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PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 9:24 pm 
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22 days off the subby wubbies
sleep returning slowly and so am I..
progress not perfection is what i keep telling myself
its amazing how i good feel during some quality meetings
thank God I am convinced I am an alcoholic/addict is the one thing I know for sure
you guys are all my hero's
I know how hard and scary life can get, and you all walking right along the side of me this whole time
and thats how I feel about it!! :)

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:03 pm 
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Just letting you know I'm glad you are posting frequent updates. Sometimes a timeline of someone else's progress is the most comforting thing of all. Knowing it's getting better for you and others is all I feel like I have to hold onto today.

Keep it coming :)


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:51 pm 
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I've read your post the last 4 days, very inspirational! It also seems to be a habit for people, when they start feeling better they post less frequently. Which is good! I'm on Day 7 but came off only .50 or so a day. Hopefully I can come through this soon as well!


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:09 pm 
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Rob
Hanging on every word, KEEP POSTING!!!!!

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:23 pm 
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hey guys,
thanks for the posts, you guys are great..
you know i really wished i would of posted yesterday..
so ill start by saying day 23 and 24,
prety much identical
4 hours of sleep last night with no meds (colondine) which is great progress from a week ago when it was still only a couple hours at most.
appetite is still big, but improving as i dont get as cranky when i dont eat much
and i can definatley see an decrease in my anger issues which is also very nice.
also motivation to do something instead of sitting around is also improving.
honestly i think i was like this before the drugs, so i have to say, day 24 im about 99% which i think is normal for me.
so yea if your going through it, all I can say is keep going, there is definatley some light on this side of tunnel and plenty of room for everyone.

as for yesterday...
kind of off topic, but not.
bitter sweet to say the least.
started off by having an interview for a job that i really wanted. and i got it. good money, great hours, 5 mins from home. perfect. came home got the mail. BOOM, i was sent a probation violation and have to appear in court on july 10th. ive been on probation for a year now. my relapse occured in janruary, and well to say the least i got charged with theft jan 31st, got convicted in april, and they violated my probation on the 12th of this month. 210 days on the shelf from last year, which i will probably see half of it. talked with my p o, and basically tried to tell her that since the charge happened a lot has changed for me. and she simply said if you cant do the time, bull shit. so this is stressful. i cant lie my first thought was, whats the point of getting clean if im still gonna end up in jail. <insane> if this is what i have to do, then lets do it, i can pray in jail, and attend AA still (they have meetings) and all though they say our past is our greatest asset, it sure didnt feel like it. but i can see where this will be benifical for me in the long run, it will motivate me to do the next right thing and help break this cycle.
so basically, sorry to my wife and son that i will be gone. good bye new job, hello eviction notices, see everyone around thx giving. damit. shit.
i still dont want to use drugs over this, even tho the thought occured.
those fears are flooding in
God, when will this nightmare ease up?
I hate the box and everything that comes with it.
am i wrong to prepare myself for jail? i have been there so much, and it just feels neverending at this point

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 2:18 pm 
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Rob! Good to see that you're still doing this thing and it sounds like you are even starting to level out some.....awesome! That's what happens; the intensity of it all and the peaks and valleys start to lessen and then one day your out of the woods. The sleep thing takes by far the longest, but it'll return to normal-ISH.

Based on what you're saying, you know that you can get through this jail thing basically unscathed. Maybe some temporary setbacks, but like you said, this could be for the best in the long run...who knows. I used to take meetings into jails and prisons and that was some rewarding shit. The reason that it was rewarding was because out of the 20 or so people usually in there, 1 or 2 would tell me after the meeting just how grateful they were that I/we showed up and how they needed it and were trying to "break the cycle". They, like you were already starting to do the right thing and just had to pay the piper hopefully one last time and then had the option of getting out, moving on and leaving the whole nightmare in the past.

Picture yourself getting out of jail clean, sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner with your wife and son with the wreckage of the past fading further and further in the rearview mirror. You got this shit :wink:


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 3:03 pm 
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My heart goes out to you, Rob. Hang tough, bro.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 10:00 pm 
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aprreciate the positive feed back guys.
there is no need for me to continue the days off of subs posts i think? (as far as withdrawal goes)
because honestly all i would be doing is saying how it feels to be at 99% and for me that alone (99%)
is rewarding to say the least.

as for the whole jail thing, i have come to the conclusion that...
Im not scared of jail
I am scared of what my family will go through.
so ive basicaly got 20 days before court that i can..
A) dwell on it. be miserable
B) fight it. pointless
C) just live for today and try to make the best of it

Ill take C..
who wouldnt?
just thankful that I have the things I need, and I know in my heart so will my family
it could always be worse 8)

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 11:07 pm 
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ok i think i may have jumped the gun on saying 99% normal...

granted, i dont feel like i did two weeks ago, i think i am definatley feeling that whole roller coaster effect.

symptoms today included... sneezing all day (have since 3 weeks ago).. little bit of goosebumps.. irritability from being hungry all day long.. stomach hurt this morning for about 2 hours.. shitty sleep (like im tired as hell but just can not sleep like i want to at all which is annoying) i am seeing progress tho.

overall these are all mostly daily but less severe yesterday than today.. hell there was even a few days last week where i felt great and could not complain about anything? confusing a little bit..

anyways though day 29 was another succsussful day off the subs to be frank about it. ha frank, where the hell did this term come from? was there some guy named frank that was always to the point or something?

how is everyone else doin? tell me about it all

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 9:55 am 
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Ha...i liked your comment about the term 'frank' I think about weird things like that too, like where did the expression 'cold turkey' come from? A cold turkey sandwich sounds good..mmmm!

I think all the lil ups and downs your expirencing are completely normal. Its gonna take time for you to even out, but your doing great for 29 days off!


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 11:27 am 
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Congratulations on 30 days today (right?).

It's normal to experience some lingering wd syptoms. The good news is, the good days will far outweigh bad days very soon.

Keep chuggin' along!!

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 2:10 pm 
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Yay for 30 days!!!! That's fantastic!!! I'm also still sneezing and yawnung even when not tired, but I'm only 2 weeks in. Anyway, it seems like you have an awesome sense of humor, which will go far! I feel you about wanting to sleep but not being able to. Its shitty. But this will all get better so soon! We are lucky to have amazingly supportive spouses. Some people have nobody. Congrats and keep it up! You have so many people rooting for you!


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 Post subject: a freakin month frank
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 4:24 pm 
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thanks everyone. you know, today was one of those days that was great. sneezing so far the only symptom of the day. pretty crazy compared to yesterday. how can i complain about sneezing? who am i kidding i could complain about finding a 100 dollar bill on the ground.

anyways i just wanted to say thanks. I give you guys pretty much all of the credit for me making it 30 days. all i have done is write how I am feeling and you guys either have gave me great suggestions or let me know how normal and not bad it really is. 30 days doesnt seem long when i say it out loud, but to look back, just 20 days ago feels like a world away, and that my friends is a gift in itself.. i never want to forget it. God, please dont let me forget it.

with that being said.
anyone reading this, who is having issues with drugs in general (me suboxone) i highly suggest making a profile and getting on here and ask questions or just to vent and you will get a lot of support that i feel was nescasarry for me, because yes AA-NA and IOP helps big time, but what about down time when your just sitting around the house, stuck in your head??? this site and the people on here are some of the realest people that I dont know, yet at the same time i know we all of a lot in common.

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2013 10:34 am 
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Congrats on making it 30 days man!

When I had 30, 60, 90 days clean I wasn't sure it was worth it because I still felt like TOTAL SHITE much of the time, but let me tell ya...I am damn glad I held on and kept pressing forward. It is so worth it and like Romeo said "the good days will far outweigh the bad days very soon".

So keep on keepin' on...


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