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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 11:59 am 
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Thanks for the response, Razor. Today is day 4 off the sub's and 8 days off of the oxy. Feeling pretty good. Slight chills and very, very,very tired and lazy. Just lethargic. Pretty rough sleep last night but got at least 4-5 hours so can't complain. Everyday I prepare for the worst and thankfully the worst has not come yetn blew off my sub Dr appt yesterday so that option has completely sailed. The nights suck and the days drag, but slowly but surely they are becoming better and better. When I'm out of the house the time flies but unfortunately I am not working and my wife is so I'm home alone with my two very young children all day, keeping up with them has been very difficult but manageable thus far. I feel like in slowly coming out of the fog of opiates, and have almost no cravings. Small cravings of "just a few oxy will be fine" then I look at my children and realize that it is not an option at all. The boredom of the house puts me to sleep but I know (hope) these feelings will pass very soon. Day 1 off sub's and dsy 3 off sub's I was filled with energy, cleaned the house, did outside work etc etc. Last 2 days has been extremely lazy but like I said, I think it's all in my head today, earlier me and my wife and daughter went for a long car ride and felt so good.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 6:40 pm 
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Not sure if anybody is still following but I've been very good the last few days. Still haven't touched an oxy or a Suboxone. I actually almost cracked last night because of the restless legs and anxiety but u spit it out immediately. My wife is very well also, she has worked last night and tonight and she also has restless legs but she works nights so its fine if she sleeps during the day. I have taken light benzophiane to sleep the past 4 nights. One more tonight and cutting those off completely. Only time my anxiety acts up is night time when its time to lay down. 5 nights on Suboxone and 6 nights off so far, maybe 5. No issues as of yet. Fingers crossed! I have had light cravings for oxy but they fade fast, soon as I look at my beautiful family. God bless everybody!


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 1:04 pm 
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Hey Mike,

I'm happy you are doing well. It's great that you have the motivation from your family to get sober, but don't rely on that for your whole recovery. I know each persons experiences are different, but we have seen so many people go down this road and almost all of them will relapse if they aren't working a serious recovery program. I'm not trying to be a downer, but the stakes are just too high to try to do it alone. Get in those meetings or with an addiction counselor. Even if you feel like you don't need it, your wife might. It's very possible that she may be struggling more than she is letting on. You know how we all are....you can pretty much bet for every bad thought I talk about I've had at least 10 that I haven't mentioned. :?

You both have a lot to live for, and you deserve a shot at doing it right!

Keep posting, we are reading even if we don't respond every time.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 5:53 pm 
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Thank you for reading. Today is a little tough, especially when I get texts from friends telling me they have oxy for sale. Kids are with the in-laws so its just me and the wife. Both of us are still having major trouble sleeping but I know that's normal. Hurts to watch my wife go through that. But we both know we are getting better by the day. Taking it one day at a time. Gonna give the wife a nice bath soak and leg rub before bed and hopefully that will let her sleep a little more then lately. (Though she has been getting more sleep then me) can't stand to see my woman suffering at all. Also got a few clonidine to hopefully help with the restless legs. As for the NA, we definitely plan on getting into something as soon as our sleep and physical BS is done with. Cleaning the house, chores, etc etc. helps a lot when it comes to staying busy and staying active. Also can't wait until we can get back in the gym. Still no energy for that yet. God bless everybody!


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 6:14 pm 
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Please consider going to NA before your symptoms disappear. The problem with waiting is that when you are feeling better it will take away the desperation that helps make you go! Your potentially budding addiction will try to convince you that you actually don't need to go, that you're doing fine, when you'd be much better off doing the recovery work.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 3:25 pm 
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Just a quick update. Mostly all physical symptoms have been gone the past few days. Now I believe we're both suffering from the dreaded PAWS. Haven't had any real cravings to use, but am so desperate for a good nights sleep. Haven't slept a single minute for 2 days. Wife is getting some sleep but very little of it. Feels like I can barely even care for my daughters. Anxiety is so bad at night that my body just refuses to fall asleep. Its clearly the hardest part. Haven't seen any of my family since this all started. Feeling really down in the dumps, hoping I wake up and it's all gone. I know its not going to be that easy, just hoping. Hurts me so deeply to see the love of my life suffering like this. Bought some melatonin today, hoping it helps. Anybody still following this post? Could use some good words of encouragement right now. I was taking a strong benzo for sleep the past few days and I was sleeping fine. But don't want to substitute one addiction for another. Lost, confused and hurting. Thanks all. God bless.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 15, 2015 12:47 am 
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I'm sorry that you're having a tough time, Mike. There are definitely people still reading your thread. I understand the desire to avoid a cross addiction with benzos, but for the short term, say the next week or so, take your benzo every other night. Then you won't be creating a dependence quickly. Your tolerance for the benzo should stay the same if you are using it every other night for a short period of time.

I still think you need to start those meetings before you're feeling a whole lot better!

I hope you get sleep and respite from your anxiety soon!

Amy

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 15, 2015 9:05 am 
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Thanks Amy, whats funny is, around the same time you were typing that message, I was in the ER in Providence believing I was having a heart attack after a panic attack suffered while I was trying to call asleep. I had been up for 3 hours tossing and turning and I just lost it. Full mmode panic attack. So heavy I thought it could have been a heart attack. Drs looked at me as if I was just "scumbag drug addict", the nurses were all very nice and understanding. Anyways, just some " light heart palpalations, whatever that means.....and sent home with 20 5mg Valium's. Finally just made it hone, ready for sleepy land. And good news, Kelly (th wife)slept like a rock with me at the hospital....so far so good for today. Thanks for caring. God bless.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2015 11:32 am 
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For anybody still caring/following....I'm doing a lot better. Still can't get a decent nights sleep but I'm feeling a lot better and enjoying life more. My days are pretty boring considering my wife works days and I sit home with my 4yr old but its definitely getting better by the day. Waiting patiently for the warm weather to get here in Rhode island. I hope all is well, god bless you all.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2015 5:56 pm 
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I'm glad to see an update from you Mike. I was just wondering about you yesterday, especially since your last post was a bit worrisome. I'm happy you are feeling better. :D

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2015 10:17 pm 
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Thank you, Q. Feeling about 70%. Can't complain. Wife is feeling 100% which is most important to me. Just feeling lethargic and lacking energy during the day and like I said, sleep is still an issue. But last night I had a pretty long dream so hopefully that's a good sign that I'm in deep phases of sleep. Went to my Dr yesterday and finally got caught up with my diabetes meds, unfortunately he wouldn't write me a script for 30mg of tamazapam, which I was getting from my mother for sleep. She has been taking it for 22 years and absolutely swears by it. Unfortunately he knows I'm an addict and is afraid of prescribing me something that strong out of fear that I would abuse it. Understandable but disappointing because that stuff gives me GREAT sleeps. Anyways, hope everyone is doing good. God bless you all.

Mike


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2015 5:15 pm 
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Feeling about 80% today. Sleep is still tough but I'm going strong. Sneezing attacks are annoying but I can obviously handle that with ease. Just an annoyance. Gonna go out with my brother and father for drinks tonight and hope that it helps. Still have very strong chills with are quite annoying but again, not that bad. Just walk around layered. Plus its cold in Rhode island. Good bless you all.

Mike


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2015 3:18 pm 
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Quick update, still feeling weak and have nearly no energy to do anything but had a great sleep last night. Positive sign I believe. Much better mood but just NEED that energy again. Want my old self back. Wife is still 100%, has all of her energy , sleeps well and feels like her old self. I'm eating a lot more so my appetite I would say is back about 75%. So happy the wife is better. Fot whatever reason my legs are still very sore. Anybody know how long that will last. The chills are still there for me but nowhere near as bad as they were before. Anybody have any ideas on how to get that energy back? Thanks all. God bless you all.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2015 5:05 pm 
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I did not go back to look and see how long it's been for you but from the many people who have done this befor you the turning point seems to be about 21 days. From there you see noticeable improvement almost daily until hitting the one month point where many to most report feeling about 90% or better.

Unfortunately, time is the biggest healer in all if this. It just is. Execercise will help as will comfort meds. Still nothing seems to beat the clock in all of this. Just keep plugging along, do the time and you'll feel better. The most important thing now is to not take ANY opiate as doing so will set you back days to weeks.

Hope that helps.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2015 5:52 pm 
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Thank you Dohn, Monday will make 3 weeks since my last opiate. Never going back....never. Not ever. I only took small doses of Sub for 4,days and dropped them completely. Too many horror stories for me to go that route and I'm so glad I didn't. I was on about 200mg of oxycodone a day for about 4-5 months. Starting at just 30mg a night and obviously escalated very quickly. What turned me off of sub was the fact I didn't like the one size fits all approach my doctor was doing. How does a 15 year heroine user start at 16mg a day, and then me being a user fot a few months get the same dose? I just knew it wasn't for me. Definitely got me through the first few days and helped greatly but I knew it wasn't something I could be on long term. I think I made the right choice. The thought of opiates make me sick to my stomach, literally. So the chance of relapse is ZERO. So happy to have my life back, not trapped by a pill everyday, Suboxone or oxycodone. I hope everyone following this post the best of luck in their battle. I'm NOT an anti Suboxone guy at all. I think its a great drug for long time drug users. Awesome tool to live a normal life. But for me, I went 31 years of my life never being dependent on anything and I just knee in my heart thst Suboxone was not for me. Anyways, god bless you all and good luck. Definitely will check back soon.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:21 pm 
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I wish you the best of luck and can't say sub is the answer for everyone. That said, my computer nearly blew up from all the red flares going off while reading a comment from any addict that says "so the chance of relapse is ZERO." Sadly, for you or anyone else nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, having such a belief puts you at further risk for relapse. The sad truth is your chance for relapse throughout the remainder of your life will never be zero and believing it is, is very foolish and scary. I'm not saying you need to live in fear of relapse but a healthy respect that it could happen is the best thing you could have. Never relapsing should always be the goal, but thinking you have zero CHANCE of that happening is not healthy nor realistic. I really hope you'll rethink this as getting free of opiates for most people is the easier part. Staying free of opiates is usually the most difficult. The stats are filled with addicts who thought they could never relapse - right up until they did.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:25 pm 
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You're right. Maybe I'm too confidant. Does anybody have any idea when this horrible, horrible anxiety is going to go away? Its been 3 weeks and hasn't stopped at all. All out of Valium I was prescribed at the ER and have been taking some Gabapentin but running very low and only like to take it at night to help with sleep. Anyone?


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:56 pm 
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It's hard to say when the anxiety is going to get better, Mike. I'm sure some of it is still WD related, but it also may be a mild rebound anxiety from the benzo you were taking. My experience with short term benzo use wasn't pleasant, and I had rebound anxiety every time I took it two days in a row. I think some of us are just sensitive to those kind of things.

I wish we had a magic ball that could predict when wd would end, but it is so different for each individual that it's just a shot in the dark. Re-read what Donh said above, because it's pretty accurate for what we tend to see here.

The one size fits all approach to dosing with suboxone bothers me as well. I tend to agree that each persons habit should be taken into consideration when a doctor inducts each patient. The good thing is that it really doesn't matter long term what size dose you start at with bupe. Most patients can cut down to about 4mg without any trouble when they get ready to taper no matter how long they have been on it or what dose they have been taking. The jump process tends to be pretty similar in length once you jump off as well. I think you made a good decision for yourself though. I agree that if a person hasn't been an addict for a long time, they should at least try to get off without a maintenance drug first.

Keep your guard up against relapse though. Donh was completely right in his response above. Enough said.

Q

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2015 3:27 pm 
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Thanks Q, and everyone else who responded and is still following and reading this thread. Today makes it 3 weeks since my last opiate use and 2 weeks since my 5 days of Suboxone. Definitely the best day so far. I'm noticing that the anxiety is FAR better then it has been the last fee weeks. Slept with no benzo help the past few nights and while I did wake up quite a few times. I sleep a good 7-10 hours each of the last few days and have been having long dreams also. I have been using some Gabapentin for the past few days but none today. Just wanted to check in with everybody and let everyone know how I'm doing. BTW, the wife is still sleeping like a rock and hasn't had any physical symptoms in over a week. Both have had quite a big appetite also. Feels so good to have my appetite back as I am a diabetic and was feeling even weaker not being able to eat. Unfortunately my wife and daughters have a bad cold that I'm sure I'll be getting any hour now Lol. Thanks everybody, will check back soon.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2015 6:49 pm 
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Hey guy/ladies, just a quick update. Crappy sleep last night, even with the gabapentin, just horrible, on and off all night and morning, so restless and just unable to get comfortable and stay comfortable. Still blocked up and can't get a good #2 even though I've been eating like a savage. Taking some stool softener tonight and hopefully that helps. Have been without benzos for a while which I'm guessing is a good thing. Still achy legs at 24 days since my last opiate and 20 days since my last Suboxone. Very frustrating, no real cravings for opiates ...at all. Anxiety isn't nearly as bad. Basically its the achy legs and feet and bad sleeping that I'm waiting to stop. Being very patient knowing damn well I feel better then I did a couple weeks ago and a hell of a lot better then when I was on opiates or Suboxone. Hope all is well, hopefully somebody has some words of encouragement for the achiness and terrible sleeps. God bless you all.

Mike


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