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 Post subject: Day 36 dilemma.
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:14 am 
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Ok. WTF do I do now!? I have gone through hell and gotten to the other side(mostly). I may sneeze once a day. Anxiety way down. Still a little tired but coming back. Exercise has been helping.

As soon as I feel like I'm gonna make it, I get the call that our house in MS sold. So now, I have to leave my twins mid-soccer season. The 14 yr old has to go with me and pack our home, so basically I have to do it all. Pushing myself to the breaking point is how I got onto the opiates in the first place. Everybody says pay the movers. I can't afford movers and a down payment on a new house.

So instead of getting back there, hurting myself, going straight to a codone or stronger, should I take the preemptive move of getting a subox script filled and carrying it with me? In MS I can not get that script even written.

Man, I do not want to go through that detox again!!! But I don't want to encourage my addict side either, I'm prone to going straight to my gp as soon as I have some pain and a large task to do. I just feel like I would be failing what I have started. What to do, what to do???


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 5:28 am 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Hi DeRailJr, you have come SOOO far already, and I'd hate to see you have to start all over with the withdrawal
and all that, ya know? BUT on the flip side to that, is that you know yourself.
If you are going to start seeking painkillers just to get through a move, than I would consider
the subs again. NOt a lot. Just a few to get you through.
I would get as much help as humanly possible to help with moving the heavy
things, and all.
It totally sucks that you've make it through the firtst (almost) 3 weeks, just to throw it away.
There are also tons of medictions out there that are designed to help with the kind of
pain that moving is going to cause. I take a pretty potent anti inflammatory every couply of
days. It's called Relefan. Of course I told the docs in my pill seeking days that it didn't do a thing for me.
But now, it's a godsend. Maybe you should mention that to your doctor. NOt by name, but that
you NEED strong non narcotic meds to help you through.

Other than that, I don't really know what else to say. I am sorry that you are in this position,
and I will keep you in my prayers. Good Luck and Take Care~[/font]

_________________
"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 9:43 am 
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Nooooooo. Running back to Suboxone when you've come this far is like running back to Mummy.

You're an adult! This is some adult shit you gotta deal with. It just feels overwhelming because it's the first time in a while that you've experienced dealing with a challenge off Sub. I truly feel that the moment you reach that first challenge in recovery, it doesn't matter whether you're clean 30 days or 30 months. You still feel like running back to Mummy. Only when you overcome the first challenge and realise what intensity of feeling you can survive without opioids ... do things start to get easier.

This is your first opioid-free challenge. Use it to kick some ass!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 9:48 am 
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Hey Derailjr,

I'm sorry to be blunt, but quitting making fucking excuses to use drugs. You need to make excuses NOT to use!!

I know what you're going through, I did the same damn thing after I was off Suboxone for a while. I kept looking for reasons to use drugs instead of reasons NOT to use and ended up burning my ass 4 times.

The truth is, you never HAVE to use drugs again. I remember reading that statement about never having to use drugs again in the NA Basic Text and I almost fell outta my chair when I read it.....it had never really occurred to me that I never HAD to use drugs again.

You're brand new to recovery, there's a lot of things you're gonna learn about yourself and your addiction as you continue on with your recovery. One of the things I hope you're taking a look at right now is how your addict brain is trying to get you to live in the future and the worry and turmoil that comes along with it. So, your house in MS sold, you have to leave your twins in the middle of soccer season, etc, etc. People go through shit like this everyday and they don't use drugs to cope. You're worried about pushing yourself to the breaking point and you're afraid that will cause you to use....don't push yourself to the breaking point!!

I'm really not trying to be harsh, I'm just trying to say to you what people had to say to me in order for me to get my head out of my butt and FINALLY not consider drugs an option.

The vast majority of the population does not turn to drugs when things get rough and if they hurt themselves, they use Advil.

Take care of yourself and be mindful of your thoughts.

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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 Post subject: Ok. I hear ya
PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 4:02 am 
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I understand what y'all are saying. And I promise, I'm not just looking to
Use. I already take 2 aleve every morning. Been taking my vitamins, omega 3's,
I guess I can take my neurontin with me instead. Only problem with it
Is it makes me loopy. I say I've been pain free but its not complete. True, I don't have
A sciatic nerve misfiring anymore, I don't get the sharp pain that feels
Like a long hot knife going through my hip socket anymore. That pain use to damn near put me on
The ground even when I was on the painkillers. Acupuncture has done wonders,
But I have had the occasional stab in the hip. I guess what I'm saying is I'm
A big pussy. I am not looking to destroy my progress. I am also not looking for
Soul stretching pain for the sake of enlightenment. In MS, I will have no access to
Acupuncture or any true forward thinking medicine. It is like stepping
Back in time 25 years. Guess I need to do some more soul searching before I see
My doc tomorrow. I like to hope that one day, I could not have to take a pill daily.
But shit, I already have to take my adderall daily or my wife says I'm too erratic.
I was just thinking it safer for me to have the blocker with its minor pain relief than
The other things that are so readily available back in the old haunts. I may not hurt myself.
I loaded weapons on f/a-18's in the navy. Have always had the mindset of I can do it.
I have had a lot of people who worked for me say "it's too heavy", and my response is never ok
Instead it's "get out of the way, I'll do it myself". I'm in counseling, working on my issues
Old age sux! That our bodies have to wear out sux! That I don't heal like I did when I was 20 sux!
Goinstrong, heard you too. Just gonna have to weigh all of my options before tomorrow...D


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 8:10 am 
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I did exactly what you're suggesting. Got off Subs, then when life got challenging took Subs again "so I wouldn't take painkillers". Big fucking mistake. I cannot tell you how regretful I am. The fact is I just didn't want to suck it up and deal. People move all the time without the help of opiates. I'm not trying to be a jerk - just don't want you to do what I did. Now I have to get off Subs all over again.


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