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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 6:31 pm 
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37 days nopes
20 days nosubs

Traffic got to me a little bit today and I actually thought about percs, but I'm so far along now that nothing will take me back to the dark days of wondering how long I can make 20-30 pills last. Done with it. Forever!

20 days off of subs now too and this morning was the first normal crap I have taken in around 6 years. So I guess some of my body and functions are starting to get normalized. I'm still feeling pretty strong, full of optimism that the worst is way behind me now, and I've even thought about quitting my job and doing something better with my life. Like maybe addiction counseling or something.

Music sounds AWESOME while I am working though. Get chills all the time from certain songs. Never felt them before when I was numb to the world.

Even traffic today toward the end, I found a way to not make it as bad by belting out 'Found Out About You' out of my window. I think I was singing about myself.

Keep your heads up folks, my goal besides cleaning up for good is to encourage you all as well. It can be done. Believe in yourself and the hard parts won't be as bad. I know those can be empty words, but it's the only way to fight through. Support and effort cannot be denied.

Love to all

Charlie


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 8:08 pm 
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Isn't it astonishing how music sounds so incredible again? Great music was key in helping pull me through my wd. Music always gets me pumped up and ready to go.

Love that Gin Blossoms song, Found Out About You too. It comes on the station that I listen to every other day or so and I really enjoy it too.

BTW, about wanting to quit your job, another member here gave me some really good advice about not making life changing decisions while wd'ing off of Suboxone. I'm glad I heeded her advice. Give yourself a little time before you do anything drastic.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 12:21 am 
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I hear ya Romeo. I've already decided for the first time in 25 years to take 9 months off of bowling and not bowl in my leagues this year. That's drastic enough for me, but bowling is one of my triggers right now so I figure if I take the season off to both focus on staying clean and clear the mental hurdles of everything, I can always go back next summer. This is really my main goal right now, though dropping 3 nights a week doing something I love will be a little tough.

Thing is, will I really miss it? Christ, I'd eat 6-10 pills at bowling alone on a given Thursday. So, I know that I have to get out of there for a season just to make sure. It sucks, but yeah, one drastic move right now (besides getting clean) is enough. I can't afford to quit work anyway. hahaha

Good call.

HAHAHA The Gin Blossoms. How square are we? It's definitely a good sign of recovery!

Charlie
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 7:53 am 
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I'm so glad I have not felt like I lost some emotional component of music in my life since I started sub. I love to sing. One of the things I didn't give up in active addiction was singing in my church's praise band, and I'm still completely into it. And because I have a 14 year old son, I know all of the current music too! I would definitely notice it if I started not feeling the joy of music. I'm open to the idea, though, that music will be even more fulfilling when I've completed my taper!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 11:12 am 
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I think that's a good idea for you to avoid the bowling alley for a while. When I first got clean, I had to avoid all my old haunts too. The pull of drug use was way too strong for me.

I think I read some more of your information on another thread and you sound like your drug experience is close to mine and we're close in age too. I'm 44 now, quit Suboxone when I was 42. I started into drugs at 17 years old and went non-stop until 42. I've pretty much used every drug known to man. Anyway, I'm learning how to live without drugs and I'm sure you can do it too. You have a great attitude and that will serve you well.

*sigh*, the Gin Blossoms....I'm afraid we're tragically square!! LOL!!! Really though, since getting off of Suboxone, I seem to have more appreciation for the lyrical component of songs too. I used to listen to music mostly for the beat or how good it sounded LOUD!! I'm a die-hard Rock N' Roll fan. Iron Maiden to Pearl Jam, Led Zeppelin to.....well, the Gin Blossoms!! Anyway, I seem to have mellowed some in my musical tastes lately.....UGH.....I really am square, aren't I? :cry:

If you like Rock, check out this band called Rival Sons---Pressure and Time. They have a certain Zeppelinesque to their sound.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 11:53 am 
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What is it about music that can just turn a bad day around??? I love music!!! I will encourage my son to play an instrument of his choice, and hopefully he sticks with one or two. I believe that music can be the best therapy sometimes. Especially when someone gets the lyrics just right. Like they are singing to you, or about your life. tear...

Anyway, Seasondad!!! Glad to hear that you are in the right space mentally! I'm following your thread/threads and rooting you on! JUst wanted to chime in and give my support, and comment on the music thing! I knew there were other people out there that love it as much as me....besides the artists anyway...LOL...

Have a great day all!

OH, Romeo....totally love that godsmack remake of Joe Walsh!!!! You created a monster with it! LOL! I'll have to find a good one and return the favor one of these days....

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 Post subject: I was wondering
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 2:59 pm 
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Hi, I was wondering do you participate in counseling right now? You mention that it might interest you to be an addiction counselor, I think thats awesome to feel that strongly about recovery that you would want to help others on a more personal nature. I, for one, have found that I need counseling and support groups to help in my recovery. My counselor is 30 years clean and sober and he spent another 30 before that almost killing himself, what I have learned so far from him has been amazing! I am glad that you are seeking recovery, it helps me to hear others speak honestly.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:42 pm 
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No I am not currently in any type of counseling or support group. I am doing this on my own, but the way I feel about it is really making me want to help others along if I can.

3 weeks without subs today, 38 days without opiates. I know it's super-duper early, but I also know that I won't ever go back. Every day is getting easier and easier.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 7:25 pm 
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That's so great to hear seasonasdad. I was afraid I would be reading that you slipped up when you starting mentioning pills. You're a role model to me right now, and I feel like if you can do it, then I have a chance at doing it. No pressure... I just really look up to you right now. You thought about the pills, and you said No. And this is only week 3. What will happen it week 6? Even more great feelings? Does it not take more than 3 weeks for your brain to get back to normal levels of fancy-schmance-chemical (endorphins?). If so, things will be getting even more better. And I bet the love making will be great. Not sex I mean any kind of love. Love for a cat. If our brains are saturated in love-making chemicals during opiate use, will it have troubles making it's own during withdraws, but then slowly start to produce it's own again, and will it be better than the synthetic? Well, I guess it's like comparing a meal of bugs, a meal of frozen chicken nuggets, and a juicy steak. To the poor person that eats the grasshoppers, some frozen chicken nugs will taste amazing. But to the steak-eater, the nugs will be crappy. If the steak eater restrains himself from eating steak for 6 months, then when he has steak it will taste great. So if you stay off of opiates, then when you feel love sober, it should be really, really great. Because your mind won't be saturated in love chemicals. Your brain will thus notice a change in levels of love chemicals, and it will have adrenaline for being so pumped about being happy/loving. I hope.

Well you be sure to tell us how the love chemicals treat you next week. I hope they are rocking your world.

And romeo... omfg, I can't believe you were on drugs that long and managed to overcome your urges and are staying sober and loving it. That gives me even more hope for being 20 years younger than you to look forward to my years to come. You give hope to all of humanity - that we aren't hard-wired to be a certain way forever, and it is never too late to change. And this can be any change, not just addiction. Drug addiction has the strongest grip of many habits and if you can overcome that habit after being an addict for over 20 years, that makes it seem like we can do anything.


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