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PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:37 am 
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Clonidine should help considerably! At least I hope it does. It helped a lot when I was withdrawing before induction!

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:42 am 
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Thank you. I will definitely ask about it. My anxiety has actually been controllable lately but it still flares up at night when it's time for bed. Beats hard and fast, which prevents me from sleeping. Hopefully they are not addictive. I'm afraid of going on ambien and getting stuck on them forever. Even though I'm sure it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I guess I'd be guaranteed a nice sleep every night. I feel like the lack of sleep is holding back my recovery. If I could actually sleep, maybe my damn leg muscles would heal and wouldn't throb all day. Its terrible!

Mike


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2015 7:27 pm 
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As long as you take the prescribed dose and you only take it when needed there shouldn't be a problem. If you take it 24/7 for 2 weeks straight, you may start to grow dependent on the medication.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2015 7:33 pm 
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Hey Amy. Actually went yo the Dr earlier and he prescribed me mirtazapine , 15mg. Its listed as a anti depressant but he said its.non addictive and works great for insomnia, first night back home in my own bed and I'm crossing my fingers that it works. Preying for a great nights sleep. Told me to take another 15mg if it doesn't knock Mr out in an hour after taking it. Apparently it slowly calms anxiety too but my anxiety has been pretty good during the day. Only at night does it ever act up and that's the reason why I am deathly afraid of my bed. Anybody have any experience with this medication? Anybody know what I'm in for? Thanks for the responses and words of encouragement from all, god bless you guys.

Mike


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2015 12:33 am 
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Hi Mike,
I totally understand what you mean when you say you are scared of going to bed. In the past I have been that way, not so much now a days I actually have the opposite problem. I want to be in it too much! LOL! It was definitely an anxiety issue for me related to trauma. I have tried mirtazapine in the past and it worked very well. It knocked me out. The problem for me was it made me feel a bit groggy the next day. I got used to it though and it kept me pretty level for a while.
I have been reading your posts, I am glad that you have decided to use this forum as a support network. There are a lot of horror stories out there about suboxone for sure. Read through the different links here, there is so much to learn about this miraculous drug. I have been on it for a year now and I got my life back. I just found this forum about a month ago too so that is a blessing. I remember walking in to NA when I was 20 and my reason for not sticking with it was because I was young and I had not been on drugs for very long. I felt like every one around me was so battered and used up,lol. I felt I couldn't relate to them. Little did I know they were just like me. 19 years later here I am trying to stay clean still. It started with one hydrocodone a weekend 20 years ago, to almost loosing everything. I would quit here and there and convince myself I could just take on one two, but that never lasted. Suboxone prevents me from craving opiates and alcohol. I am pretty level headed now and thankfully I get it through my insurance so I don't have to worry about breaking the bank like I did when I was hooked on oxy. Neither here nor there. I know you are staying clean and that is great! Keep it up. You are awesome! God forbid if you do break weak and use again keep coming back to talk about it. People seem to really want to support you here. I just don't want you to end up 10 years down the road wasted and hopeless. I am so happy that you got back together with your family too! Looks like things are on the up!
~Sherah


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2015 1:23 pm 
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Thanks for all responses. Just a quick update...finally had an AWESOME night of sleep. Nearly 12 hours worth. Felt awesome. Legs still aching but the sleep took a lot of the aching away. This new medication had me foggy this morning and kind of cranky but it was so worth it for the great sleep it gave me. Loved it. Ended up having to double the dosage but the Dr said that's OK and that he would extend the script for another 14 days worth if I needed to double dose. The first 15mg put me to sleep but unfortunately I woke up a few hours later and couldn't fall back asleep so I took another one. Back home today with my daughters. Wife is working all day and were having plenty of fun. Bowel movements are starting to come back (I know TMI)Still small but solid and my stomach isn't constantly feeling full. Can't wait for the wife to get home and make dinner then lay down for another long sleep Lol. Hope all is well with everybody. God bless you all.

Mike


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2015 9:34 am 
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So, had a great first night of sleep on the new meds....then had a pathetic night of sleep last night. So frustrating to say the least. Giving up hope slowly. Tossed and turned all night, in and out of sleep all night, never a good solid few hours. I can't stand this much longer. Haven't had any cravings to pick up a pill but am starting to believe that its the only way for me to get a good sleep. Have been wanting to get out there and pound the pavement for a job but with these kind of sleepless nights, have no energy to do so. This can't last forever, I know, but jeeze....its been almost 5 weeks. Losing my mind once again.

Mike


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2015 11:39 am 
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Hey Mike :)

I haven't commented on ur thread yet. I started to a few times but Q & Razor pretty much summed up what I was gonna say. First of all, I think ur very brave and very strong for sticking through this and pushing forward as hard as it's been on u. U truly are inspiring ppl weather u know it or not, trust me u are. U remind me of the exact problems when I was clean for months after I stopped using oxycodone. This was before I started suboxone and I'd been doing 5-6 30's a day and went to rehab. I got out of rehab and did everything I was supposed to but the depression and cravings finally got me and I relapsed after 6 months. My sleep finally came bk around a month or so. In rehab, I couldn't sleep and if I did I was having nightmares and using dreams like crazy. After I returned home, I still had trouble with sleep, but it did finally returned. I would see nighttime as a horrible experience because I knew what I was up for. That's been 5 yrs ago and I still remember it like yesterday. My son was 4 at that time also. I didn't start using til I was 30 yrs old, but I used a lot longer than u. I don't know how exactly to help u, but I just wanted u to know that I understand and feel for u because I know what ur going through. My sleep did finally return.

Considering u were only on sub for 5 days, this seems like to me that this is coming from the oxy withdrawal. Or maybe ur having some other issues that's causing no sleep. But from my experience when I was coming off oxy, it took a bit for me to get leveled out. And ur right at the place to where it started getting better. Hang in there dude, ur honestly being stronger than u know. I really think u can do this. And if something happens then u can try sub again, trust me it's no option to go bk to full blown opiates. Sorry this post is so long lol, I just really relate to u. Any support u need, we're all here for u.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2015 7:50 pm 
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Mike,

I know lack of sleep is horrible. I've been there soooo many times.

But you have to remember that you cannot go back to opiates, not even just for one day of relief. You've made it so far and you will be feeling better soon, so don't give in to even one opiate.

I know it sucks, but try to keep thinking about how, if you take even one pill, you'll throw away all of your hard work. All of your suffering can't be for naught!

You're almost there dude. Hang in, stay strong, and know that it WILL get better!

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2015 8:02 pm 
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Kitty and Jenn, thank you guys so much for the words of encouragement, hoping for a nice sleep tonight, sleeping g at families house in a nice warm king sized bed all to myself so hopefully it will be what I need, my good nights of sleep seem to be every other night and last night sucked so hopefully tonight will be better. No muscle aches in my legs today, haven't had to take any aleive all day and that's amazing because the legs have been a thorn in my side since the beginning. And if I did use an opiate once at this point I honestly don't think it will drag me back into physical dependency but I know its not worth the chance so that will not be happening. Anyways, thank you all for the kind words and jennjenn I hope you are right and that the sleep will be coming back soon. Sleep is my soft spot, if I don't have a good sleep my entire day just crumbles and I can't do a damn thing, I know.. .I'm being a baby and need to suck it up and deal with it. I'm a softy but I'll be back at it soon. All I do is keep in mind how much better I'm feeling then a few weeks ago and it keeps me going. God bless you all. Keep fighting with me, keep those encouraging words coming.

Mike


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2015 10:36 pm 
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Mike,
I hope this isn't your aunt's house that has the oxycodone in it. You really need to avoid going to that house because the temptation can be overwhelming when you're feeling bad.
Have you ever stopped to reread your thread to consider how far you've come, and to reconsider Dr. J's advice on the first page of this thread?


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2015 6:24 pm 
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Hey guys, yes it is that aunts house but I have no access to the meds, they took their meds for a weekend trip so there are no meds in this house except my insulin. Slept like a baby last night. A good solid 9 hours, felt so good. Hoping for another one, haven't had back to back good sleeping nights for 5 weeks since I've quit opiates, even those few days I was on Suboxone I still slept like crap. Good news is I haven't felt much aching in my legs and my stomach seems to be a lot better. The depression I've been feeling seems to have leveled out and I seem to slowly be getting my energy level back up. Time travels so slow when youre sober, doesn't it? Everyday seems to drag but I kind of like it. Very bored but I had my girls all day and they certainly have been putting my to work. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. Still very nervous of bedtime. God bless you all.

Mike


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2015 10:36 pm 
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Wow Mike! This sounds like the best you've felt since you began posting. :D I don't want to jinx you, but it sounds like you may just have crested the mountain and are coasting now. I hope so, anyway. Keep us posted. I bet you have another great night's sleep.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2015 11:44 pm 
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Oh, I certainly hope so. Laying in bed now, took my meds already and just trying to stick to a midnight bedtime. If I get 2 nights of good sleep back to back i will be ecstatic. It seems like every time I get a goodnight sleep, its followed by a bad night of sleep. I hope that's not the case. If I get 3 days of good sleep, then I'm going to sleep at home, me and the wife atr fine but we agreed to sleep on different beds for a while until my sleep return to normal so I don't bother her, I hate feeling like I ruined her sleep. She needs it, and deserved it. Her sleep came back very soon after quitting. Maybe a week or 2 at most, I envy her Lol. Anyways I'll check back in with you guys tomorrow and let you know how it went, fingers crossed!!!


Mike


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 9:32 pm 
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Hey guys, I hope you all had a great weekend and Easter with family and friends. I did. Have had a couple good nights of sleep. Hoping for a third good night of sleep tonight and if I do I will be going back home to sleep with my beautiful wife. My anxiety has been very manageable and my mood overall has been great. Still don't have much energy to get out of the house but will be signing back up for the gym tomorrow afternw. Can't wait to hit the pool and sauna. Trying to add 20 lbs and keep it on. The new meds are known to aid in appetite. And I've definitely been eating, heavily. Feels great Lol. Enough babbling for me, just wanted to check in and make sure everybody enjoyed their weekend. I can't say it enough, this website had made this experience so much easier. Its my therapy. And feels great. God bless you all.

Mike


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 8:38 am 
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Mike,

Great to hear you're doing much better. Have you and your wife found a group to meet with? Now that you're feeling better physically you need to work on the other issues to ensure you stay sober and don't relapse.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 2:05 pm 
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Mike it sounds like you are at the crossroads of no return. It's like you crashed and burned through all of the stages of addiction in 5 months. I took my drug of choice for several years. And several more years just to feel normal.

People who can not let the high go struggle on Suboxone. It took me years to accept and to let the pshychological hold of letting the high go. I accepted because I had so many years of just taking to feel normal and it faded with time. Your wife is example of the crossroad of no return I wish some one would have chimed in. . im going to say it. She's not an addict. Only you can decide if you are. It can take years before physically dependent sets in. IF your wife has stopped with no physical WD she is not physically dependent addict stop now while you can. You know when you say I don't need them but they're nice to have in your pocket at a cook out. Thats physchological

I would hate to see you get physically over your head as in physical dependent. Take this seriously this is the rest of your life.

since when did my moral compass become so important not take anything when I was taking pills for years with out an ounce of guilt or so much as a thought.


You got solid advice above. Read through put it together. before it becomes irreversible. At that point it is not a choice.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 9:56 pm 
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GFTS,

I'm not sure you have all of Mike's information. He stopped taking sub after his 5th day on, so he is not in danger of becoming dependent, (unless you're talking about his doc). He IS of course an addict in the beginning stages. If Mike can find a way to avoid relapse for the rest of his life then that's awesome! But he needs to stay wary and not get complacent. His wife too.

We have no idea whether or not his wife is an addict. She could be at the very earliest point of addiction. She shouldn't let down her guard either!

There is one other statement you made that I don't exactly agree with. You said that it can take years to become physically dependent. That may be true for a very small amount of people, but for most people, including non-addicts, dependence will occur much more quickly! I know you were speaking about Mike's particular circumstances, but I would hate to have a newbie come along and read that. Addicts are always looking for an angle to "allow" them to use more of their drug of choice. I think that we have to be very clear about the information we are dishing out on the forum.

I am happy to see you posting again, GFTS! Glad to have you back!

Amy

P.S. I know I'm being a bit picky, so forgive me! :)

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 11:46 pm 
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I know..let me start off by saying that when originally posted I posted a reply to the original post of the
Thread I was only seeing today's date with the latest post. Then after the submit I see we are a month in with 70 something replies so I'm like great that's nice. I have no back story except for the posts on the 4th page of the thread. Obviously I rushed my response.


Anyway my advice is Dodgy no doubt. My point if he was near or at his threshold. One day you wake up and don't feel right. Then you realize Your body made the change to physical addiction. We all had that threshold.

I thought he has a chance because his usage was 5 months. Most of us never used all day every day.
That's only because of supply etc you know the whys.

If his wife was waking up like he said she was then that told me that she's not physically addicted. If she's was happy and stopped using for however long. It sounded like he ran through the stages in 5 months but it sounded like there where other issues going on then the pills. The truth is by the time I realized he was past his threshold and mine it was to late. I wanted to go back in time still do.

Anyway it sounds like he is not sure what he wants. Will power is only there when he forgets how sick we are because we feel get false of Ya I'm normal. It is important to tackle this issue of false security, thinking you're strong enough to stop, crash and burn, then start the whole cycle over again. It wears you out physical and mentally. Then you/us we get angry because you know you can do it. Let me just say you wouldn't even be thinking these thoughts it were not for suboxone. Suboxone works so well we want to be normal so bad we have to disengage Suboxone for a quick destiny check. Why? I don't know. No clue.

Why go through the WD? Is it to maintain the status quo. It makes people so good to tell their friends, co-workers, dogs, fish what ever, that they buy 20oz bottles of rocky mountain air, vitamins and supplements.Feeling like total crap. I don't get why are so against taking one pill maybe two pills a day.

We can still live healthy, we can still buy a case of mountain air in bottles (when it comes out)take the vitamins. What is one more life giving Buprenorphine tablet.

Mike don't listen to my previous earlier post from today. My apologies. I'm sorry.

Also Amy you weren't being picky I'd rather get some feed back, collaborate and learn from you guys. Thanks for the welcome back Amy. I Have a few days to kill so I figured I'd get my Suboxone talkzone on!

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 20, 2015 8:02 am 
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Hey Mike,

Haven't heard from you in a while. Has your sleep improved? How about giving us an update?

Thanks,
Morphing


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