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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:05 pm 
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So, here I am, 90 days since my last slip and I'm feeling a wee bit wobbly. I don't know what it is about the 90 day mark?? Well, I guess I kinda do. My stupid ass addict brain tries to tell me that if I only used every 90 days, that's only using 4 times per year.....that ain't so bad, right? BUT, I know if I follow that train of thought I'll soon be convincing myself that using every 60 days ain't so bad, then every 30 days.....y'all know where we go from here.....straight down the toilet.

Even though I understand that I can NOT use drugs successfully, there's that "secret" part of me that wants to give it one more go.

I certainly haven't had any overwhelming cravings, just thoughts that pop in and pop out of my silly little noggin'.

For those of you who know me, you know that this is the first time that I've really posted BEFORE I think I may be headed in the wrong direction. I'm actually kind of impressing myself that I'm posting this!! Dang, I think I've made some progress in my recovery!!

I know another area that I've made progress in is this, I have learned that when I stop placing myself in situations where me using drugs is all but inevitable......I don't use drugs!!!

Anyway, I've been kind of bummed at getting a few using thoughts, especially seeing as they're hitting right around the 90 day mark again and I thought I better "tell on myself" and maybe get some advice.

I really want to blow past this 90 day mark and look forward to my 6 month anniversary next.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:05 pm 
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Ive got some advise, Read SlashNaxl post in the stopping suboxone section. That is enough to make me never wanna do dope again.. LOL. (not funny but still why am I laughing?) Anyway I commend you for having the guts to even admit that you are having thoughts. You know what helped me Romeo.....and I always say "I am not religeous,....." PRAY my friend...... just friggen pray...Or look at your beautiful family and realise that you are ONE LUCKY "sonofa"....and they deserve a Dad, Hubby, family member that is 100% on the same page as them. Not to mention whith the money you would spend on shizz, take your wife out on a date and mayyyyybeeeeee you will get a just reward! You got this one Romeo and you also HAVE made HUGE progress...


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 11:26 pm 
Sweet's idea to take your wife out on a date is a great one!! I know personally, when I am craving but trying not to use (honestly, once in awhile I allow myself a 'Subz vacay' without being too hard on myself. It isn't a good idea, its just how I operate, being an addict and all. y'know :) I try and do things that I wouldn't be able to do if I was getting high, such as

-going out to eat some fantastic food (hell, even if yer broke, hit up TGI Fridays or something. I know I certainly couldn't afford to eat out ANYWHERE when I was using)

- see a movie (who spends $$ when they are just gonna fall asleep in the dark theater :-P)

-hit the beach (location permitting) or a nature trail on a nice day. Something outside that will give you a great view and leave you feeling connected with all things nature and natural

-have sex (no more dope dick!)

-hit up Barnes & Noble (or even the library) for an overpriced coffee and a new thrilling page-turner

- some retail therapy, perhaps??

As far as things you can do to distract yourself, this is just a handful of ideas out of thousands. Getting high is just another one of these thousand ideas, except it sucks worse than most of them. Also, my therapist recently told me that the best way to ward off a craving is to make eye contact (and speak to) another human being. It is supposed to take your mind off using.

You can do it, Romeo!! I can tell this board has got yer back!


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 11:43 pm 
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90 days????????

a fucking miracle my brotha!!!!!!

[marq=down]YOU are a fucking miracle[/marq]






Every one of us is, but I think we need to hear it once in awhile!!!!
yea, the ideas above are great......Ive found lately, takeing my kiddo out for ice cream, or a new toy, is A GREAT feeling! its like a 'high' all in itself. bcuz before I never had ten bucks to buy him a toy, and was too ' sick' if I did.

I know you can do it Romeo,,,,,,,,,,
keep fightin the good fight

[marq=right]YOU are a soldier TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/marq]

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:17 am 
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Damn dude I guess you and me are pretty much in the same boat. I am at day 94 since my last little lapse and 8 months off subs and I have been feeling extremely edgy and like PAWS have kicked back in full force over the past week. I remember reading something regarding the milestones 30, 60, 90 days, 6 months, 9 months and a year and what is going on in your brain at those points. Ill try to find the article. I actually did the exact math you did today realizing if I only used once every 90 days.. well that is only 4 times a year. For me I just play the tape and realize how much just one day of use sets back my progress. I too want to cruise past this 90 day mark and I feel like the further and further we get away from it the harder it will be for us to just say fuck it and throw away our sobriety time. I guess we have a "Reservation" as they like to tell us in AA and hopefully that goes away for us at some point.. but we re thinkin on the same page brother. Stay strong. This too shall pass


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:04 am 
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Thank you all for your advice and well wishes, they are much appreciated!

After reading your replies I realized that I had slipped into "me, me, me" mode. I was spending too much time thinking of me and not enough time thinking of my family (yep, I'm still working on this whole balance thing). I also get caught up in these "clean date milestones" and I let them freak me out, I gotta stop doing that. Simply reading what y'all wrote gave me that new perspective that I needed. It's weird how our thinking can slip so easily, but it's also reassuring how just a few comments from outside observers, especially other addicts, can help to set ya straight.

I'm gonna take my wife and daughter to the finest restaurant in town tonight.....McDonald's....I'm even gonna let them "upsize" their meals. Yep, my wife ought to be throwing herself at me by the time we get home!!

Rmac, that's kinda spooky how we were both doing the same math. Congratulations on 95 days bro!!

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:22 am 
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That's funny Romeo! McDonalds just might do the trick. When I first got together with my boyfriend, I told him I'm not into flowers so he didn't ever have to never buy any for me. To me, it's a waste of money on something that just sits there, and I could go look at flowers in the backyard if I wanted. That's money that could be spent on something I'd enjoy more. He said, "Like what?" and I said, "I don't know, like food or something" and so he said, "So if I show up at your door with a bag of french fries on valentines day you'd be stoked?" Hahahaha!! I said "Sure, but show up with some lobster and you will definitely get lucky!"


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 5:39 pm 
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Hmmm, looks like we're going to Red Lobster tonight. Yay for me!!!

I had a good day today, no "secret" thoughts. Yippee!

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 Post subject: 90 Days
PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:35 pm 
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You rock Brudda! And a pat on the back for posting this subject beforehand.

There is a reason behind the AA 90 meetings in 90 days thing. I read somewhere that medical science determined it takes the human brain approximately 90 days to break a habit. I don't know if AA knew of that or was just lucky picking the 3 month mark. But just from observation, more people made it to longtime sobriety if they were able to stay sober 90 days. Most addicts/alcoholics cannot go that long.

So yippie! You beat the odds. It should get a little easier from here on in.

Enjoy your nice night out to dinner.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:07 am 
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Hey Rule,

To tell you the truth, this time around has been much easier all around. I've learned several things along the way and it's like I've finally reached a "critical mass" in my recovery where I've not only learned enough to stay clean, but I'm also putting what I've learned into practice. (the "putting it into practice" part helps a LOT!! :D )

As always, thanks for your support Bro!

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