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 Post subject: confused....
PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:27 pm 
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whats wrong with me

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I am so mad at me :x .....I have been on 1mg for about 2 months an been really struggling I don't know why, been thinking about using my doc alot.I called my dr. today an was honest an he wants me to go to 3mg a day...I am glad he is nice,but I am so angry at myself I wanted to be off this stuff :cry: .I was having alot of depression too an he put me on wellbutrin a month ago...huge mistake, it made me crazy made my pulse an bloodpressure high bp 200/158.I wanted to kill people had no patience
been off it 4 days now.I am just so frustrated I feel like a failure :x :x :oops: I dont know what to do ......thanx for your time.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:33 pm 
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I can totally understand. Having just got back on suboxone I get the frustration of wanting so badly to not be on it and not need it and yet seemingly be unable to be happy off of it. It is a very rough road.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 2:09 pm 
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thanx for responding jack.....guess no one else felt like it :shock:


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 3:12 pm 
Jenealle - I can understand your frustration, but you're not a failure! Far from it.....You wanted to use your former drug of choice and instead of doing that, you called your doctor and upped your Suboxone. I would call that success!! You could have easily relapsed with everything you've been going through lately and being on such a low dose of Sub....but you didn't! That is progress. I know you feel like you've regressed by going back up on your Sub and because you ultimately want to be off of it. But you're probably really not ready yet. And that needs to be okay. The most important thing is your recovery and your well-being, so try not to be too hard on yourself.
One thing to consider though....I don't want you to go against your doctor's instructions, but you may not need to go all the way back up to 3mg/day. You might do just as well only bumping back to 2mg/day. After all, that would be double what you've been taking. I don't know, just something to think about and maybe ask your doctor about. Perhaps you would feel better if you didn't have to go back up quite so much on your dose. In any case....pat yourself on the back. You did the right thing!


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 Post subject: Congrats on your Honesty
PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 3:31 pm 
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Hi jenealle,
Congrats on your descision to call your Dr. BEFORE you did anything drastic.... I don't think this addict could have been quite as strong as you where.... When are DOC is calling its very hard not to answer.. Cut yourself some slack.... This thing we are going nthru is NOT easy as you know.... Anyways I just wanted to let you know that someone was listening and is proud of you!!!!! Keep up the good / Hard work. Things WILL get better.... :)

God Bless
TW


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:11 pm 
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This is some disease we have..........They say it is out there doing push ups just waiting for us. I am proud of you that you did th right thing and shared your concerns with your doc and with us. Even while on sub and thinking all was fine...I had an incident as I now know was a trigger and just like that I almost gave in and used. Instead I used what I have learned here and in AA to do the right thing. We all have those days...........frustration...despair..but we fight. We are great fighters........I am proud to fight with you. Even though this happened it may be a sign that maybe your just not ready to try to be done with sub. This incident may be a defining moment in your care thus far. If you had given in you may have died........instead you are taking a step back to re-evaluate where you are in addiction remission. We are all here for you......use us at will and if I can ever help....just ask.......Take care.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:30 pm 
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Hi jenealle,
Like others have said you did not fail - YOU SUCCEEDED. You thought about using, but you didn't. Instead you used your support system - namely your doctor and this forum. Please don't be so hard on yourself. At one time or another we all think about using our DOC again. Some don't succeed like you did. Be PROUD of yourself.

A similar thing happened to me recently. I wanted to use and I was just so angry at myself. I turned to this group for help and they helped me to see that just because I THOUGHT about using doesn't mean I failed. It crosses our mind - it's practically bound to - but we find ways to not use. Which is just what you did.

As for trying to get off Suboxone right away, give yourself some time. The suboxone gives us the opportunity to learn to heal the damage done to our lives by our addiction. Do you have a therapist? If not, you might want to consider getting one. The more support we have in this struggle the better.

And keep turning to us like you did.
Hang in there!

Melissa

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:25 pm 
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thanks for the replies everyone.I am just in a bad place right now.not here meaning bad,but my thinking :roll: .thanks alot though.I am gonna go with just 2mg I think cuz with 3 omg I am so tired an my head hurts like hell...have a good one 8)


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