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PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2013 6:52 pm 
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what a releif to find a web site that has more encouraging things to say than negative.. lol i was beginning to give up hope for a minute but I found you guys... THANK GOD!!! I posted on another thread earlier today because I didnt see the new topic button right next to post.

Well so Im on day 8 today and the withdrawal sypmtoms have been crappy but overall, MANAGEABLE.. The only thing that is killing me is insomnia like everynight about an hour of sleep tops, and thats really all i can complain about. I knew what I was in for sort of because i have tried to get off of them before but failed within the first 48 hours both times resulting in relapsse with something i really didnt want, and then the cycle continued. Yes it was bad but maybe i should of took some suggestions from other people and got a good support system. I feel I am right with my higher power and have a great suppport system and that has made a world of difference this time.

btw I did do a taper that went from 16 mgs the first day, 8 mgs the second, within the next week i was at 4 mgs and within the past 60 days I dropped to 1 mg and then stopped 8 days ago today.

I know that there is people on here that have been succsussful and other poeple that have some great things to say and i would like to hear from you all, if it is not to much to ask.

Big thanks to lack of armour because his thread inspired me to post this one.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2013 9:39 pm 
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Hey Rob,

Welcome to the forum!!!

You're 8 days off of Suboxone and the only thing you're complaining about is your sleep.....you are so kicking ass, dude!!!

Sleep is usually one of the last things to return to normal after opiate wd. I know you're not interested in more pharmaceuticals, but I have to mention Clonidine because of how good it works and because it's NON-addictive. Clonidine is a blood pressure medication that is prescribed off label for opiate wd, it's truly about the best thing out there. It won't eliminate your wd symptoms, but it does help AND it has a sedative effect....meaning SLEEP!! WOO-HOO!!!

I took Clonidine for months and months and had no issues at all with stopping it. I was prescribed .1mg twice daily.

K, if you're not interested in Clonidine, I'd suggest Unisom next. Unisom comes in a couple of few varities. Take the one with Doxylamine Succinate.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2013 10:40 pm 
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Romeo,
Thank you so much for your kind words and advice.

I am in a treatment center, and today I made an appoitment with the doctor for tomorrow morning. So i have written down your suggestions to take with me to him so i can ask if any of these are possible to obtain from him. The sleep thing really messed me up this past weekend and yesterday I was almost at the point of just saying screw it but fortunatley for me I was able to make it through it. Thank God and this forum has actually given me more hope and today that craving even thought hasnt been as bad. Nearly non existant. But to see that someone thinks i am kickin ass is really encouraging and means a lot.
I really want to get through it this time and also provide that same hope for someone else eventually.

Thanks for the advice big time.

PS I need all the laughs i can get right now and seeing your beavis picture defintley made me crack a smile. lol thanks man you have no idea how much this is starting to mean to me


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:27 pm 
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Hey Rob!

I wanted to chime in with a few encouraging words too. I'm real close to joining you on the opiate free train. Been tapering for awhile and I'm within a month or so of being off. I have my FINAL doctors appointment in the morning...(pausing to take a deep breath here). I want off, but it's pretty scary stuff when so much in your life depends on your success! Who the hell said being a grown up was a good thing?????? I liked it much better when my biggest decision in life was if I wore the ugly dress my mom picked out for me or made her mad and put on my jeans and T-Shirt after I left for school. Ohhh, to have the problems of a 10yo girl again.

Anyway, back to you. You mentioned you are in a treatment facility? That's great. I think it's good to be in a place like that to keep you from going back to something at a weak moment. How long do you have left in treatment? Maybe you could share some tips with people like me who don't have the benefit of going to a full rehab clinic. Maybe give us a top ten list of your favorite things you learned there or something. That would be cool, and it would give you something to do to keep you busy. I've read alot about the Clonodine and I'm planning on asking my doctor about it tomorrow. I'm hoping he will see the benefit in it and not be a complete jerk and refuse to write it for me.

Give us an update after your appointment tomorrow!

BTW - You are in the right place to find encouragement AND humor. We have plenty of both around here. You just have to know where to look to find it. I love to laugh, and I can usually come here and find something to get me going.

Stay strong Brother! I need to feed off all the good vibes your sending!

Q


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 12:11 am 
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Q

I first gotta say, awesome, simply awsome that you are here and i'm assuming clean, suboxone or not im willing to bet that you are working really hard at this.. i know my last month i had a lot of mixed feelings like 1.) I want to be comlpetley substance free but do i really want to stop taking something that has been so helpful? 2.) getting closer to being off of it OMG w/ds, NOOOO lol 3) If i cant do it now, then when can I? shew at my last doctors appoitment he said "this is your last two week supply, then your gonna be done, how do you feel about that" and my answer was "o shit just got real son" lol.

You are definatley correct about having the benefit of being in a treatment center.

1) A conselour who somewhat understands and a group of addicts that I can vent to... though this can be done in any NA room anywhere, I find that is huge for me, having a support group. Outside of this forum which i just discovered last night, I have been working on finding people that have been through it and made it and wow are they supportive. Amazing people we addicts are when not activley using.

2) I cant stress enough how being active during the day (excercise or anything to make me sweat a little) has helped. Man i wish I would of got onto to some sort of workout schedule before jumping off.

3)Instead of focusing on the negatives find the things that I am thankful for and I become much happier throughout the day when i do that.

4) My self diagnosis, by that I mean. Knowing and accepting that I am a drug addict. Not forgetting that. That when im feeling bad and feeling like using and telling myself man i need some releif, how about getting just a 20 of dope to sleep finally, I have to remember that ive said that in the past before and went through with it and started the viscous cycle all over again.

5) Playing the type all the way through. Meaning when i get these cravings and feel like using i have to remember where that takess me. For me its a hell that I dont want to be in.

for now thats all i can come up with my brain is whacked from this past week and i feel it is time for me to stop before i strain myself lol.

But good news for you, you can learn all five of thsoe things from any meeting NA or AA
bless you and thanks for helping me realize that i am in the right spot right now

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:59 am 
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day 9

ok so last night sucked, i fell asleep at 12 and woke up at 1 kicking... fought it until about 330 a.m then said screw it i guess im just supposed to be up for the rest of the day. somehow between 7;30-8:00 this morinng i managed to get about 45 minutes of sleep which is an improvement than that usual 1 hour max extra 45 minutes.. but woke up feelin kinda crappy but after a bowl of ceral and a hot shower things got better rapidly...

as far as the appoitment gos i gave him a list of things that were suggested to me and got 2 weeks worth of colonodine...they dosed me at drs office with the first about 45 minutes ago and i gotta say i already feel a lot more relaxed which is incredable because i have wanted this type of feeling for about 9 days now.. minor releif and now i am going to try and nap.

be back later

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 11:47 am 
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Hey Rob,

I'm glad they gave you some Clonidine, it is pretty amazing how much a BP med helps with opiate wd. I hope with some Clonidine onboard that your sleep improves at least a little tonight. I remember those days of no sleep very well.....they suck!!

I really like the 5 points you listed out in your previous post. You may find it helpful to come back and read those from time to time. I also like how you said, "o shit just got real son"......that's funny, but so true!!

If you need a laugh, then you GOT to check out this thread. http://suboxforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=3334

The whole thread is really good, but the Missing Missy bit is hilarious. Scroll down about 1/4 of the page and you'll see a post from Diary of a Quitter titled Missing Missy. Before you read it, go use the bathroom or else you will pee your pants from laughter!!

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 12:01 pm 
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Glad you got some relief Rob. Hang in there.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 4:04 pm 
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whoa.. as soon as i got home from the doctors i posted about it and went and laid down and omg how did i just sleep until 330 one of the best 4 hour naps of my life.. i got to say going to the doctors was a little discouraging tho because he wanted to put me back on the sub, he said "why did you taper so quick despite all of us here telling you not to? you are now at highest risk for relapse!" but after i said i know, but there is no way im goin back, now that im on day 9 because this feeling to me is eventually inevitable i figured now is the best time for me considering im working hard in AA and in my treatment center IOP..

i kept thinking about that RATM song "what better place, what better time than now? ALL HELL-- CANT STOP US NOW"

im a goofy dude for sure and man this forum makes it a lot easier for me to stay positive

hey music has made this a lot easier for me as well too... DYK that maclemore thrift shop dude is all about recovery?? i find his song "other side" and "starting over" to be great inspiration when im having a hard moment,, also check out a guy named haystak and his song "my first day"

thanks romeo for the motivation and link to other topic i will def check it out and yes those 5 things are on my mind a lot.
thanks lack of armour as well to, you truly are inspiring bro

Rob

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 5:29 pm 
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I went back to my Suboxone doctor 30 days after I jumped and she tried getting me back on Suboxone. No way in hell, I think is what I said!! After enduring and pushing through all that wd, there was no way in hell I was gonna do it again. I think I also said, "I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO, ARE YOU THREATENING ME?? I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE." :lol:

BTW, love RATM. Guerilla Radio, it's one of my fave's by them. I swear, I don't know if I would have survived my wd if it weren't for Rock music. Music carried me through many a shitty day of wd.

Hang tough, Rob.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:26 pm 
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yea it is incredable how much music can do for ya, when your feelin crappy, i always find motivation in it.

i think im gonna watch beavis and butthead do america tonight lol

now thinkn about it i wish i would of said somethin like that, i know it would of blown his mind.

but his lecture tonight at my iop was amazing he truly is a smart man, so much can be learned about the stages of change our brain goes through during recovery.

i really am hopin to get some sleep tonight so if it doesnt happen i will get back on here and type away

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 11:40 pm 
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You know Rob, our stories are so different yet encouraging all the same. Reading your posts and how Enthusiastic and headstrong you are about fighting your addiction are amazing! I hope and can see in the future you writing about your 1st month opiate free! This whole forum has really opened my mind to how hard addiction is for people, and I find myself more understanding and compassionate...and my own experience shows me that if its this hard for someone who doesn't struggle with addiction, it must be a daily thing for you. Keep on posting, it's keeping me positive and showing me that my wd is nothing.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 11:47 pm 
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Hey Rob,

Thanks so much for those tips. Great info! I cracked up when you described what you said at your last appointment...even though I didn't say it out loud, shit definitely got REAL today!!!!! That nasty little addict in my head was clawing and conspiring and doing everything it could to get ahold of me today....and it was freakin' hard, but I made it through without using any extra subs or anything else period. And once I calmed down and thought about it in reality world, I am really kind of on a high from being proud of myself for being able to fight my way through this day.

Keep the updates coming! And Romeo, I would love to see your recreation of beavis as the great cornhorlio...But it must be in video format so we can get the full effect. YOU TUBE time!''


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:30 am 
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dany
I really appreciate that comment I really do... I truly beleive this addiction is a disease and if not treated as so then I will get closer and closer to jail or death everyday. Its amazing how much accepting that this is who I am has made life just a little bit easier actually a lot easier. They kept tellin me, if you had cancer you would take that serious, why cant you take this disease serious? Well 9 treatment centers, 30 jail sentences later I think I got the picture. Just in the past month alone I have lost a real close friend to OD and hes gone(funeral this friday), my cousin is on the run for manslaughter (selling someone dope that OD), and another good friends dad OD and hes gone. and thats just the past month. The past decade would consume this whole forum. and I know probably everyone on this site has seen it a lot like that to. Sorry about rambeling its just your comment made me think. But as long as you get through these wds you are gonna be fine so keep fighting and if it gets hard keep talking to people that will keep you motivated, that has done wonders for me.

q
yea i know everyone time i taperd down a little i remember it takin a few days each time to really adjust but once I did start getting comfortable things got way better. and i know that feeling all to well and you have every right to be proud of yourself. for getting through it.

day 10 update coming in a litle bit .....

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:11 pm 
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Rob4513

That is some real heaviness you are dealing with, above and beyond the withdrawl dance. All of us found our way to opiate use through different means and needs. Some from chronic body pain, either degenerative or from an accident of some sort. For me, it was, for lack of some better term, psychic damage. When I found heroin that was kind of it for me. And I functioned pretty well for years with it in my life. But opiates really take a toll. It's complicated. Because it isn't just what the drug does to your mind and body. It's the social and cultural stuff that goes with it. Drug users cluster together. Feed off each other often. Almost like vampires in the end. I have no shortage of horror stories as well. What really destroyed me was seeing the people I love turn into hollow eyed demons I did not recognize. People who were pure of heart, completely transformed through drug use. Ripping each other off without a second thought. And for me, to figure out how to deal with my addiction, i needed to break from a whole group of friends around me. That is where it gets hard. Some people don't have a choice. Opiates are just everywhere in their environment. Family. People you can't abandon. But opiate use carries such a dark and heavy energy around that pollutes everyone and everything around it. There is no light there.
I am rambling again. Just that I think dealing with addiction isn't as simple as a couple of years on suboxone and then a slow-tapered detox. It also involves your surroundings. Your environment. Who you hang with. And what do you do if people are around you that use, but you have no choice of leaving that environment?
I can say, without hesitation, that life is better without an opiate buffer between me and the world. I am still broken and carry heavy sadness. But my mind feels clear. I don't know. I don't feel dirty somehow. And feel more connected to this world.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 1:01 pm 
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l o a,
I could not of described any better in words. thats really all i can say about that. It is crazy when i think about the things i used to do just for an answer to my problems... see my propblem isnt the drugs, my problem is me and i use those drugs to try and solve all of those problems, i am really workin on tryin to figure out how to deal with life without the use of drugs and alcohol. That dope turned me into the most lieing, stealing, manipualative s.o.b that i have ever known.
Its so weird, you know all the changes that I have made as far people and places, that I dont know if It is ok for me to go the funeral this friday because Im going to run into a bunch of people that are still on it, and I do feel pretty vulnerable still.. any advice on that?

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 1:28 pm 
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I for sure have no answers. I am trying to muddle through this world as best I can. But I continue to look for beauty out there. And for sure have hope. Regret is a heavy burden. Guilt is a heavy burden. Self-hate is a heavy burden. I have said it before, but everyone i have known on opiates (heroin specifically) had a lot of basic common connections. This is above and beyond people who just like to experiment with mind altering states. People who have danced with heroin addiction for years, there is some deep dark ache there. And a real sensitivity to the world. Hypersensitivity even. The source of the ache is varied for sure. Childhood trauma. Trauma in general. Isolation. Loneliness. Self-hate. Opiates are pretty good at numbing the source of the ache. But not really. Almost becomes a feedback loop where the addiction and all it's associated darkness add to the problem.
For sure, at least for me, I am tired of numbing that ache. Talking about this kind of thing in words often sounds trivial and awkward. But I need to learn to be comfortable in my skin and in this world. It is important. I like to think there is pure good in all of us. Why is so hard to love, be loved, respect and be good to one another? So much of aggression and negativity comes from people's insecurities. Like a wild dog trying to protect itself.
I apologize. I keep rambling here. Feels self-indulgent again.
The funeral. I think you have to go. But go with a clear head and good intentions. Losing anyone close is like losing a part of yourself. Communal mourning is important. Seems like in our culture, we don't know how to deal with death. You have to walk tall and be strong and resolute though. This woman once said to me, 'a good man is a proud man'. Not cocky or arrogant. Just humble, simple pride. I don't know. It really resonated with me at the time.
Hang in there, for real!


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:06 pm 
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Lack of Armor, certain aspects of your posts have a kind of darkness to them and I can relate. A lot of the things you say bring me back to my early wd days and I just wanted to tell you to keep hanging in there, it gets better.

Rob, if you do decide to go to the funeral, bring someone with you who knows about your addiction, someone who knows you're going to be tempted when you see your old runnin' buddies. I call it "bringing protection with me" when I know I'm going somewhere there will be temptation. You need someone who will keep an eagle eye on you and not let you step out of line even an inch.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:55 pm 
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Hey Rob - You seem to have a great attitude about this and I think that it is awesome that you are so resolute about getting through this difficult period without using anything that might hinder your progress....great progress so far! Having your AA peeps and support from people on these boards is a huge thing. Seems like you have the tools and if you hang in there you will feel start to eventually have flashes of feeling good, or at least ok. This is almost guaranteed.

Comedy and music were mentioned. Still to this day these are huge things for me. Shit, sometimes I just smile for smiling's sake and even this helps. For comedy, I recently watched pretty much every Key and Peele skit on Youtube and laughed my ass off. Thank God for all the funny ass people out there doing funny as shit!

I have an engineering job and would put on headphones and listen to chillstep mixes all day while working. I love a lot of types of music, but this stuff really helped me to relax cuz anxiety was the most difficult struggle for me. When a coworker would need something from me and I had to take my headset off I would look at them like "you know, I am either going to blast you right here right now or go back to using, and I just ain't gonna use. Next I was escorted out in cuffs with assault charges pending. No, I'm kidding, but that is about how I felt.

I know the struggle and as they say "it get's better....keep coming back", yada yada. Cliches that I needed to hear (and still do) over and over even though sometimes I didn't want to hear that shit.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:46 pm 
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day 10
wow i cannot (shouldnt but i will) complain about anything. the worst thing i have had today was fixable by some immodium and that was it. the colonodine helped me get at least 5 hours of sleep last night off and on and being able to go disc golf and break a sweat and then soccer with my son and his friend today was a great feeling. other than minor things like sneezing a few goose bumps here and there, but that is so minute that i feel that even mentioning it now was kind of a waste of line on this post... lol i would say today felt as if i was about 80% and hoping that it doesnt regress tomorrow but with iop and 2 meetings already planned i have hope that it will be a good day, also it will be my sons last day of school before summer break so im amped that i will have a buddy to spend the whole day with the next upcoming weeks

l o a,
i can relate to that feeling too. but like you said continue to look for the good in the world, because there is plenty of it out there. accepting that was hard for me, because of a messed up past, but ihave thoose moments of clarity here and there where everything just seems to make so much sense to me. like when im in a place where i feel like i shouldnt be, i start to ask " alright, why am here, what do i need to see here" im starting to devolop this attitude that im exactly where i need to be. I find that when i am not looking at everyone elses faults and wrongs i am much happier and accepting. you are not rambling anyways bro, you are stating how you feel and that is courage, rather than hiding and numbing out like we are so used to.

romeo
i really want to go to the funeral and i think that bringin my wife will probably help me out a bunch like you said. she is not a drug user or anything like me, and i know she is definatley my biggest (whats the word im lookin for here?)=wants me to stay clean and is not scared to say what she is feeling when she thinks i am slipping up? is there a term for that lol?

bb
my attitude i am finding has so much to do with everything. my day goes so much smoother when i keep that attitude and its so weird after about 90% of the meetings i attend, i will just feel so much better like i heard something that even though i cant remember what it was, something helped me. I wish i could always keep that good attitude but its hard espically these past few days without that substance that i was so used to having that helped keep me calm, and i too am firm beleiver of the AA promises, and the harder I work it the more it work for me.

rob

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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