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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 7:40 pm 
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Day 4 off oxys and taking 8mg subs per day. Doing so good but in the last few hours I feel like total crap. I don't know what's going on. I feel like I'm back to day one. I'm dying to take something, I'm a mess. I had myself in such anxiety today over regrets so maybe I brought this on? Should I take another sub? Or a muscle relaxer? I feel like I'm loosing it ugh why???

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 9:48 pm 
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Well thats up to xyou Emmy. If I remember correctly you have bn dosing once a day now. And taking 8mgs. That can be enough for a person.
Its really only bn 4 days so your still trying to stablize. You can ride it out and dose in the morning or take 1 or 2mgs. We all have to find our dose. Sometimes it takes alittle time.
Your supposed to b2 feeling normal to better. Not crappy. So..im not a dr but I wouldnt want to feel bad if didnt need to ..just my 2 cents...


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 9:50 pm 
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Sorry to hear you aren't feeling so well Emmy. I'm not saying your issues are all mental right now, but this stuff can mess with your head so much sometimes. With you "dying to take something" it sounds like the addict in you talking. No judgement, but it takes lots of willpower and a strong committment to be successful. I know exactly how you're feeling right now so I understand how it is.

I guess you could do one of two things at this point. It would be ok if you took a rather small dose of the sub to hopefully get you back to feeling as good as you previously were. I'm talking about an amount like 2-4 mg for now. I'm pretty certain that would make a difference.

Or you could begin splitting the dose tomorrow and see how that works. Usually one dose is considered best, but if it would help to split it then I see no problem with that myself. You can always go back to taking one dose later. Addicts always feel the need to want what they want "right now". Everything has to be done on an urgent basis usually. And us addicts usually want to take some kind of drug all the time too. It's just how we operate.

You could try taking 4 mg when you get up in the morning, and take the other 4 mg dose later in the afternoon. If it's a mental thing that might help overcome it for now. If you really require more sub then you could add a bit if you yourself feel you really need it.

If you think tonight is going to be a horrible night for sleep and worry then I would probably go ahead and take a 2 mg piece if it were me. Give it some time to see how you feel if you decide to do it. Of course it's your decision Emmy, but that's the way I would approach it.

Let us know what you decide. Hope you feel better real soon!

-BP

P.S. Please try to keep just one thread if you can Emmy. It gets a little confusing if you have multiple threads going. People sometimes need to look at all three to get an idea of your full story. Hope you understand. If all your info is contained in one thread it makes things so much easier for dummies like me! :D


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 10:25 pm 
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Thank you both so much! I ended up taking another 8mg sub. And really feel so much better. I think the one 8mg per day wasn't enough because I was feeling some of that last night too. I'm thinking I'll do 12mg tomorrow in the morning instead of 8 or 16 and see if that's a better fit for the day. I'm so thankful there were no oxys in the house, I don't even want to let myself imagine what I may have done! It's crazy how my mind plays tricks on me I feel. Once I started thinking something was wrong or I was going through withdrawl or whatever I was thinking, I was almost in a full blown panic attack. My whole body was shaking. Anyway I'll try starting with 12 tomorrow. I should have went to that meeting tonight. I'll look for one tomorrow, I think the lady I was talking to about it said they have one almost every night there. Part of the problem I think too is my hubby seems to be so resistant to me getting any more help. He thinks this is something that can be cured quick with the subs and doesn't understand why I want to go to any meetings or even why I'm talking on here. Ugh I'm feeling exhausted trying to constantly explain that I have a problem, I'm an addict! It's not going to be a quick fix, I don't know if he's in denial or what exactly his issue is. It's frustrating to say the least. How do I make him understand? I'd think it would be pretty obvious but I'm not sure about anything. I was trying to tell him all the regrets that were making me crazy today and the only thing he heard apparently was that I'd somehow regret ever marrying him??? So weird, I have no idea what's going on in his head! Anyway, thanks again!!

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:13 pm 
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Oh and sorry about the multiple threads! Should I just keep it on this one now? I didn't even think of that, I was thinking a different thread per topic, apparently I have a lot of topics! Haha ;)

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:21 pm 
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Hey Emmy,

Just curious but what were your symptoms? Were they actual withdrawal type symptoms (physical) or more mental anxiety/ panic type symptoms?


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:36 pm 
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I think a little of everything. It started earlier today with emotions, I was flooded with regrets. Especially once I realized I had been blowing so much money lately on pills instead of buying things for my daughter. Not that she went without anything, but there's so much more I could have been buying for her. Then I was lugging heavy laundry baskets around today so I was in a ton of pain. I tried laying down putting ice on everything that hurt, and that's where I lost it pretty quickly. Started by crying I was in so much pain, then thinking how the hell am I supposed to live like this, then my heart was beating really fast and then my whole body was shaking, I felt like I couldn't breath (almost a panic attack). And I was home alone so no one to talk me down.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 7:12 am 
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Hi Emmy

It took me at least a week to feel "ok" on sub. I also felt very emotional. It is a process so give it some time.

Just try to stay on the lowest dose that keeps you comfortable. Hope you are feeling better today!

I just read a few posts on your other thread, you could be feeling crappy because you are not taking the gabapentin (spelling?) as you used to. I take lyrcia & there is withdrawal with those two meds so maybe if you can remember to take the gabapentin you will start feeling better.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 8:12 am 
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Emmy, hang in there, It took me 2 weeks to figure out the right dose to take (with the help of my doctor) I personally feel that he started me too low, they usually start people on 2 a day but for some reason he started me on a half, then it went to 1 full strip, then 1 1/4. I feel like I should be on 1 1/2 but he's the smart one I guess. Now remember, up to 7 days you are going to feel great on it, then it tapers off, I think here is where the addict in us will try and take over. I've been on subs for 24 days now and I'm still doing ok, no cravings or wants but I think we have to get the mind set that we are going to get used to this, we aren't going to have that euphoric feeling all the time. I have to remind myself that it's normal to feel highs and lows in life, it's Life. We aren't going to feel awesome all the time. so you are going to have good days and bad. I'm so thankful that we have so many people on here going through the same things and we see how each person has coped with the issues at hand.

As far as your husband goes, he reminds me of my mother who has no clue about addiction and how it is a real disease and controls so much. Luckily my wife understands it and is very supportive. I personally haven't seen how group counseling works but it is nice to talk about things we are going through, I would like to start individual treatment, so we will see. I guess just tell your husband that it is your way of coping. He will understand in time, my mom is getting a little more educated on addiction but it is hard for them to understand it because they haven't been through it. I know I'm kind of talking in circles but I hope you understand what I'm saying.

Some days I find myself taking a little more of the sub later in the day. my doctor swears it's just a mental thing and that it really doesn't do anything by taking more because of the half-life of the medicine. I'm learning more and more each day on suboxone.....but like I said, you are trying to find the dose that works for you, so don't get discouraged. Take it day by day and you will get there.

Have a good day.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:01 am 
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Ok, so first thing, I thought only people here would understand. I took 1 and a 1/2 sub pills today and remembered my old habit of looking back and forth between the two halves trying to pick the biggest one! I have a pill cutter so they are exactly the same but I used to do it with oxys, anyway... I was prescribed 24mg of subs per day but could tell almost day 1, and with some help from people on here that 24 was too much. So that's why I tried 8mg plus I thought it was some amazing "feat" to take less then prescribed, know what I mean? That's when I was in race mode. I'm still learning it needs to be a slow and steady process. I'm thinking now too that part of my hubby's problem is his own drug use. Watching me fight these "demons" is stirring up his own need to face his I think, therefore the resistance to the thought its actually a problem. Just my guess. He did agree to going to a meeting with me just to check it out, so we'll see if he "remembers" saying that. Plus I have really waivered in the last few days about whether or not I could be around him still taking pills. After last night, I said I'm almost 100% sure I can't be around that! Which razor and BP had told me in the beginning. I tend to be worse then a little kid with needing to see things for myself before believing them! The fact he was in a panic over not taking them anymore looks like a problem to me, no?

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:05 am 
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Oh and Tiki- the gabapentin I've still been taking, not as much as I'm supposed to though some days so you could be right! I started a journal now to track everything I take and how I feel each day so I can share with my doc Monday so I'll bring that up and see what he thinks.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:20 am 
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I hear ya on the "which piece is bigger part" lol. I understand totally....wow 24 mg is a lot, that is for sure, but I'm sure your doctor knows what he is talking about. but that is a HUGE feat you taking less than prescribed, quite the opposite of what we are used to doing eh? great job! The cool thing about that is, you will have more for other days if you need them, in my case, I don't have enough and it sucks....I have to learn to take it as prescribed or I'm going to run out and this is no different than any other meds I have been prescribed for "pain". It's a definite learning experience....As far as your hubby goes, I am kind of going through the same thing with my wife, she is also taking pills. I'm the only one that has insurance in the family as of right now and she isn't able to get on subs yet, I feel selfish in doing it this way but one of us has to get straight and then help the other. I honestly think she is strong enough to kick it without help at this point, she hasn't been doing them long but I may be wrong in my thinking, she too would like to go to a meeting with me. as far as being around it, I guess is up to how you feel about it. personally I can watch her take them and be perfectly fine, unfortunately I live next door to my father in law who is prescribed a TON of meds for pain and he gives them to my wife...so I'm constantly around it but have not had an issue since starting subs, I can't believe it, but I have no attraction to them, I think I just want this bad enough to stay away from it. I don't know how your doctor is but mine let's me see my drug test results, my goal is to see it clean, I want to only see suboxone in my results, and I'm almost there, I haven't touched anything but the subs and the only thing I have left in my system is benzos, which I took a LONG time ago, I guess it has a long half life. Not trying to talk so much about me but maybe you can make that your goal to see only suboxone in your system, it means a lot to me, just wanted to share this with you. I can't wait to show my mom the results cause she still thinks I'm taking something else along with suboxone....

Maybe just talk with your husband and tell him you can't see or hear about the pills anymore, he should respect your wishes in that way. you are probably right, he probably is thinking about his issue on the meds himself, I think by you getting clean you are leading him in the right direction. keep it up! I've been following your threads and you are doing a great job. We are all facing the same issues, we are all a team on here fighting for the same goal. I think a lot of people have to experience things first hand to see how we need to handle each issue.....you are not alone.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:24 am 
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As you were mentioning your husband taking the oxy, I was wondering if he had a problem with them also? Did he ever run short of it by taking more than prescribed? And if he was giving you some of his medication, wouldn't he himself be out of the oxy sooner than expected? Has he ever tried to get early refills at the pharmacy, or asked his doctor for an early script?

I don't believe you ever said he was abusing his oxy, so if you have any indication he gets upset at the thought of not having it any longer may indeed indicate he is completely hooked on them? I'm not judging anyone here, just trying to understand the entire picture, and how best to help you get through this.

To me, you seem to really want to get your life in order Emmy. Just know it's tough right now because your fighting the subs that may be attempting to get you to take more than is really required, and you also have oxy in the house that you know is there for the taking. And believe me when I tell you your mind is making it extra rough on you right now to walk a straight line. It can mess with you so much.

I think what you have to do is find a dose of suboxone that makes you happy taking, and also makes you feel your best. Yes, I believe 24 mgs may be too much. That's my opinion. You think 8 mgs may not be quite enough right? So try to find a dose between the two that work best for you. Maybe the 12 mg will be it, or maybe it will take 16 mgs?

What I personally suggest is try taking the 12 mg for about a week. Try it for one week to give your system time to adjust, and see how you feel on a STEADY dose. You will know after a week if you have it right. Try not to take any little pieces, or extra doses along the way. And let your husband know you want to be rid of the oxy once and for all. Ask him to hide it from you, and try to take his doses when you can't see him doing it. Tell him to not even mention oxy to you again. I think those suggestions may help you.

And really make an honest attempt to get to a meeting soon. No excuses, find the time, make the committment and go. You may be surprised and really not only learn a few things, but really enjoy being there too. It's worth it in my opinion. Hope this helps you Emmy.

-BP

P.S. I wasn't trying to copy your post, Wonder. Looks like we were typing at about the same time! :D I like the way you think.


Last edited by Ball Player on Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:25 am 
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Hello everyone :) The anxiety is just a mental symptom of dealing with life and not having that foundation feeling of "everything is ok" when you are on opiates. Suboxone was good for me. Except now 7 years later I'm struggling to make that final step into complete sobriety. I have convinced myself that I need this to function. Yet in reality, I am perfectly capable to see that is not the answer. A year ago this May, I quit suboxone and xanaxs cold turkey for 25 days. It was not a long sober time by far but it was the most incredible thing to watch myself battle those intense withdrawals without anything. My fall from grace was a half suboxone strip stuck inside my Celebrate Recovery noteboke....yeah...what the hell?...if that wasnt a temptation sent from hell. Then I dont know what is ; ) So bottom line I took half of it, 2 mg to be exact. And I was so sick for hours.
Im sharing my experience with quitting suboxone, hoping it will encourage someone. Today I still use 2mg for a few days. Then I will go 5-7 days. Im not totally sure why I put myself through this. I will have wonderful days clean and others I am in the pits of depression and "think" that I cant handle the day without something.
At some other time I will write more. But I just read these forums to gain insight and to relate. I hope everyone has a good day today. And stay strong mentally ♡ We should all encourage each other to live another day happy, healthy, and strong.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:45 am 
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No problem BP!! Great minds think alike! I value your posts my friend!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:49 am 
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I could say with confidence that 98% of the time I could be around him taking pills, and have them in the house with no problem. It's that 2%, like what I was feeling last night that had there been pills in the house, I might have taken one. Especially when I thought I was "loosing it". Ya know? That's what I tried explaining to hubby. I can't risk that. It's not fair at all but he has to be all in with me getting better. I suggested he go to the meetings for family members, I think it's called alanon? If that's what I'm thinking of. There's no question that I've been the one with the problem, and I'm not a dr, but it just seems he may have an issue too. Plus he doesn't do well with change, who does lol? So we'll see, if he can stop taking them without any issues then we don't have to worry about him I guess. I actually don't have insurance so we payed this out of pocket, that's what was motivating me too to take less if I could. (My mom actually paid for the appt plus the subs) so if I was taking 24mg a day, that would be a huge cost, I think $600 a month, just for the subs alone. That's still less then we were paying for oxys though so reachable but expensive! I'm not sure if you read my posts from Tuesday but my doc was wanting me to still be taking oxys this week, with the subs, just less then I had been taking. I'm not so sure he really has much clue how this stuff works. He only has one other sub patient, his real work is a Gyno and I guess does this on the side? Sorry I've rambled on now lol yea I want to look into therapy I think as well. Gotta see what the cost would be though!

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:56 am 
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BP- trust me it is mostly me with the problem but he could have one? I'm not sure. He barely got any of the pills, I hogged most but when he did get them he'd take a bunch at once.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 11:00 am 
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We actually didn't have oxy in the house yesterday so that was good, but at the same time bad in a sense I don't know if I would have been able to stay away from them, ya know? If I had the chance last night and was able to stay away, I'd be SURE I would have no issue ever, after what I went through yesterday ya know?

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 11:11 am 
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Emmy - that's good you can stay away, although I don't have cravings for opiates I still think about them every once in a while, I think out of habit really. I did see your post about your doctor wanting you to take oxys still, but if I'm right I think Subs have a blocker in them so they wouldn't work anyways, so you did good by quitting them altogether.

I have to pay out of pocket this week because I was taking more than prescribed trying to find the right dose, the doctor was cool with it. but my insurance won't cover until the 17th so I got enough until then ( I hope ). My mom is also paying for my doctors visits once a month, so that is a huge help. we have pretty similar things going on lol.

With the help of the group we have here, we will all get better!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 11:56 am 
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On another note, I was reading posts in this forum for hours last night and was surprised to see how people were started on the subs. Like there was so much detail in how they were gradually started and how long after wd started, ya know? I didn't have any of that. My doc actually had his script pad out and was writing within 45 seconds of me sitting down in his office. There was no discussion about how to take them or start them. The only thing was he said his other patient takes two in the morning and one at night. But I could do it however I wanted with the three pills. It just seems weird now seeing how detailed everyone else's were on how to start it. I don't know if that changes anything really but probably would have been helpful if I had known all that. It might have helped me get a dose better and not have what happened last night. Just a thought I guess.
Oh and wonder- I should mention too that the money my mom gave was only a loan, she even wrote "loan" on the checks lol and she's no joke with her loans, she charges 3% above prime interest. Seriously. People usually laugh when I tell them that but she's for real with charging interest lol probably good that its a loan though so I feel the need to pay it back ASAP and its not something I can be flippant about, ya know? So it's just making this "chance" to get clean more serious. Hopefully that makes sense! And yes it's crazy how similar our situations are, I'd guess you are probably younger then me though ;) well, glad we can help each other along the way!! :)

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