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PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:02 pm 
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you can do it hang in there.. it has to get better right? thats what i keep thinking anyways.. get over this bad day and tomorrow will come and things have to improve eventually.. find some good music on youtube and jam out, keep typing on here, keep talking to people who care and who dont judge.. youre a strong woman, remember that

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:06 pm 
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Rob, you're going to get me through this man. My husband does not understand why it's so tough for me. He was quite the partier and I was not, my body just can't handle it. I really think our minds and bodies can come in all types of coping, and I'm just sensitive. This week will not be easy, and I'm not prepared.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 2:20 pm 
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Today is day one off subs and I'm not feeling too amazing. I'm extremely jittery, im nauseous, and not wanting to do much. I have vacuumed and cleaned the house. Fed my daughter, put up laundry. But I really just want to get in bed and sleep. I need the strength to do this. Just a week, got to get through a week. I wish I could sleep it off and be done. What's really sucking is that I know it's not all out of my system yet, so tomorrow could be worse.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:08 pm 
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Day 2 is not fun. I'm feeling really down, wondering how I ever got here, why I was such an idiot and if I will ever be the same. My road is not as tough as some, but it's not very easy as well. I suffer major depression and had such a tough year. I need this feeling to be over.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 7:40 pm 
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I also have struggled with depression for years, and I'm on lexapro and abilify. I had some rough moments in the first few days off suboxone, and I don't think they are over yet. I try to stay positive, although it is hard. The worst for me has been the bad dreams, like all the negativity has been stored up for the 3 years I was on subs, and the years on opiates before that, and I'm dreaming of all kinds of bad stuff.

Try to be gentle with yourself, it's the only way you are going to get thru.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 9:33 pm 
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hey danyel,
just wanted to say that it is awesome that you are really doing what yo want to do and get off the subs... reading your story for the past week now has been great for me to see that even people without the disease of addiction struggle with this as well, i guess its kind of a selfish thing for me to say, but its kind of nice to compare myself to normal people sometimes lol sorry. i know its not easy overcoming physical dependance thats for sure, but you have a great attitude about it so far and its great to read something from ya everyday. as far as the depression goes i have gotten a minor case of it myself and i have never been a depressed fella, since you identified it as a problem for you previously it may be worth your time to talk to your docotr about it sometime and get what you need to help (meds or pysch dr i dunno?)... anyways keep on trucking through this it is totally possible to do and keep reminding yourself that it will get better just takes some time. keep on posting please

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 11:17 pm 
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Depression is a huge side effect of withdrawing off sub and I wish I could tell you that it will end tomorrow. Your brain needs to regenerate its ability to produce endorphins and that won't happen overnight. My doctor is planning on putting me on Wellbutrin when I taper off sub to counteract the depression.

It will get better! I promise it will, but I don't expect that to make you feel better right now. Next week at this time you will probably be able to tell yourself that the worst is over. If you are able to exercise right now it should help.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 12:29 pm 
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Thanks for replying guys. I have been on antidepressants for 14 years, so I'm covered in that area. But just like an addict mind a depressive mind will beat you down with talk of how stupid you are, you're a horrible mom, all those horrible things. I had the worst night ever. I took about 4 showers, Tylenol pm, Benadryl...finally fell asleep with a heating pad on my legs. Still feeling pretty rough today. My daughter is off with some relatives today, so I can try and just get through this. I'm really hoping since its hit so hard so fast, maybe I will have some comfort this weekend. Day 3.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 4:44 pm 
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Went for a long walk today and cleaned the house!!! Hot showers are helping and the walk was the best feeling ever. I felt like my old self today! Now I'm still dealing with headache and restlessness, but not too bad.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 2:38 am 
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Wow. My body is hurting so bad I can't sleep at all. I've never felt this horrible, except for last night! I want this over soon! This seems to be the only thing except for goosebumps and a headache. The only thing keeping me from taking a sub is that there is nothing at the house. It was a hard evening with my daughter and I just didn't have the energy to deal with it, but I'm hanging on.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 7:09 am 
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Yes, the body aches can last a while. For me, they tended to come and go. I had awful mid back pain on and off that nothing helped. Showers did help me feel better, as well as trying to do something different to keep my mind off of it.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 4:41 pm 
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Day 4...I'm really feeling like the worst part is over. Just having some stomach issues and have no appetite. Pretty worn out from the last few nights, but doing better. This is not easy but it will be worth it.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 9:24 pm 
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hey danyell,
just wanted to say good job on your progress so far, you are doing awesome.. for me my appetite started to come back around the second week and with a vegance, like my stomach was saying eat more like to the point where i eat everything and just feel like i cant get full.. i would suggest looking into some vitamins, not for sure if they helped me or not but i made sure id take them if i only ate one meal, id take them right after the meal to make sure i at least got my body what it needed...
also the colondine was a big help for me, so if it does get bad you might want to give that a try as well if possible, it is still helping me and i am 19 days in lol..
anyways keep it up, you are a bad ass
rob

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:33 am 
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Thanks Rob. I'm so over this. I did not expect this at all. But I'm coming off a really bad year of depression and this is really trying me. My anxiety is out of control and I'm so sick to my stomach. Please tell me it gets better soon. The leg cramps are not bad and I slept last night, but I'm ready to be done! I've got to pack up our house, I have a daughter that needs me, and I just don't have the energy...


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 11:00 am 
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the one thing i can say for sure that at day 20 today it seems like the days are going much faster and much smoother with the symptoms becomming less and less everyday.. i can feel myself getting more and more energy each day, and I am at the point now where i dont want to sit around, i would rather be doing something.. rather than 2 weeks ago where i had to force myself to get up and do something, it was incredably hard to smile, sadness was constant and wanting to give up was there. But i am so glad now that i didnt, because honestly it gets so much better, just have to make it through those hard days, and when you feel like giving up just try to tell yourself that this is temporary only a couple of weeks long, and a couple of weeks out of a lifetime is only like .01% of your life.. it is the easiest thing to do to give up, but getting through this will make you a stronger woman. also, if you still havent tried the colondine yet please do, not only did it help me sleep, it helps me all throughout the day, it makes me feel more relaxed i think which is something that i wanted bad because my anxiety was killing me..

this to may sound corny but when one of my friends was detoxing he was looking for motivational stories.. he was telling me that he found motivation everywhere.. one of the best was on that show "Gator Boys" where there was a guy with no legs who wanted to wrestle an alligator, and he did. My friend said he thought to himself " here is a guy who is wrestling alligators and he got his legs blown off in iraq, and here i am feeling bad for myself because i cant do drugs".... now for some reason I thought of that everyday coming off that stuff and I think it helped

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my first day a guy asked me how i was doing, i said terriable bro, he said hang in there. I said well how do I do that, he said just let go....


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 12:06 pm 
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danyell
I agree with Rob, by the second week the nausea starts to subside and you will want to eat everything in your house. You are getting close to that now. Try to hang in there a little bit longer if you can. I understand about having stuff to do. I also have a daughter that needs me. It isn't easy sometimes. But I'm making it through day by day. When do you have to pack up the house?


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 12:22 pm 
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We move to Houston on the 13th. My husband will be gone for 2 weeks. Right now the klonipin is saving me. I went for a walk and it seems to help. Trying next week to make butt get up and go to the gym and then the jacuzzi. Last night I slept but I woke up a couple of times in a panic. I have gad which is general anxiety disorder. But I'm on day 5 and I'm not going to give up. I couldn't even if I wanted to. My daughter is my strength and you guys are too. Just the support you're giving someone who hasn't been down the exact path is my motivation. I have so much more compassion to those with addiction. People who say its not a disease are just as ignorant as those who don't understand depression. Thank you so much!!


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 2:18 pm 
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^ Have you been listening to music? Like, really using it as a tool to help relax you and raise your endorphins in a natural way? I honestly don't think I would have made it through my withdrawal without my ipod and music in my ears. However you have to make that happen, do it.. You won't look back, promise.

Even those nights where I'd wake up at 2,3, 4am in a sweaty panic.. I'd put my music in my ears, low, and fall back asleep. At the very least, I'd be much more comfortable.

Hang in there!


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 2:31 pm 
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Dany, I'm sorry you haven't turned a corner yet! It is coming though! Just keep holding on and you will feel better soon. I'm glad you are able to get some sleep at least.

I know you can get through this. Getting to the gym and the jacuzzi sounds like a great idea for you. Do they have child care there?

I recently spent a week down with influenza and I remember thinking, "This is never going to end!" but it did and I'm feeling tons better. You will too!

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:29 pm 
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Music and walking have been my main thing, and enough hot showers to raise the water bill! I think the physical part is subsiding and now I'm just and emotional wreck. I've been crying and holding my husband and daughter. This year, I left my job of teaching first grade for 7 years, I was hospitalized for my anxiety and depression, my husband lost his job 2 days after I quit, and it's just now getting easier. The crying feels really good actually. Sometimes antidepressants can make a person numb and I feel like it's all rushing up...the pain, the anger, the resentment, the pity. One day I will know in my heart that my decision to stay alive was the best decision I made...that I am worth it and dammit, I am strong.


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