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PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:56 pm 
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DAY 27
-Today was another step forward. My mood is Stable, as in No peaks or Valleys. The Over emotional feeling I had is Gone. Got tested today for Test. Levels, only because my doc was concerned last year that they were Low. Last year when I started weaning, I was at 340 ng/dl. Today I was around 520 Ng/Dl. Whatever that means????????? All I know is it's Close to Normal.

I cant believe that I'm getting out of this. It's been a long, drawn out Acute phase, but it's subsiding significantly. The only problem I have, is that every now and then I get WD symptoms. Last night, my left knee felt like it was going to pop out. Terrible RLS, but only the left leg. Also, my left foot was ice cold. I maybe slept an hour because of it. I'm assuming this is PAWS. Other than that, the fatigue is 90-95% gone. I just ran a few miles without a problem, legs feel great. I'm slowly gaining my weight back. I KNOW for a fact my strength is better because my squat before I jumped was Max 360. Today I squatted with 4 plates on each side six times.

I wish I could say what I signed up for today, but it wouldn't be wise. It took rock bottom to make me see the light.

GL Gary, Todd, Romeo and Reprieve, you'll always be a part of my recovery and for that I thank you

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Last edited by h0pe on Sat Feb 22, 2014 12:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:33 pm 
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It's great to see how well you are progressing. It's also great to see your ng/dl levels are back to normal (whatever that is) :)
I've known you for 27 days and it's been an uplifting friendship. From day 1 you gave me the confidence to continue with my jump even though I had a lot of shit going on in my life. For that I will be forever grateful. All your post will be an inspiration for anyone who is ready to take there life back free of an addiction.

I know it wasn't the easiest thing to accomplish to get this far but you are also a Warrior.

Those little bumps in the road are slowly going away but I'm sure there will some reminders along the way for a few months. The good part is they will be far and few in between.

Your an animal in the gym. You are also proving that exercise is a main ingredient for success.
Keep the fight going,

Gary


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:52 pm 
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Damn dude, you squatted 360 plus the bar 6 times!! Right on!!! I'm stuck around 260, 4 times.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 10:14 pm 
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@will; Ha. Ng/Dl meaning Testosterone level. Haha. Forgot to mention that . Yeah, working out always picks me up in the morning. It's Tough as hell though in this Weather. This Arctic Vortex or whatever they call it is annoying as hell. I cant wait until summer so I can go to Crystal Beach and throw a football around. Drink some Beeeeer.
@Romeo; You should take M3. Just be careful while taking sub. I used to feel weird taking certain Nitrates. Incredible . It gives you Crazy pumps. Just don't drink coffee before, not cool. They sell it at GNC for like 70, but it lasts a few months. It has Creatine Nitrate, So you get that crazy pump when your working out, but you don't retain water like normal Creatine.

Looking forward to tomorrow! Peace

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 10:58 pm 
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I've never heard of M3. I won't have to worry about M3 and Suboxone because I got off Suboxone almost 4 years ago now. June 4th of this year will be 4 years off Suboxone for me. Yippee!! :D

Is M3 a pre-workout? I usually take C4 or Super Pump Max for a pre-workout, but it's about time for me to change it up. As for Creatine, I take a no-name monohydrate. I'm gonna have to look into this M3.

Do you mind if I ask how you split your workouts up? I hit the gym a minimum of 4 days a week, but I'm afraid I'm not splitting my bodygroups up as good as I should. I started hitting the gym just over a year ago and like a rookie, I made a lot of mistakes, but I'm getting better. All my lifts have improved, but Holy Crap I feel plateaus and they're a bitch to break through. Any tips or general lifting guidelines you'd like to share with me? I love my gym time, but I'd also like to make sure I'm doing it right. Know what I mean?

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 11:15 pm 
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I have c4 sitting right in front of me Durr. HA I don't know where m3 came from, I think I used to take m3 a while back. funny. So Day1, I do Chest and Abs. Day2, I hit the shoulders, and triceps . Day3, Back, oblique's and biceps. Day4, Legs and abs again. I always weight train four days on three off just like you. Trail mix is amazing if your trying to gain muscle too. I go through these 3Lb bags like 3 times a week. I go to Gold's, and we have these crazy Combat Classes. We do insane core workouts. Most people at the gym only work out their upper body which is kind of amusing. haha.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 12:17 pm 
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@h0pe

You really are an inspiration as Gary has said. I am glad to be apart of your recovery because I know for a fact that you will be a big part of mine. Your story is an inspiration of where I hope (no pun intended) to be in a few months or years (I have no time table yet, just to get better).

I just hit a little bump in the road, but nothing that will keep me off course. With the support of people like you and Gary and my family, I know I will beat this shitty addiction.

It's always nice to hear that there is an end to this disease that doesn't end with death or destruction.

Thank you for all your kind words of support. Like Gary said, I have only known you for a few weeks, but feel like I've know you longer as our stories are so similar. This forum has been one of the greatest things for my recovery and I hope (again no pun intended) one day my story will be as uplifting as yours and Gary's.

Talk at you soon,

Jonn (Reprieve)

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:51 pm 
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A guy at the gym had a shirt on the other day that said, "Friends don't let friends skip leg day" and the pic on the shirt was of a guy who was massive up top, but had toothpicks for legs!! LOL

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 8:10 pm 
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What's up hOpe,
You are past 3 weeks now. What an incredible achievement. You got to be so stoked. It's been my pleasure to be involved with the group of friends that help us keep our sanity.

Getting to the gym seems to have helped you a lot. Now that the Olympics are over I'm going to make a point of doing the same. ( I used the Olympics as an excuse ) But seriously, I am getting back tomorrow, (Monday). No more excuses.

Hope all is well and your out at the gym or just chilling with friends.

Take care my friend, Gary


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 9:19 pm 
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TY John. It's cool to see that we helped you bro. I remember being scared straight before I jumped, its cool to help. GL

HAHA I need a shirt like that. hahaha

I think I'm at 4 weeks now @ gary. Not sure exactly but Damn, life is good. Get to the gym bro. And if you can push through the morning aches, get there Early. It makes the rest of the day so much easier, and sleeping becomes second nature when your muscles are worn out. GL bro

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 12:03 am 
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L-tyrosine pure powder form ( 3000mg per metric tspn ) from health shop. Do not take with SSSI meds ( e.g. paxil, zoloft, etc ) This is for energy return within a week of taking.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 1:12 am 
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Hey, congratulations on your clean time. I have to agree with you on the " subsux " forum, people are very negative. I guess thats why they titled it "SUBSUX " haha...
Im on 3 great forums, all positive info.
Keep up the fantastic work. Ive been clean 3 months tomorrow and if i can recommend anything to you its l-tyrosine pure powder form for energy/dopamine etc. but not advised for people on paxil, zoloft etc. SSSI anti-depressants. Again congratulations on your hard earned work : )


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:40 pm 
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Thanks Amelia for the Info on energy :D

Day 30?
Symptoms:
Morning: (5-6:30) - This is the most difficult part of the day, but its not difficult. I can compare it to a hangover feeling. Like, fuck. I have to work. Then I get a burst of energy and I'm cool.
Afternoon: I'm too busy to focus on myself. I have brief periods of an Anger feeling. Like I want to punch something. It's very short lived.
Night: I never have symptoms . I feel my best at night. I do have trouble falling asleep right away. I focus on someone or something I like

Minor PAWS symptoms:
-Occasional Hot Sweats

-I get the goose bumps A lot, Maybe this is something I just forgot about having

-A few days ago my left leg was back to Week One, RLS wise. My right leg was fine. And my left foot was cold. Every now and then my feet get cold , then really warm. It comes and goes. Twice a day?

-Yesterday at the mall, I was walking with a friend feeling great, then I had Full On W-D symptoms. It lasted maybe 10 minutes. I kept saying to myself, I need to leave. Then it went away with a warm feeling going through body. This Warm Feeling comes on A lot. It makes me feel relaxed.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 8:47 pm 
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Dude, you're kicking ass and taking names!! Way to go!!

At the risk of sounding like an ass, what are your plans for when cravings come back? Reading over your thread again, you seem to have some PTSD issues. Are you or have you dealt with those? The initial period of getting off Suboxone can be accompanied by what NA'ers or AA'ers call the pink cloud. The pink cloud is kind of the excitement of getting clean, feeling all those emotions again and just a general "fuck yeah" kind of feeling. As normal life starts to become normal again, some of us find we slip back into old habits. The old habits aren't necessarily drug use right away, but those old behaviors that got us into trouble to start with.

I'm honestly not trying to rain on your parade, not at all. I'm just trying to make sure you keep your eyes open as to what may happen and I'm trying to help you get ready for it.....if it happens.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:12 pm 
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Hitting that magical month, man time flies when your having fun.
Reading your last post made me chuckle a bit. I feel like hitting something every day. Escpecially at night. Great way to get rid of some extra energy.

Your doing great because of your attitude. You hit the gym, push yourself and are getting yourself back together. I am going to take a page out of your recovery and get back in the gym. Started today so it's all or nothing from here on in.

Wish this weather would let up. So sick of freezing my ass off. Inside and out. Cold feet, chills, not as bad as it was in the beginning but still happens once in a while. Mostly the feet.

Keeper going my friend,

Gary


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:43 pm 
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Hey, no worries. Yeah i have all those problems you talk about. Im so angry with everyone all the time. Any little thing irritates me, but im working on it.
I think its great you feel kinda ok at 30 days, its really good to hear. Hopefully all the other symptoms will pass very soon for you. I still get cold too, my feet anyway. Have a good day : )


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:54 pm 
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What's up romeo. Thanks for the concern bro. I get what your saying 110%. I actually talk with a group once a week. The one thing I don't like about the group is that I feel like I'm opening myself up to people who almost Always seem to go back to uusing. Life would be a waste if we weren't taking risks right?. I know the chance is always there, but I'm willing to do everything possible to live. I'm not a young selfish punk like I was. #ptsd- I see a good therapist for this. He gave me a lot of tools to get over the flashbacks. I have them in the morning. I used to use that as an excuse to use, and honestly now I've just learned to deal with it. They seemed worst on sub. I would wake up and break shit. Now I just focus on the future. That pink cloud your talking about I understand.I feel like that lifted a couple weeks back . That rush of feelings right? Thanks for the concern @Romeo. Sub was a great tool, and thankfully I have a chance to give life a second shot.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 9:26 pm 
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Day 31
Didn't sleep last night. Other than that, I'm cool for the most part. Went to the Doc today. He Found a growth in my neck, the size of a dime. I'm 25 WTF. I'm healthy too. Having a biopsy tmrw. I already told them I'm a recovering Adct. Wont be taking pain pills, hope they don't slip. This whole time I thought it was a lymph node. Apparently its not. Pretty close to a damn big vein :? This will for sure test me. Thanks for all the people I didn't respond to who've been giving me amazing support. GL all

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 10:51 pm 
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Hey my friend,

WTF...........That's pretty shitty news. It will be benign, think positive. I really can't imagine what your going through but your in my thoughts. I'm thinking positive for you. Keep fighting this shit. Your going to be ok.
I am honestly lost for words.

Gary


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 26, 2014 3:10 pm 
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Thanks@GAry

Slept great last night. Work is crazy Busy!. We sold 400+ New Cars so far this month. Every second leading up until I get out at 4 or 5 is Non stop Craziness. I love it haha. It keeps my mind busy, no room for negative thinking. I find that Being social isn't as easy as I remember. I find myself wondering what to say to customers at times. I'm getting back in the game though, and with time I'll be a social fucking butterfly. Something that gets me Up, is fucking around with employees haha. Don't think I ever joked with anyone on opioids. I'm falling back into a functional routine at work, and find myself getting A lot more respect from salesman. There are a couple dudes on Maintenance, and I find myself always giving them compliments, trying to put a f'n smile on their face.

#Neck Issue:Everything was pretty straight forward. They just gave me a shot to numb my neck and cut me open. Wasn't too bad. I have a pretty wicked headache. The Doc said its most likely from a tooth infection. Apparently, my Crown on my wisdom tooth cracked, and developed an abscess. I did notice a bitter taste in my mouth after dropping off sub. Being that my lymphatic system is in overdrive, I experience hot flashes. They're not Post-Sub related. So Today I have off, just got out of the gym even though I wasn't supposed to workout for a week. I hate sitting around! It's too Fkn Cold to even go for a run. My nose freezes together. I hope we don't have El Niño this summer! I need to go to a beach and drink some Mojito's and play some volleyball!

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