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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:12 pm 
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tearj3rker wrote:
If I used my inner voice, I'd be telling everyone to go to hell all the time.


Nice, toadie. So true. But we have to remain civil I suppose.

I made it through work today. And had a full on hard core work out. I still felt sluggish but I got a ton done at work. So that has me feeling good. But still very tired from the lack of cumulative sleep loss over the last 6 nights. I need one good solid sleep to turn this thing around. I'm eating healthier than ever and watch those vids.

The chills. They are still there. Their crawling goose feathers. But the are not constant. Tapered the klonopin to only .25 and smoked some Marlboro magic. Say what!
So it is mental to a great extent too. I could easily fall into depression or such if I let go. I'm fed up with it. I got on subs and they have run their course in my recovery. I know what it feels like to led a sober life. I can do it. I can do it on my own.

Libido is back. He can be my clown name. Or sneezy. Which I only did 3 times today(total of 9)

Food>tv>hopefully sleep.

Until then be yourself and soldier through.

RM


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:29 pm 
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Keep going! Yes the positive sense of humor will get you through. I know the withdrawal could go on for a bit but don't fall in depression there's no reason. There is a light at the end of this tunnel and not the one out of this world lmao. Good things are far ahead now but your vision is shaking. Just smile and know your that much ahead of the game. My allergy meds are helping with the sneezys. I had maybe 3 sneezes total. Couple times I felt one coming on but didn't. My biggest annoyance is I want the goose bumps to go away and my body temp to normalize. Yeah it comes and goes but sweater on and off lol! I know what you mean about wanting to say stuff to people. I'm actually avoiding until I have to hahahaha. I'm the type who might say somethin awkward and be pissy to the neighbors. Yes civil is a challege during detox. I'm pleasant but that could turn at a second's notice.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:38 pm 
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Thanks for your encouraging words. I don't really feel I would go into depression although my Mom has it. And I'm helping my best friend through it now.

Hey wait a minute DAMN maybe I could easily fall into it. Lmao.

I do recognize that I have put in a LOT of time already. Tomorrow will be 7 days. The thought of it lastin this long scared the bejesus out of me. But it's part of it. It's soooooo part of it.

Sobriety is the life I seek. Yeah I smoke b. But that's my choice and state driven right: I have never felt like this after missing a few days of hulk turds.
Anyways, depression is a place I def don't want to go and will go toWards the light:

Btw sorry about any noticeable grammatical errors. I'm typing all this on my phone.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:40 pm 
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I forgot I wanted to mention the body temp issue. My wife swore I had a fever of 103 last night. Took my temp and it was 97.3

Wtf?

Stabilization already!


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:20 pm 
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Hellmuth, I LOVE those videos!! I just watched both of them and I'm going back to watch them again!

For anyone interested, here's another link to them:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STp1UtMr ... re=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa1j2kBI ... re=related

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:52 pm 
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Rockmayfield wrote:
tearj3rker wrote:
If I used my inner voice, I'd be telling everyone to go to hell all the time.


Nice, toadie. So true.

RM


Haha he called him toadie lmao! I think of Toad when I see his messages pop up myself :D

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 6:58 am 
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ambr wrote:
Rockmayfield wrote:
tearj3rker wrote:
If I used my inner voice, I'd be telling everyone to go to hell all the time.


Nice, toadie. So true.

RM


Haha he called him toadie lmao! I think of Toad when I see his messages pop up myself :D


Oh, Mario Kart, what great times we've had. My buddys and I lived to play that game. Well really we lived to drink, get stoned, and then play. But truly one of the most fun vidja games ever.


Day today is day 7. When in the holy hell crap balls am I going to sleep. I'm mean sure, 5 hours of light sleep is better than none at all but I'm used to a solid 8. I didn't experience any RLS last night. I just had insomnia. I took .1 of clonidine at midnight and that did the trick. Maybe I'll do that earlier tonight.

All in all I don't feel that had. I've been waiting for this week to come to a close. It doesn't come with much fanfare. I still got to put on my business socks and drag myself to work.
All in a day. I will hit to gym today. Do my best not to look at someone with a WTF look when they just want to stop by for a chat or god forbid ask me to help them. I'll just tell them I'm fatigued and they can go fatigue themselves. Inside voice of course.

Temp seems to be regulated. Probably will change. No anxiety. Feeling better. That's all for now. Have a great day. Be strong.

RM


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:21 pm 
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Day 7. The afternoon. A wide range of emotions. All with the over arching cloud of sleeplessness. But my love of music is back. I ran 2 miles at lunchtime. So
I got that working for me. It's a beautiful day outside. Pollen hell though. Sneezing still. Its funny about the libido too. So strange. Primal even. Some heady things abound. Still haven't acted them out on my wife because I will last less than .42 seconds. You know what I'm saying.

Body temp. I wore a fucking sweater on a 80 degree day and still, sometimes, was cold.

Is there much pupil dilation with bupe? If so I haven't noticed it.

I sometimes go back and read my posts and it sounds like I'm a straight up illiterate hobo. Thanks iphone. But I'm typing to total strangers. But I know that you care and are supportive of me 100%. We all are dealing with something. Support is key. Interwebs included.

Wd update. I think felt normal for a time today. It lasted about 4 minutes. Then I just got lazy and tired and remembered. But overall I know I am soldiering through. I ran 2 fucking miles. Did I mention that? I'm a warrior, a sleepy sleepy warrior.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 3:07 am 
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Rockmayfield wrote:
Day 7. The afternoon. A wide range of emotions. All with the over arching cloud of sleeplessness. But my love of music is back. I ran 2 miles at lunchtime. So
I got that working for me. It's a beautiful day outside. Pollen hell though. Sneezing still. Its funny about the libido too. So strange. Primal even. Some heady things abound. Still haven't acted them out on my wife because I will last less than .42 seconds. You know what I'm saying.

Body temp. I wore a fucking sweater on a 80 degree day and still, sometimes, was cold.

Is there much pupil dilation with bupe? If so I haven't noticed it.

I sometimes go back and read my posts and it sounds like I'm a straight up illiterate hobo. Thanks iphone. But I'm typing to total strangers. But I know that you care and are supportive of me 100%. We all are dealing with something. Support is key. Interwebs included.

Wd update. I think felt normal for a time today. It lasted about 4 minutes. Then I just got lazy and tired and remembered. But overall I know I am soldiering through. I ran 2 fucking miles. Did I mention that? I'm a warrior, a sleepy sleepy warrior.


Hey there RM just checkin in on ya make sure your doin good. I'm about where your at so I took particular interest in your thread. I am at day 7 as of 5pm my time. The sleepiness sucks I know!!! I slept some last night then crashed out between 12pm and 2pm for a nap. It was needed felt fine all day went out and ran some errands got some good walking in. The music is magical to the ears huh :) Sure hope it lasts. I sneezed 10+ times today. It's funny for a lil then not so much. It's spring here and mine is a mixture of allergies and the stuff coming out. I'm a woman but yes the libido thing lmao.... Funny what were missing haha. Still using my sweater as needed but I managed to go out without it and wasn't too goosefleshy. People were polite and I felt better with my anxiety level its worse at home for whatever reason. My pupils were always a lil smaller on bup and now that I have stopped they are larger but not mickey mouse huge. You have support and at least we need a small push here and there to keep us going. I do know that. So keep it up! Your almost there... Is your head feeling a lil more clear? Mine is. Not all the way but more than this week has been anyway I felt slow. Seems like you got this ill be there watching over. Until then.....

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 6:18 am 
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Day 8 am. I slept for 6 solid hours. I'll take it. RLS is gone. Just struggling with sleep onset. .05 of clonidine helped. Gotta stop the klonopin and clonidine and then I'll just be down to my hetty vitamins and supplements.

Around 8:00 last night I suddenly felt all the physical withdrawal stop, or at
least weaken. I felt it. It was awesome. But I can tell my sleep cycles and REM are all fubarbed. They will normalize. My legs are killing me. I blame, and applaud, hellmuth.
Maybe I've just got used to the "symptoms". ...maybe the little bit of sleep helped. I have one more day of corporate bs and then a 4 day weekend.

My drive to work music : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8M9PtqpN ... ata_player

Ambr, how ya feeling? Have you reached the turning point?


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 5:23 pm 
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Rockmayfield wrote:

Ambr, how ya feeling? Have you reached the turning point?


RM
Nope not yet... :( Yesterday hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew I wasn't gonna get off that easy. I hope its coming. I will check in a bit later.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 5:30 pm 
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Days 7-10 are supposed to be the peak. I think it's true. No real improvement today. A lot of anxiety lifted when I got off work. Only to have my old perk dealer text me. Out of the blue. Havent talked to him in a year. The whole year I've been on sub. He casually mentions he has 90 norcos for sale. WTF.

I quickly responded no thanks and erased his number. But I have to admit how tempting it was. Sooooo tempting. I still ain't right. That urge came back in a big way. Life is funny how it tests you.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 5:54 pm 
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RM

I hope that peak is true. Easter in Sunday and I have obligations. Sure hope i'm feeling relatively normal. Stay away from the temptation. Everytime I think about the pills it reminds me where it got me, how I felt, and how it steals my life away. It's not fun anymore and sure as hell ain't the same. No thanks i'm good. Tell them to bugger off!!! What a time to be tempted to! How convenient.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 8:21 pm 
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What dose did you jump from? I think you'll be better once you get some good sleep. I think that is the biggest cause of my problems. I need a solid 10 hours. The last 7 sleepless nights are starting to kick my butt. I luckily have the next 4 days off from work. For that I am so grateful and happy.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 12:12 am 
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I jumped off somewhere below .25mg crumbs really once daily sometimes twice if needed. Mine was total opposite I slept fine the first week and then last night happened. I just couldn't sleep so weird. I thought that part I had down. Nope... It creeped up on me and reared it's ugly self. I suppose at some point it will level out. I slept some today. I am taking it easy break is the perfect time for me anyways. I try to keep busy. Yes I do feel better after sleep. It revitalizes me and then i'm AWAKE lol. Enjoy your break. We are closer to our goals. :D We stuck it out this far we can do this!

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 1:10 am 
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Rockmayfield I know exactly what you're talking about re your dealer contacting you right at this moment. I've had dealers get out of jail and call me outta the blue a few times ... the weird thing is it ALWAYS happened when I was struggling a bit in my recovery, or trying to get clean. Once I got contacted when I was 13 months clean. I hadn't heard from anyone for close to a year ... and he contacted right when I was having that 'internal battle' for the first time since i was 3 months clean.

I'm not really a spiritual person, but there were times I thought maybe there was some kinda spiritual tug-of-war going on.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:59 am 
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Yeah situations like that are so strange. It's happened before too. Years ago when I went cold turkey off perks I got a call on day 6 just as I was starting to feel better. It's like the universe is questioning my commitment. I know all the dealers care about is my money. They don't care if I end up dead in a ditch.

So I slept 7 hours last night! Not straight as I kept waking up periodically but I'll take it! I feel so much better. It's early in the a.m. but I think I'm finally turning the corner in terms of wd. I now have to focus on keeping opiate free. All it takes is one and I'm done.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:37 pm 
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RM,


How goes it? 8)

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 12:58 pm 
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I caved and got some hydro. I feel so upset about it. I might get back on the sub since I obviously have no control.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 1:00 pm 
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I had not 1, not 2 but 3 dealers call. I've taken about 10 of them. Sure they took away any lingering sub wd I had after 9 days. I let myself down big time.


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