side note", that was it. I was like "oh no she didn't just leave that bit o' info til the end.' Isn't the whole process kind of a riot? I think I went into it with a similar mindset, like, alright bitches.. BRING IT!!

32 DAYS, holy shizzz!!! Hey, you're doing it!!

Ok, is it wrong that I am dead set on posting a kind of "best of" list from Jennicole525's induction post? I'm totally doing it.. making a mental list now. =) =)


BTW, "DAY 7-12" is my favorite chapter. Pretty much because of this one part:
"Exhausted. Don't ask me to do a d*mn thing. Could I? Probably. Just don't have the patients nor the strength to do anything besides bathing and getting my food on."


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 12:58 am 
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Okay, I suppose you can totally do that.. I'm liking it 8) I'm glad to have made you laugh!!

At this point, I totally can relate to the "bring it on bitches!" (Oh btw I'm glad I don't need to star out my language) I love how you say that. That's all I CAN do seeing I'm a crazy insomniac now thats kinda bed ridden. Ugh, I'm tired of it! I want my energy back damn it. :x I've wanted to join for so long, and tonight I just did it. And I'm happy I did. What a great welcome. Thank you!!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 1:06 am 
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omg, there is nothing worse (or crazier) than a bed ridden insomniac with "RES." Period.


Seriously though, are you hanging in there? :D


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 1:18 am 
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You can say that again. I am hanging in there. Now that you asked, I realized even more how much I am hanging in there.

What helped you get through this? When did you start feeling better? And regain my nemeses, 'energy' again?

Yeah, RES I dislike. I had to come up with something to describe it! :twisted: should of called it satan. Oh drat.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 1:25 am 
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Jennicole525 wrote:
What helped you get through this? When did you start feeling better?


Music. Laughing. Baths. Massages. Food. In that order. <------- I am your twin!! Maybe that's why I got such a kick out of your post.

Honestly, it gradually gets better from here on out but it can (and will) feel really slow moving at times. I can't give you an exact time frame where it flipped for me, because there are a few different stages, but I can tell you I feel really good these days. Really good. March 4th was 7 months off sub for me.

I'm glad to hear that you realize how much you're actually hanging in there. It can be easy to lose perspective of that in the middle of all of it but it is important to stop and appreciate how far you've come. Congrats!!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 1:35 am 
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Omg ha!! Yes this is great, I've found my other half! My life is complete. Okay, so it's do-able for sure then ... You're awesome. Thanks for the support and giggles

You kick ass!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 11:09 am 
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Holy Cow, y'all are about the two funniest people on this board!! You both had me cracking up!!

Jenn, you are kicking ass and taking names.....WAY TO GO!!!!

TinyDancer hit the nail in the head with Music. Laughing. Baths. Massages. Food to help you feel better.

Music became amazing to me again!!! Laughing is a must, or you'll go NUTS!! Hot baths (showers)....check!!! I never did the massages, but I should have. Food....oh yeah.....bacon and gatorade is what I lived on for weeks....then came the ice cream and other junk food!!! Woo-Hoo....good times!!! lol

You just keep hanging in there. You're gonna have bad days, you're gonna have good days, it's all part of the process. Your brain is trying its damndest to heal itself, but this does take time. (I know, that sucks, don't it? :lol: )

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 1:33 pm 
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Thanks Romeo and Tiny! You guys are GREAT!

Bacon and Gatorade. Interesting! I could deal with that. Lol. Weird how your body craves certain things to help it replenish itself. Weird but a good sign. Exercise eh? Ah yea I don't think I can do that quite yet. My gym membership is a wasting! But I go for walks. That helps. Tonight I'm going out dinner and drinks with friends. Been so long since I've done that. Mmmm... Drinks. :P I know, I'll be careful!

Today is day 32, woo. I know I should be proud, and I am. I feel better than yesterday. I had the tremors awfully bad. Looked like a freaking alcoholic going through withdrawals. Sexy. They have subsided, not 100% but better. Today new symptoms arrived at my doorstep. @$&):/?!!! NICE! My nose is runny and I have sudden jerks of movement in my limbs. Like I was saying to Romeo, the first time it happened I was like, "who the..., what the fuck was THAT?!" Looking side to side as to find an explanation and who was responsible for this! Lol. Felt like someone zapped me with a taser! Yeeesh. Am I going crazy!? :lol:

Anywho, it's going. And hey, I'm freaking doing it. Looking forward to day 33 and spending my time until then on this forum bc it makes time go by quick! Lol JFK. I'll be on it for support, and supporting. In the meantime I will however spend the rest of day 32 with laughter, jokes, and brief moments of some deep thought. Damn it feels good (to be gangsta) 8)

Thanks again you guys and congrats to you both!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 2:48 pm 
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And there is hope! Thank you for coming and sharing you story. I am 5years in, and getting ready to get off.
I used to write like you...sub kinda put a damper on that. So looking forward to getting that and so much more back.
I hope you will stay around and update often. It's always nice to hear from people who have survived, especially after such a long time on. Congrats to you..we all know what you have accomplished is no easy feat.

I am working on gathering up my "zombie survival kit" items..Updating my ipods, getting back into jogging, exercising, picking out some pretty sexy sunglasses to disguise my zombie face, getting some massage oils...and of course praying.


Take care!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 3:02 pm 
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I had tremors really bad when I quit Suboxone too, it was quite strange. My hand tremors were so bad that I had to use two hands to eat my cereal in the morning because with one hand only, I'd shake the damn cereal and milk right outta my spoon!! GRRR!!

I see you're getting the wonderful zaps. Mine would start whenever I would close my eyes. When my eyes were closed, I would get a bolt of "lightening" that would flash left to right across my minds eye and it would shock my brain and my body. I would literally jump when it happened. That was one of the most distrubing of my wd symtpoms. The shocks were very real and psychologiacally painful.....thought I was losing my damn mind. Hmmm, maybe I did? :lol:

For laughter, check out this thread on this forum, it's called Laughter Is The Best Medicine. About 1/3 of the way down on the first page is something by Diary of a Quitter called Missing Missy. Put a pair of Depends on before you read it cuz you will pee in your pants!!

Here's the link: http://suboxforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=3334

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 3:34 pm 
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Jmdear- you're welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read it. 5 years is quite the long journey we have on this crap, isn't it? Not to mention adding our "hoo rah" times before the subs. 5 years 3 too long in my opinion. Being ready to get off is essential. Big difference between being "ready" and "wanting off." Good for you.

Your much needed "zombie survival kit items" sounds like a great start. Music, baths, sounds great to me right about now! Also, may I add to your list some bubble bath of some sort. Mine smells like strawberrys. :P i make the water hot ass hell and it gives my nerves a bit of shock and they leave me alone for a while after that. If possible right afterwards have a massage. Dont forget your "Sexy sunglasses" too, as you say, lmao. Let us know when the big day is! I look forward to your new found writing again! Good luck. You CAN DO IT, AND YOU WILL.

Romeo- these tremors are crazy, huh? Woah, hello! I can totally relate to trying to eat with a utensil. What a fricken sight to see, eh? I couldn't even form a signature at the pharmacy. They must of thought I was nuts :shock:

These zaps are down right abrupt, rude and unexpected. It's like having one of those dreams you wake up thinking you're falling. Heart pounds, jump in the air like someone came from behind and scared the poop out of you! I also keep getting this sensation that there is dust about to fly in my eye? Yeah, about that. That gives me a nice little zap too. I guess it's a positive sign, our brains are working hard on those receptors, right? We are human, after all. :D

I will be looking the site up. Looks funny already :lol: thanks again bud!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 5:01 pm 
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Are your hands so sweaty you can't hold anything without losing a grip? You haven't mentioned the sneezing.. I sneezed so much my breast bone is permanently damaged, I think. No really, it still hurts when a make certain movements..



tinydancer wrote:
Isn't the whole process kind of a riot?


Oh and by "riot", of course I meant a humorously choreographed reenactment of the '92 L.A. riots, playing out scene by scene in your head 24/7 on a never ending loop.

Cheers!! You're doing it!!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 8:37 pm 
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Hi tinydancer!!...

I'm writing before I go on my outing.. I will write about my experience and feelings about it tomorrow, and of course day 33... :shock:

I have not gotten the palm sweating this time. Although I must say socks have been a must, because my feet are a little slimey. Eeek, yuck! No fun. Palms sometimes get a little, but clammy is all.

As for sneezing.... I can relate to you my dear on past experience off of my DOC. Which was... Where do I get started, oh yeah that's right, anything I could get my little paws on. Most usually Perk 30's, oxy 80's, and most certainly opanas. Cute, huh? I thought I'd sneeze the windows out of the place! Ugh I'm sorry to hear that. :x sounds painful.

I will post in tomorrow and share some new news to you guys! Day 33! Woo.. I'm doing it! (bitches!!) :D

Oh btw... I meant paws as in cute, little animal paws, lol. Not to be confused with hellish PAWS, PAWS.. I know you know that, just wanted to make myself clear :)


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 16, 2013 10:29 pm 
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"How a fish nearly ruined my childhood"

..............bahaha! Holy crap! This shit is FUNNY. Wow, my cheeks hurt. My stomach muscles hurt! Oh the pain of deprived, extreme laughter! Those people writing all those are gods.

Phew... Okay. Collect myself here for a moment.

Today was GREAT! 32 days and best day so far. Sweet baby Jesus. I feel better. Woke up this morning ( that's right, I freaking slept) and felt pretty rough. But I could almost feel a sense of relief in my physically being. Appetite feels suppressed. No sweats, not hot and cold. I'm regulating my own body temperature. My knees are uncomfortable, but NOTHING like before. I thought they were going to burst honestly. I have a kidish smile on my face. Then i realized tonight that i have energy. Wait, what was that again? But i did! Almost, a little too much? I feel like I'm on a stimulant. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. :shock:

My body is still achey and that hinders my energy level. But boy I tell you those receptors are pumping out some powerful juice. I compare it to this; two old friends sitting down catching up over a cup of tea. Or, a separated couple working things out. Give them some quality personal time together. They've got a lot, a lot, of catching up to do. Yak away boys. :D

I even danced around a little with the kids listening to music after dinner. Now don't get me wrong, I've got a long time yet to feel "normal again" but I feel about 50% today. I'm doing it! My arms ACHE though. Right down to my fingers. My muscles feel like they're going to jump out of my skin. Hot bath should ridden that for a while. I got my regular headache tonight right on time. I swear all my body pain migrated to my elbows on down. I'LL TAKE IT. I think yesterday I peaked in my withdrawal. Rough ass day. Now, perhaps I'm strapping on my snowboard and riding down that mountain. This whole withdrawal process has a lot of waves. And I am not a surfer.

Watched a movie.....Old School with Will Ferral. "I like you man, but, you're, you're crazy" elephant tranquilizer dart in jugular. :D That was a good time. Laughed so hard. Emotions are crazy! I like it. That complete emptiness and blah feeling is gone from my head. I feel like perhaps the mourning for my best friend is starting to cope.

Last night was great. I had a blast. I felt almost normal. It was badass. I did not go crazy with drinks. But I tell you, I noticed immediately how much suboxone effected the way I'd drink socially before. This time it was one drink and I'm done. Just sipped it. I'm glad i did, because I realized next time, I'm getting me a badass virgin shirley temple instead :D oh yea. I don't need to drink. :D Being out, brought out feelings inside me I had subconsciously been suppressing. What the hell was I doing that for! I really am no longer a space cadet. I felt like I was in a room with people, normal people, and I too was one of them. Victorious. Feels fabulous. Lets not put the horse in front of the carriage though. But, keep it trucking.

So there you have it. I'm so serious about this more than ever now with these good natural feelings coming back to me. I was before, but its so hard to stay positive and beat the odds when everything else in your being is saying to give up. Youve got to push through with all you got. Really truly is a fight. It's been real suboxone (that's for damn sure) and I thank you for giving me my life back. But I don't need you as a crutch anymore. It's time for me and only me to live it. Time for me to stretch out those legs and learn how to walk again. And I'm going to do just freaking that...... I beg you adieu.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2013 1:23 am 
From start to finish reading your updates has been great. You are stubborn and determined. And your sense of humor is awesome and on point! This gives me a ton of hope. We both share that straight up stubborn outlook on things. When you see the prize you run straight to it. Anyone who is having a tough time with kicking this stuff. (myself included) can really stand to learn a thing or two from you! And after 5 years of being on it?

My hats off to you! The doctor telling you your crazy to still be feeling withdraws. Good restraint on not hoping the counter and ringing his fucking neck off. Those kinda doctors need to go ahead and take 32mg's of sub and get locked in solitary confiment in prison for 3 weeks. Then come back and continue there practice. lol, or just asked him what day did his withdraw symptoms go away when he stopped taking subs? Oh you never took subs before??? Ok, then keep your comments to yourself since clearly that 8 hour course was full of crap. Ugh....
.
So you did just stop at 2mg's? I have a feeling that the good quality of being stubborn really helps. You sound very optimistic where as alot of people would be mentally down and depressed it seems. No matter what, keep up the positive outlook you got. Don't lose it. I think it's going to continue taking you really far! I'll stick with your thread. First one in a little while that really got me pumped up. Don't look back, you are miles ahead of where you were. And im glad to hear your emotions do come back. I've been on subs for a year and really looking forward to thorwing away this cane (subs) and walking again also!


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2013 11:52 am 
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Your post prompted me to finally go ahead and post something after reading so many of the threads here. I'm a recovering opiate addict just getting off a 12 year run of percocet or when needed, any kind of opiate I could get my hands on. I finally had enough and joined a suboxene/rehab program exactly 5 weeks ago. I'm on 2- 8 mg strips per day.
My counselors tell me to not even think about tapering down or worry about ever getting off the subs because its way too early, and I'm happy just to finally be away from the opiate train. ( My wallet is too) but I do worry about that day, and if and how I'll be able to get off them. What I didnt expect is how difficult it seems to be after you've weaned yourself down to just a couple of MG's per day.
BUT, like you said, you're doing it and congrats to you. Like you, I sooo much want to hear my music again. I mean really hear it ! But I guess I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum right now as I'm really just starting suboxene. For me, I've made a huge improvement mentally compared to beiong on the opiates. I can at least think a little clearer now and form a few coherent sentences ! ( i THINK)
Anyway, congrats ! I loved reading your post !

Randy


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2013 12:07 pm 
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Hey Scofflaw, welcome to the forum!! I'm glad you were able to get off the crazy train and onto Suboxone. I agree with your counselors, don't worry about getting off Suboxone yet, but if I were you, I'd work at getting my dose as low as possible. You really don't want to take more Suboxone than you need because all that does is push your tolerance up and if you ever do decide to get off Suboxone, having a high tolerance will only make things harder.

Jennicole, Rock On on you Rock Star!!!!!

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