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 Post subject: My dad had aheart attack
PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:15 am 
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Yesterday morning I received a phone call from my mom( They live across the street) that my dad could not see. I jumped up throw on clothes and hurried to their house. By the time I got there he was feeling better but he told us he had had chest pain a few day before. So we convinced him to go to ER. Well after test they said he had a heart attack. I'm such a dad's girl @ 43 I adore him,he is my hero,, I would normally be on the floor balling my eyes out. I can not cry I can not understand what is going on with me,
This has to be sub the no emotion that people are talking about.It is strange I dont know if i'm happy about this are not.
He is in the hospital they are doing all kinds of test and I'm praying so hard for him. He and my mom have been married 49 years and they adore each other It is so hard to see them go through this. And it's a BIG wake up for me letting me know they are not always gonna be here.This is my fear a life without them.\
I told my mom that days like this would be the days i would be taking my pills like crazy to numb my feelings. At one point I could see myself swolling them and looking in my pocket for them(thats where I would keep my DOC in my pocket) so i did not have to go in my purse,
GLAD I keep my cool but I need to cry but can not, Glad I did not go back to my doc A lady I would buy from called me and I did not answer the phone...
Thanks,
Mel

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:35 am 
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Mel...hang tough.My thoughts and prayers are with you.I too am very close to my dad and cant imagine what I'd do without him.I just confided my addiction to him(hes been a recovered alcoholic for 11 yrs) and he was nothing buy supportive.My mom...she just changed the subject (still active alcoholic).You are so so lucky to have your parents still together and living across the street! If you're dads like mine,they're tough.My dad went through bypass surgery and I too thought I would lose him.TG he did well.Hang in there,go with your gut.You may not be crying because you know deep inside he'll be OK.Glad you didnt reach for the pills.I too kept them in my pocket and it made me laugh.One time I went to a water park with my kids(I didnt go on rides),it was like 100 degrees out.I went over to a ride and wet myself with the water.Much to my horror I remembered my Roxi's were in my pocket!! I ran to the nearest bathroom,took off my shorts,turned the pockets inside out and began to lick off the gooey goodness.LOL.If anyone else saw me they would think I was off my rocker! Keep us posted on your dad! Good luck!!

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 Post subject: thanks
PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:52 am 
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Melijm, I've done the wet pocket thing also!!! My dad is the biggest reason I went on subs He confronted me and said lots of things but the one thing that sticks out is Your husband will not make enough money to support your habit after awhile. And it hit me hard taking money from me family to support my greedy habit. I used I needed them because i was hurting.. They are going in and fix it today They rushed him to sheveport to one of the best hospitals So I'm PRAYING!!!! I know he will be fine Just hard to see your dad in a helpless place, He said my life changed in a day I love that man!!!!! Thanks for the strengh in that comment You'll never know how much it means to me

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 10:27 am 
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I'm so sorry this is happening to your family. I know how hard it is, even as an adult, to have to consider the mortality of our father (or mother, for that matter). This is a scary, confusing time.

I would say to focus on your dad and your family right now. Hang in there and post here as often as you need to. We will be here to listen as much as we can. It's what we are here for. I'm sure your father will be all right and please know I will be thinking of you.

Lastly, there's one thing I wanted to say about the assumption that sub is solely responsible for preventing you from crying. It's a complicated situation and many, many emotions are involved. In fact, so many things are involved in our emotions that it's a terribly complex thing involving more than just suboxone, but also other neurotransmitters, hormones, body chemistry, memories, our prior stifling of emotions thru our DOC, our upbringing, past traumas and experiences, etc etc etc. I could go on and on and on. And obviously, Suboxone could be a variable, too, but there are still other factors involved. I just wanted to add that.

Please take care of yourself and keep us posted on how you and your dad are doing.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:54 am 
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My heart goes out to you and your family. My dad had a heart attack at age 43, I was 18 at the time and it was very scary. He was doing bad and only had 20% of his heart working. Slowly he got better and his heart strength came back and was working at full capacity again. This was a very nice surprise because the docs told us that would not happen. Now 9 years later my dad has been perfectly healthy, not a single problem with his heart. We hear that something is wrong with the heart and it is only natural to be extremely scared, after all we need our hearts to live. There is so much they can do now to help people with heart problems that it is not as dangerous as it once was. Have faith, I am sure your dad will pull thru this and you will have many more happy memories with him. I will be praying for you and your family.

As far as your emotion on sub, I can not answer that for you but I will tell you what just happened to me. I am extremely close with my grandma, I see her a few times a week and talked to her everyday. She got extremely sick out of nowhere, went into icu Monday before last and died while I was holding her hand last Saturday. We had her funeral Tuesday and thru all of this I was and still am extremely sad, at times I cried like a baby and other times I didn't. I am on 16mg of sub and felt and still feel the extreme sadness. I can say it took a good 3-4 days for the severity of the situation to feel real and until that happened I did not cry. I am not telling you that sub isn't dulling your emotion because I know how differently it affects all of us but I just wanted to put my experience out there. I hope u are able to cry the way you need to but even more I hope you wind up having no reason to cry at all!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 3:52 pm 
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I just want to say just keep praying and my prayers are with you and your family that everything will work out.

As of the suboxone emotion thing now is not the time to really get into my views on it but if you want to talk about it let me know. I will just say i had a very similar situation where i usually would be a mess but i didnt fell any of those felling while on suboxone. And I can tell you for a fact it was the suboxone because since getting off it and switching ot methadone i no longer felt the way i did on suboxone for 5 long years.

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 Post subject: adding my sympathies
PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:16 am 
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Hi, I am sorry about your dad. But hopefully he will be ok. My dad had a heart attack when he was about 62 years old--as far as heart attacks go it was probably about the mildest they get but....still serious. He had hypertension, trouble staying at a healthy weight, and a long history of heavy smoking (although he did quit smoking completely and STAYED quit at some point in his mid-fifties). After his heart attack he took his time deciding what he would do about going back to work and ultimately he decided to retire. I'm glad that he did so that he was able to enjoy the rest of his time and focus on his true interests and creative goals. So...a heart attack, of course, is not a good thing, but it is an event that will remind us of what is truly important--our lives, our health, and the lives and health of our loved ones! And spending time with our loved ones and treating each other as best we can. I'm sure you're aware of what I'm trying to say here--I hope it doesnt' sound trite or condescending to you. I hope your father will share many more good years with you and the rest of your family.

As for how you feel strange about how you are reacting to all this--you know, I think you shouldn't worry about that. We all react differently to events like this, and not always the same as we thought we might. I won't say either that it's not possible that the sub has some effect on your emotions and how you handle a situation like this, but as the others said, sub is not the only factor. There is no one "correct" way to feel about something like you are going through with your dad right now-- I think you should accept however you feel and just do the best you can to take care of your dad and your family and yourself. I know what you mean about sometimes feeling the need to cry but then you don't. But I agree with how hatmaker put it about emotions in this situation being complicated. If you are doing well on your sub dose, then, probably now is NOT the time to change anything. It sounds like you are doing ok with the sub, from what you said at the end of your post.

I also encourage you to post here for support. Again, I hope your dad will be ok and back home soon!


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 Post subject: thanks
PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 6:06 pm 
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Thank you all for the kind words and sharing your stories with me.
Update on Dad He has No blockage Dr. said for his age it is great 64.
They did find that he has had several mini strokes and just a True Blessing that he has no side effect from that.
They are trying to get his blood thinned enough to come home
THANKS FOR ALL THE PRAYERS!!!!
Breezy My heart goes out to you and the lost of your grandma, It is very difficult I lost mine 3 years ago and again she was my best friend,,,
As far as the subs go Ya'll are right there are alot of things to look at and one Big one is I've alwayed been the "strong" person in my family Even though they have no idea how really weak I am..
Everyone has alwayed looked at me as the strong one and I'm fixing to start see one for that waiting on a appointment.
Need help with that and several other issues. I love the subs and I like what they are doing for me.
Thanks again your kind words mean alot to me!!!
Be Blessed
mel

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:13 am 
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Mel, your story moved me... I lost my dad 6 years ago, and i still miss him every day. We were always very close. Cherish every moment you have with your papa (& parents), because they won't be here forever. But you have to prepare yourself, too. Death is a very easy door to relapse... I went in a downward spiral eating (or snorting) any pill or powder i could get my hands on, smoking pot (which i hadn't done regularly in years), drinking alcohol, and taking sedatives like valium & xanax to knock myself out - anything to temporarily ease the pain of loss. What i have now come to terms with is that EVERYONE DIES. (No one here gets out alive - jim morrison.) We have to let people go when it's their time, and carry them close in our hearts until our day comes. Bottom line, we have to find a way to accept death. Otherwise, it kills us when someone we love dies... I hope you have many more years with your dad, and that you appreciate every moment as the gift it is.
My best to you...

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 2:51 pm 
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Hey Mel,

I'm glad your dad is doing better, that's great news!!

Good for you for NOT going back to your DOC, especially when that "lady" called. I know how difficult that must have been for you, but you did great.

As far as not crying on Sub, I can relate. My father passed away a few years ago and I didn't cry....not naturally anyway. At the funeral, I had to force myself to try and cry.....sounds stupid, but it's what I had to do. Now that I'm off of Suboxone, I can get moved to tears by watching Sponge Bob with my daughter?? It's like I swung from one end of the spectrum to the other. On Sub....no crying.....off Sub....well, you know. It's my opinion that Suboxone most definitely blunted my emotions.

Now, with all that said, if I ever found myself hopelessly addicted to pain meds again and I couldn't quit on my own, I'd get back on Suboxone PDQ (Pretty Damn Quick).

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 Post subject: Thanks
PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 8:56 am 
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Thanks so much for the kind words I love this forum. It is a place I can come and share my real feels and you guys make me feel so much better :wink:
Dad is waiting to come home. They are trying to get his blood right (it is too thick).

I do have a question!
This friend keeps calling me "lady friend" I used to get my OC from her $3 for the 20's my I add.
I just can not pick up the phone. Am I wrong for not telling her "NO" I no longer need the help anymore.
Not sure what is keeping me from telling her. Is it that I want to hold on "just in case"? I really dont want them but again every time she calls I think about them.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 10:39 am 
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Hey Mel,

It's my opinion that you're torturing yourself by NOT telling your lady friend to stop calling. Everytime she calls, you think about the OC's and that's gotta be hard on you. One of these times you're gonna pick up the phone and then you're gonna be in the middle of a shit storm.

When I quit drugs, one of the HARDEST things I had to do was to tell the people I used to buy from that they couldn't talk to me anymore. I told them I was getting clean and I asked them to respect my decision. It was extremely difficult, but it was also extremely necessary for me to do that.

I hope you can muster the courage to do what you know is right. I'd hate to see you pick up the phone when she calls and end up in world of hurt because of it.

I know how hard it is. Believe me, I know, but I think you gotta do it.....you've got to protect your sobriety Mel.

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 Post subject: yea i know
PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 8:01 pm 
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Romeo, You are totally right. I will call her tonight and break that tie!!!! ") I know I was hanging on (just in case). But like you said Why do that to myself So stupid.. Well I already know the answer in my heart. This has truely been the best month i've had in many many years. :D
I can think clear although I may try to fool myself..I will bite the bullet and take care of that.
Have a Blessed evening
Mel :)

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 10:02 pm 
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Believe me Mel, you are NOT the only one whose thinking gets skewed. It happens to me all the time. I rely on my support group and my wife's guidance pretty heavily to keep me and my thinking on the straight and narrow path. It's next to impossible to keep that addict thinking at bay by ourselves.

I'm very glad I could help you, it's times like this that I'm really proud to be a member of this forum. You really made my night. Thanks Mel !!

I hope your dad gets to come home soon.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 1:19 pm 
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Just want you to know I am thinking of you. My father had been complaining of chest pains for a few months. He kept thinking it was some injury. Eventually it got worse and after work he went to the doctor. The doctor told him had a heart attack and was lucky he did not die. A few weeks later my mom and him went up to Mayo clinic to have a doctor look. He got a great report. Unfortunately, on the way home, he passed out while driving in the car. My mother and him were in a very very serious car accident. They should have died. They both came out of it okay (bumps and bruises, my mom had a broken bone). That was probably the most stressful couple of days of my life. At the time I was still using, and many can guess how I responded.... soon after that I had my own medical incident and after I went and cleaned myself up. One year later, I am doing very good... no relapses and feel okay.


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