It is currently Sun Aug 20, 2017 7:25 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 94 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2013 9:41 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Stealth mode on
I too have the put off tooth work. Ive never had a cavity in my life. No dental work at all. Now, I've got 3 wisdom teeth to be ripped out, 2 small cavities, and a broken root canal metal stem shit to be extracted. (Root canal 1 yr ago. ) NIICE!

Funny you say that to,, I've too, never gotten as far in my dreams as to get em' successfully up my nose or down my throat, *sigh*

Yea, this is haunting me. Glad I'm not the only one. Time for me to dial up my therapist I think. This is far too complicated than we think. I want my years spent and money back on my physiology courses :shock: what a joke. They honestly have not a fucking clue!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2013 10:02 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Stealth mode on
Crap.... Double posting...

Tiny, don't think it's a bug or flu.... I think maybe my dream got me super worked up.... I was a mess. 1 step at a time. Dream sent me infinity back.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2013 10:09 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Jen,

NO......EFFIN'......WAY!!!! I had almost the exact same dream Tuesday night!! (sorry, I somehow telegraphed my Tuesday night dream to you, I'll try not to do that again!!). I walked into a room, I think it was a friends house, and pills of all sorts, shapes and colors were scattered ALL over the floor. It was a carpeted floor and the carpet was an UGLY ass color, not sure what color, but it was FUGLY!!! Anyway, there were so many damn pills, I could barely walk through them on my to the couch where my friends were sitting. On the way to the couch, I noticed my friends were giggling and it hit me, they had scattered pain pills all over the floor to try and tempt me to use again and I clearly remember saying, "you bunch of fucking idiots" and I turned around and walked out. As I walked out, I had to be careful where I stepped cuz the floor was covered with pills and I had to be careful where I stepped cuz I didn't even want them touching my boots.

Jen, I've had using dreams since getting off Suboxone. Before getting off drugs, no using dreams, once I got off drugs....cue the fucking using dreams!!! The using dreams are highly disturbing!!!! I remember my first one, I was back at my Suboxone doctor and she was putting me back on Suboxone. It disturbed me so greatly so that I started a thread on this very forum about it!!! I was asking everyone questions like, what does the dream mean, does it mean I'm gonna use again, why Suboxone, am I in trouble because I'm having using dreams? Jen, that first dream scared the living crap outta me!!!!

But, as you can see, as time goes by, the dreams become less disturbing and you may even find yourself having a dream like I had where I was TOTALLY not "going there" with the pills.

For right now I'll say this, you had a bad dream. It was a dream, nothing more. Don't try to read too much into it (or you will go bat shit crazy!!!) :wink:

Don't feel defeated, Bud. Recovery is a process......a P.R.O.C.E.S.S., it takes time to get better. (I know, that SUCKS, don't it!!!)

Also, like Tiny said, I'm a bit concerned about you throwing up. I don't think the throwing up has anything to do with your wd, I'm thinking you may have picked up a bug. Many of us who have got off Suboxone have realized that we got sick a lot during out first year or so of recovery.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2013 10:33 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Stealth mode on
Romeo!!!

WTF?! Get the HELL out of here! That's freaking CRAZY. So you know all too well exactly what I went through....... I've always been interested in what dreams meant.... Ka wink a dink? I think not! Ugh what a dream, huh? Holy shit! I'd be so interested in what they'd say about it! ESP not wanting to even touch yer boots!!! No more telegraphing, got it?! :) yes.... Highly disturbing to say the least! I used to get them a lot, not for freaking 5+ years though!!!!!! New forum anyone?! It's just so fucking real and sadistic!!!!! Scared the CRAP out of me, too!

Hope it's nothing more but a dream, not a bug! But I'll know by tomorrow for sure.....

AARGH! Is it natural for me at this point, as spongebob says, pick up Kay rah Tay?! I want to destroy things!!! :D :evil:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 12:16 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:27 am
Posts: 1454
^ I got to a blue belt in karate. Many moons ago.. My Dad made me, he wanted to make sure I could kick some ass. LOL


So.. using dreams. Want to hear my recurring "using" dream? It has a back story and everything. Goes something like this:

(This is real life, not a dream..)
I think it was 2003, my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I just had dinner with my Dad and parted ways with some take out, Thai food to be exact. On our way home we stopped to re-up so we could get our high on. Between the dealer meet and our house, we got pulled over. I had a gram of dope in my pocket when I saw the lights behind us. I reached in, pulled it out and very slyly slipped it under my floor mat in front of me. In hindsight, this was pretty dumb but I had to think quick and I was pretty young and not experienced in these types of situations. So, I "cleverly" put the dope under my passenger floor mat and placed the take out food back on top of the mat, between my feet where it had been before. We get pulled over, not just by any cop, but by a K-9 unit. WHAT! I couldn't believe it..

So, I guess we looked like we were up to no good? Officer asks if we have anything in the car, we say no, course not.. blah blah blah. He says "great, do you mind if we let the dog search the car?" Again.. WHAT! Um.. I guess so. We get out and they bring the dog over.. Dog goes in and does his things.. nothing around the car, nothing in the back seat.. Dog starts acting all weird near my passenger floor mat. :shock:

Dog barks and squirms a bit.. cop is interested in what's happening. Then, dog gets distracted by my Thai take out!! WHAT?! I kid you not.. dog started to dig at the take out bag (sitting DIRECTLY ABOVE my heroin) and the cops pulls back on the dog to bring him out of the car. To this day, I think the dog totally smelled our shit, but the officer-handler-whatever assumed he was acting naughty trying to eat our leftovers. The officers apologized for ruining our take out and let us on our way. WHAT?!

So.. my dream.

My recurring dream is that I wake up from my sleep and remember that I have a gram of dope under my floor mat. It feels so real. I am walking to my car, opening the door, going under the mat.. and ta da!! There it is. Because this all actually happened, it is a double mind fuck. It always takes me a minute to snap out of this one. The others I can handle now.. this one is different.

Anyway, that's the first time I've ever talked about this particular dream. Wow.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 1:39 pm 
Offline
New Poster
New Poster

Joined: Fri Mar 29, 2013 12:25 pm
Posts: 1
Hello all! This is my first time here and trying to find the courage to go outside and walk my walk instead of filling the two remaining subs left on my script....Today is day 5 off after three years on and I'm feeling the itch and this is why I'm here! I probably would not respond typically, but that dope under the mat thingy was such a happy ending funny as shit event, I had to say to tdancer; thanks for a great laugh.
I too am a medical worker. Ironic isn't it drugs are so prevelant to us with the use of just a little stealth. Well, that is in the past and perhaps some day I'll understand why I risked so much to get high.

Anyway,today is a tough one, as the whole past week has been. I'm not sure if I can't keep from caving!

The discussion here is sensitive and I so much am enamoured with it's sincerity. Thank you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 5:19 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Stealth mode on
"[quote="tinydancer"]^ I got to a blue belt in karate. Many moons ago.. My Dad made me, he wanted to make sure I could kick some ass. LOL"

Nice TD! No blue belt here, lol. But I can still kick some serious arse if needed!! *angel face* ( yah, right!!!) Thanks for sharing.... Thank god ya brought yer left overs! :shock: these demonic dreams are all sorts of messed up. They screw with your dome extremely bad, to say the least. Triggers a lot of bad, dark feelings I reckon!

Hi songman. Day 5.... Wow. How are you doing today? You hanging in there bud? Ok, so 3+ years, how many mgs? Did you taper at all before you jumped? Also, did you discuss with your doctor that you wanted to get off of them, and did you feel ready enough to do so? I understand your decision, however, theres a huge difference between wanting off and actually being ready to get off. Just some questions so that we may be able to better help you. I don't think any of us will ever fully understand the poor choices we made and the risks we took to get our fix. Addiction and the fear of w/d is my answer. What do you do in healthcare?

You can totally do it. It's literally the fight of your life and you've got to keep fighting and fight through it! There are many of us who have done it, and others successfully thus far for months/years! encouraging, right?! You've got to stay strong and optimistic. Laugh often and be kind to yourself. You're going through a fight of a lifetime. Try to stay positive and nurse yourself. MUSIC, laughter, funny movies, HOT HOT baths, massages, getting your grub on, drinking lots and lots of fluids, staying active and try to work out a bit, even a walk or just stretching. Sex or masturbation also helps too!!!! (Hey, we are all adults here, right? :wink: ) These are just some of the suggestions! Where there is will, there is a way, songman. Always here for support, don't hesitate to ask!

This thread is for laughter, feelings, supporting and support. Good people here ---my favs :)---We all wish you and anyone else nothing but the best....! You are not the only one going through this.

*hugs* it gets easier. I promise.

Ill have a 'piper' update later everyone :wink: happy Good Friday/Easter!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 11:33 am 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Stealth mode on
Hey ya'll....

Hope everyone had a great weekend......

This a.m. I was going through the good ol' medicine cabinet and looookkyy here at what this gal found. ---thought I got rid of anything and everything there possibly was--- only to run face to face starring down a bottle of cheratussin ac. Chugged that down in 2 seconds. Thank good there wasn't more, cuz it sure would be in my tummy, too!

Got pretty hammered this weekend. Smoke some (lots) of herb. I think the paws is settling in, whaddya think? :shock:

Physically have been feeling great. But ever since that stupid dream (which has totally fucked with my head) I've now started with the mental part. Oh shit.... I certainly fucked up huh? :shock:

Hopefully tonight will be better. Ill try to catch up on the 4429095 posts that I'm behind. Apparently, I had other "things" on my agenda lately. Moron.... This whole process is fricken tough as all hell! Just go away already damn it!!!!! I surrender!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 11:35 am 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Stealth mode on
All of this on 65 days, too.... ******sigh*****


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 5:25 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Well, momma said there'd be days like this, turns out she wasn't lying!!

Once you're done beating yourself up, I'd suggest you LEARN from the mistake and move on. You need to find a way to come to terms with that dream of yours. It stirred a lot of emotions that you're not comfortable dealing with.

If you're feeling great physically, you may not be suffering from PAWS, you may instead be suffering from "how the eff do I live a life without drugs".....it usually follows or is combined with PAWS and it can bear to come to terms with. For me, this is where recovery helped me.

Congratulations on 65 days off Suboxone!! I imagine you're now seeing how getting off Suboxone and staying off opiates are two different things? :wink:

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 12:10 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:27 am
Posts: 1454
Hey jennipoos..

I'm sorry to hear that you ran head first into a bit of temptation.. it happens. Glad you didn't have more on hand.. seems pretty harmless at this point, don't beat yourself up. None of us are perfect. I agree with Romeo, you need to find a way to get over that dream if it's still bugging you. There will be more to come and as real as it seems, it was just a dream. I hope that your spirits lift soon and I'm wishing you the best. Hang in there girlie.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 9:29 am 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Stealth mode on
Oh Miss Tiny where do I start.... I guess by saying hi :) How have you been miss?

I had quite a freaking day yesterday. What a wicked time. I innocently went on Facebook. As usual. And some shmuck PMd me saying they had perk 30's --blue M 30's :shock: --- and offered me a deal I couldn't resist. (Where was this shit before?!) it was beautiful out, about 65. Sunny. I thought ill pick em' up and go for one hell of a walk by the water. PEACE!

Long story short, met up with this kid and he looked like SHIT. I have changed my phone num, cut off all ties with anyone and everybody, so i thought. I haven't seen him in years. Welp, he looks like he's knocking on deaths door. Scared the poop out of me. Yuck. (Prolly was giving me such a good deal bc he was desperate for H, is my pretty good guess.)

I got back home with my 2 blues....(no kids with me BTW, just for the note. Fuck no.) I had a guilty crappy feeling about the WHOLE thing the WHOLE time. Like a dog just pooped on the carpet with that shameful guilty face, lol. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't even get a straw out, nothin. I just thought WTF am I doing?! I'm going to get high for 4 hours, if that.... Then come down. I won't want to come down, I won't want to run out! So, I got rid of them. Lost 10 dollars in the process of getting rid of them. But, it's a lot better than the carnage I was about to instigate!!!!

I still feel like around day 32 when my w/d let up. If i lay on my back my legs still want to do karate. I'm 60 something days into it. (Maybe 70? guess i should look.) I took Codine that other day, yet said (yes) but no to 30's. hmm.. One foot at a time...

.Anywho, song is perfect for this stuff....."you know me, I had plans, but they just disappeared to the back of my mind"

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JQyQvAXTAQI

it's really over at 2:30. Give it a chance.... Says a lot with a few words that everyone can relate to. Quite the diff from my dancey boppy music but hell, I love ALL music. ESP rock n' roll :wink:
" *** Oh can it be, the voices calling me? They get lost, and out of time. I should have seen it go, but everybody knows... That a broken heart, is blind.*** "


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 3:03 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4133
Jennicole, you did an amazing and brave thing. You looked those 30's in the face, but you were able to see past the high to the future consequences. Do you know what a big deal that is??? I hope that you're not faced with these situations very often, but if you are, use that same method! We addicts are so short-sighted! If you can train yourself to look beyond the high to the inevitable results then you've got a real skill.

Well done. You rock!

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2013 10:25 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 11:04 am
Posts: 45
Location: Gulf Coast
Jenni girl! :D

Where the heck has this thread been?! I've really just begun figuring out a bit more about the forum and it looks like just in the nick of time!lol! Dang kiddo, you had those pills in your hand and yet you resisted! Do you know how great that is? 8) Good job! Something Romeo said really struck me, the difference of getting off suboxone but staying off opiates...welcome to both sides!

I have been a MST (multi skilled tech) on a pediatric floor for over 16 years now. An MST is a CNA who now also has to do the work of a unit secretary as well. Yep, they layed off unit secretaries and lumped that job on top of the cna! :shock: But I'm really fortunate, I have always worked with a great team of RNs and everybody tries their best to give good patient care in spite of the added charting demands. My kids ( ages 31 and 32) :shock: and my job have always been my saving grace. I love working with children...so many people think it's just sad....but children put illness and pain in a whole different catagory. It's hard to explain how sad you can be for a family whose child has cancer, but the strength, love.....it's an honor and a priviledge to to be a part of their journey.

Anyhooo....Hoping things are going well with you and remember Just...keep....swimming! :D

_________________
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2013 1:25 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
mycovery, I said something that struck you?? After 3000 or so posts on this site, it's about damn time I finally said something half way intelligent.....YAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 6:18 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Stealth mode on
Mkay mrs. Covers.... Names are different everywhere! CNA stands for what where you're from? Here it's for certified nursing assistance (and I think thats what you are talking about) sounds like you have a kick ass job, and you kick ass at doing it. Love to my fellow healthcare workers. And a big thank you! (A CNAs job is overly &insanely unappreciated where I'm from. Yet, you do most of the work for the doctors.) I'm a CNA, PMA, national phlebotomist and RN. I like the look to those abbreviations after my name!!

It's day 62- or 63... I've lost track. Ill just say 2 months. Everything's kinda mellowed out. But I most certainly have my moments. It's just more frustrating because right when you think you're feeling better, you get sucked back. But, I'm not in a hellish, demonic state anymore so no complaints.

It's just now, I'm at the point where I keep saying to myself, "ok, now what?".... I'm almost detoxed from suboxone... Now what damn it!??? I go back to work next week. First week is all call backs. Sigh....

_________________
"It's much easier to take someone else's advice than it is to take our own."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Thank you's
PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:48 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Stealth mode on
~Tonight, I am grateful for:~

1. I'm alive and can breath fresh, spring air and feel the warm sun on my skin.

2. I have 2, gorgeous, beautifully handsome sons who are healthy and happy, and funny as all hell, too!

3. The old fart and I are not bickering, tonight. - we are giggling again like school kids together, like we usually do.

4. All of you guys, and that I've been blessed enough to meet every single one of you.

5. My dogs, and cat (our mascot, Piper) and their unconditional love and patients, and for always nursing me with a good cuddle

6. My family was not harmed/killed in Boston (Tim, my bf, works out of Boston, too close for comfort) today and all of them are happy and home safe and sound. *Prayers*...I hope the same for all of your family and friends.

Sigh. CT has sent personals there already for help. (About not even 30 mins afterwards, I received a page and direct IM) God bless those poor victims, (Especially, the children) and their families!

I think I'm going to try to do this everyday for a week. What are you guys grateful for??

_________________
"It's much easier to take someone else's advice than it is to take our own."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 9:49 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4133
Talking about gratitude is an awesome idea! Sometimes I get really tired of looking inward and trying to figure out my addict self. It's refreshing to look outside of myself.

I'm very grateful for my sister tonight. She has been in the hospital since Friday night with blood clots in her lungs. It's plenty serious, but she's doing well. They won't let her go home until her blood levels are acceptable. Her diagnoses has been very disconcerting to both of us because our mother died of a massive blood clot very suddenly. I'm extremely grateful that my sister's case has been relatively mild. Extremely grateful.

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Amy
PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:26 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Stealth mode on
Amy, I'm so so sorry to hear about your sister! My goodness that is so horrible to read about and I can't do a darn thing to help! I'm always a type away if you ever need to vent :(

I too, am grateful for her being alive and healing. So you know, I will keep her in my prayers before bed. Please...Let me know if I can ever help...

_________________
"It's much easier to take someone else's advice than it is to take our own."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 12:14 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri Mar 08, 2013 1:02 pm
Posts: 1342
Location: West Tennessee
Omg Jenni,

I didn't see this til just now. I can't believe you were able to get rid of those pills. Once I had them in my hand I don't know if I could have done it. You are strong girl...remember this moment and how good you felt when you overcame the temptation!

I also like the idea of the thankful thread. Tonight I am greatful for baseball. I know it sounds stupid, but I just spent a wonderful night cheering my 6yo to another win with his team. The kids, the hubby (or old fart as you so aptly described) and I all had a great night laughing and cheering. I am thankful for having this moment, because I don't think I would have had it if I hadn't found recovery. :wink:


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 94 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
cron
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group