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PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 2:43 pm 
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I've been on subs for a little over tow months now. I have started to notice some changes in my behavior that worry me. I don't think they are entirely related to the subs, but i know one thing is for sure. I FEEL CONTENT! It is very easy for me to just sit around and do nothing without getting board or lonely. I am still recovering from a very difficult breakup that happened in late November. My doctor recently made a strong suggestion to cut off all communication with my ex-girlfriend. We have been friends for the last couple of months since I've gotten clean. We go out to lunches and out to dinner every once and a while. Initially I was hoping she would get back together with me now that I'm clean and getting my life back together, but that's not going to happen. She wants to be friend which makes it hard for me to cut ties, but that is what I've had to do. Since, cutting off communication with her I've been very content just sitting around my apartment alone when i dont have class or work. I know its not good for me but i just don't feel like doing anything else. I know that if i wasn't of suboxone i would be out chasing a high and hanging with the wrong type of people, but i also wouldnt be content sitting around by myself all the time. I think that I'm depressed but i dont feel sad all the time. I have my moments, but its not all the time. I want to get out of this rut guys. Any suggestions?


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 7:44 pm 
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Boy do I understand where you are at, only you are smart and noticed it a lot sooner than I did. I am married though so it is easier to sit around with someone else and not notice. I do think there are some natural anxieties people have that suboxone can mask a little because you can be so content not really LIVING. It is strange because you don't really feel sad or depressed but you just don't have that desire to go running around all the time either. I totally get it.

Things have changed for me since I got off suboxone and then got back on it again. My husband was not pleased with the behavior you describe and I am glad he mentioned it because really, I shouldn't have be ok with it either. Now that I am back on the sub, I know I need to make an effort to LIVE. The hard part is I spent so much time using or proving myself or whatever that I am not sure I know what "living" means. So I am trying to figure out what that means to me. What is important to me.

I have started writing in a journal and addressing some of these things. I have also started setting little goals for myself to do things that are important to me. My health is important so I have started working out. I have started to learn to cook recipes that are low fat and low calorie. I am setting goals each week and I am actually accountable to my sub doc as this is what I am doing instead of meetings. So as I journal about what is important to me I make goals around it. I am reading different books also. At some point I will probably set a goal to get involved in something with other people like photography or meditation. The more things I have started to do (this is really only the past week or so) the better I feel about it. I am not laying around. I am coming up with ideas of things to do like hiking and trips I want to go on. You just have to find what you want to do and what means something to you.

It all started with me thinking about life purpose and this is where I have landed for now. I know this isn't great advice necessarily, but maybe there will be something you can take from this.

Cherie


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 Post subject: You are right...
PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 11:18 pm 
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Thanks Jackcrack,

Its gonna take some kind of accountability partner to get me going again. I live by myself now after the breakup. I'm yous to always having someone to do something with and now that i don't anymore I'm having a lot of trouble coping. I need to choose to live my life, but the things i did before when i was single i have no desire to do anymore. I don't want to go out and party or sit around with the guys and bullshit playing video games or whatever.

I think your exercise idea would be good for me. They have a nature trail right by my place that people walk and run on. I always feel great after exercise on the rare occasion i get myself to do it. I would like to meet some new friends too. I've moved on from my drug friends. My friends that I had during my relationship are mostly really her friends so I'm not going to do anything with them. I really found out that I don't have many quality friends of my own anymore. Anyways, I have recently started a new job in the mall so I'm hoping I will meet some people at work.

I just have to make sure that I pursue doing this by myself and with others so I don't sit around all the time anymore.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 7:54 am 
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WhoDatNOLA,

I just wanted to empathize with your situation. I have had my share of breakups and have been in your position where I was essentially starting over socially. It takes time to move on and is difficult. Adding to that a new lifestyle without drugs and needing to change friends just intensifies the difficulty. I recall breaking up with my boyfriend of 7 years when I was in college. He was still using and I wanted to stop (this was before opiates) so we broke up. I moved closer to the college and he moved back to our home town. I was excited about my new life but was so used to him that I didn't know what to do without him. Everything was strange including grocery shopping, making dinner at night, studying, weekends, etc. I didn't have a television back then so I had to find things to do and new friends. Every once in a while we would get together and spend time together. It wasn't healthy for me, but probably for different reasons than for you and your ex. It was just a very hard time in my life. I wish I had done more with that time and wish I had used that time to figure out who I was but I didn't. I was too scared and afraid to really do that and didn't know what that meant for me.

I agree with your doctor that it is probably best for you to take a break from your ex for a while, at least while you find you. This is a tough road to be on and it definitely takes a while. I can't tell you how to get through it but I do empathize with where you are. I encourage you to make the most of this time and try to figure out what that means for you. It is different for everyone.

Meg


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 Post subject: Thanks so much!
PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 6:27 pm 
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Brighteyes,

Thanks so much for your insight and perspective. I definitely feel like you did. I don't know how to do stuff by myself and i don't want to either. I miss that companionship so much, but I need to get over it and move on or it will be a long time before I find someone else.

Thanks again!


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