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PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 7:27 am 
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Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:25 pm
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Location: Mi.
First of all I'm not and addic, and for that I'm forever great full. But my 40 year old son is...So I read a lot of post here to try and help him. I read about a lot of struggles, success and the in between He is addicted to opiates and finally went on suboxone and was doing great...but started to mess with the dosages as he is like a lot of other people who want their life back. As he was feeling pretty good he went off the sub and relapsed, and his wife waved the bottle of pills at him and he started again. Now he is trying to get back on the suboxone and not doing as good as he did the first time. He is having a lot of depression, anxiety and upper abdominal pains. He is in N.C and I'm in Mi....so I use this site to try and help him. This is hard for me because I don't know what to do to help him.

:? Help.....and thank,you Debbie

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I am the mom of a son who is on suboxone. I trying to learn any thing I can to help him. He lives in N.C. And I an in Mi. But we talk on the phone. First I will educate my self than I will try to educate him.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 7:52 am 
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Hi Debi,

I can only imagine how desperate you feel. I know that this situation can leave you feeling desperate, and scared for the one you love. I want you to know that the support you are giving your son is so important. We all need someone in our lives to support our efforts to stay sober, and unfortunately we don't all have that. It's great that you are supportive of his use of suboxone!

I have seen your posts over the past few days. I wonder if it would be possible to convince your son to come here and let us talk to him directly? There may be some things we can find out from him that you may not be sure of. And, offering support to him directly might make a difference.

I can tell from your above post that you may have a little bit of anger toward his wife for getting him back on the pills. Does that cause tension between you and your son? He probably feels as if he is being pulled in two different directions, between the two women he loves. It's a hard place for anyone to be, especially someone struggling with addiction. I want you to keep in mind that if his wife is also an addict, she is only doing what comes naturally to her. As frustrating as it is, addicts will perpetually try to make someone else use with them because it makes them feel justified in their use. Has she ever tried to get help for herself? This might be a key to helping him through this. If they could do it together it would make it so much easier for him!

Debi, we are here for you. But I'm not quite sure what we can do to help you. Do you have any specific questions for us?

Stay strong, and keep praying for him. And be there for him to lean on when he needs it. It's a hard thing for you, being on the outside looking in at the pain he is going through, but it sounds like you are doing all you can to support him. Just remember not to push to hard, trust that he will get through it!

Q

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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 8:06 am 
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Hello Debbie,

You are a great Mother and I hope you really realize that. Your love and support of your son is commendable and you should feel good knowing you are doing your part to help him. But basically that's where your love and support should end, and he should be responsible for his own life.

He's 40 years old Debbie, a grown man, and he is responsible for his own life, and he is certainly responsible for his own recovery. If he doesn't want it bad enough there is nothing you can do to change that I promise. You live quite a distance from him, what exactly are you supposed to do other than what your doing now reaching out here for help and support yourself. Maybe you can get your son to get on here and ask for help himself???

I mean no disrespect to you, and anyone here will tell you I only want to help. And I can see the pain and hurt in your words from your posts. He either wants to continue to use, or he wants to get help possibly on sub therapy and give that an honest chance. No going back and forth, and perhaps that could explain why he's feeling so bad? Not sure about that, but it's entirely possible.

Talk to him about getting on here and asking for help. At least have him read some posts like your doing and maybe that will push him into joining? It's very difficult for us to help you, help him and hope you can understand that Debbie. He could have medical issues we are unaware of, and maybe he is unaware of himself? Maybe he should be going to a doctor for a check up to see if he has any kind of other problem not related to the subs or opiates.

I assure you everyone here wants to help. Everyone truly cares and wants to do what they can to make his life better. But first HE has to want to make it better! Once he does that the healing can begin. Talk to him, get him on here and we'll go from there. If that can't happen then please share all the info you possibly can and we'll still try to help.

I wish you the very best Debbie. Your in a tough position. Your his mother and you only want the very best for him. I will be a first time mother myself soon. And I would be doing exactly what you are doing if I were in your shoes. But I'm an addict, and I knew for me to change I had to WANT IT more than anything else in my life. He does too!

Karen xoxo


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