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PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 4:18 am 
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10 days off suboxone.
I believe the worst part has been the fear.
For months during my taper I had extreme fear of jumping. I tried very hard to read positive posts about jumping and detox, but the fear was still eating me alive.
Because I was on 8-12 miligrams a day of sub for over 8 years, I know im not out of the woods yet, but the dread is going away.
I am one of the people that, because of the fear, has been waiting...waiting for the pain, the horrible depression, the creepy crawlies, the restless leg horror...etc.
Yes, ive had all of this, starting day 3, but what id call very mild. I cant take one second off work, I operate a small organic livestock farm, with living creatures counting on me for everything. Sure I have my Girlfriend and my best buddy who offered to help, but I havent needed it yet.
I know that after almost 9 years on suboxone, 10 days is not much but this morning is the first time in years that I feel good waking up.
No waiting for my sub to disolve before making coffee, no planning my next dose around meals, and not having to carry that stupid little blue pill box like a little crutch. Ive thought of that little box like people think of their cellphones, if I left home without it, id panic. Even though I only dosed twice a day, that little blue box was my lifeline.
That box is now on its way to the landfill....along with the large shoebox of empty suboxone wrappers...yes I saved them ALL. Weirdo!!!
Anyways, I tapered very quickly. Over 4 months I went from 10-12 mils, to .5 pretty comfortably. It was my time to get off and I was very ready. I wish I did this 7 years ago.
Soooo, jumping at .5 mils, after 8 plus years, and my worse detox symptom so far is leaving my brain, the fear of jumping at .5 after 8 plus years on suboxone.
It may get worse but I dont care, I know im healing and that alone makes me feel good.
All the crazy fears and thoughts of terror were for nothing, I got this!!!
Im still waiting for insomnia....but I work very hard everyday and am very physically active, so maybe Ill be ok. Dont get me wrong, ive only slept for about 4-5 hours for the last 7 nights but thats not bad.

I post this mainly for the long term sub users, its not easy but it can be done, relatively painless.
I know, big tough guy, ten days off and thinks hes better, not quite, but yesterday and so far today have been brighter than any in years.
Through this dull headache and overall lack of energy, i see the end of the tunnel.

Oh yes, drinking Boost and taking EmergenC suplement has helped alot.
Thanks for listening.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 4:23 am 
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unloaded wrote:
10 days off suboxone.
I believe the worst part has been the fear.
For months during my taper I had extreme fear of jumping. I tried very hard to read positive posts about jumping and detox, but the fear was still eating me alive.
Because I was on 8-12 miligrams a day of sub for over 8 years, I know im not out of the woods yet, but the dread is going away.
I am one of the people that, because of the fear, has been waiting...waiting for the pain, the horrible depression, the creepy crawlies, the restless leg horror...etc.
Yes, ive had all of this, starting day 3, but what id call very mild. I cant take one second off work, I operate a small organic livestock farm, with living creatures counting on me for everything. Sure I have my Girlfriend and my best buddy who offered to help, but I havent needed it yet.
I know that after almost 9 years on suboxone, 10 days is not much but this morning is the first time in years that I feel good waking up.
No waiting for my sub to disolve before making coffee, no planning my next dose around meals, and not having to carry that stupid little blue pill box like a little crutch. Ive thought of that little box like people think of their cellphones, if I left home without it, id panic. Even though I only dosed twice a day, that little blue box was my lifeline.
That box is now on its way to the landfill....along with the large shoebox of empty suboxone wrappers...yes I saved them ALL. Weirdo!!!
Anyways, I tapered very quickly. Over 4 months I went from 10-12 mils, to .5 pretty comfortably. It was my time to get off and I was very ready. I wish I did this 7 years ago.
Soooo, jumping at .5 mils, after 8 plus years, and my worse detox symptom so far is leaving my brain, the fear of jumping at .5 after 8 plus years on suboxone.
It may get worse but I dont care, I know im healing and that alone makes me feel good.
All the crazy fears and thoughts of terror were for nothing, I got this!!!
Im still waiting for insomnia....but I work very hard everyday and am very physically active, so maybe Ill be ok. Dont get me wrong, ive only slept for about 4-5 hours for the last 7 nights but thats not bad.

I post this mainly for the long term sub users, its not easy but it can be done, relatively painless.
I know, big tough guy, ten days off and thinks hes better, not quite, but yesterday and so far today have been brighter than any in years.
Through this dull headache and overall lack of energy, i see the end of the tunnel.

Oh yes, drinking Boost and taking EmergenC suplement has helped alot.
Thanks for listening.


Sounds like you are doing awesome! Most of my worst symptoms were done by about the 2 week mark and I jumped at 2mg, so I think you are well on your way. I was on Suboxone for over 5 years, so I know the feeling of being "done" with it. I am no doctor, but I would say you are on the upswing by now. I'm glad to hear your detox was rather painless. I am huge wimp and whined like a baby for weeks :lol:

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 9:13 am 
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Good to hear that you're doing well.

Best of luck.

-- ji

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"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 5:11 pm 
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Thanks for the encouragement.
If I could find a way to get rid of this dull, throbbing headache and get some energy, id be great.
Ive found that taking Emergen-C gives me a half hour of good energy but im sticking to the suggested 2 doses a day. So I guess an hour of energy a day is better than nothing.

Today, for the first time in years, I just sat and watched the sun rise above the Alleghany mountains. I live in one of the most beautiful areas of the country but for the last few years ive been pretty emotionless and havent had much joy.
I feel my old self in there somewhere now, I will wait patiently and hope to regain all ive lost.

I dont mean to make it sound like Suboxone was the cause of all my problems, I know that if used properly, it is a lifesaver. However, I had a horrible doctor, I did not use it properly, and it changed me. My friends and family have seen me decline to a dull, sad, almost morbid person. Many days I wont even get off the couch. I think ive watched nearly every movie ever made. Ive gained 40 pounds and seriously do almost nothing...literally.
Before 8.5 years on Sub, I spent 8 years in the Army, competed in adventure racing and dog sledding, and many, many extreme survival trips.
I will start to enjoy life again.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 6:05 pm 
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Congratulations on 10 days!! And a special congratulations for fighting your fear! Addiction is such a mental battle. You may not yet be where you want to be, but you are heading in the right direction!

This forum is full of folks to support you, listen to your updates, and keep your spirits up. One of the best things you're doing for yourself is reaching out to other addicts, not just for support, but for the accountability.

I don't have any advice except to urge you to keep reading threads in the Stopping Suboxone section. There are many stories of success (at least for the taper/detox portion of this process).

Welcome to the forum!!

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:17 am 
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Well I dont keep track of days off sub anymore, but, according to this thread, its day 13.
It sure seems like more.
Overall im doing great. Im still a bit anxious and have little energy most of the day, but sleeping good, eating good and staying active.
Ive heard of people that have a terrible turn for the worse after a couple weeks off sub but im hoping thats not my experience.
Everyday that passes its getting better and my spirits are high.
Im looking forward to the two week mark tomorrow at 11am.
Weeeehooo!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:58 am 
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Sounds like you're doing great for day 13. Congrats.

-- ji

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"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 4:38 pm 
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Congrats! I'm proud and envious of you at the same time. :)

Keep up the good work and hang in there.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 10:12 pm 
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Thanks everyone.
Todays about the same as yesterday. Very little energy, and I cant stop squirming around and stretching. My poor recliner will never be the same, im twisting and turning and just cant get comfortable.
My girlfriend seems to think this is because I have too much energy and need to do something like dishes or vacuuming. I keep assuring her I dont.
Yesterday we had an unexpected baby goat born on our farm. His mama is barely a year old, very unexpected.
Baby and mom are doing good but she isnt producing any milk and the baby is a bit small. So im gonna be up all night again feeding him every four hours. Its pretty cool he was born now because we are both kinda starting new lives. As he grows, i can watch my old life fade away. Now I have to think of an appropriate name for him.
Even though most of our goats end up on a dinner plate, he got lucky, he was born at an emotional time for me. He may even get to live in the house............well, maybe not.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 10:34 am 
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Hi UL, congrats on the baby goat, are you going to name it? I felt the same way several years ago when I got off heroin and cocaine, and committed myself to recovery (though while still on Methadone) -- I had a year old niece that I got to spend time with. It was me were both learning how to become human, her for the first time, me for the 2nd.

You might want to go thru Trainer's thread, I think things went downhill a bit for her around the 14 day mark. Reading her thread, you'll see how quickly she improved after that, which might provide some encouragement.

It will get better and, if you're like me, each week that goes by you'll be more and more grateful that you got off Subs. Good luck.

-- ji

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"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 1:12 pm 
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Wow! Youre post has just given me major encouragement! I am jumping on 10/11. Had to schedule and have time approved from work. I have a very stressful and physical job as a nurse aid in a nursing home. I am going to taper the best I can but Im not so good at that. I am around the 4 mark and so contemplating another 2mg just to have energy to get through my 3-11 shift. I don't know where I'll be when I jump but I am going to do it! I cant wait to be free as well of the constant fear of running out, my Dr retiring, pharmacy out of my meds etc...all silly fears I had while using also. I too used to work out, have energy, look forward to things and now Im just dead inside, lazy and have a soft body. I too have gained weight, sit on the couch a lot until work, watch ALOT of TV, dozing all the time.I cant even sit through a full movie with my daughter without falling asleep. I am so ready to change and at 43, hopefully find myself again. My "new" self as 9 years have been wasted (3 on sub) Good luck to you and thanks for your post!!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 2:19 pm 
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I Melissa, I spent nearly 8 years on Methadone (then another 6 months on Subs as a final taper). I'm up to about 81 days Subs-free at this point.

The Methadone years seem like such a waste, and as I look back I can see that I was pretty stuck in life. But I can't let myself be remorseful, I also see those years as something I needed to go through to get to the point where I could get completely clean. Not sure I would have made it through a taper/jump until recently.

Sounds like you're ready.

-- ji

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"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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