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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2012 12:02 am 
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I actually read that exact post and thought it was genius! Very, very informative post. It also made me feel good about starting school. I took .5 mg sub tonight to start on my school work. I'm a few days behind because of my f**k-up. I've got a 40 hour work week ahead and have to do double the school work this weekend to get it done early, and I had to make a video of myself (it's an all-online program). I looked like shit so I took some sub. Whatever, I'm taking it slow and don't feel guilty anymore. Didn't make my goal, but I'm not giving up.

I really like how DoaQ said that you got to learn new hobbies because before, your opiates were your ways of relaxation and recreation. It's like we won't know what to do with ourselves, how to relax, whatnot. I did not think about ANY of this during my sub *treatment* (self-treatment). It seems so obvious, yet I never thought about it. If I knew how to have fun after work that day, I just might not have relapsed. I'm definitely saving her post.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2012 12:50 pm 
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Hang in kid


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2012 4:53 pm 
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5 years to feel normal! Lol! That's bullshit.

5 days for the wd to kick in? Maybe for you, but for me I was over the worst 5 days in.

Don't stress over the relapse, just don't do it again.

I wiped every number in my phone, found my old phone and did the same. After getting clean ang going home, the first thing I saw on my table were my dodgy contacts written on some paper! I burnt it in the sink.

I also avoid inner city Sydney (Australia's sin city!) to avoid familiar faces.

Set yourself up for success.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2012 4:36 pm 
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HA you burned it in the sink?? That's hilarious! And commendable.

I've been on .5 mg of sub the last 3 days. I'm swamped with the most schoolwork I've ever had in my life. The sub withdraws will have to wait for another time. It is really great to hear that your sub withdraws were the worst in just the first 5 days. That has re-instated my hope and good outlook on quitting soon. I keep dozing off reading, and I think that maybe the sub has a bit to do with that.

I came across an old blog I had been using as a private journal. Apparently I relapsed the last time I tried to quit subs -- ONLY 2.5 months ago!! ???? I don't remember that!! How could I forget doing the brown when it was not that long ago?? I remember, I said I was going to quit right after last semester, at end of spring. And then I relapsed.

I think it comes down to me acting on impulse and not thinking. It is like I was a robot back in June (and last week)... a thought to use popped in my head and I reacted without thinking -- so much, that I did not even remember it, it was that automatic. I'm obviously am not as in control of my thoughts as I thought I was. And this whole time I've been telling everyone I hadn't used in 11 months!! I honestly had not remembered that time in June! I got to have a better relationship with my mind.


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 Post subject: Good Job
PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2012 11:17 pm 
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Hey!!
Glad to hear that you are doing well on your 3rd day!! I am battling myself and on day 11. Boy, what a ride it has been. I jumped off at .5 or half a tab, because
my doctor is not a proponent of long term use. So, I told myself this is suboxone train is going to derail in the next month or so anyway, thats why I jumped off.

For me, the first few days were fine, then it hit me kind of hard...I call it withdrawals "lite." Besides the psychological mind _ucking of myself for getting off of it and not reneweing
the script, the actual symptoms were not that bad. But I did suffer from extreme ZERO energy. Like every chore such as getting dressed was a big deal, you know what I mean?

I tell you my friend, at day 11 my energy is coming back big-time, my love of music has returned, and I walk around enjoying what I am seeing.


So, all I can say is HANG in there, and be strong...In a week, you'll find your self sitting pretty...Take this from someone who has been there.

Contact me or reply anytime as any insights from my own personal battles I will be glad to share!!

Aloha
Samurai


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 6:28 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Hi there INvisibleMovement! I have no freaken clue how I missed this entire thread!!!!! I am so sorry!!! You have been such a great support to me, and to so many others and I feel like shit for not being there for you through this! I was so happy reading on how you were doing, then read about the CHina, and then how your back on sub...

You pulled me into this thread! I felt like I could picture it so well! LOL! You should be a writer! Anyway, look, so you slipped up. It is what it is. The impotant thing is, that you know what you did. You know what to do next time the urge hits. And you have a ton of support on this forum. I applaud you for sticking it out with school and work, all the while dealing with personal things too. You are such a strong person, and I know that you are going to come out on top of this!!!!!

Keep on posting and letting us know how you are doing. I know I wont lose track of this thread this time!!! (still can't believe I missed it!) So, if you need anything at all, just ask. Pm me, or email me. I think i gave you my email in a PM??? Cant remember... Either way though! Take care and we'll talk to you soon![/font]

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 7:10 pm 
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Hey Samurai and Goinstrong, thank-you for the support! I actually used to want to be a writer when I was younger. So that comment made me feel pretty good. This thread will be dead on my end for a while. I am doing .25 twice per day right now, and plan to for a while. I kind of "missed my stop", riding on the sub train. School had started, grad school is consuming every waking moment of my life, and I have been working full time this week. The school is full time too. So after this week I will play catch-up in school, then maybe things will settle down into routine so I can jump. And if I have to wait till Thanksgiving break, so be it. Maybe I will successfully taper to crumbs and I can jump sooner.

I have to remember things like what Samurai has said because if I keep my eye on the prize, of the good things that come with the sober life, and the opening of my spirit, and I believe it was Diary of a Quitter that said meditation helps, to get to know myself to know the real me so that when I come off of the sub I am not shocked by my sober brain, then I think that I will be successful in staying clean. I guess I have to get re-acquainted with myself. Which I am sure will be very rewarding. I will be proud to know that I am everything that God gave me, the way he made me, without any use of "cheat codes" for the game of life. And if it's hard I will remember all of you people on here, like you Samurai, who have come off of the subs and say that life is better than ever. I just need to believe what you say, trust that it will be true for me, and everything will be A-OK.

I hope some day I can write in the Bupe in the Rearview mirror forum. And get that sweet-ass medal WHO sends that??? omg i can't remember... HELLO person and your sweet medal with the Ravie font and the star??? Thanks for the modivatior medal-creator! And the cake baker! Some one on here did not actually bake that cake did they? The day I see my f**ckin screen name on a cake, slap my ass and call me Shirley! I'll make myself a god dang cake! I gunna do it too. I'm going to be so sober, that baking cakes will be my new high. THen when I crash from the sugar I will want a sub. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie... If you Give an Ex-Addict a Cake.. lol... he gunna want some coke to take care of the sugar crash. When he's tweekin on the coke, he gunna want some H to calm the F down. When he does the H, the next day he gunna want some sub to go to work. When he does the sub, he gunna come cryin his sorry ass back to the forum, begging for sobriety so he can have some more cake with his name on it.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 3:58 pm 
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OK everyone... I'm trying again.. for the 3rd time.. it's been 28 hours and no suboxone. Now I sound like a broken record here but I really want to do it this time. If anyone has any helpful things I can tell myself in next few days that would be great. Like what to say to myself when I say "just cut the strip and put it in your mouth and you'll be able to work so much better".

I really really really want to be done with this. I really want this time to be different. I guess what I have to look forward to is enjoying life better. I hear from you all that you can have more energy and I am definitely looking forward to that. And remembering the few stories of people that barely have any withdraw. I have no real role model for someone that says no to drugs because I don't know anyone that has used drugs for an extended period of time and walked away. Except for all of you here on the forum. You guys are the only ones I can have full respect for in terms of overcoming this stuff.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 9:47 pm 
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Hey IM,

The best thing I can tell you is once you make up your mind to really quit, you'll quit. You'll get to the point where you say enough is enough and you'll grit your teeth and bear it. You may be there right now?? I don't know? Only you know the answer to that question.

BTW, the fact that you've went back to Suboxone a couple of times is NOT a failure in my eyes, not even close. It's about the smartest thing you could have done for yourself. Instead of getting back on the rollercoaster of drug addiction, you protected yourself and went back to Suboxone. There is no shame whatsoever in not quite being ready to be off of it. Like I said earlier, when you're ready, you'll do it.

Be patient with yourself.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:47 am 
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HI

you know, I HATE to say it, but romeo is RIGHT!!!!!
taking suboxone again, was NO failure, , , , for us addicts, Id call that a SUCESS!!!!!
you made a GOOD decision, when you know about a hundred OTHER choices you COULD have made, that
all go down, LOL

Its YOUR journey, nobody else's, so do what YOU NEED to do. there is no right way or wrong way!!!

Im wishing you the VERY BEST results, for whatever (whenever) you decide, and we are ALL here rooting for you
NO MATTER WHAT, Ok???? :lol: :lol: :lol:
even if you did make one of those 'bad' decisions, I wouldn't think less of you. So keep on fighting, keep on aiming for
your target, and you'll get there. I KNOW you can.

GOOD LUCK
and I wish you the LEAST amount of discomfort as POSSIBLE!!!!

hey, look at it this way, at least your not this bear......................

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pa1pIO4_lUY&feature=g-like[/youtube]

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:12 pm 
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You asked:
"If anyone has any helpful things I can tell myself in next few days that would be great. Like what to say to myself when I say "just cut the strip and put it in your mouth and you'll be able to work so much better". "

For me the only thing that worked getting rid of every last bit of Sub when I finally jumped. If it was in the house sooner or later I would take some. Also, I had to tell my Sub doc flat out that I was off and I didn't want another script. That was pretty hard, but just do it when youre feeling really resolved.
Also, I agree with what others have said. Don't look at taking Sub as a failure. If you're going though a particularly tough time with school or whatnot maybe you will want to wait to go completely off. It's not a contest. Sub is a tool to help us heal our lives. So give yourself a break. Good luck.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 8:53 pm 
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Ha that video was crazy! Thanks for the encouraging words. I went 50 hours with no sub and looked like shit before work and did .25. It was the day of our annual employee evaluations and I was dope sick. You know, the dragging feeling, the restless legs, not sleeping well, the coldness, the constant sneezing. There ain't nothing to compare it to... I didn't look like I had a cold, I didn't look like I had the flu, I didn't look like I was an insomniac, I simply looked dope sick. I get so paranoid that everyone can tell. If the whole world knew what I was going through, I don't think I would have slipped up. And let me tell you that .25 made me paranoid that everyone could tell I was high!

You see, I know people that have come off of subs and say the first 3 days are rough but then you are back to normal. If that were the case, I would just stick it out 3 days no big deal. But everyone on here says it lasts 2 weeks. And that scares me. Makes me think I should taper lower. Then there some people that say even tapering to a microscopic dose makes 'em dope sick. I don't know what to believe. All I know is that I keep taking two steps forward and one step back, and that's OK. Someone suggested I skip a day and do .25, and coincidentally that's exactly what I did. Too late to regret it now. I would love to be on here telling you all how great I'm doing and how it's been x amount of hours since no sub but that's just not reality.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 16, 2012 9:11 pm 
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It's safe to say I will be abandoning this thread now.

Today I was talking to a friend when I came to the realization of something. I don't understand much of addiction, and I am an addict. Of course, I knew I was an addict before, but I did not quite understand addiction. I had stopped smoking cigarettes, I stopped using crack, I stopped using aderall, I stopped using benzos, and I stopped using pot. I thought I was immune of addiction. Incapable of addiction. Had amazing mind power. But in discussion today I was told that those things were all very different. I used all of those things recreationially first and then became daily only for a few months (except pot n cigs - years for those - but no more than 2). Opiates have been a daily thing for me for probably 5. 5 years is a very long time (to a young person as myself), and the recreational part goes back even further. I thought I had evaded addiction in so many areas, but I was never addicted to those things. They were just habits. This is an addiction. This is bad. This is very very bad. But I know all of you and do not think any of you are bad, and that is what keeps me from slipping into a state of feeling sorry for myself. I like all of you and don't think of you all as bad because you are addicts. I think of you like everyone else. We just have particular problems with our brain patterns, just as other people have problems.

It took a year on subs, but I am finally admitting, I do in fact have an addiction. I probably look stupid for just realizing this, but I'm just saying, it never really clicked. I never had a doctor to talk to. I think if a psychologist ever made me say I was an addict out loud I would burst into tears. Really, I have been in denial for that long. Part of my brain says Stop being silly if you want to achieve sobriety you can. And the other part says, you don't even know how deep you are in.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 16, 2012 9:37 pm 
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Hey IM,

Admitting you're an addict is the first step on the road to recovery. I don't think any of us think you're dumb because you're just now realizing you're an addict, I'm sure many of us have spent a while in denial about it too, you're not the only one. The important thing is that you realize you have this disorder. That realization has just given you a measure of power over that disorder.

You mentioned that you don't really understand much about addiction, welcome to the club. Addiction is actually a poorly understood condition. We started a thread a while back called, "What is Addiction" in an attempt to better understand this disorder of ours. Here's a link to that thread:

http://suboxforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=3087

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:48 pm 
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Thank-you so, so much for posting that. Ever since I was very young I would say to myself that I had a brain problem and was different from everyone else. It's just something I always knew because I did not get excited and happy as easily as everyone for as long as I can remember. It is quite possible I do have issues with my dopamine system, such as not releasing enough. There have been very happy times, though. I think it is quite possible to change my thought patterns, which is why I want to go to a doctor. The last psychologist I went to 4 years ago I just found out is a suboxone doctor. That thread has made me feel not so shameful to go to a doctor for the first time since my opiate addiction. I think I could really benefit from a doctor, if I was not afraid of the bills showing up on my parent's health insurance, and if I had the money to do so. I suppose a consultation would not hurt. Then one day I might tell my parents if I feel that my problem is something bad enough that it needs treating. It is so scary to think so because I don't want them to feel bad like it's all their fault, especially because they are the best parents anyone could ever ask for in my eyes. This is just so hard on me right now because I never let myself believe that I was an addict. I think it was because I had to live a lie in front of the whole world that I was not an addict and I believed the lie.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 12:04 am 
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Hey invisiblemovement... Big hats off to you for kicking Sub and soldiering onto work.

I won't comment much on ways to minimise harm. But if you're really struggling getting to work, you may find a buprenorphine patch may help you "step down" your dose further before jumping off. In the scheme of dependence, 0.25mg is still a pretty hefty dose of buprenorphine. And given (at least if you are me) it only gives a few hours relief and comes at the expense of "winding back the withdrawal clock", it might be something to look into if you're worried about not getting to work. At least if you went that route, you'd be able to "step down" your dose further to the point where your withdrawal might be manageable when you actually jump off. The only thing is finding a doc willing to prescribe for your purpose.

Also about the day 3 thing. All's I'd suggest is you take it a day at a time. It can be really hard in the throws of withdrawal, but the best way to get through a detox of a long acting opioid is to just live pillow-to-pillow. Don't even count the days that have passed. Just live to get through each day, and in no time you'll be feeeling better.

Hard work = good luck :D


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 11:01 am 
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I would love the patch, I will keep it in mind. I wish they had the patch on the street. I wonder if you can eat them or not. Not that I would eat them. I mean for other people if that is why they would have them on the street.
I like the pillow-to-pillow saying. I agree that it is better to live life and not think about the days before or the days after, but to live outside of time. It is tricky but that is where you really live life.

Something weird happened last night. I have been taking sub for anxiety - to stop worrying and just get to work rather than worrying about how much work I have. But lately I have been getting "chest pains"... but I don't know what those are, and they aren't exactly excruciating pain, more of like chest spasms or cramps. I have also had a shortness of breath and stomach aches for days. It wasn't until last night that I realized they were physical symptoms of anxiety. I have not had those since I was probably 8 years old. Last night it got bad. The stomach aches were so bad I had to lay down and try to sleep, but I could not keep still and felt as if I was transported somewhere else and could not get back to my "home". I was not home I was in a bad place. I was scared I was going to throw up or get lost in my head or have a panic attack. I tried many things to get it to go away and stop thinking about it. Mind you this was after I took some extra sub hours earlier. It did not help the anxiety. It just got worse.

So I think that subs are not helping my anxiety. It was so bad that I talked to God and said God this is much harder than withdraws, I will take withdraws over this any day just please make it go away. Now that I know that suboxone will not help my anxiety I am more determined to stop. I want to be one of those people that wakes up one day and just doesn't want opiates anymore. If only I had a breakthrough moment. I think I might be getting close.


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 Post subject: You'll Get There
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 2:30 pm 
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Hi invisiblemovement,

You will know when the time is right to completely stop. Romeo hit the nail on the head and TJ had great advice about using the Butrans patch. Unfortunately you most likely won't find that patch on the street and even with insurance it is expensive.

The good thing about it is it comes in several strengths. The highest dose is 20mcg's. I did some rough math and it came out to around 2mg's spread out over 24 hours. I think the lowest one is 5mcg's. The patch is supposed to be changed once a week so if you get one and just leave it on for say two weeks or more it should wean you down nice and slow. That is what my Sub Dr. suggested to me and it is how I will eventually taper and jump in the future. (if I ever do)

Stay the course, your attitude is fantastic and you are bound to succeed when the time is right. At least wait until you have two weeks vacation so you can get the worst behind you.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:23 pm 
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Hey there InvisibleMovement - I don't know why I hadn't read your thread before now, but I just read through the whole thing. You've been on quite a ride these past few weeks for sure. Your honest desire to get through this Sub taper and to strengthen your recovery shines through in your writing and that is fantastic, but I also noticed some red flags that might be signaling potential stumbling blocks for you.

The most major red flag that I see is that you seem to be still taking your Sub at irregular times and in response to how you're feeling. I understand that you've been trying to taper and trying to jump, and I don't know what your dosing schedule was like before you started the tapering process, but I do know that dosing in response to feeling crappy is one of the first habits that we have to break in order to start the recovery process. That's why the majority of Sub patients dose once a day, or in some cases once in the am and once in the pm, on a set schedule (this doesn't include people who are using Sub to treat pain, they dose more often). The idea is to dose at a regular time and then just get on with your day. This helps break the addictive cycle of trigger-response-reward and helps us get out of the habit of turning to our medication in times of stress, etc.

On the positive side of this, you can look at when you've been taking your Sub dose and why and you can start to see some of your triggers. Once you can see your triggers, you can analyze them and start coming up with a plan for dealing with them. Otherwise, you're just going to keep repeating this cycle that you've been putting yourself through and that just doesn't seem pleasant or productive. Obviously, withdrawal symptoms are a big trigger for you - but mainly in combination with the need to work, go to school, do schoolwork, or be socially interactive.

I'm just basing this off what you've written here of course, so take what fits and leave the rest, but what I'm seeing is that you're coping fairly well with the withdrawal until you have to function at work, school or socially. That's totally understandable, being dopesick is a bitch and if you have to hide it from everyone and act normal that just makes it all the more difficult. So what can you do? One option would be to put off jumping until you have a block of time where you can minimize your school and work responsibilities. Another option would be to slow down your taper, making tiny reductions and giving yourself time to stabilize in between drops, hopefully getting low enough that you could quit without intense withdrawals.

So rather than putting yourself through the up-and-down of stopping for 2 days, dosing, stopping, repeat...maybe you could find the minimum dose that allows you to function for work and school, decide on a time of day to dose, and stick with that for a bit. At low doses like you're on, dosing in the morning and evening is helpful because the effects of the medication will wear off sooner than 24 hours. Stick to your schedule and when anxiety, or cravings or whatever arise use the opportunity to find a new way to cope. This will be great practice for life without Sub later.

Anxiety and social anxiety seem to be big triggers for you as well. There are many non-drug methods for dealing with anxiety; meditation and exercise are two of my favorites but I totally encourage you to look into different methods and try stuff until you figure out what works for you. Getting your overall anxiety down will help with the social anxiety stuff, but you might have to get creative in dealing with social anxiety for a while. Honestly, I think most addicts deal with this to some extent. Give yourself permission to feel a little weird and awkward for a while; you are going through some major life changes. If there's anyone in your social circle who can support you or just knows a bit about what you're going through, that can help. And remember that it won't last forever. As you become more comfortable with yourself sober, you will become more comfortable with other people too.

As you figure out what your other triggers are, you can continue coming up with ways to deal with them. Try different things, what works for me might not work for you...but there will be something that works for you. And have fun with it - this is part of the process of getting to know yourself. I started back to school soon after I completed my Sub taper and I found that when I was tired and lacked focus and motivation to do my homework, if I put on the stereo really loud and danced around my living room for 10 minutes like a fool I would work up the energy that I needed to get things done. Or sometimes just a quick phone call with a friend who knew what I was going through would get me through a rough patch.

The fact that you are just coming to terms with the fact that you're addicted to opiates, right at the time that you're trying to quit taking Sub, is also a red flag. I think it's great that you've made this realization - that is truly an important breakthrough. Denial is very powerful in us addicts though and sometimes there's a bit of back-and-forth that goes on before we really come to a place where we accept the seriousness of the problem and the difficulty of the solution. I know how strongly we can feel the desire to stop the madness, to be strong and healthy and yet still be done in by our own brains and end up using again.

Having some kind of strong recovery program in place will be crucial in supporting you as you move forward. I really encourage you to increase your knowledge about addiction, especially opiate addiction, and addiction treatment options. Maybe your school has some counseling resources that you can take advantage of - mine had a psychologist and there was no fee. Your school might also help you find resources for mental health care. You said that you've always felt you had a brain problem and difficulty with emotions - finding out if you do have an underlying mental health issue (many of us do, it's why we self-medicate) might make a big difference in your ability to succeed.

There may be other support at school for students in recovery, if not there are likely other resources in your community. SMART Recovery was a big help to me, they have a really informative and helpful website and they also have meetings. When I first started Sub treatment I didn't want to go to 12 step meetings, so my counselor had me agree to do three "recovery-oriented" activities per week. They could be anything that supported my recovery goals and didn't involve drugs. I took yoga classes, dance classes, did social activities with sober or non-addict people, spent time with my kid, etc. I can't tell you how much it helped improve the quality of my life and reinforced my desire to get well. What you're going through is too much to carry all by yourself; try to find a way to let the people who love you help you through.

God, I know I've gone on and on here...I have a problem with that :D , I hope you didn't mind too much. I just really see your desire to get through this, to get better, and you seem like you have so much going for you. I guess your situation just spoke to me. I'll be rooting for you to find a way through!

_________________
You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

-Jack Kornfield


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:31 pm 
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No no, I did not mind for your long messages, I love long messages. What you said is all very very true and very helpful and I am certainly saving every last word forever. I agree that meditation could really help. I only meditate like twice a year and it's when I am at the lowest of low. And it feels very good afterwards, I think I should try it, as you have said several times in other posts that it is very helpful.

I don't think I'm physically addicted anymore. I have been under 1 mg for like 2 months now. I think it is all psychological from here. I know it is. You are right Diary of a Quitter, my doses are totally irregular, even after trying the once-a-day thing, and it always goes back to the way it was - dosing always to go somewhere or get work done. I have a .25 in my mouth right now because it's 9 PM and just got done with the job and now got to start the homework. I'm totally trying to have a party in my mind to get stuff done. But life is not supposed to be a constant party.

It's like everyone says -- in order to quit you actually have to want to quit. I thought I did. But I don't. As long as I have a supply and 1.5 years before I have to take a drug test, I'm going to keep wanting to do suboxone. I'm afraid I'll never feel high ever again and life will be boring. Why quit now when I have months and months of fun left? I just need to read more stories of people that have quit and say they like life better and believe them.

I also considered seeing the free school mental health professional. But... it is sad, I should never have posted so much crap here. I am one of those pathetic people that resorts to drugs for fun. I don't need no doctor, I just need to smarten up. Even if I went to a doc I don't think they would take me. I'm already at .5 mg per day. I don't need it no more. Sorry everyone for wasting your time. At this point I think I'm the only one that can help myself, and I can't help myself until I want to be helped. I don't know what will happen here, I just need more time to think about it. I'm one of those people where I don't know what will happen when we die. Is this it? Forever? Do we go into a different body when we are done here? Or is there heaven? Hell? What if there is nothing? And I slip away from the rest of the world and take refuge in my mind, afraid that it (me) won't be there one day. And i'm going to feed it opiates because that's what it wants.

You're right Diary of a quiter I should probably read more about addiction. Then I will see why I am so bad.

I guess I won't be using this site as therapy anymore. It's pointless, it's all on me now. Thank-you everyone for listening to me though! You all got me talking, and I learned a lot about myself! I guess from now on it will all be about me, saying that I am weak for using opiates, that I'm a loser, and then I will straighten up. But I don't want to be straight. I don't want to be boring. There is always the evil part of me that says "hehehe lets go do this instead". I guess that's part of life if you believe in God. I just have to have faith that being straight is what is better in the end.

John frusciante is straight... and look what he has made... I think that is my only role model. To do drugs all the way, as far as they will take you, and come back and show the world that life is much better without them. Yes, I must keep that in mind.


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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