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PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2016 3:28 pm 
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Thanks for the replies and concern, and for sharing some of your stories. I guess no matter what it is, a swimming pool, surgery, depression or anything...not being able to help your child in any bad circumstance is torturous!

Hailey, my daughter, seems to be just fine now. She slept well the night it happened, woke up and went to church, she stayed for Sunday school, and went on to play with her friend all day after church. It was hard to let her leave the house and be somewhere else all day. Believe me, if I had high powered binoculars, I would have been on my roof watching her like a hawk! She was only a half a mile away. Lol! Psycho mommy on the roof!

This whole thing scared her more than she thought it would, **BLESSING IN DISGUISE** and she is way more open to eating more and trying new things. She has had eating issues for 8 years (doctors didn't believe us, said its a phase...phases dont last 8 years, idiots lol) and I always told her she was gonna end up in the hospital...and that's what happened. It was a "wow, mommy and daddy really do know what they are talking about" moment for her.

So, tonight we are gonna put down a new food in front of her and make her eat it. I think this scare is just what EVERYONE needed to break our complacency with this. Now, if I can just get my brain to stop reliving this shit over and over. I know it was only about 1 minute that she was out, but for that 1 minute we didn't know if she would wake up. We didn't know she just fainted. Worst minute of my entire life, and I lost my mother suddenly. This was worse, mentally. Anyways...I'm babbling.

Just wanted to update and let you all know we are all good here. Keep on keepin' on! Day 63 here!


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PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2016 5:07 pm 
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Hey Loribug ! First of all...63 days! Wow way to go! That is so great ! :D . I know what you mean about reliving it. Gosh I think I had nightmares about my son for several months. But it got better over time. Although if I think about it too long I still can see it all vividly and that was 14 yrs ago! But like you said...when it's our kids those situations are torturous! ! I am just so glad she is fine and like you said maybe this will help with the eating issues. I hope so. Take care and again great job on 63 days !! You are an inspiration for sure !

Willow


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PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2016 6:32 pm 
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Hi everyone, thought I'd touch base for an update for anyone interested.

First, thank you willow for the reply. Sorry I didn't thank you sooner, I had to step away from this forum for a little. I wanted my mind to be free of all thoughts of drugs and subs and everything for a while, and it really helped clear my head.

Here comes a long post...lol

At 75 days off Subs, (woohoo!!) obviously I am way past any lingering withdrawal. I feel light, clear headed and craving free. I wake up in the mornings feeling tired sometimes, but it's a REGULAR kind of tired. Not the tired you are from waking and wondering where your next pill will come from, or being tired until the pills kick in. This is natural tiredness, and I love it, as silly as that sounds. Most mornings though, I can bounce right out of bed. Even better!
I haven't raised my voice or yelled at anyone in well over a month. I feel calm, like a peacefulness I've never experienced. We are in the middle of a financial hurdle right now, and I'm just taking it all in stride. I'm not letting things I can't control bother me anymore, and I'm not self medicating. I don't remember being such a calm person before, but I like it. The hubby said he fell in love with my carefree nature, so I guess that's back.

The last and final hurdle, my motivation, is finally returning.. slowly but surely! These past 2 weeks I can feel it. I'm enjoying keeping house again and helping with homework and making dinner, tending to the hubby (wink wink) and none of it feels like a chore. I don't have to physically drag myself up out of a chair and go to auto pilot to get through the days! This is such a relief to me, as I thought it would never come back. Am I still lazy? Hell yes! Haha! Some things never change, but it's a normal kind of lazy...know what I mean?

I've began forgiving people in my life that have done me dirty and am accepting responsibility for my part in any problems I have helped to cause.

It's hard to explain how I feel, but I know I never expected such a turn around in me. I never expected to feel so stable and I sure as hell never expected Suboxone to work as well as it did for me. But it did! I will sing its praises until the day I die! I'm no longer ashamed that I turned to Suboxone in my darkest time. I am DAMN PROUD that I did and would do it again in a heartbeat! I will work to get help for other people I know that need it and try with all my might to get them to at least talk to a dr about subs. I feel compelled to help people, but I'm not sure how...yet. I will figure it out, because I have my whole life ahead of me, because of Suboxone! I would be dead if not for that.

I sound like a Suboxone commercial, so I will stop now. I just wanted to be honest and let you all know that we are all doing great here. There is hope and there is life after the drugs. I was circling the drain for way too long, and it feels AMAZING to finally have my head above water!

Thanks for listening!
❤ Lori


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PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2016 6:20 am 
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I'm so glad that you continue to update us on your progress! It's exciting to read about your successes now that you've been through a recovery on bupe and tapering off the medication as well! Your recovery has come full circle, which shows a lot of courage and strength. You are an example of how suboxone is meant to work!

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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2016 6:58 pm 
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Hey everyone, still here and going strong, most days ;)

I have a question. I'm now 83 days, I think, off suboxone and I have one lingering thing that is really bothering me.

I am still freezing. You know all the times you try to go cold turkey off opiates and you get that deep body chill? I still feel like I have that. I am cold all day and night. I am cold standing outside in the sun. I am curled up under a blanket right now while the hubby sits shirtless with shorts on. I find myself turning the heat on in the house when I'm alone because I can't take it. The cold makes my legs and back hurt so bad I can't take it. Is this normal? Anyone else ever have this happen? I'm thinking I am too far out to still be having issues, so it may just be my goofy body and something else is going on. Just thought I'd ask...


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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2016 1:40 pm 
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Hey loribug!!!! great to hear that youre still doing well.

I know that cold feeling all too well. But for me personally, it did go away by about 20 days in. And I am in a cold city on the east coast, not sunny california lol. Even if the chilled feeling doesn't go away, you do have SUMMER to look forward to! I can't wait for summer.

Maybe each of our bodies are different though. Perhaps the temperature sensitivity will take some time for you to recover. Personally for me, I am still very unmotivated at 71 days clean. It hasn't really improved much since I first complained about it. How is motivation going for you?


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PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2016 1:52 am 
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Hi Lori I live in south Louisiana and it's damn hot down here but I still get the cold feeling your talking about it was really bad at the beginning of the detox but over a month in I still get it sometimes but nothing like before. It seems to be getting better. For you it might just be a sober person thing I'm thinking. Some people just get cold really easily. I work with agentleman and he is constantly cold all the time. Other people are always hot seems to be a normal thing. One thing that helps me with it is moving around and getting my heart rate up and blood pumping seems to get my temperature regulator back to normal. Hope u find a way to take care of the issue.


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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2016 9:18 am 
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Hey guys!

I'm thinking I'm just normally cold too. I'm by Pittsburgh PA and the weather here has been miserable for weeks. It has rained for almost 3 weeks. Finally today we are having warm weather, and I'm not cold lol. Going to start taking advantage of the weather and go to the track to take off some of the weight I put on while taking subs. I lost so much while I was using, and put it all back on after I got clean. The hubby says he would rather have me with a few pounds on than sick and skinny. I'd rather be healthy and skinny!

It comes and goes, my motivation...some days it's there, others, no. Like, I know I have to get up and do stuff, but I don't want to. I think that's just life though. I've always been on the lazy side. Still, everyday I will get a surge of energy and motivation and I can feel my brain firing on all cylinders, but it doesn't last long. It's nice when it happens though because it feels like my brain is trying to recover, and that's a good sign. How have you been? I hope you are doing well!


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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2016 12:03 pm 
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Hey loribug i have been doing well it's 75 days for me. I am in NoVA/DC area and it's just starting to get warmer. It rained for like a month straight. You are almost to 90 if I recall correctly! Hope youre still well


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PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2016 3:30 pm 
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Loribug, your story has inspired me to keep going, as I am now on day 10 and going strong, but I also had the added help of the rapid detox program that put my withdrawal symptoms down a lot. They actually give you a tons of meds when you leave and I had the discipline to throw them away when I got home, cause I don't need to go from subs to benzos. I had a suggestion that has really helped me out a lot regarding my withdrawals/motivation/sleep. Exercise daily, make a routine, for example, after your kid goes to school, set up a path to walk, and extend it daily and each day gets a little easier. I find that the lack of motivation is because your not exactly in the best shape, physically or mentally after detoxing, but I found that getting my heart rate up, whether it was walking, running, or on a bike, not only helped me get more motivated each day, but it also has helped my symptoms subside. I am not saying i'm out of the woods yet, I still, but rarely get the chills (your story actually gave me goosebumps, not sure it was the chills or just me being emotional) but my body feels better each day I get to the gym and force myself to workout, even if only for 30 mins. Second, regarding the sleep issues, from what I've read on most people's withdrawals, is that insomnia is the worst part, as your body and mind are so used to having a drug assist in your sleep and now we need to get used to sleeping without the narcotics in our system. I would recommend though, don't nap during the days, try to stay busy from the time you get up, until you can go lay down. I found that having a structured day really helps, for example, I don't nap, refuse to laydown or even try to sleep before 10PM, and the sleep has slowly extended itself (first few nights I was lucky to get 3 hours), i'm generally at around 5 hours now, but that is also with the help of melatonin and sleepy time tea. I am so proud to hear another success story, as so many people like to complain and not do anything about it. Your almost in the clear, and i'm at the beginning; so I only hope that I can have similar successes that you have had over the past 2-3 months. Keep going strong and don't forget that the way to sobriety is to beat the addiction, you've done that and you should be proud!


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 10:55 am 
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Hi friendly! I'm so sorry I wasn't able to get back on here sooner...internet problems. It's always something lol. I hope you are still going strong and getting that elusive sleep.

I am at 116 days off Subs! I never thought I'm a million years that I would be here. I feel good, but my energy is still a major problem. I'm considering joining a gym to try to help with that. Problem has been our shitty cars, hard to get there if your car won't start lol. The pastor at my church has a car she doesn't need, and is going to sell it to me for 1 dollar. She is too kind. That way I can get a job, get to the track, and start exercising like I should be. I've gained about 25 pounds, and that started when I went ON the subs. I don't know if it's from that, or from me stabilizing my life. Either way, I know that has alot to do with how I feel.

Sleep...it's okay. I wake up between 5 and 6am...much to my dismay. The kids are on summer vacation, WHY am I up?!?! I'm thinking my body is still getting me up to get them for school. My brain needs to realize there isn't a need to be up that early. It's either that, or this is my new normal and I need to suck it up and deal with it. Blah lol. I just hate the feeling of always wanting to take a nap. But I guess looking at the big picture, I'm still early into my new clean life...it will take time. I'll get there.

Cravings, I haven't had any. Sure, I have my days that I think about how bored I am and how it would be fun to have a buzz, but it never goes past that. I don't think about that too much. I realized my boredom was the reason I started taking more and more pills. So we are actively working hard to get these cars working and get my pastors car here so I can get the hell out of this house.

Other than that, everything here is good. We are having some issues with my 12 year old niece, the one we took in. She is definitely a 12 year old. Rude, ornery, always wanting to run, but still a good kid. Its been hard. My daughter and hubby are doing good. We joined the church next door to us and I'm going to be helping organize the vacation bible school for the kids in July. There are a few concerts we are trying to save money to go to also. Hopefully we can turn around this boring summer into something fun. We love camping, so we'll probably head to Gettysburg at some point to camp for a few days. We love it there.

Anyways, just wanted to check in and let everyone know I'm still alive, still clean, and still tired lol! But I'd rather be tired and sober than awake and a mental, physical, and spiritual wreck! All of this has been worth it. I finally have control over my life again! Keep pushing through people...you won't regret it!

I pray everyone here is doing well!


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 10:58 am 
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It comes and goes...how are you? I didn't forget about you. We haven't had internet so I wasn't able to check in, I'm so sorry. Let me know how you are!


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:05 pm 
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Thanks for the update Lori!

I love hearing good progress :) At least the problems u have are what most normal ppl have....like financial and boredom lol. Bk when I was using and wanting to stop, I used to say to my mom....I wish I could just worry about what "normal" ppl worry about. I'm sure u feel the same way. Being involved in church is so healthy and meeting healthy ppl, sounds like ur doing great!

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2016 1:49 pm 
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Loribug you're back :D :D :D !!!!!!!!!

I am doing so so so well, I have 105 days off suboxone today. Wow how far have we come since Day 30, or 45, or even 60! I feel like we've made it to the mountaintop, because it's wayyyy easier up here at day 105 than it was even a month ago.

It's interesting that you still have low energy. I do too, but I figured this is just the new me as a result of 6 years of daily opiate abuse. But maybe perhaps this is still PAWS? Either way it really isn't bad at all. I have full motivation again, happier than ever, sleep wonderfully, and poop wonderfully too :lol: .

I have gained about 15 pounds since coming OFF of Suboxone. Food just tastes so good now, and sugar does provide a mini-high! It feels sooooo good to eat a double cheeseburger with fries and a coca-cola lol.

I don't really think about opiates anymore to be honest, which is why I haven't been here much. Check my "3 months off suboxone" post. I do enjoy a glass of red wine with my dinner a few nights a week, but I would quit the wine if I had any opiates near me. The only time I "crave", if you can even call it that, is when I am buzzed from wine.


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