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 Post subject: Day 2 off of Suboxone
PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2016 4:38 pm 
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Hi all, new here, but have been a quietly reading all the stories here for years.

Long story short, I was addicted to opiates, pills, for about 10 years. It started with headaches and a generous doctor...and well I'm sure you all know the rest lol. Fast forward 10 years and I found myself a 38 yers old, out of doctors, out of pills, and out of my mind. I have a beautiful 10 yr old daughter and wonderful husband and knew the cycle had to stop. Tried CT more than once and only ever made it 2 weeks before the cycle would start again. Decided to go on Suboxone 7 months ago and have gradually tapered down from 8mg to around .50mg. Decided to make the jump on Sunday 2/29.

So far I have the usual yawns and teary eyes, but nothing as bad like I've experienced before. I found myself laying on the couch all day just waiting...waiting on WD to start, all the while wasting the day. Get off the couch when my daughter gets home from school only to realize I'm okay still. I'm psyching myself out! I think the fear and the waiting is getting to me. Im walking around in a panic.

What can I do to calm my butt down? Lol! Really, I know I am ready for this huge step. The suboxone makes me feel like a zombie. No drive for anything. No motivation while on it and most of the good things in my life have suffered from it. Lost my sex drive, my adventurous side, my love of music. Nothing is enjoyable anymore and I'm tired of it. I've never craved the suboxone so I'm hoping that makes the mental aspect of WD a little better.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say here...just wanted to get all of this out. I don't have anyone to talk to about this other than my hubby, and he has never been addicted to anything. As much as he tries...he doesn't get it.

Any words of advice are greatly appreciated.

Thanks to whoever took the time to read this.

And to clarify, I am not trying to discourage anyone from being on Subs. The side effects I am having may very well not be from them. This medicine saved my life. No doubt about that. This is just my personal experience. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2016 6:08 pm 
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Hey Loribug welcome to the forum!

I'm glad u have the attitude of still recognizing that suboxone helped save u from ur active addiction days. So now ur ready to stop and that's great and if ur ready then ur ready. I've never stopped sub so I can't pretend to know how that feels, but I definitely remember the days of completely freaking myself out waiting for withdrawal to come kick my butt. I continuously panicked over that stuff. I never figured out how to stop that but keep in mind that was in active addiction and the fear of stopping. It seems like ur ready for this. The only thing I can suggest is pushing urself to stay active, something that's not going to give u any time to just sit and think. In my past experience, idle time was the worst for me. I wish I could give u better advice but I've not came off sub nor am I ready to so I can't really know exactly what ur going through. Hopefully someone else who's going through the same thing can offer u better suggestions. I'm sure it's gotta be scary but it's very much doable.

Good luck and please keep coming bk for support. My fiance isn't an addict either and no matter how supportive he is, it's not the same as talking with someone who knows exactly what ur going through.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2016 9:49 pm 
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Hi jennjenn, and thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me. I truly appreciate it. And thank you for sharing some of your story with me. It's always nice to talk to other people who are having success with subs. Even though I am ready to be done with them, I do consider the subs to be my life saver, even with the side effects I have felt. Totally worth it! :D

I absolutely credit Subs for getting me to where I am today. Before them, I wasn't even able to work, because the fear of not having my DOC and having WD held me back. Now, I no longer fear those things. I always knew I didn't want to use subs long term and I really do feel ready to take on this challenge. With that being said...I am however still scared about whats to come tomorrow, and the next day..and the next. Actually, I'm scared to even go to bed and try to sleep because the fear of the insomnia that comes with WD is enough to drive me a little batty. I'm not even really in WD yet, lol, stupid, I know. The anticipation is brutal for me. I almost wish it would hurry up and start so I get past it..ya know? I guess I should just learn to be a little patient with the process and tackle each thing as it comes. I did this to myself and am capable of pulling myself out of it. I have to..there is no other option. I am ready. Scared, but ready.

Anyways, I wasn't expecting anyone to reply so you made my night with your kindness. I always feel awkward trying to talk with people and communicate my feelings, so thanks for reading my ramblings lol. I think I will continue to post my journey here, it may help someone else with the courage to do what is right for them.
❤~Lori :)


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2016 11:55 pm 
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I'm glad you've decided to stick around for a while, Lori! You are always welcome here!

I understand why you feel impatient in wanting to get this over with and get on with your life.

I hope you can tell us more about yourself in the coming days and weeks. There are common themes that are alive in all of us. It's good to have a sounding board, and to support each other. :)

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2016 3:22 pm 
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Hey there! Thanks for replying Amy and taking an interest. It really means alot.

As of now I am 78 hours since my last dose of sub. I actually slept last night, the whole way through to the alarm at 6am. I was shocked lol. Although when I got out of bed I felt like a train hit me, but I gotta believe that the sleep did me some good. If nothing else, it helped to calm my mind for a few hours...always a good thing. So far today the biggest thing has been the exhaustion. My first thought was to slam some coffee or a 5 hour energy, but I stopped myself. I know from past experience that stimulants and WD do NOT play well together. So it's been another day on the couch relaxing. No RLS...yet. That seems to be the one thing I fear the most, as most people do. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm praying that since I've made it this far with mild symptoms that maybe I will get a little lucky and it won't get that bad. I'm not naive in thinking I will just sail smoothly through this, and I know I probably just jinxed myself by saying that lol.

I started taking the subs on July 22, 2015 so I was only on them for 7 months. The Dr seemed to want me on them for life and that just wasn't something I felt I needed, or wanted.

Here's a stupid question...does anyone know if you can still have paws from your original DOC even while on the subs? I'm just wondering if that's maybe why I have had such a dip in my mood lately? I know it has been a long while since I took that last pill (oxy 30) but the symptoms started about 2 months after I started the subs. It was like an empty feeling. Almost like I was waiting for a high that was never coming, or something fun to happen, and once I would remember that it wasn't the case anymore, it would bum me out.

I'm past all that now and accepted that it has to be this way and I can never even consider touching another pill again. I credit the subs for helping me to see that I really was living an authentic, happy life before pills, and I will live again after. I will take back my life. I know it sounds cliche, but I do mean it.

Thanks for listening to whoever may read this. And for anyone struggling with this same addiction, please don't give up on yourself or life. There is a bigger plan for you in store! Make sure you are here to see it come to fruition! Stay strong! I am here to talk or listen if anyone needs it!
❤~Lori


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2016 3:38 pm 
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Day 4, same as the others. The exhaustion seems to be getting a little worse, I feel physically drained, but no other symptoms. No rls, no insomnia (actually sleeping better than when on subs) no hot/cols flashes etc..although i am freezing all day, everyday. But I guess thats kinda normal for me.

I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop and things to get dicey, but as of now I'm just greatful for the lack of symptoms. I don't think I will feel comfortable until after a week or so when I know things won't get worse. Over 10 years of drug abuse..not just pills..and I really wish i would have started subs before i did. I could have saved myself and my family alot of trouble. Guess there's no use looking back, and i have to let go of these regrets and the shame of it all.

Still hanging in, and trying to stay strong through the sheer exhaustion of this.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2016 4:36 pm 
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Hey I give u alot of credit, i too know the feeling of waiting for WD symtoms and sometimes the anxiety of the waiting was worse than the symtoms. I started on subs about 3 months ago after a long oxy addiction on 24mg a day. On the advice of folks on this forum, which by the way is terrific i am very slowly lowering by 1mg every 2 weeks and hope to one day get it down as low as you did before jumping. Please keep posting your journey. Just wanted to let you know i am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and i am out here interested it how it goes for you. Thanks Mike


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2016 5:45 pm 
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Hi Lori,

I would be thanking my lucky stars if you are at the 3-4 day mark and still not feeling so bad. I really think it is possible that you were sucessfull at tapering to a low dosage so you are NOT going to Freak your body out too much by jumping at a high dose like some do.

So that being said keep posting and we will all be here for you.!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2016 12:45 am 
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Instead of waiting around on the couch, exercise! You may not want to but it will get some natural endorphins going and actually make you feel good. Best advice I got from this forum. I was on sub a total of 6 years & tapered off very slowly - exercise was huge for me & I really never felt bad at all. I have been off for over 15 months now. I like bike riding, rowing machine, treading water, easy cardio... Even just walking is better than sitting around anxious. In any case, good luck with it!!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2016 1:18 pm 
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Hi everyone! Thank you Mike, Raudy and Glen for your replies. It really means alot to me to know that a few out there care enough to take time out of the day just to show they care..and to make me smile, because that's what you all do!

Mike, I really hope you have success with your taper when you decide the time is right. You already took the huge step of going on the subs...and that is something to be proud of. For me, I just kinda woke up one morning feeling like I didn't need them anymore. It just clicked...ya know? I wasn't ready until then. You just know. When you get to that point, nothing will stop you! I'm not really sure why this hasn't been worse. Maybe it was the long slow taper. Maybe I just got lucky. All I know is I will not be going back, and will not take this break I have been given for granted.

Day 5 here and I'm feeling a little better. Still sneezing, still tired. Yesterday was a tiresome, looong day...but i woke up today feeling a little more refreshed. I had lots of energy for about 3 hours this morning, then I crashed for a little. I think the key for me is baby steps. Not over doing it and listening to my body. I live in south west PA, by Pittsburgh, and we got snow last night. Took the dog out this morning...birds are chirping, tree is budding, flowers are coming up...and snow lol. Blah! Makes getting out to exercise as Glen suggested a little hard. But, I did manage to get myself off the couch finally, get a shower and get dressed in real clothes instead of pajamas. Woohoo! A small victory for me. I actually do enjoy exercise. I like walking/jogging at the track and kyacking. Too cold to be on the water yet, but I can handle the cold for a walk. I'm gonna wait until everyone gets home from school and work and drag them all with me to the track. I hope I still have enough energy by then. I think the worst part of this is waiting for that energy to come back. And I know I have to actively work at that. Forcing myself to get up just to do the simplest things. I gotta be honest, it sucks bad. But considering what I COULD be going through...I won't complain too much.

Just thought I would check in, I made myself a pizza...yummy...and am gonna try to enjoy that. Today is the first day, so far, without tummy trouble. Another small victory!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2016 5:43 pm 
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How do I get past the absolute BOREDOM of this? For years and years and years there was always something different going on in my brain. Now there isn't and don't know what to do with myself. There's only so much I can do to stay busy. I'm wondering if as time goes by, I will start to remember a normal life with normal brain functioning? God I hope so. Just have to keep rembering that my brain is still trying to fire on all cylinders and it will take time. Ugh. Sorry...just had to rant about this. I'm soooooo bored! Lol


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2016 10:25 pm 
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Get into something- anything- music, art, reading, support group, sex, exercise. It doesn't have to be anything spectacular and you don't have to be good at it. Just try to get involved. Boredom is a huge risk factor for recovering addicts. Good luck - it sounds like you are doing really well so far :)


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 05, 2016 12:30 am 
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Lilly is right! It's time for a new hobby, a class, a new craft or physical activity! Sometimes when I'm bored and want to occupy my mind I play mystery games online, where you have to figure out clues or find hidden objects, etc., to move forward. They can get formulaic after a while, but they can kill a couple hours.

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:28 am 
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Hey everyone, and thanks to all who have replied! I'm glad a you are all here supporting me. Just wanted to check in. This is probably gonna be a long post and even if nobody reads it, I feel better just getting all of this out.

I'm at one week free of subs! 1 week!!! I can't tell you how long it's been since I've been free of opiates for a week. Probably a good 11 years since I was pregnant with my daughter. Wow. I'm pretty damn proud of myself!

Yesterday kinda sucked. The deep back and knee/leg pain is still lingering, and I can only take so much ibuprofen before I start messing up my belly. Also, the tiredness is unrelenting. However, we managed to get the kids to my hubbys moms for the night, and invited some friends over to watch the UFC fight...and for the evening my mind was on fun..and NOT Subs, not withdrawal, just fun and laughter! It was awesome! Before I crashed for the night, I managed to give my husband some much needed..umm..attention..wink wink lol. He is such a trooper and an all around good man. Even though he doesn't understand any of this, he tries, and that's all I can ask for. He has dealt with this for well over a decade and is still here, waiting for me and cheering me on.

The weather is supposed to turn into nicer, spring like temps tomorrow, so I'm going to get down to the track to walk. I do listen to alot of music...sometimes my headphones are in all day. I listen to hard rock/metal music and I draw alot of stregnth from it. I've been playing the piano since i was 3, and have fallen off for years. I'm thinking this might be a good time to start back up and get the creative juices in my brain going. The hubby also went out and bought me one of those adult coloring books to occupy my time when I'm not feeling good, and he bought me a new book to read by my favorite singer (Corey Taylor)...so I have some stuff here to pass the time. Tomorrow I'm going to get outside and clean up the yard from the winter mess and prepare it for spring.

Wish me luck getting out there and walking through the pain. I'm hoping it helps with the leg and back pain, and doesn't make it worse.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 8:21 pm 
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Day 8, it's been up and down, mostly down.

Woke up in a great mood, feel like I peaked to early in the day and have been wiped out for the rest of the day. Also, today is the first day that I have felt really emotional. I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself, my situation...everything. I think it's ok to feel those emotions. As long as I feel it, and make sure I don't wallow in that darkness for too long. I just HATE not having any control over how I feel from day to day. Especially physically. We went to the store today and I was tired about 30 seconds after I walked through the door and just wanted to come home. It was absolutely ridiculous. Also having some anxiety today...like a nervous energy. I'm hoping all of this is normal and will wear off over time. Just depressed today...on the verge of tears and anger all day. Oh, and as I just sneezed all over my phone here, I forgot to mention...I am still sneezing, lol!

I'm hoping tomorrow will be a little brighter for me. 8 days. That's something to be proud of, even if I could care less right now, its still something. :)

This is just how I am feeling. I know some people cruise through this...and some people live in hell while in WD. I'm somewhere in between that and am STILL greatful that I had a chance to get my life together while on subs. They are still my life saver regardless of how I feel now. This too shall pass.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2016 3:44 pm 
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9 days off Subs for me!

Today is definitely a better day than yesterday was. Whew...

Was really tired when I woke up, but once I started moving I felt way better. Was able to get the kids off to school with no attitude from me lol. I'm sure they appreciated that...ha! Ran a few errands and spent about 2 hours total driving with my music blasting. The weather has turned into a warm spring like pattern, so that helps for sure. I'm now waiting on the hubby to get up from his sleep (he works midnights) and we are going across the street to the cemetery for a nice long walk and then back to make spaghetti for dinner.

I'm still finding it hard to muster up an appetite and it's more like forcing food in, but at least it's STAYING in lol. I absoloutely know that I will have more good days like this...no brain fog, no depression, just a mild headache and fleeting moments of leg pain...basically just normalcy. I also know I will have more bad days like yesterday, so for now I am trying to live like my dog does lol...just for THIS moment. Forget what tomorrow or even the rest of this day will hold, and just live for the moment. Right now this moment is pretty damn good and I'm going to enjoy my little successes today.

***AHHHH CHOOOOO*** Damn sneezing! :D

I hope everyone has a great moment today and I have inspired even just one person into putting the fear aside and doing what is best for YOU! If that means staying on subs long term, so be it!! If that means you're ready to start your taper or "jump off" so be it. Live life on your terms! Ok...now I sound like Dr. Phil...too much daytime tv perhaps?

I hear the hubby getting up...gotta jet! Love and peace to you all!


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 1:37 pm 
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hi lori,

Seems like you are doing much better. You seem to have a positive outlook on this whole experience. Glad your getting up and about and going for a walk in the cemetery. Take a look around while you are there and be thankful that you are alive and with your family and not a permanent resident at the cemetery. Sometimes that puts things in perspective for me by being grateful just to be alive .

I truly believe that since your dose was so low at the time when you jumped that your withdraw experience will be minimal.

hope the days keep getting better and better for you.!


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 3:01 pm 
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Hi all. 11 days clean of subs. There have been ups and downs, but I push through.

Rls is really the only thing that bothers me and it didn't start until about day 7 or 8. Its not bad, I'm still sleeping, but if I sit still for too long I find myself fidgeting around trying to get comfortable. I'm wondering if it's more in my head than anything else. Because I don't notice it unless I think about it, and it is very very mild. I would say maybe only about 30% of what full-blown opiate withdrawal is like.

I still find myself exhausted all the time, but I do have a few good hours of the day (5-6 hours tops) where I feel totally normal before I feel tired again. So I'm taking that as a sign that each day will be better.

I was driving around yesterday and all of a sudden I remembered my love of music. The music and lyrics and notes all flooded my brain and I got goosebumps! Not the bad rls, crawly skin ones...but actual GOOD goosebumps. I could feel my brain oozing all of the good stuff, naturally. It was amazing!!! I haven't felt the euphoria of the music hitting my soul in soooo freaking long, I almost forgot what it felt like. Wow...it was definitely worth waiting for!

Other than the lingering mild rls and sleepiness, things seem to be heading in the right direction. I can't wait until I can celebrate 30 days clean, 6 months...a year. Time is going so slow sometimes. These 11 days feel like 30 days sometimes. But i guess I shouldn't rush the process. I really screwed myself up for all those years and it will take time to regroup. I remember this time last year nodding on my back porch, not knowing if I would wake up. What a difference from then. When I think about how selfish I was...when I think about the fact that I have a 10 year old little girl who looks up to me and wants to be just like me when she grows up..damn. What the hell kind of example was I for her? I only hope God can forgive me for everything I have done. Sometimes the guilt is unbearable.

Raudy...I was thinking the same thing at the cemetery the other day. I am one of the lucky ones. I just hope I can hold on when things get tough. We spend so much time and effort trying to get high...why not spend the same time and effort staying clean. That's what I tell myself everyday.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 9:50 pm 
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Congratulations Loribug on getting so far ahead of the withdrawals. Dr. Junig has said it time and time again that most of our suffering is mental. We expect the w/d's to be bad and kind of just keep waiting, not hoping, just waiting for the worst part to happen. Then it's a no show like in your case. You're not alone. We've read plenty of threads where the poster said almost the same as you. Then we'll get the complete other side of it. Someone will post a statement saying that Suboxone withdrawal is worse than heroin! Now who is going to believe that? Unfortunately, newbies do and it does a lot of harm. That is why, we moderators, don't leave many of them up. It's like a senseless battle if we try to debate it. They get madder and madder until the name calling starts and we show them the exit door.

It would be great if someone had the time to go through all the tapers and quitting sections and made a spreadsheet about how many went through what. Then we could have some numbers to throw out here. Maybe I'll get around to doing it one day. Any volunteers?

Back to you. It is fantastic that you have been able to get this far w/o too much discomfort. I read a post here this morning that said the author tested positive for Suboxone 9 days after taking his last dose. My jaw just dropped with surprise reading that one. So with that in mind, don't expect a lot of changes to occur quickly. Just let those days flow by and slowly but surely and you'll be back to your normal self. Whatever that is.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:38 am 
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I agree with rule, it's extremely important for ppl tapering to read the positive posts instead of this stuff comparing sub withdrawal symptoms to heroin withdrawal.

I also wanted to tell ya that the restless legs and arms thing always scared the heck out of me. I'm like u on that one, every time I think about that I want to run for the hills lol. But I do think dealing with that coming off sub, knowing it's happening when ur ready to stop surly can help mentally just a little bit. What I'm trying to say is, it's surly a bit tolerable when it's our personal choice and not because we ran out of our doc like oxy or whatever it may be. That's just my hopes on it, I'm sure it still sucks but maybe mentally it's more comforting...

Great job Loribug!!

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