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PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 6:21 pm 
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Sneezing down to a few a day. Still have the shits! Extreme anxiety! Counseling day is tough every week, but especially so today. The more I peel back the numbing effects of the opiates, the less I like the person I'm finding. Always thought I was holding it together pretty well. Obviously got some work to do. Just hope I still have time to undo harm I may have done to my kids.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:16 pm 
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Hang in there! And congratulations on 24 days. Now you're at the tough part, where the focus starts to come off the detox process, and the real work of recovery begins. Give yourself a break. Like they say in the programs, we didn't become addicted in one day, so remember, easy does it. We can't fix everything all at once. I, too, have a lot of regrets about my kids - a lot of us do. But you can really only manage today. And tomorrow is a new day. As you already know, the physical issues come and go. Soon you will have more good days than bad. You are right at that turning point, I promise.
Don't give up you're doing great!
Lilly


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 11:07 pm 
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Hey Derail...

Just thought you might need some reassurance that the person you are right now will not be the person you'll be in 1 or 2 years time. PAWS makes life really uncomfortable, especially in the first 3 months ... but it gradually gets better each day, even if it's too slow to notice at the time.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2012 12:08 am 
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In addition to what TJ said, I think our emotions are heightened greatly during wd and PAWS, so what you're experiencing, while real, may be exaggerated by wd.

I remember getting into NA and discovering what a piece of shit I was. It's really pretty hard to wrap your mind around at times. The constant reminders of what I had done wrong and how I had fucked up were pushing me to the edge, then, by the grace of God, I met a person in NA who said, "Our character defects do not define who we are" and all of a sudden it made sense to me!!! I was focusing all of my thoughts on my few character defects. My character involves WAY more than just those few defects. The defects only make up a small part of who I am, the rest of me is a pretty damn good guy. Once I remembered that, things got a lot easier.

I'm pretty sure you're not as bad as you think you are derail. Have you made some mistakes, yep. Who the heck hasn't? It's what you're gonna do about those mistakes that counts!!

Now, like Lilly said, give yourself a break and take it slow.

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2012 12:54 am 
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HANG IN THERE BUDDY

Just like lily says, we didnt do all this damage overnight, so it sure aint gonna get fixed that way..........

I know, easier said than done. You've got to look at the GOOD things your doing too. If you would have continued on the 'opiate train' as you called it, I think, how good would THAT be for your kids????
Your doing the best you can, and dammit thats all anybody can ask.

GREAT JOB on 24 days. and its even GREAT that your 'generally pissed'
cuz that means your FEELING, again.

yes, that IS the hard part. for most of us, thats WHY we used/continued to.
but if you put the hard work in and get to the roots of your addiction(s), well, you'll come out on the 'other side'
that person you are looking for.

We're here for ya man.
Vent,swear, go off the deep end about what ever is bothering you, if it helps!!!!!!!!

just like they say,,,,,,,
Its hard work, cuz its WORTH the effort.

Your doing great :lol:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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 Post subject: Thanx y'all!
PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2012 2:57 am 
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Not a lot better tonight. But, I appreciate the sentiments from everyone!
Check another one off though! Wouldn't sleep be a welcomed relief! To be perfectly
:wink: honest, had I truly known how I would feel up through week 4, I may have tried the
taper approach one more time. But not now! No! My dumb ass
had to go CT cuz I'm so smart :twisted: Oh well, I would not want to go
Back to day 1 of this for nothin!!! Gotta confess, the medical maryjane up here
Is spectacular!!! In moderation, of course :wink: ...D


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