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 Post subject: 18 Days Off Sub
PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2015 6:54 pm 
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Location: Ohio
I was addicted to opiates for three years, within a month I transitioned to Suboxone as a close family member had been on it for a few years and I knew the benefits. I stayed on Suboxone for two years... it truly did give me my life back but like anything you dose with I became dependant on it. Granted it was much easier to buy off the street (which is what I did) and it lasted longer. I more or less did about 2mgs a day, toward the end which was 18 days ago I may have been down to 1mg.

Then I had to wait nine days before I could buy again and thus my sobriety began... it wasn't exactly my choice but after day five I felt obligated to try. Granted I had been fired from my job three months prior, I was able to just lay around and sulk in what the Sub W/Ds truly were.

I have basically 0 responsibilities, and let me tell you it has helped. But let's get to the point...

I am currently on day 18. I don't feel any fevers, fatigue or gagging feelings anymore. My RLS has calmed down a bit but I've had it since I was a small child so I'm assuming this is just my natural state now. Sometimes I can sleep about six hours but it's usually four tops.

I'm okay with this but I am lately feeling very lost. I can't seem to get out of my room. I feel like walking into a place and asking for a job is so daunting. I'm more or less afraid. I don't know how to overcome this part. Is this the last kick in the ass by the Sub W/D? I don't necessarily feel depressed but I feel that I'm exhibiting symptoms of depression.

I just want to have purpose again but I feel emotionally powerless. It's hard to admit weakness... I have no urges to use, I drink a bit but it's not out of control. I feel that I'm an upstanding person now but why can't I get back into the world? Why do I still feel I need so much help?

I got addicted, I got Sub, now I've gotten 18 days sober. I feel accomplised but I don't feel free yet...

What should I do? What did you do?


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 Post subject: Re: 18 Days Off Sub
PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2015 7:18 pm 
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You are in a very vulnerable state right now. If I were you, I'd join a meeting/ group type therapy? Because you were buying sub off the street and not seeing a doctor or undergoing any type of therapy for your mind and body, in relation to living a clean life, you may want to start that now. It would give you something to do, a reason to get out of the house, and the opportunity to learn more about addiction and how sneaky this disease is. It creeps back in the second you let your guard down, and even when you don't let your guard down. Take care of yourself and work on protecting yourself and arming yourself with knowledge.

Good luck to you!


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 Post subject: Re: 18 Days Off Sub
PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 1:33 am 
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You have to keep on keeping on. The only way OUT is THROUGH. The feelings of being lost, or overwhelmed by "normal" day to day living; it's normal. Your brain and body is readjusting. You will have to go through this phase, whether it's right now, 1 month from now, 1 year from now. If your goal is being off suboxone, this is just a short little battle you'll have to solider through.

Whenever life feels like an uphill battle, just think of the view from the top. It's pretty freakin rad.

_________________
Spent too many years hooked on oxycodone
**OUT OF ACTIVE ADDICTION SINCE 7/18/13**
**OFF SUBS SINCE 11/1/13**

"the only way out is through"


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Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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