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PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:12 pm 
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I was on subs for about 13 months following 2.5 years of abusing oxycodone and hydrocodone. I have been working with my doctor who has generally been tapering me down from 8MG to 2MG over the course of the 13 months. I am on day 9 of no subs, I was completely fine for the first 4-5 days but since then seem to be in a world of pain. I honestly can't tell if I have the flu/cold or am going through WD's...? My biggest symptoms are difficulty sleeping and lack of energy/concentration.

I am struggling here because I thought was going to be in pretty good shape following the initial 4/5 days without any major problems.

But now the addict is coming back out and wants something to make it feel better. I have been reading a lot of posts on here and don't see many positive stories with withdrawal. I am dedicated to stopping the subs however and don't want to go back. Am i crazy? Should i have been more patient with the taper? It seemed kind of nuts to me to cut a 2MG film in half, seeing i didn't have any opiate cravings any longer.

It felt like the right time to move on but starting to have second thoughts. I do have a support system with a sponsor and counselor but wanted to get some feedback from the folks on this forum.

-B


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:32 pm 
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"Positive withdrawal stories"? Ha.. that's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one.


Seriously though, the reason that you felt fine and had no cravings on 2mgs is because you were still on an opiate and those receptors were being fed. Sure, you could have tapered a bit more but what's done is done. There is no point in going backwards unless you truly feel unstable. You seem to be in a good place though and if you feel you're ready to jump off sub, I think it's a step in the right direction. If you have a good support system right now and things to keep you busy (work, school, family, etc) then you've got a head start. The cravings are something you're going to have to deal with whether you jump off now or in 5 years. When you're in withdrawal from any opiate (whether acute or post wds), you're generally feeling pretty crappy. This can range from severe diarrhea, vomiting, chills, sweats, aches, RLS, yawning, tearing, the feeling of needing to stretch all the time, low energy, lack of concentration.. and so on. So yes, to answer your question, you are going through it right now.. which can often feel like a cold -this would be considered kind of mild in the scope of things so consider yourself lucky..

Sub has a strong half life but I'm surprised you didn't feel the symptoms sooner, everyone is different though. You've gotten through the hard part, in my opinion. Your physical symptoms shouldn't get worse after day 9. They could stay the same for a little while but not worsen. If I were you, I'd stick it out. Just know that there is no way to cheat the cravings and giving in to the cravings will only get you back to square one. Look forward to the rest of your life, chain free, and realize that the only positive outcome from withdrawals is that you are one step closer to a healthy, new life.

Good luck and keep us posted!

(I used hot baths all-the-time. Music was a life saver, for real. I had my ipod in at all times, even when falling asleep, working, in the bath, you name it. It stimulates your endorphins and really helps get you out of your own head..) Get outside and do as much as you can so when you finally get home, you can sit still a bit.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 4:36 pm 
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Thanks for the encouragement. I just wrapped up a nice 4 mile long jog with the Ipod going and you are 100% right that it helps. I needed a push/reminder to get myself going. I live in the Northeast and have been a bit cooped up due to the hurricane this week which got my addict mind turning a bit.

I do plan to stick it out at this point, praying that this is my last withdrawal i ever have to experience.

My wife and I are expecting our first child in 4 weeks so i am really determined to see it through and be unchained going forward.

I will keep you posted as the days go on and hopefully i start to feel normal again slowly.

-B


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 2:37 pm 
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Hey Brady it is good to hear that you are doing well and plan on sticking it out. I was going to say a few things but tinydancer pretty much said a lot of great things already and the best advice. I agree that since you are already on day 10 now that you should certainly stick it out. How are your physical symptoms doing? Any better? How about mental symptoms? Are you mentally doing OK? I am amazed that you jogged 4 miles. I think you really have this beat. You are not the only one experiencing cravings being cooped up because of the hurricane - others have already turned to drugs or even alcohol, so pat yourself on the back for being strong. You will certainly be proud knowing that your new baby will have a sober father and I'm sure that your new child will give you so much to live for that you will not need drugs to feel good.

Be sure to post how you are doing for us so that we have 1 more experience to learn about

Stay safe with the weather and clean-up and all


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 2:11 pm 
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@invisible movement - I am doing okay physically, i am really having a rough time sleeping the past 3-4 days. I have had sleep problems all my life for the most part but they are coming back lately, specifically being super exhausted earlier than normal, falling asleep for 2-3 hours and then tossing and turning for the remainder of the evening. I am running on about 2.5 hours of sleep right now and kind of in a fog. As I mentioned earlier in my mind, because i am an addict it's all because i haven't had a dose of suboxone in 10+ days now...

The lack of sleep is causing me to have some pretty significant cravings today. For whatever reason the first 4-5 days were much easier and the past 5 have been a real bear.

Seeing i was up at 5AM i got an early morning workout in (purely forced myself to do this) and a little yard work. Not a lot else left to do at the moment so stewing right now and trying to hold on.

When i say cravings i mean exclusively to the thought of taking one of the last few suboxone i have left to ease the pain and maybe help me get some sleep just tonight. I wouldn't ever go back to oxy's/hydro's as i know where that leads.

I am an addict and i don't like pain or discomfort, realizing that more now every day. It's a little funny as I have been attending NA for over a year now and some of the things i hear in there are starting to come back to me and make a heck of a lot more sense. I heard someone say recently "when the money runs out, the prescriptions run out, and you need real recovery this is the place to be"... Maybe I shouldn't be preaching about 12 steps on here though. :)

So in summary, I am fighting hard but my mental fatigue is leaving the door open to staying on subs for another couple months, just so I can be 100% and support my wife through the birth of the baby. I feel badly as it's obvious i am struggling right now and she doesn't feel best and meanwhile i am a real barrel of fun to be around.

I am still battling with the question if the physical WD's are still active at this point or if this is just all in my head at this point.

I am going to keep on keeping on and will keep everyone posted.

B


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 6:42 pm 
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It is OK, your brain thinks there is something wrong, as it has grown used to your opiates, and it is telling you to go fix the thing that will make more endorphins or whatever else replenished. It is your brain that knows what will make you feel better, like how you are thirsty when you need water. But just tell it, "It's OK brain, I know what I'm doing.. just wait, and everything will be better very shortly, trust me." And then you will calm down and sleep a little better each day even if it is not a significant change, and in a few weeks, your brain will finally realize, "Oh... I am back to normal now! I have no reports for you, all is well, I don't need anything" and then you will not have cravings anymore. You are to the point that even if you went back to subs and tried to taper slowly... you would be right where you are today pretty much. For some people there is a difference... but I believe it is safe to say that if you are up exercising and at the computer, you are getting better. You already know how to overpower your brain, by making yourself exercise, and maybe your brain is saying, No don't exercise, that won't produce endorphins so it is useless -- because only opiates produce opiates", but you have to say "No brain you just need re-training... you have the power to make the endorphins yourself, and I'm going to teach you how!" and so you make yourself exercise.

This is all highly theoretical, but I believe that by the time your child is born, you will seem like this post was made ages ago and you won't be worrying about dosing anymore. It may cross your mind, but you will not be worrying and wondering if you need it. You will know and trust that you will be just fine without it and your brain will be back to normal.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 1:45 am 
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Hi Brady, listen - if you are this far along, then do not go back to Subs. The mental part is the most difficult part to get over and the first 2-3 weeks are when it is at its worst. You are about halfway there to feeling normal and good about yourself and what you are doing.

Going back to subs will only start the process over again and it will be even harder to get to day 9 let alone a week, a month. Each day gets better and better, it really does. Physically, the withdrawal is over by this time for you. It really is. The mental game is the addict's biggest demon. But it can be beat.

Take vitamins, take ibuprofen. Smoke pot if you have to(if you even do I don't know, but it really subsided my mental cravings for a while). It's a very good calming way to feed your addiction in a not so bad way.

I've been there brother. I'm 14 weeks off of opes now and almost 3 months off of subs. I feel fucking fantastic, but those first 2-3 weeks were off and on in terms of feeling good. No one feels good every day - not an addict, not a normal person. As time goes on, you will stop blaming not eating a pill for not feeling so good.

Hang in there. You really are past the physical withdrawal part and don't need subs anymore. By the time your baby is born, you will feel unbelievably proud of yourself and physically in control again. Congratulations on the baby.

Good luck! Stay strong!

Charlie

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When you're young, you get all worked up caring about what other people think of you. That's the great thing about getting older - you realize, FUCK IT! It's what you think of yourself.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:49 am 
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I just wanted to say

[marq=right]*******HANG IN THERE******[/marq]

seriously, you sound VERY determined, and you have the BEST reason in
the whole world, to want BETTER for yourself and your family......
so, when you get to the end of your rope, TIE a KNOT and
HOLD ON as they say...........
You'll get there,,, and I dont think theres any ONE OF US, that was
EVER told getting out of opiate addiction was EASY........
So,,, your DOING IT,,, your a real inspiration!!!!!
keep writing, venting, whatever you NEED to do, to TRY and
keep that addict part of your cortex from getting to YOU.....


[marq=right]*****hang in there, Im rooting for you******[/marq]

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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