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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 3:41 pm 
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Here's my brief intro and current situation: I'm 23 years old and have been on and off suboxone for the past 3 years due to pregnancy and then relapse after weaning off. I've gotten myself in a crappy situation and it's noones fault but my own. My current doc's program is to taper every 30 days. Regardless if I feel ready or not. He has worked with me some, because after I had the baby I had severe depression that has made it extremely difficult to function daily. Treatment attempts of the depression have not be successful. So he said he understands it is hard for me to taper when I'm so depressed. I've been on 4 mg and the past two months Ive been cut down to 3 mg, then 2 mg. This past month I stupidly didn't follow my dosing instructions and continued taking one and a half of the 2 mg pill instead of the directed one. I am now 15 pills short on my script and have been detoxing the past 5 days.

I feel so angry at myself and so selfish to not follow directions, I know it's my fault. I thought I could get control but I didn't. Now I'm on day five detoxing from 3 mg and I'm miserable. I can't stop crying, I have no energy, no motivation, my depression is unbearable, my legs hurt, my back hurts, I keep sweating, I'm chilled, etc. I didn't think it would be this bad.... I know if someone called and offered me opiates I would take them in a heartbeat. I feel like I can't function right now... I've left a message at my doctor's office asking for something to help me sleep at least so I can get through this but they haven't called me back. I feel so isolated and alone I feel like noone around me understands what I"m going through. I don't know if my doctor will even take me back, and now I must decide if I even WANT to go back and start this cycle over again.

Deep down I want nothing more than for them to call me and give me an appointment and have things get back to normal...but the other part of me knows how difficult it is to kick this medicine and I'm already five days off! I've never made it this far. So should I go on feeling unable to function and crying constantly and not being able to work or focus on homework or my daughter? because eventually it will get better and I will feel normal. Or do I go back to the doctor and get more medicine I so desperately crave right now? I'm afraid I"m going to relapse, and I just don't know what to think right now. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I know the most logical answer will be to NOT go back to the doctor....to ride this out and be free. I'm afraid I won't be successful because I really don't WANT it like I need to in order to do this. I just don't really know what to think....


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 8:39 pm 
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Really sorry you are having to go through this right now with the depression it makes it that much worst. I would think that only you can answer that question being it is you having to go through all this. You may be feeling better by your next appointment and not need to go back to subs. It would be nice to taper at your pace. How about looking for a sub doctor that will work with your needs.
I've only been on subs 2 1/2 months and it freaks me out when I hear doctors taking their patients off subs before they are ready. Guess I need to start asking more question at my next appointment.
You said you've been taking more then your suppose to. Seems to me that you need more to stay sober. Some people need longer then others to taper.
Well like I said this is all still pretty new for me, I like to drop a word in just to let you know I'm concerned. I enjoy reading and soak up the knowledge of others. Good luck to you and try to hang in there. I hope it all works out for you.
Mel :wink:

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 10:01 pm 
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I'm really sorry you're going through this. I've been in a similar situation and I feel your pain. Honestly, if you are going through post-partum depression, this probably isn't a good time to detox. Also, if you feel you are on the verge of a relapse you should consider getting on a dose of 4mg or above. Don't think of it as "giving in". Think of it as what you need to do to be sane and healthy. If your doc won't work with you, unfortunately you will need to find a new doctor. If you do decide to stay off now that you have come this far, you should start feeling a little better in a day or two. But don't fool around with the depression. It's the real thing, and you might need to start or increase an AD. Either way, keep posting and let us know how you're doing. I know how you feel about no one understanding. I recently detoxed off Sub and I felt like I was literally alone in the world. But the people here understand, so post here as much as you need to.
Good luck,
Lilly


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