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 Post subject: Today
PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:02 am 
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Thanks DOAQ,

I'm going to ask my Doc. for an alernative to the Benzos today. I had a problem with Xanax about a year ago and I don't want to keep taking them. With the diazepam my doc prescribed a few weeks back, at first, I would take a few during the day to ease my withdrawals at work, then I just started taking them at night..But i'm taking a lot of them at night to get me to fall asleep. (they're only 2mg)... I'm going to ask about Ambien. How addictive is it? I'm just at the point where I need to get my sleep schedule back on track. I have been sleeping only a couple hours a night the last 2.5 weeks and it sucks. Also, i'm going to see about getting more Clonidine.. Although, I don't know if neccesarily need it, so we'll see if I bring it up. Thanks again.

-And your right about the energy..these last few days I haven't had ANY..hoping that will change soon. Every morning I wake up, It's a total toss up on how I feel...

Day 20. Still Sweet..But still struggling a bit. Thanks.


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 Post subject: Back from my Dr. UPDATE
PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 2:48 pm 
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Hey,

I just got back from my Dr. appoinment with my family practioner. This guy is super compassionate and even though he doesn't "deal with this type of thing much", he has really worked with me well. He prescribed me Amitriptyline for sleep? Has anyone had any experience with this drug? From what I read online it's an anti depressant (which could be good right now) and a sleep aid (amongst like a million other things). He said he put me on a "really low dose", which would probably be 25 mgs...? I think I read that somewhere...Also he gave me more Diazepam and some Clonidine pills. Both are still really needed..Some days I feel like the first few days of withdrawal...and I am 20 days in??!?! WTF..ha I know this stuff lasts a while, its just frustrating! I need to really start eating EVEN better and take more vitamins and such..

I just want to feel good by May 10th! I need some encouragement. I'm 20 days in and want to be feeling "normal" by may 10th (day i leave for my trip?). I was on Sub right around 4 months at somewhere between 2-4 mgs a day, and stopped March 18th...Some days are great! And some days i'm super depressed and tired. Today is one of those days... Last night I literally almost cried when Butler lost the national championship..I was pulling for them soo hard I like got emotional...What in the Fuck! I went to Colorado State and have no ties to Butler, and live on the East Coast...These withdrawals make you do some weird stuff.

Be well my people.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 2:51 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 1:22 pm
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I am on day one of cold turkey of off 3mg so far so good day 3 is going to be hell :( :cry:


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 Post subject: 3 day fuck up
PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 10:21 am 
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Jeez, I fucked up big this past weekend. I ended up taking some Sub on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday...which totaled right about 1.5 mgs...Damn damn damn. We had been planning this weekend for the past couple weeks... On Friday we left to visit my girlfriends parents for the weekend about 2 hours away. On friday I could kind tell something was wrong. I was feeling really depressed and just tired; basically I didn't feel like "myself" at all. I put a lot of pressure on having a "good personality" and being like "funny"...So I was feeling really insecure and wanted her family to really like me (I haven't spent a lot of time with them since they live a little ways away).. So I cracked and took some Sub. on the way down to see her fam. Then some on Saturday aftertoon and a little on Sunday...So I set myself back a little bit, but I am still on the mission to get off and stay off Sub. Any words of encouragement would be cool. I'm feeling really bad today and actually feel like i'm withdrawaling a little bit. I figure I will withdrawal since I took it 3 days in a row and the amount I took..Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know that I haven't been doing perfect, but i'm doing the best I can! Shit. Hope you guys are doing well.


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 Post subject: Coping
PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 10:25 am 
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I was hoping I had moved past the point where I needed to "cope"....and I definitely took the Sub to "cope" with the weekend. I still have some ways to go...thanks.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:16 am 
Thank you for your honest updates Hurtface. I'm sorry you had a disappointing weekend. However, I say you did a much better thing by 'relapsing' to a little bit of Suboxone as opposed to taking a full agonist opiate. The way you were feeling going into the weekend reminded me so much of myself! That feeling of needing to be "on" for others. That is a huge trigger for me too! The good thing that could come out of it is that you've identified a big trigger. Now....the question of what to do with it. That's the hard part, huh? I guess the simple answer it so learn to push through it. Had you not had any Suboxone to take, what would have happened then? That's what scares me the most. Would you have pursued finding something else more harmful to take in its place? This is exactly how relapses happen and why I feel it's so important to have plans in place for relapse prevention. Were you able to talk to your girlfriend about the way you were feeling? Sounds simple, but for me it isn't necessarily that easy. We want to feel what we're "supposed" to feel.....maybe excited or happy as opposed to anxious or hesitant. We're supposed to feel confident enough in ourselves to spend time with people outside our inner circle without feeling uncomfortable about it, right? Such a complicated thing....the mind, especially the addicted mind!
Don't beat yourself up too much. Over all, you're doing well. You're just learning lessons as you go and that's what it's all about. You've obviously come a good distance in your recovery but as you have said...you're not there yet. Keep working at it. If this type of thing continues to happen and you're feeling particularly vulnerable to relapse, remember that Suboxone is a good safety net. If you decide you need to go back to very low maintenance dose, so be it. I can think of far worse choices you could make than that one. I know it's frustrating for you and I know your ultimate goal is to be done with it, but your wellbeing is paramount. Relapse to full agonists is not an option! You've come too far!!
Sorry I don't have anything better for you here. Just wanted you to know you haven't failed or fallen short in my book. Keep up the good efforts and you'll get there! One more thing that might make you feel a little better: My Subox doc tapered and weaned very gradually off his Suboxone. He said that he would do kind of what you did......If he got symptomatic (w/d or cravings) he would dose a little bit, sometimes skipping a week, then more and more until he realized he hadn't taken anything in several weeks. So it's still highly possible that you'll eventually be completely off. Hang in there~


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 1:12 pm 
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OMG you are just like me. I was on day seven yesterday and broke down and took .5. Today I feel great, so I am sure it is because of the same reason. Wow, I feel better that at least someone is there with me. Today is day eight, but I feel like I started over too


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 1:25 pm 
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I also broke yesterday on my day seven. I took a total of maybe .7, so you did way better then I did. Like you i keep mine in my purse just in case i need them


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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