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PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 6:29 pm 
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laddertipper,

Why, what happens to Bambi?? Does she get hurt or something?





HAHAHA


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 Post subject: Bambi
PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 6:52 pm 
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LOL, No...something even worse than that. I'll never tell you because it may destroy you. I have PTSD from that movie. And, Romero, do NOT go and ask your daughter.

.....and yes, I know you already know..... :wink:

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:04 am 
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Awwww damn, I just saw that Bambi commercial for the forest fire awareness, I honestly don't even remember what happens... I think I'll have to watch it with my niece and then get "something in my eye" at the end. The party was so fun, my back is flared as shit tho the whole day now, I have been taking aspirin like candy and used a strap on heating pad and nothing has worked. It was good to be around people like that again without drugs being involved, my girlfriend is showing me off to everyone and so many girls are asking me what they need to do to get their boyfriends off this shit. So fucked up how bad this town has gotten and I went from the one everyone talked about in a bad way to the one everyone is amazed of. I really needed the positive reinforcement and at this point I don't care if I sleep or not.

I took some "Kaopectate" anti-diarrhea stuff so I didn't have any issues during the party lol. Now I can't go even if I try, I guess thats better? I couldn't take the standard stuff because it would conflict with my antibiotics for my poison oak so this stuff will have to do. :oops:

Laddertipper - It's so great to have people congratulate me and just make me feel like they know it has been a battle, it just makes me want to keep doing good and setting a good example for the other guys my age. I really wish I could help my friend who I stopped talking to in order to get clean, I feel like I left him alone and now I am hearing about his troubles and it's terrible, I knew this kid since we were 3 years old and to here some of this stuff is just... :( I hope I can help him but I can't risk my own sobriety to be around that shit right now, honestly if anything happens to him I'll feel partly responsible so I hope he shapes up and stops the crap. I have a really bad feeling about him right now...

I am going to listen to some happy music now and then take a shower, pray for my friend, and then try to sleep. Good night peoples!!! Tomorrow is day ~10~!!!!


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 10:21 am 
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Good Morning day 10!


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:10 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
Good Morning day 10!


Yes sir, it is a good morning. Again, I am still extremely restless as soon as I relax and every night I wake up around 3 A.M. and then doze off again until around 7. It's not very good sleep, I got in to a dream state two times which is good but the rest of the night is still a battle. I have heard many things about what causes the restlessness during W/D's but does anyone actually know? Supplements haven't worked and like Romeo I have spent a little over a hundred dollars on the stuff.. :roll: Tonight my girlfriend wants to sleep over, I warned her already but I guess this will be good for her to experience for just one night with me and see what EVERY night is like during this drawn out process. I am kind of thinking having her there will either make me more relaxed or piss me off because there will be less room to throw myself around at night, well see soon enough. Time to go Christmas shopping. Again... :evil:


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:53 pm 
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I had tortured sleep for a while too. Honestly, the best thing I found...Clonidine. I went from getting 2hrs a night to almost 5hrs.

5hrs might not seem like much, but when you're only getting 2hrs, 5hrs is like a gift from heaven.

As far as I'm concerned, the RLS has something to do with the Central Nervous System. When I stopped taking sub, I had the 'shakes' something terrible (had to pee sitting down for a while otherwise...well, you can imagine). My nerves were shot. So I concluded it was CNS 'damage' that just had to sort itself out.

Somehow, the Clonidine helped tremendously with the CNS issues? Don't know how though...it's like magic.

I hope you have a great day. Please, try not to be snotty to your girlfriend...seems like she just wants to help.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 3:32 pm 
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Withdrawal actually messes with your Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS), causing it to go haywire - which is what causes high-blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, hot/cold flashes, goosebumps, and the feeling of restlessness. Your SNS controls most of your internal organs and it triggers your flight-or-fight response when you're under stress.

Clonidine is a blood-pressure med, but it is great for withdrawal because it depresses the SNS and so helps to allieviate many of the physical symptoms of withdrawal. It is also a non-narcotic, so doctors are not afraid to prescribe it, and it has a sedating effect so it can also help with anxiety and insomnia. It's also really inexpensive, which is a nice bonus.

Is there any way you can go to a doctor and get clonidine? I think it would really help you - and once you get a few good nights of sleep (in my case anyway) it seemed like that helped to reset my brain and my sleep schedule. It's a pretty standard & uncontroversial comfort med for opiate withdrawal.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 11:03 am 
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Good morning everyone, day 11, and feeling pretty good now that I am awake. As we know I had company last night in bed and she was great but I wasn't. Instead of the usual tossing around the actual convulsing came back grrrrrr!!!!! Woke up at midnight walked around the block smoked a cigarette and went back to bed, I feel bad for waking her up so much but she helped me threw the first night of NO Melatonin, and the first day without HUGE vitamin supplements. I think the Melatonin was giving me a slight hangover in the mornings because even tho I slept less than usual last night I am more awake this morning and didn't NEED coffee just to move.

Thank you everyone for the explanations for RLS, or in my case RBS (Restless Body Syndrome), for some reason understanding the issues my body has helps put my mind at ease.

Diary of a Quitter - I have thought about just forking out the 100$ to see a doctor without any medical coverage plus what ever for the pretty cheap clonodine (sp?) but then I think maybe I'll just wait I am so far it has to get better soon right? Crap, now that it's 10 days and I am on day 11 that statement is even more true I would think but well see. Not to mention the doctor I would go to is out for Christmas. :shock:

Romeo - How long did it take for you'r sleep to settle on it's own without meds? Obviously I can't apply it to myself 100% but just curious.

More Christmas shopping today woohoooo! Thank the lord for Amazon.com 8)


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:12 pm 
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Happy day 11!

You mentioned about trying to understand everything that was going on with your wd helps put your mind at ease...me too. I read internet forums all the way from here to timbuktu, any site that had opiate withdrawal, I've probably read it. It helped me a lot to understand why my body was doing what it was doing. You just have to take some of what you read with a grain of salt.

I will reluctantly answer your question about my sleep if you keep a couple things in mind. We all recover differently and I made every 'recovery' mistake possible. I didn't exercise, I didn't get off the damn couch! I took 5 weeks off of work, that was super dumb! I ate the shittiest foods possible, etc, etc. When I went back to work at the beginning of week 6 I was falling asleep around 4am and waking about 8:30am. Prior to that, without the clonodine, I wouldn't fall asleep until 5am and was up at 7am. Week after week I would push the 4am time back to 3am, then 2am and so on.

Please, this is not a horror story about withdrawal, it's a horror story about how stupid I was to ignore the best practices of recovery. I was stupid and I paid the price.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:32 pm 
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Romeo - Ouch, that took a while! Did you have RLS the whole time too or just insomnia? I am getting used to my sleep issues and they don't mess with my mind as much as they did but of course when something isn't "normal" compared to the rest of my life it sticks out like a sore thumb. Insomnia doesn't seem to be my issue, I am tired by 9 and sleepy until about 7-8 in the morning I just can't get my body to shut down. Bananas help more than anything so far but it's no magic pill... Sounds like you went threw a while of PAWS, more power to you for sticking it out then and getting life back to normal. Today I only have sneezing fits and slight joint pain but walking the dogs was easier than ever and I didn't fall on my bed after walking threw the door like I usually have to, shopping yesterday was bad but felt better too. If I still have RLS bad after Christmas I will most definitely look for a cheap doctor to help me out because I am going to start college again and get my major done, I just aced the placement test and don't have to take any general ed courses! Hah, my buddies all started right after high school and I am going to surpass them now in my first semester. Thanks for the response and honesty, doesn't scare me much but it definitely would have a few days ago.

I have been taking things day by day and wouldn't worry about tomorrow but now I find myself getting excited about every coming day because I am hoping every day will continue to show improvement. I am being honest with myself now and I think by day 14 or 15 (the beginning of week 3,) I will feel almost completely normal but if I don't thats ok too because I have come a long way.


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 Post subject: You go, Inneed!
PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:57 pm 
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I'm so impressed and proud of you. Whether or not people go of Sub is really just a personal choice, IMO, but when it's very important to someone, I just love watching them succeed. For one thing, it really, really inspires me into thinking that I can eventually do it too.

How cool that your girlfriend is showing you off. I'll bet she's VERY proud of you. Doesn't it feel good to be the one that is setting the example and not the one who is just being talked about because of how messed up you are? About your friend, you may actually be helping him because I'm sure he knows what you've done and it will bounce around in his brain that if you can do it, maybe he can too. At the same time, if you think about your though process when you were in your addiction, could any buddy have talked you into getting straight?

Wooohooooo!!! You are going back to school!! That's fantastic. It's kind of like you are putting more and more reasons in between you and your former habit. Reasons to not go back. You aced the placement test! You are going to go to college and be busy with that and you'll do well and be building something that you know you couldn't have built while on your DOC.

I hate to say this, but I'm pretty convinced myself that PAWS does exist. However, it's not a death sentence. It's like the stock market USED to be. You know, back when it would go up and down but generally went in an upward direction? Your symptoms will flare up and then get better, and then they will flare again, but over time they'll get less and less to where it's really not such a big deal anymore. And then it will be gone. Every single time you go through a bout of symptoms, you are closer to them being gone and your brain has repaired itself a little. It's not for nothing. You are rewiring. You are healing.

Have you every watched Dora the Explorer? Well, just in case you haven't, lemme, fill you in. She says, "We can't go over it; we can't go under it; we have to go through it!" Well, everyone has to go through this when they get off of Sub. Even people who wean veeeerrrryyy slowly are going through PAWS as they wean, which is why they don't get it much afterward. As I get further down on my dose, even if I go down at a small percentage, my adjustment time gets longer and my symptoms last longer. Man, it's painstaking. We all have to heal and it takes time.

Of course, there's Ibogaine, but that's a different story, and I'm not entirely convinced that it works anyway. Plus, you'd need a good $4000 to do one treatment, so.....probably best to keep going like you're going. You're doing great. I'm so very proud of you....PAT, PAT, PAT.....(I'm patting the top of your head) :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:51 pm 
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laddertipper - yes, yes, thank you very much, always a huge encouragement when I read what you write. I agree that Suboxone isn't something that really ever HAS to be dropped, the fact is I am young and I get in trouble and go out of town all the time and having to think about whether I will get my dose or not SUCKED especially since I needed it every 8-12 hours to keep from feeling kind of shitty. I am certain I will face PAWS because the acute symptoms are still not gone and I jumped from a high dose but I have come to terms with it because like that analogy you quoted theres only one way threw obsticals in life and thats threw them.

Ill keep updating this until it's all over. I don't think my story is really a horror story but it's definitely not a lucky fairy tale so I think it will serve a good middle ground for people to read about.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:52 pm 
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inneed,

Your attitude absolutely floors me. It just blows me away to see you talking about taking things day by day and not worrying about tomorrow and getting excited about every day coming. Amazing, looks good on ya!

Ummm, I hate to say, but there was no insomnia...as soon as I would close my eyes it was like someone plugged my legs into an electrical socket. So, I found if I forced myself to stay awake until 5am I could go right to sleep...for 2 hours. I understood that everyones recovery is different and that the RLS was going to be my nemesis. So, I tried to outsmart it. I would stay awake watching TV or doing jig-saw puzzles until I knew I was safe from RLS. Slowly, I taught my mind and body how to beat RLS. The clonodine was almost like cheating it worked so well for my RLS. I actually haven't had RLS for months now...HOORAY!

Dang it, I always forget to tell people that I'm obsessive too...not so much compulsive, but I'm a big OBSESSIVE. That alone made the RLS 10 times worse because I would psychologically defeat myself as far as the RLS went. I'm still working on the obsessiveness, but it's hard and truthfully...it's part of who I am and I'm not sure I want it to all go away. Whoops, got off on a tangent there.

You said, "Sounds like you went threw a while of PAWS, more power to you for sticking it out then and getting life back to normal.".............that's possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I'm speechless........Thank you so very, very, very much.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:06 am 
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Romeo - I keep finding similarities between our situations! I AM diagnosed with OCD and thats another thing I liked about opiates, they calmed my "tweeks" down a whole lot. I have little things that I can't stop doing my entire life, stupid stuff like jerking my leg or arm or shutting my eyes super tight and releasing. Drove me nuts as a kid but I got used to it, I was just thinking that maybe thats whats also happening with my RLS symptoms, I can definitely see it becoming a stupid OCD act. My mind thinks it's got to happen when I relax so I wouldn't be surprised if it was so bad because it's just a habit now because when I do actually fall asleep and my mind isn't thinking about it, it calms down. Oh boy, I might be taking the same ride you did but we'll see, if it becomes a habit I will definitely spend some time and money to go back to my doctor from child hood and see what I can do. I hope it works it self out tho because like I already said I don't want to take anything and set myself back again like muscle relaxers, which I used to be prescribed. Thats what led me to obtaining stronger stuff that wasn't prescribed.

Sleepy time for me, I hope. :shock: Goodnight everyone, let's see what side of the bed I wake up on tomorrow.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:19 am 
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Well Inneed, I have a feeling that no matter what side of the bed you wake up on tomorrow, it will be a good side.
How wonderful to read this and all that you are doing. How it inspires me that even me at this age can conquer my addiction & enjoy my grandsons, my family and whatever years I have left here.

No matter what happens, don't let anything or anybody make you get off that golden path. You made it!!!!! Even if you have a little discomfort here or there, it's o.k. I'm sure the worst is over. How proud you should be.
May you have the most wonderful Holiday season ever.

Please keep writing, I really look for your posts to see how things are going.

Love & hugs, Queenie


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:40 am 
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You are really kicking some ass here! Why don't you try one of those online pharmacies to get your clonidine? There has to be one where you don't need a script and could get it without seeing a doctor. I would think anyways.

Cherie

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:07 pm 
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Jackcrack wrote:
You are really kicking some ass here! Why don't you try one of those online pharmacies to get your clonidine? There has to be one where you don't need a script and could get it without seeing a doctor. I would think anyways.

Cherie


Thanks, hehe, yes I received a PM about the online pharmacies and I actually ordered from Canada yesterday night. :wink: At first I thought all of that stuff was a load of garbage just to try and steal someones money like the "Legal Marijuana" websites where you can buy 200 pounds of the best weed known to man for 20$ and have it shipped to the U.S. I should have the Clonodine in a day, I got it over-nighted.

I was also FINALLY able to get some damn Imodium A-D because the antibiotics are out of my system. :roll: After some research those only made my bathroom issues worse and the skin steroids messed with me to. The Imodium worked instantly and for some reason I feel a lot better over-all which may be coincidence, I don't really know. Is Imodium bad to take for a few days straight?

Queenie - Thanks, I'm glad I can inspire people with my story, that makes it much more meaningful in the end. I will definitely continue with updates because they keep me sane and help me discover how much better I am now compared to even just a few days ago.

Day 12 is here, I feel pretty good, I slept a little better and I don't have any discomfort right now... Yet...


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:12 pm 
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inneed,

I highly doubt that you will have to go through what I did. You aren't making all the mistakes I made. Even if, for some crazy reason, you had to go through what I did...I made it. If I can do it, you surely can too.

I'm anxious to hear how the clonodine treats you. It made a big difference in me.....it did NOT make all the wd go away, but it sure knocked them down a few pegs.

The Immodium A-D works great for calming the bathroom visits down, it also makes you feel a little better because it is chemically very similar to an opiate, but I don't think it is an opiate? I can't explain it very well. I believe long term use is not suggested. You might search Immodium and opiate on the net to find out more.

Stay strong


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 12:37 pm 
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Wooooohooo Day - 14 and the two week marker are finally here and I can say I am feeling about 90%, only remaining symptoms are very SMALL sleep issues but I still managed to sleep about 9 hours last night, work all day yesterday without getting super tired and just being myself. It honestly doesn't feel like 2 weeks have passed, everything lately is just one giant blur, I know what I went threw but it's hard to think of the actual feelings. I am glad I can read back from day 3 until now from my posts on this site, helps me remember and I just went over the whole thing yesterday with my GF. She and I thank ALL OF YOU for the support, finding people to relate to was crucial for my success and I really believe everyone here is a huge part of that. I will remain here to help others threw their trials and tribulations and just to hang out with my new friends! :D Clonodine just came in (lol) oh well, 50$ wasn't too bad and who knows maybe someone I know will need it in the future when they decide to correct their life. I really think the Imodium A-D helped A LOT and reading about it the main ingredient is a form of opiate it just can't cross the blood/brain barrier? Something like that but it definately did something a few days ago and I wish I would have had it from the start.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 6:23 pm 
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inneed,

Ummm, it's the year 2011. It's been a year and 14 days that have passed :shock: :shock: ....HAHAHA, just kidding. I know how time gets all screwed up while in wd and thought I'd hit you with a little joke.

I'm glad to hear you're going to stick around. Your experiences and advice to others will be invaluable.


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