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 Post subject: In day 4 of withdrawal
PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:23 pm 
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Hi everyone. I think its a good idea for me to join here in hopes of getting through this sub wd.

History: I've been on sub for exactly 1 year. It was great. I didn't use and my cravings were non existent. I knew that I didn't want to be on it forever so I started to taper, with the help of my doc. In all honestly I tapered too fast. I went from 4mg to 1mg in a month. Didn't really give myself a chance to stabilize. This I know. But the appts. Are costly and I just want to be free.

So I took my last 1mg Wed morning. Today is Sunday. I felt wd on Wed night. The restless legs, the insomnia. During the day on thurs and fri I felt drained and experienced many of the similar wd I have from oxy and hydro. I admit that they weren't as intense but still very noticeable. So today is day 5 and I feel the worst. I can still function. I had to go to my inlaws today. Oofah. I expect another piss poor night of sleep and I'll attempt to rise and shine and go to work tomorrow. I am hoping that this is peaking today.
I intend to go to the gym tomorrow.
I have klonopin, clonidine, and med grade pot.(for my glaucoma)

Again this wd is no where near as intense as cold turkey from pain pills but it is still there and it sucks.

God speed.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:14 pm 
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Well ur in for the fight of ur life and it will be up to you to fight through this..IT CAN BE DONE! DO IT! The next month will suck and try to break you and the next year will test you like you never been tested before.but it gets better.so do whatever you have to do to comfort yourself. Music,rest,working out,eat right,and do whatever interests you.keep moving and don't look back. You know God Damm well by now that drugs ain't the fucking answer! Do something about it! GL..IT CAN BE DONE!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STp1UtMrKR4&feature=related watch this vid every morning and go for it man! and this one every other day! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa1j2kBI ... re=related Inside you know what the right thing to do is.Just a question of how bad you want it and whether or not your willing to face the devil and look him eye to eye and tell him you aint going anywhere and you will have to do this at your weakest moment..Do not give in man! You got this!


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:57 pm 
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Those YouTube videos are epic. They gave me chills. And not the wd chills. THANK YOU!

In 2010, I went through a 5 day hospital detox outpatient
for 8 months. I thought I had my shit together but relapsed before getting on the subs for a year. I know success comes from within. I have to realize that I am responsible for my actions. And pills/dope is not the answer.

My metabolism is high so I'm hoping this wd will soon ease but I know every day from there on out will be up to me to remain drug free. I want to be how I was on suboxone, just without the suboxone. That takes hard work. And I'm ready for it.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:55 pm 
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You sound like ur ready! DO it! Be a fucking warrior and do something good for yourself and be patient..you can't have the girlfriend this year(just an analogy to wanting something to make you feel better now when ur not ready for it)..it is your year to heal and focus on you only..if you follow these rules and you want it you will get there. It will take at least a year if don't relapse or do any drugs..including weed.booze and all that other bullshit. Be strong even though your going to feel like a bitch..it is just the drug trying to get u back..realize ur going to be weak and keep moving forward. It takes a time(year min.,probably longer depending on prev use) but you can do it! Patience


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:10 pm 
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Rockmayfield wrote:
Hi everyone. I think its a good idea for me to join here in hopes of getting through this sub wd.

History: I've been on sub for exactly 1 year. It was great. I didn't use and my cravings were non existent. I knew that I didn't want to be on it forever so I started to taper, with the help of my doc. In all honestly I tapered too fast. I went from 4mg to 1mg in a month. Didn't really give myself a chance to stabilize. This I know. But the appts. Are costly and I just want to be free.

So I took my last 1mg Wed morning. Today is Sunday. I felt wd on Wed night. The restless legs, the insomnia. During the day on thurs and fri I felt drained and experienced many of the similar wd I have from oxy and hydro. I admit that they weren't as intense but still very noticeable. So today is day 5 and I feel the worst. I can still function. I had to go to my inlaws today. Oofah. I expect another piss poor night of sleep and I'll attempt to rise and shine and go to work tomorrow. I am hoping that this is peaking today.
I intend to go to the gym tomorrow.
I have klonopin, clonidine, and med grade pot.(for my glaucoma)

Again this wd is no where near as intense as cold turkey from pain pills but it is still there and it sucks.

God speed.






[b]Dear Rock,

If you want to taper then that is good and up to you of course. I would just like to say you have only been on the subs for 1 year...and during that time you have done well, no relapse...no craving..felt normal?? It sounds like (and i may have read you wrong) that you had a pretty tough time of it before the subs...I would just like to say make sure you are ready for this..being on sub is not a bad thing, it is a med. that keeps you sober. ...to me, that has been a miracle!

I just don't know what I would do without anything? I don't trust myself yet. Just be careful. I know I am saying the oppostite of the other poster...and I surely think you should do what you want to do. ...and...I wish you all the luck in the world and please keep us posted of your progress..it will help others..

Sincerely,
Slipper
[/b]

_________________
"For evil to flourish, all that is needed is for good people to do nothing." >> Edmund Burke


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 Post subject: I hear ya!
PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:20 pm 
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This is the 2nd day for me and it is some bullshit!! So u r on day four and still restless legs, everything hurts, appetite-gone all the above?
I also weaned down in one month from 4 mgs to 1mg and then just .5 for 4 days. I also needed to do this because the cost of appts. but for also the peice of shit I was treated like by the receptionist at the Drs. Office. I cried my eyes out the last appt I had and vouched to get off of this shit. I am obviously talking myself into not going through hell ESPECIALLY if it's gonna take even 1 more day to feel normal. I have to work tomorrow, and I am so sore and spaced out there is NO WAY I could perform up to my standards. I'd really like some feedback/ support so I hope your available! Good for you, your 2 days stronger than I and I pray I can make it through.
I definitley didn't think it would take weeks-months! Hang in there, and pray that I can!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 12:37 am 
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I understand what you are going thru. You CAN and ARE getting thru this right now. It will take time but at least you can function relatively normally. Try to focus on the reason you are getting straight. There must be some good ones. You will start to feel better in a few days. It is not the end of the world. There is a guy on here that stopped CT at 6 mg. Went to work everyday. If you really DO want this, your determination will get you thru. Power walks, healthy food & push fluids. Hot bathes, Advil, YES PRAY PPL. Seriously I starterd at 40 & its powerful. Multi vitamins, fresh air and some god ole soul searching will do the trick. Honor yourself and allow your positive thoughts control how you feel. Do it!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:13 am 
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So it's Monday morning...day 5. I slept ok, or better than I did the last couple of nights. I have the day off. Well at least I don't have to go into the office. I might work on some emails later.

I have thought, at great length, about staying on sub. It, to me, does exactly what it says. It works just fine. But it's an opiate. Its a drug I love, even if I didn't get high off of it. But I chose to stop because of the $300 month appt. Which in retrospect I was spending that a week on perks. It's like I said before I just want to be free.

My doc, your doc, all sub docs say the wd will be minimal. That there is no comparison to full agonist opiates. To that I say they are both right and full of crap.

I didn't make it into work today obviously. I tossed and jimmied legged a lot. This has to get better soon.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:16 am 
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History: before sub I would take any and all pills if they changed my mood. I was up to 30 norcos a day. I know if I'm not strong I can easily go back to that way. Praying I don't.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:56 am 
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As I was just cleaning out my old papers I came across some of my notes I wrote as sat alone in a local hotel room after my wife kicked me out. This was in Feb 2010 and was what set me on my first journey towards sobriety. I smoked my first cig at 5. First beer at 11. Yada yada YOU know the drill. So in Feb 2010, after I got caught stealing pills from my wife's Dad, I finally got sober and that lasted 9 months before I relapsed (a relapse that cost me ($12k), got on sub and a year later here I am.

But anyway, this paper or notes I just found is a timely, oh so timely, reminder of the feelings, hopes, fears, all of the above and then some that I was feeling at the time. I want to share. You all seem very nice and for your support, as I work through this, I am very grateful.

Feb 28, 2010-
I went to brush something off my check and it was the floor.

Today I feel:
Lonely
Sad
Ashamed
Guilty
Scared
Anxious
Optimistic
Like I fucked up real bad
Sober
Lucky
Tired of all the hell I created
Ready to reach inside
Grateful to be alive
Like crying
Like laughing
Embrace a lifestyle of sobriety
Ready to get back on track
Isolated
Fragile
Strong
--------

So that was the note I just found that I wrote to myself two years ago. It holds so trū today as well.


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 Post subject: Re: I hear ya!
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:28 am 
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thisshhhcray wrote:
This is the 2nd day for me and it is some bullshit!! So u r on day four and still restless legs, everything hurts, appetite-gone all the above?
I also weaned down in one month from 4 mgs to 1mg and then just .5 for 4 days. I also needed to do this because the cost of appts. but for also the peice of shit I was treated like by the receptionist at the Drs. Office. I cried my eyes out the last appt I had and vouched to get off of this shit. I am obviously talking myself into not going through hell ESPECIALLY if it's gonna take even 1 more day to feel normal. I have to work tomorrow, and I am so sore and spaced out there is NO WAY I could perform up to my standards. I'd really like some feedback/ support so I hope your available! Good for you, your 2 days stronger than I and I pray I can make it through.
I definitley didn't think it would take weeks-months! Hang in there, and pray that I can!


I think it will honestly last a week from my last sub. It's so true that the real symptoms don't peak until day 4 or 5. The symptoms we feel in days 1 and 2 are really all mental, IMO. The symptoms I have now are not that bad but they are the familiar opiate wd type. Oh so familiar even though it's been years since I last felt them.

It will get better. You know you will too!!! :). Soldier through!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:52 pm 
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Play the vids I sent you in first response. DO NOT go back to the sub! You can do this!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:30 pm 
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In all honesty, I've watched them twice today. I even sent the link to a friend who's going through a rough time.

I went for a run today and it felt great. I also went to GNC to get some Potassium in hopes of it helping the RLS. In terms of how today has been its obvious I'm going through wd but it's not physically killing me. It is mental. Which I have learned that just about everything is. I'm not going back to the sub. I'm not going back to any opiate. I'm rolling through this wd and each day gets better.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 9:17 pm 
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running is great! keep it up. I know u will feel like u have a weight tied around ur next especially this first month, but if u can go running on the regular you will be way ahead of the game. You the man!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:20 pm 
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Rock, those words that showed back up for you to read, made perfect time. It will be so good to be done with this phase of your life. Fast forward, right thru all the bad stuff and imagine yourself clean and sober and with your happy and healthy family. Because history has a way of repeating itself until the lesson is truely learned. I think you got it this time.
Hang in there & GOOD luck


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:29 am 
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Those vids above are inspiring and motivating! I'm going through my own journey off sub at the moment. I will probably end up posting my own thread.

I believe you have to want it that bad more than anything you have ever wanted!

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. -Ernest Hemingway


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 6:18 am 
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sweet16 wrote:
Rock, those words that showed back up for you to read, made perfect time. It will be so good to be done with this phase of your life. Fast forward, right thru all the bad stuff and imagine yourself clean and sober and with your happy and healthy family. Because history has a way of repeating itself until the lesson is truely learned. I think you got it this time.
Hang in there & GOOD luck


It quietly, out of nowhere, raises it head and if you (I) let my guard down for a second we are screwed. Majorly screwed. 6 months later - broke as a joke and looking for more. Don't get me wrong. I'm an affluent middle class guy who just turned 35 and have a stable job. Maybe too good of paying since I had that extra flow to throw around for insert name of any pill. Yes, we must always strive to know ourselves and build the defenses to hold off temptation. Because it 100% will come back around.

It 6am Tuesday morn, this makes the start of day 6. I went to bed last night at 9. Tossed, turned, and kicked until I got up and went into the guest room(again 5th night in a row). But I finally fell asleep at 12:30 and got a solid 5. I woke up feeling pretty good. Like almost human. I could tell I am turning a corner. Today is my first real test of going to work for 8.5 hours(oh the horror, lol). Ill go to the gym too. So bring on that mental pain if you coming. I'm ready for anything. If I want to tell some coworker to go to hell I MuST remember to use my inside voice.

WTF is up with the sneezing? I know we're in the embryo stages of spring and the pollen in bad but I can tell the difference. This is a wd sneeze. I've read about the. But never experienced in my countless wds from reg agonists. Does it speak to the power of bupe? Since its so strong, like H(which I've never done) is it now throwing sneezing into the mix? And it's not my usual one and done. 6,7,8 in a row. I might join the circus.
Peace to all. I'm gonna go soldier through.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:13 am 
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That Youtube video is awesome!
Keep up the faith Rock..you can do it..
I believe as addicts we all are so talented and creative. If we can channel this energy into health and positive energy think what we can do.. :)

I am speaking to myself as well-
I am in the weaning process 1.4 mg/day and counting. I heard this quote many years ago:

[font=Arial]"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others[/font].”
― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love


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 Post subject: Humor
PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:13 am 
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Rockmayfield wrote:
I'm ready for anything. If I want to tell some coworker to go to hell I MuST remember to use my inside voice.

WTF is up with the sneezing?.......is it now throwing sneezing into the mix? And it's not my usual one and done. 6,7,8 in a row. I might join the circus. Peace to all. I'm gonna go soldier through.


These two little snippets from your post made me smile. I don't know you, so I'm not sure if this is your normal sense of humor or not. But it sure seems like a good sign to me! A little bit of the normal you coming back to life after withdrawals! I think you have the right attitude about this going forward. Best of luck to you.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:15 am 
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If I used my inner voice, I'd be telling everyone to go to hell all the time.


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